SJSinNYC

Bais Yaakov Maydel – I hope you dont mind if I dont reveal my posek. I feel that given the amount of personal information doled out recently, this piece would be sort of like revealing the final piece. However, I can tell you that he is a mainstream modern orthodox rabbi.

I do want to clarify something – his saying that I could extend my hand first was in cases where I was sort of required to be the initiator. For example, when I do recruiting, I often have to go over to people and introduce myself first. In cases like that I am allowed to do this. It wasnt a “go ahead and extend your hand when not neccesary.”

Jent, if there is no chibah involved, many authorities agree that its not an assur. I think you are missing that point. So, if its what you need to do then its ok because its something we avoid but isnt assur.

Jent – jfem was NOT saying that its ok to do those things, just that she accepts what others do.

There is a list of “acceptable” halacha to break in the orthodox community – this includes stealing (like tax evasion), cheating on your wife (so long as nobody knows), hordes of lashon hara…basically, as long as it can be hidden its ok. People just dont like when people can see what you are doing wrong. So tax evasion is ok, but driving to shul on shabbos is not.

Now I am NOT saying that any of these things are actually ok. But just because someone does not drive to shul on shabbos doesnt make them a better Jew than someone who does. We dont know what tips the scale.

The Wolf – I dont understand it either!

Wolf, I LOVE the usage of YMMV!

cantoresq, thats kind of where your role as a parent comes into play. You have to explain to them that someone did something wrong. They can learn a valuable lesson about owning up to what they did. Also, you can teach them about teamwork and fair play.

Also, some kids who have trouble with man can relate to numbers through sports. Its a very helpful way for them to understand all sorts of facts and figures.

Illini – I dont think it promotes sinas chinam. I think its interesting to see how people classify themselves.

I have a friend who never calls herself “frum” just observant. She says the connotation of “frum” is that you just are more machmir for the sake of it, not for understanding what the halacha is. She is extremely observant and keeps halacha better than anyone I know!!

LOL Anon, I know 🙂

Zimby, basically CVS has a program called extra bucks. Certain items are on sale for $x with $y back – a coupon prints at the end of your reciept worth $y on almost anything in the store (not prescriptions, alcohol, stamps, gift cards). You match up manufacturers coupons, CVS coupons (they print out on your reciept, are emailed to you or found in stores). You can use a CVS coupon AND a manufacturer coupon per item.

An example from this week:

Complete contact solution $8.99 with $8.99 back – use a $2 manufacturer coupon, and make $2.

Dial soap – $1.99 with $1 back. Use a 30 cents off coupon and pay 69 cents for soap.

You can combine many items into an order and use a money off coupon from CVS – $3 off an order of $15, $4 off 20 – whatever they email to you.

Last week was an awesome battery deal – buy $19.98 worth of duracell, get $15 back. There were also $5/2 pack CVS coupon AND $1.50 off any duracell from the paper. So, I bought 2 larges packs at $9.99, used a $5/2, $1.50, $1.50 and a $3 off 15. I paid $8.98 (used previous extra bucks, not cash) and got back $15. Plus I had all the batteries!!

Why should you worry about it? Its healthy for kids to have an outlet, and many kids love competition.

I might be worried about them going to games; what I’ve heard about sports in England is that you have to sit on the right side of the stadium (for the team you are supporting) otherwise you will be beaten. That worries me!

I’m modern orthodox and Ashkenaz.

Why is everyone so worried about revealing themselves? I can kind of guess many people’s affiliations anyway.

Pesto is a sauce made with basil, pine nuts and olive oil. Its so yummy! You basically jsut throw the ingredients in a blender.

jfem – it would still be moderated. While that post would immediately be removed from the screen, a moderator (at a later point, having been notified) would review the post to make sure it was against site rules. If someone abuses this privelege, they would lose it, so they would have to make sure it was against policy. For things that people arent sure of, they would press “alert moderator” so the moderator could make a decision. I think it could work nicely if coded properly.

Intellegent, I have no problem with people being more machmir. I respect their desire to become more strict with their observance. However, when they preach about certain things being 100% assur, when they are NOT, but just held by a more machmir group – that irks me. Also, looking down on me for being not tzanua irks me – I may not have the standards YOU do, but that doesnt mean my standards are not halachically acceptable.

I had a teacher in 8th grade (a very impressionable time in my life) who used to yell at us that long skirts were 100% assur. She also yelled at me for wearing ankle bracelets under my tights. She would assur everything that didnt fit into her narrow view of Judaism, even if most other people held differently.

It really took me four years of high school to understand how she went wrong. Unfortuantely, this is a problem plaguing the Jewish community today – we assur things that are mutar, and then kids get fed up and do actual assurim because they really dont understand the difference. If everything is assur, kids wont want to keep anything. One of the beautiful things about Judaism is that there is rarely one right answer. But when we teach that there is only one, we lose a lot of understanding of the Torah.

As for Joseph’s comment – there is a BIG difference between varying halachic psaks vs something that is 100% assur. So yes, my rabbi might hold differently than yours, but its still within the valid lanes of halacha. Being mechalel shabbos is totally different.

I dont condone anyone driving to shul on shabbos, but if they did, I would hope it was because they were trying to get closer to Judaism. And maybe driving to shul (since they would be doing other mechalel shabbos things during the day anyway) will bring them closer to true Torah judaism.

Mrs Beautiful – the problem is, everything like “slingbacks” is subjective. My coworker told me he loves to walk through Boro Park (he lives nearby) because he finds the idea of a woman completely covered very enticing – it leads to him wondering about whats underneath. He also told me that he loves knowing their hair is covered because he imagines the hair is solely for him. So, do we make women wear less because of him? NO! He is just creepy. Everyone has their own vices, but that doesnt mean all women should stop because of it. I dont even think my husband would know WHAT slingbacks are.

intellegent, out of real curiosity – what do you understand about women not driving? I really dont get the issue. I would think being in your private car would be much better than in public transportation. Its not an issue I can even understand the other side, and I would like to.

notpashut – did they really? where? I like that quote and would love to quote the original source.

Zimby – I’ve spent about $100 at CVS and got $4,000 worth of merchandise. What do you call a “good deal”? Drugstores also have FREE or MONEYMAKING items on Black Friday. How good of a deal are you looking for?

I know women who have said kaddish for their parents. They said it out loud, the same way a man would.

When I turned 12, my uncle asked if I wanted to take over saying kaddish on my fathers yartzeit. I tried it once, but it wasnt really for me. I agree with oomis about worrying about the things I have to first. I told this to my friend who wears tefillin (as to why I dont 😉 and she went on a rampage 🙂

noitall, I beg to differ with you. I work in a company of 14,000 people. I personally have dealt with about 1/3. Its been hard enough explaing and re-explaining kosher, shabbos and yom tovim. Why would I add the hardship of something that my rabbi said is ok?

You may not agree with the psak, but thats probably because you are used to 1,000 gedarim placed around everything. I am not fragile, and shaking a man’s hand will not make me stray.

My sister is a nurse and has to touch men daily – do you have a problem with that? Its not always for life saving measures. Sometimes, its just to take their blood pressure or help them sit on the table. Would you like all Jewish women to stop being nurses so they dont have to touch men?

Your Wags doesnt take ANY internet coupons? Wow thats rough! That deal was HUGE. I thought about just going for the free items and use a $5 off coupon but it seems like too much of a hassle to wait for the money. CVS is instant!

I get the paper weekly and my family/friends bring over their inserts. I usually end up with 4-6 inserts a week. I havent resorted to buying from clipper services yet, but I may if a really good deal comes around. What about you?

havesomeseichel – its a place to earn “free” gift cards. They send you emails with advertising – you click on the email and earn 5 points or so. If you follow up with the offer you earn more (based on the offer). When you accumulate enough points, you can get free gift cards! Its fantastic. It takes about 2 minutes a day (to open and click) and I dont usually use the offers. You dont earn cards that quickly, but I usually get about $75/year worth.

…when your boss posts on YWN to ask when something will be done 🙂

How about duck?? Its expensive but really yummy. You can find some really good recipes (catered to your liking) online.

So maybe duck, mushroom risotto and grilled asparagus?

If you are heartier people, you could do a good brisket with roasted root vegetables and wild rice.

Anon,

I always wanted to do Walgreens and RiteAid, but I dont have enough time (nor coupons!!) Did you get in on the robitussin deal? I was soooo tempted but didnt have time. It was awesome and a HUGE money maker. I know people that were able to donate hundreds of bottles of robitussin!

For organization this is what I do – I look at the product and decide how often I use it. For example, we use a lot of tissues in this house, so I leave a ton in my linen closet and the rest in the basement. This way, no one is far from tissues 🙂 With my other things, I put enough for a 3 month supply in the bathroom closet. The rest I store, sorted by type, in plastic bins. This way, its nice and organized. I also have a long row of closets in my basement, so I utilize those to the fullest!

A&P triples I think but I never go there because they are so expensive. Stop and Shop is also more expensive (of course its my closest!) but sometimes they have great Catalina deals. They had one recently with get $4 catalina with the purchase of glad plug ins ($3.99) – with BOGO coupons it made it a huge money maker. Unfortuantely, I couldnt participate much because I was working 80 hours a week (and it was around yom tovim time!), but those deals can be great.

I use my mypoints for “luxuries” like barnes and noble so I can buy books. I love buying books but dont want to pay for them! I figure its my reward for doing deals 🙂

Joseph – is this considered a minhag or a chumrah? I would call this a chumrah. If its a chumrah, it means there is a reason to be extra strict – one which I dont understand. Chumrah’s need logic – they arent halacha and you get to choose if you want to take on extra stringencies.