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The Goq – it serves 4 purposes that I’m aware of:
1) A woman will know when the floor is dirty because she can see it on her feet or feel it. She will make sure to clean it right away (a true balabuste)
2) Shoes get the floors dirty because they track in dirt from outside. See #1.
3) Shoes get worn out by wearing them. If she doesn’t need them then its wasting money.
4) Shoes imply going outside. Why does a woman need to leave her home more than once a month? See the Rambam.
Poster 🙂 So what do you think I look like? I am pregnant, but I am not barefoot nor in the kitchen at the moment LOL.
I think students should be taught how they most want to be taught.
If a boy isn’t interested in learning gemara, but loves learning Tanach, he should be able to focus on that.
If a girl is really interested in learning gemara, she should be able to focus on that. (IME most girls don’t want to, but those that do really excel because they love learning it).
When you try to pigeon-hole kids into a specific learning path, you turn them off from learning altogether.
Wolf, only women belong in the kitchen (barefoot and pregnant).
I know Feif Un.
Honestly, this is not the forum I would ask a personal question.
Anyone who wants to figure out who I am can – I have given out enough information if you care to go searching.
Does anyone have access to Ben Ish Hai online?
Quoted from a blogger (a mother in Israel)
According to the Ben Ish Hai, a rabbi from the late 18th century in Baghdad, while a woman is breastfeeding her exposed breasts are not considered erotic.
Are there any major poskim who have come out with anything? AFAIK, there are no restrictions placed on women in halacha.
Even Rabbi Websters “Many rabbonim” is not really conclusive of anything.
GAW, I did 🙂
whatrutalkingabout,
I’m sorry, I’m not going to deprive my child of food because it makes you uncomfortable. Unless you believe bottle feeding should be done in the bathroom too? This has nothing to do with the “busha” of frum women.
Also, formula is made of absolute garbage (read the ingredients, it high fructose corn syrup or corn syrup solids in it!), is expensive, requires bottles (which need to be washed and if you are out for the day that’s not easy). If you want me to pump, that requires a location TO pump (if the baby doesn’t feed, you need to pump instead) and then you have more parts to wash.
So you need to work on acceptance rather than asking women to complicate their lives for your discomfort.
bpt, airplane bathrooms are NOT sanitary and its nearly impossible to find a comfortable nursing position.
I agree 100% with anon for this.
Grandmaster,
Considering that most men are either supported by their wives or their wives are working along side with them, this halacha has limited practical application.
I would also be suspect of a family where the man says “Its all mine and you are under my thumb.”
Jewish source,
When you claim something is halacha, you should bring a source. Why can’t a mother nurse in front of other children????
Can you define “public”? Because AFAIK, there used to be bathrooms in the field that multiple people could use. Aren’t there halachos of talking while using a bathroom? If no one was around, why would you need those halachos?
Neverless, if a man were wearing a “brief relief” would that be a problem?
People with incontinence issues certainly wear depends and use them in public.
bpt, I think the theory makes people uncomfortable. I used to be one of them. Until it was my child that needed feeding. There is no logical reason to be bothered by it, assuming a woman is covered.
Jewish Source, can you please quote a source that says a woman is not allowed to nurse in public if she is fully covered?
whatrutalkingabout, that may be your preference, but why? If a woman is fully covered, what is wrong with her nursing her child? Is it just general discomfort on your part?
Obviously if a woman is not covered we are discussing something different.
I often nurse in my baby carrier and you cannot even tell the baby is nursing. It just looks like the baby is snuggling up to me. I’m not going to stop for your discomfort.
GAW, your wife is wise 🙂
Sometimes, the bike is the wrong fit. It may be too small or too large. Sometimes, you have to get a new bike to learn to ride properly.
Many marriages can be fixed from within, but not all. Especially if there is a loss of trust.
There are positives and negatives on both sides.
Popa, I’m not part of the chumra-of-the-week club.
How is a woman with a nursing baby supposed to leave the house? If a woman is covered completely while nursing, how is this non-tznius?
Does he have two tallesim? If not, perhaps get him one for Shabbos.
aries,
I disagree.
A school has to be financially responsible to the entire student body. If opening a resource room will take away necessary funding from the general student body and put enormous financial pressure on the school (where the school might not be able to function any longer), the school has to evaluate how to get funding.
If the parents of students who need extra resources cannot contribute, perhaps there are other programs that can help? It doesn’t often make sense for many schools to have small programs when if the kids with problems would concentrate in 1-2 schools, the resources could be greater and more cost effective.
Truth,
In many cases its possible to work on the individual while in the marriage. Some situations are toxic to the spouses and they need to leave to work on it. Sometimes one spouse can fix the problem but the other can’t. There are many variables.
As to money being one of the biggest stressors in marriage – how can it not be? I’m not talking about luxury, but when you can’t pay your basic bills, how can parents not be stressed out trying to figure out ways to earn more money to pay their basic bills? Life is expensive. That’s not bad middos – its wanting to avoid living off of tzedaka!
whatrutalkingabout,
Where is the woman in the pizza shop supposed to nurse? And why can you eat in the pizza shop but the baby can’t?
Sorry, I don’t think women should be restricted as to where they can nurse.
If you don’t like it, stay at home.
Grandmaster, he’s still an alcoholic and has trouble dealing with this. Yes, I believe his ex-wife who has no animosity towards him.
DY, I understand that.
But breastmilk is still better for the baby 🙂
bpt, you haven’t seen those personal mechitzas they sell for flying? They cover your entire face! Works great 🙂
If I were flying and sitting next to a frum man, I would warn him that I would be nursing during the flight, and if that made him uncomfortable to make arrangements with the flight attendants.
If I were on the shidduch market (I’m happily married b”h), I would prefer not dating someone sefardic just because it would be a major adjustment both halachically and culturally.
It would be very hard for me to adjust to the davening, kitniyos etc I don’t think I’m clean enough to be a sefardi wife too 🙂
If I were a man, I think it would be less daunting because my minhagim wouldn’t change as significantly.
That being said, I do have quite a few relatives and friends who are happily married and the product of “mixed” marriages. So if I would have met a nice sefardi guy, I wouldn’t have let that stop me.
Truth,
Sometimes, its impossible to fix while in the situation. Sometimes, the partners bring out the worst in each other. A friend of mine who divorced from her first husband told me that aside from the regular marital issues they had, they brought out the worst in each other. They fed off of each other’s frustration in bad ways.
After their divorce, they were able to truly get the help they each needed. She has moved and and is happily married. He still needs to work on his issues and has not found someone.
DY,
Then they would be an interesting group to test on the effects of soy formula.
I don’t know much about the soy debate. I know that just because something isn’t mainstream medical practice, doesn’t mean it isn’t correct (nor that it is correct).
I never used much formula (I mainly pumped and we don’t keep CY anyway) so this wasn’t something I had to research much.
bpt,
I can’t answer for her, but when I’ve flown with my infant, I had to basically nurse the whole flight. I was lucky to be at a window, with my mother next to me (bumped up to first class!!!).
Never mind that airplane bathrooms are totally gross and there is no room to nurse comfortably and there are so few bathrooms to use…
I have no problem nursing in public and someone photographing me because nothing inappropriate is showing.
From e-how:
Most of the danger of soy formula is linked to studies using lab rats. In some studies, rats fed a soy formula fell behind on expected growth, developed sexual organ deformities and showed levels of decreased fertility. These problems are believed to be linked to the phytoestrogen, or genisteins, found in soybeans, which in turn affects natural estrogen production.
Cherrybim,
In my field its not usually an issue, except on emergency projects. They tend not to assign those to me unless they don’t need me friday night and saturday. I show up saturday night as needed.
But they still appreciate the Christmas holiday season and knowing someone is there. There is a lot more competition for Christmas week than friday afternoon.
Incidentally, my husband is off Christmas week (his company closes) so it would be nice to be off, but alas…
Unfortunately, its not rare.
Also, having frum employees makes it harder on early Fridays, erev Yom Tov etc.
People love that I volunteer to work Christmas week.
I had a uniform in elementary school. I totally didn’t mind but they are expensive.
In high school I didn’t have a uniform but wore the same few things anyway. So I had a self imposed uniform LOL.
Honestly, I think its a waste.
Truth,
Just because there is a good valid reason for divorce, doesn’t make either spouse automatically blameless. Sometimes, two lovely people bring out the worst in each other and can’t make their marriage work, even after trying.
Every person brings baggage to a marriage (first or 31st). If the baggage you brought to marriage contributed to problems in the marriage, and you don’t fix the problem, then even if you marry someone else, the problem is still there. It may not be a problem with the next person, or it might.
Also, if a woman is abused by her first husband, she may be blameless in divorce, but if she doesn’t take care of herself (usually involving therapy), she may have problems in her next marriage. Either becoming a “victim” or becoming so sensitive to abuse that she will attack her husband at the slightest thing and call abuse. Granted, I’m slightly exaggerating, but you still need to take care of your baggage to make the possibility of a healthy marriage truly work.
My most uncomfortable flight ever was to Israel – I booked it at 9 pm and was on the flight by 7 pm the following day. I got the last bookable seat on the plane.
I was 16 at the time. My seat was a middle seat between two large men. The man by the window was regular large (as in, slightly spilled over the seat but not morbidly obese), enough to encroach my space and make my uncomfortable. The other man was enormous enough that he should have paid for two seats. I was going to cry when about an hour into the flight, he took off his belt and unbuckled his pants. I guess he was really uncomfortable. I slept as much as possible.
Truth be told,
Some people aren’t compatible together. Some people bring out the best in each other, some people bring out the worst in each other. And yes, sometimes one spouse is totally at fault for the divorce.
But marriages have baggage. Good marriages, bad marriages. If you don’t fix any problems, you may have more issues.
I don’t know if I’m being clear at the moment.
We say Peh-sahch.
My family is German though. My grandparents did say it with a heavier Peh sound. Can’t describe it if you don’t know how German Jews talk.
Nestle Good Start? I thought that wasn’t kosher at all?
My 17 month old has a tantrum if we say no to giving tzedaka. Its absolutely adorable.
Feif Un, I haven’t been there yet. I’ve heard some good reviews, I just never get a chance to go.
DH usually goes shopping late at night, and we don’t shop that often (usually 1-2X a month). But maybe for our next meat run we’ll do that.
Now, a problem with sticking with MOFES vs getting a lower paying job is that the lower paying job often leads to better and better jobs. Experience often leads to higher salaries. Its being penny wise and pound foolish.
Feif,
I agree with you but if you go to Glatt Express, they sometimes have sales (like chicken cutlets for $3.99/lb or ground beef for $3.99-$4.99/lb). I’ve been there about 4 times since we moved in 4 years ago though 🙂
When a divorce is finalized, we say “Mazal tov!”
Why is divorce more common nowadays? I believe that women used to be more likely trapped in bad marriages. They were limited in career options and being a single mom had HUGE stigma attached if they could even pay the bills. Abuse was not really discussed. Many women (and less often men) were trapped in their marriage.
Most of the divorces I know were for good, valid reasons.
Many 2nd marriages fail because the person remarrying didn’t address the issues with the first marriage. Those issues don’t go away overnight.
DY, that makes more sense. That’s why I was surprised by your statement. I know of people who used treif formula (in rare cases) too.
I don’t wear makeup (with the exception of my wedding and siblings/inlaws weddings).
My husband knew what he was getting and is happy with that. I’m beautiful 24 hours a day, not just when my “face” is on 🙂
If you are pregnant, sit down, relax and see if they subside. If not, call your doctor ASAP.
DY, I can’t imagine any posek would assur non-CY formula in all cases. That’s different than saying limited cases.
I don’t know much about formula in EY and we don’t keep CY. But the health of a growing baby is more important than almost anything. Malnutrition in the early years is very dangerous.
If what abcd2 wrote is correct (about vitamin deficiencies), it would seem there would be an excellent reason to use non-chalav yisrael formula.
A growing baby should NOT be deprived of important nutrients.
My last post was offensive??
Aries,
If a tefach (or possibly 2) are allowed, and women are pulling out less than that to put over their sheital, why would that be wrong?
Its really all about how deep you want your relationship to be before getting married.
Personally, I knew my husband for 3 years before we got married, and I thought that was rushing it 🙂
Sometimes, people need more time. They need to see if the other person’s annoyances will bother them in a few weeks or if it truly is trivial. Or if the parts that they thought were so amazing filter down to show. Or if some behaviors shown were possibly abusive.
You will never know the person you marry 100% before you get married. I wanted to know as much as I could.
If you want *true* chalav yisrael, nurse 🙂
If you are “makpid on looks” to impress those around you, yes you are shallow.
Yes, Jewish men are generally less attractive than non-Jewish men. Part of the reason is that many of them don’t work out, are pale and white and have the same wardrobe and haircut. There is much less individuality.
Jewish women tend to take pride in their appearance (me not so much LOL).
You absolutely should be attracted to your spouse. Sometimes, I laugh at the “beauty” a picky guy ended up with.
smartcookie, then pay full tuition first and don’t worry about your food bill.