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I’m with GAW.
During the summer, we snip some hydrangeas from our backyard plants.
Many people don’t marry what they envision.
But what should they settle for? Should a chassidish guy marry a LWMO woman just to get married? At what point should they settle? 20?21?30?
Women have no chiyuv to get married and should only do so if they find a compatible partner.
To a certain degree, I agree that being an observant Jew is a lifestyle choice. However, it is protected by law and unless there was some sort of hardship involved, accomodations are required.
Why would anyone buy LV anyway? Its ugly and overpriced. The knockoffs cost like $10 and look very similar.
Always here, it wasn’t the actual bris that bothered me, but having to change the poor baby’s diapers afterwards. And in the case of my second son, he had to be restitched for various reasons and the mohel didn’t use any anastesia at that point despite being allowed to! (I didn’t know he was allowed to at that point).
It was not an experience anyone should have to go through.
Daniel,
There is a lot of competition in this market. Don’t expect a quick profit.
Keen,
Many of the doctors I know got heterim way back when (so older doctors). I don’t know the details – I know they drive to and from the hospital to shul to daven and then go back if they can.
I am not a posek. I don’t know if there is a reason for the change nowadays (it seems like younger doctors don’t do this). I am just saying that don’t judge someone as being mechalel shabbos because you see them driving.
Aries, that’s not always true. Some women respond better to the aloof, uninterested treatment. Not my cup of tea though…
When I was living on my own, one organization really badgered me and made me feel guilty for attempting to say no (I didn’t have any money – I was a poor college student). Finally, I agreed to send ten dollars.
The whole situation left such a bad taste in my mouth that I cut that organization off my charity list. I want to give tzedaka with a full heart.
commonsense, forget the baby, I was traumatized! My second son had a problem at his bris and it was truly horrific. Poor kid.
And LOL at canine. Most men wouldn’t trade places with women for all the money in the world.
morah reyna,
That won’t be true if your child is suffering for wanting to do something relatively normal (or at least, moderately acceptable) in American Charedi society but considered a bum in Israel.
What I’ve heard from people who moved there (and either stayed or came back) is that being Charedi in Israel is a lot more restrictive, for better or worse.
Certain freedoms given to kids in America (like playing sports) are not allowed in Charedi societies in Israel. So if you aren’t prepared to be 100% committed to societal norms (not really halacha, but society rules) then you won’t fit in. It can be very hard on kids coming from America.
If you fit into Chardal, it shouldn’t be as much of a problem.
I know many doctors who drive to shul on Shabbos.
eman, that person is a moron. It doesn’t matter how long you are married (OK, as long as it wasn’t shotgun :-P).
As a mother of 2 sons, I can tell you that having to give your sons a bris is a lot of heartache. In that way only would I prefer daughters.
What a strange thread. I didn’t marry my husband to change him.
However, we both help each other overcome our individual weaknesses. For example, I’m not responsible, so my husband helps me out by giving me specific tasks to do. He also teaches me to look at what has to happen first and foremost and concentrate on that and break things up into small, doable tasks.
He is helping me refine who I am for the better. I hope he can say the same about me.
I don’t throw out socks.
True story:
One of my baby’s socks disappeared. It was a cute patterned one and I liked it. I just couldn’t throw out the lone sock, so I left it in the drawer.
1.5 years later, the spare sock came out of the laundry. Hashem returned it to me.
How is this different from other aveiros?
Aren’t you sinning the entire time you are performing an aveira?
Me too Popa! Now I too can be rejected by a guy on YWN for not being pretty enough!
Canine, according to my Rav, its not a problem.
Many people are superstitious though.
First, its not predicting the future. The gender of the fetus is already determined.
We chose not to know. I would call it a “hashkafic” reason – I think it is definitely more exciting in general at birth when no one knows.
Our Rav allows preparations before birth if there is a reason to (stroller on sale, make life easier etc), so planning wasn’t an issue.
With our first, I gave birth ten minutes before Shabbos. We were on the phone with our Rav about an hour before Shabbos talking about if its a boy, when would the bris be? If I had given birth 19 minutes after candle lighting, the Bris would have been on sunday. If it were 42.5 minutes after shkiah, it would have been on Shabbos. I thought it was kind of interesting.
We had our shalom zachor in the hospital. According to my Rav, the SZ is where the baby is. So the attendants of the SZ were my husband, my mother, my sister and my frum roomate. Nice and simple with food from Satmar Bikur Cholim.
Mike,
I really think this is Moshiach.
What I’ve read about Gog and Magog, all point towards these type of events.
Maybe I’m wrong, but I tell my husband that our son is Moshiach ben Yosef (his name is Yosef LOL).
And certainly priority to Torah over family is correct.
Where did GAW say it was praiseworthy? He said it was a machlokes as to what one should do.
Taking care of your family is part of Torah. Sitting and learning can be shifted around to take care of your family. Obviously, learning should be a priority, but you should STILL be there for your family.
Ask your LOR. Perhaps there is a hashkafa out there that says chinuch of your children is less important your own learning when you can do it later.
Sigh.
I don’t assume any news story is 100% factual – positive or negative.
Never mind that there is no mechitza between the men and women! Women are in plain sight!
Rabbi Akiva’s wife was willing. If your wife and family needs you, and you leave to learn, then its abandonment.
I know some men who use learning as an excuse to avoid homework/dinner/bath/bedtime. If you are doing that, chances are your learning has very little meaning.
Make sure your family is taken care of. They are your primary responsibility.
Remember, chinuch is not just about making sure your sons can learn gemara. They need to learn how to be a father, husband, and good person. Learning is absolutely a huge part of that, but being there for your family is also important.
You need to find a balance for yourself, your wife and your kids.
Professional, many women paint thier nose – its called makeup.
Observanteen, is there something wrong with a MO Rabbi? Do you believe MO is outside the realm of Orthodox observance?
To start with, use your commute time to fit in some form of learning (like listening to shiurim while driving or bringing a sefer on the train).
Have a goal. Try to make a siyum so you have an end goal in mind. If you know you have to learn X by a certain date, you are more motivated.
Try your hardest not to skip on your time, unless something important comes up.
If you are married with children, this is obviously harder. You need to work your schedule in conjunction with your wife and kids. Remember that your family responsibilities do come first, but learning is of utmost importance as well.
observanteen,
Life isn’t always easy. But there is always a lot of wonderful things to be thankful for.
Rabbi Falk is extreme to YOU, YOU’RE extreme to Coservative Jews, and THEY’RE extreme according to the Reform Jews. IT’S NOT A MATTER OF EXTREME. IT’S A MATTER OF HALACHA.
LOL.
Most people I know (including those who are RW) don’t follow Rav Falk specifically. And yes, he is known to incorporate chumras from multiple shittas.
The correct thing to do? Talk to your LOR about what the “right thing to do is” or if you feel uncomfortable, talk to a Rebbetzin who knows the halacha.
Being a teen was great.
Early 20s was fantastic too.
Both were times of great freedom, but times of selfishness. I do think its when you learn a lot about yourself.
I got married at 22 and that was great too.
I love my life now too. Each stage is wonderful.
My response was to a mamin. She asked who his wife was dressing for. I explained. I wasn’t saying its right or wrong.
Leizor,
If you are feeling insecure that you aren’t wanted by your in-laws and that not giving you gifts is a symbol of that, then its a different story. In which case, being unwanted is the problem, not the gifts.
Women generally dress for other women.
I didn’t get candlesticks from my in-laws as most people I know did. I didn’t make a fuss.
You laugh Wolf, but I had a cousin (who unfortunately died a few years ago) who went for manicures with clear polish. He was a riot of a man – late 70s, natural dark full head of hair, with graying at the temples, tanned from the hours he played golf in the sun…and the worlds biggest heart. But he like clear polish.
I don’t wear nail polish generally because I don’t like it.
Wait – Sacrilege is a fraud?
Leizor, perhaps they are tired of the entitlement people feel nowadays. Perhaps they are waging war on the “must haves” given to a choson, starting with their daughter’s.
Sometimes, its prudent to be the bigger pesron. You also know not to expect anything from your in-laws with regards to gifts. V’zehu.
Be the borg
I’ve heard about catching up w/o using a kosher megillah as well, but that it was for minor misses (like a word or two) not paragraphs.
My oldest is very good. He can sit quietly if you tell him to. He regularly goes to shul with my husband and behaves. I brought him to megillah even as a young baby/child without issues.
Unfortunately, the women’s section in my shul is so noisy with kids, that while you can hear, I’m not sure what to do with my 17 month old. Bring him? Not Bring him? We’ll see what happens.
Mytake, I know some people have mentioned this, but the best advice is:
GET RID OF CLOTHING THAT DOESN’T FIT THE MOLD OF WHAT YOU WANT TO WEAR.
Either donate it or bring it to a seamstress for alterations. If its around, you WILL wear it.
Then, if you can afford it, but some new clothing that fits your model.
I don’t dispute that GAW.
I actually think the biggest problem with tuition committees is that they neglect 2 very important questions:
1) What are you doing to reduce your expenses (and thus pay more tuition)?
2) What are you doing to increase your income (and this pay more tuition)?
Thanks GAW.
JAW22, the thinking is that grandparents who want to take their grandkids on vacation should make sure their basic needs are being met. If they aren’t, they should first address the basic needs.
Its a sticky situation. No one is being rejected for having rich parents and not being able to afford tuition. They are losing a portion of their scholarship for sending their kids to fancy camps (or taking fancy vacations) when they can’t afford schooling.
msseeker, you are wrong about statistics. Abuse is a significant problem in the Jewish community. Lethal domestic violence may be smaller, but don’t discount what a problem it is. And Jews do have violent crimes done to them – when I was growing up, a man took an axe to his wife’s head (somehow she survived).
And to reiterate DOMESTIC VIOLENCE USUALLY INCLUDES EMOTIONAL/VERBAL ABUSE. Statistics quoted are relevant. The point being, while many marriages may only suffer from emotional/verbal abuse, many include physical abuse as well.
When I was younger, I was afraid of gravity. I took gymnastics and hated doing any sort of flips/stands because I thought I would fall up.
I have a fear of heights, but I don’t let it stop me from doing things that involve heights.
LMA, non-lethal domestic violence usually includes emotional/verbal abuse. I’m still looking around, but here is some older information (1993 Study in Canada):
35% of all women surveyed reported that their spouse was emotionally abusive.
– 18% of women reported experiencing emotional abuse but not physical abuse in a relationship.
– 77% of women reported emotional abuse in combination with physical abuse. In one Canadian study on abuse in university and college dating relationships, 81% of male respondents reported that they had psychologically abused a female partner.
LMA, I’m slightly off, but this was taken from a DV support area:
Gender trends: Women make up 3/4 of the victims of homicide by an intimate partner. Actually, 33% of all women murdered (of course, only cases which are solved are included) are murdered by an intimate partner. Women make up about 85% of the victims of non-lethal domestic violence. In all, women are victims of intimate partner violence at a rate about 5 times that of males.
Healthy women in healthy marriages don’t avoid the mikvah as punishment. Perhaps if the husband is unwilling to discuss the problem, I could see a woman using that as a tool (not that I agree with that – I think if for nothing else, a woman should go to the mikvah to remove harchakot). What you are talking about is either not a healthy woman or not a healthy marriage. And its a power play, not a good sign for the marriage either.
The reason abuse usually refers to him abusing her is because something like 90% of abused people are women.
No man should stay in an abusive relationship either.
Can I throw in another option? (not neccesarily instead of, but in addition to)
I have an Ergo Baby Carrier – best $100 I’ve spent. I wear my baby all the time. It can go back, front or side. My second was the kind of kid that didn’t want to be put down and the ergo was a lifesaver. I wore my older son when I was 9 months pregnant (on my back). I am still wearing my 17 month old and I am currently 6 months pregnant. Its also more convenient for grocery shopping, subway travel, shul and most other excursions.
jewish and working, thats what local schools are starting to close in on. The theory being that the grandparents may pay for the tuition instead of the expensive summer camps or Pesach trips (and the paternal grandfather is obligated to pay for his grandsons chinuch if the father can’t right?
guy-ocho, so the parents who have told me their kids have been hit in the school are lying? AFAIK, the school allows the rebbeim to hit kids as punishment.
shower,
As a community, standard of living has risen. So yes, a ton of people have cleaning help. But they shouldn’t because they are living on tzedaka and don’t need it to survive.
There are a lot of ideal that schools preach. Learn full time, stay at home moms or moms as teachers, give a lot of money to tzedaka, volunteer your time with bikur cholim etc etc etc. Many of them are mutually exclusive. If your husband is learning in Kollel and the wife is a SAHM, barring family support or government services, you will starve.
I don’t know what schools you send your kids to (and maybe that’s a boys school thing) but none of the schools I went to had dinner service.
What you are missing is that for every dollar you don’t pay, someone else is paying. Would you take $500 from a tzedaka organization to go on vacation under normal circumstances?
If everyone really tried to pay for tuition, either rates would drop or money would be given (by rich donors) to other causes.
If the attitude is that people work to support family, not tuition, then tuition is NOT a priority. There are other options you know…not as ideal as a yeshiva setting, but definitely options.
guy-ocho, they allow corporal punishment. That’s not something I would ever permit, so caveat emptor.