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I like yogurt – its fast and filling. I can only eat Stoneyfield farm yogurts though – the rest tast like garbage to me. Those taste like food. (not cholov yisroel though)
Mybat, public education is NOT the same as food stamps etc.
Also, anytime we patronize a store that uses undocumented workers or hirers a cleaning lady that isn’t on the books or uses daycare that isn’t on the books etc we are perpetuating a problem.
I just dont understand the attitude of “oh others take more so its ok” – we are supposed to be BETTER. We are supposed to be MORE ethical. We are supposed to care.
My mother has an envelope of dollar bills and she gives $1 to each person who comes. She donates directly to places that she knows will use the money properly (there have been too many fakers found collecting to give them anything substantial).
For women, all you have to say is “That is all my husband allows me to give when he isn’t around.” Works like a charm – who wants a woman to disobey her husband?
…temptation too strong 🙂
The Tanach classes I learnt the most in were more idea based then memorization. Our tests were more essay like (comparing situations in Tanach and discussing the miforshim) rather than things like “who said this?” IMHO, its the way Tanach should be taught. There is no need to memorize, but it is important to understand the flow, “story” line, juxtaposition, hidden meanings etc.
I think its important that women who want to maintain a high level of learning be given the skills to do so. In today’s day and age, I think for many women knowledge is key to keeping them observant.
Cooking and basic life skills should be taught at home.
I think it would be better to eliminate a lot of homework for coursework that doesn’t require it (math needs homework frequently, but other subjects do not). I would make it a policy to eliminate homework for Limudei Kodesh unless kids are not paying attention. I don’t know if this would work, but teachers could then spring pop quizzes on kids they don’t think are actually paying attention.
A few people told me to renovate my house and buy a new car before my son goes into Yeshiva, otherwise we won’t be able to (if we can even afford to do it now…which I don’t think we can)
As long as they don’t become obsessive. You can learn a lot from baseball…
I’m tempted to jump in but…
neatfreak, I live in NJ and work in NY. But the point is not really just taking *my* money its that you are taking money from all the people in your state. Sure, you pay taxes, but you are unnecessarily removing money from the state programs when you don’t *need* it. Remember, in today’s economy, more people than ever *need* services to get by. If your husband can find a job, he should be taking it.
You say you aren’t comfortable taking, then don’t. Its a choice you are making. YOU are not really sacrificing for Torah, you are forcing the people of your state to.
I explained above what the difference is for education vs Kollel.
Feel guilty or not – that is up to you. I am just voicing my opinion.
lesschumras, I think thats because you always have the opportunity to talk to Hashem. It has its benefits and its downsides. The downside is that you can stall for this moment, because you can always daven.
My biggest downfall is having someone to talk to. I always found that when I am in a shul where I don’t know people, its easy not to talk. If a friend or family member comes, its much harder.
Wolf, I think he was serious which is humorous in and of itself 🙂
Yes, everywhere adults and children are exposed to inappropriate dress/actions. We cannot cut out everything in our lives. It is just impossible.
…unless you home school and have groceries delivered. Then you never have to leave the house.
Jothar, if someone needs services to get by, I absolutely support them using the services. I don’t believe that anyone should place themselves in a situation that requires them going on services. The difference with getting grants for your education has to do with America wanting to invest in its citizens – the purpose is to educate people, hope they will do better economically and socially which will in turn help the country.
There is no age when sitting and learning in Kollel is inappropriate. People should wait until they can afford it (or have someone who can sponsor them) rather than leeching off the American people. It is in no way “free” money.
I love how people always bring up other Americans who are using the system and say “We’re better than that.” I don’t care who is taking services that they don’t need (just want), that is wrong. Here we are discussing Kollel families. I think the others are wrong too.
The economy is affecting my family and friends like most people. I absolutely have a lot of sympathy for people who are struggling. I don’t have sympathy for people who choose to “struggle” for Kollel but are really just taking money from the government.
HIE, that’s a good statement. It gets my approval.
HIE, what you should have written was “Everyone should consult their own local orthodox Rabbi as to what to do.”
Jothar, that attitude is why so many people are against government programs. Its a shame people are just out to get as much as they can from the people around them. It’s a shame my money is going to support those who don’t need it, just want it.
Neatfreak, if you can’t support your husband in Kollel he should be working. There is no need to take charity from the American people for it.
I’m going to assume Jothar was being sarcastic.
Its not free money. Its taking money from all the people around you. If you can go to work and avoid services, you should be. If there is no need to take charity from the American people, you should not.
Sunflower, I think sports in general get more prayers from everyone than anything else. Sad, but true.
About the word tznius – I think when you compliment someone on their outfit and say “because its tznius” in some version, the compliment comes over insincere. My husband’s grandmother said this to me once and it just sort of made me roll my eyes.
About the ergo: its more expensive but WELL worth the money. Its much more comfortable and can be used up to 35 lbs. I can carry my toddler in it as well. It can also be used as a backpack carrier. I hated the Snugli I had and it ended its useful life really early. You can actually nurse pretty discreetly in an ergo when you are on the go (per video instructions on their site), which I haven’t tried. I would only do it with a shawl or something over obviously, but it is intriging since this baby wants to nurse for HOURS (quite literally).
You can also make a moby wrap pretty easily. Just google instructions.
“However, with regard to Torah learning, the Halachah is that if a father can afford one Rebbi, either for him or his son, if his son has potential to be a Talmid Chacham, he should give the Rebbi to his son, and forgo his own learning. Such an idea exists nowhere except regarding Torah learning.”
Which means to me that the father is required to work to pay tuition. After all, he is supposed to provide a teacher for his son’s potential (unknown as a child, so you should assume he could be a talmid chacham).
Squeak, you make me laugh.
NeatFreak, if you just want to speak to the women, how about inviting htem over for tea/dessert after the meal? Or shabbos afternoon dessert type of thing? This way you only have the women over.
I’m just curious what your opinions on baby carriers/slings are. I just started using an Ergo baby carrier for my son and I love it. But it definitely does draw attention. I don’t think its problematic, but I just thought I would throw it out there.
(an Ergo is similiar to a Bjorn or Snugli but much better built so that it doesnt hurt your back at all…plus it can carry kids up to 35 lbs and can be worn in front, side, or back. Its a lifesaver with a toddler and infant – I can carry whichever one needs it and put the other one in a stroller)
Smile, aren’t there lots of problems having a non-Jew do that for you? Also, right now I’m nursing exclusively (my son is just one month) so he doesn’t take a bottle.
“”What a horrible story!”
It figures. Only you would say that a rav standing up for the honor of Torah is a horrible story. I suppose you would have liked it better if he allowed people who arent frum according to him to be eidim? “
Moshe, the way the story was originally posted, it did sound horrible. With the additional details, the story is different. And, I would hope that even those who don’t hold by the eruv recognize that someone who is following their LOR’s shitta is still an observant Jew. Unfortunately, I have come across rabbonim who don’t, but I would like to hope that most do.
A question for those who don’t hold by the eruv – what do you do for family simchas? We have my SIL’s sheva brachot this Shabbos in Brooklyn and I have a newborn. Are you all stuck in the house all the time and can’t attend your sibling’s affairs?
EDITED in blue.
Its terrible. If you can ban one religious symbol, you can ban them all.
Why not ban streimels? Wigs? Chai necklaces?
This is a VERY slippery slope.
Kilo, I’ve been saying that for years.
However, I guarantee many people will be against it because it will make gemora too easy for women to learn.
LOL! Eventually I’ll make my husband wash his own tzitzis. Unless I become a stay at home parent.
Joseph, in that link, you state “Yiddish is used by the Gedolim and has a holyness to it”
Gezunheit, I haven’t discussed this with my Rav because I know I wouldn’t listen to his psak.If he says “too bad you have to cover your hair” (I’ve never heard a heter for hair covering), I wouldn’t be able to do it. And every time he sees me he would know I am NOT following him. I don’t believe in asking about something you know you won’t listen to unless the answer is the way you want it.
Ames, do you think I’m crazy? LOL I think I have some sort of sensory issue. When I was a kid there were times I would feel like I was choking, no matter how loose my neckline was. I still get that feeling sometimes, but luckily it hasn’t been in public so its not a problem to remove anything close to my neck (including my necklace).
NYMom, why is it brave? I’m not afraid of being judged. I never said what I am doing is right, just that I do it. And any man who is reading this thread isn’t supposed to be, so he can’t throw it back at me LOL. Thanks for the offer to call, but if she quit, she probably is not a good source of information.
Anon, those still apply too much pressure.
I feel especially bad because this was something that was really important to my husband before we got married. He knew my mother didnt cover her hair and he explained that to him it was essential. He asked me for one thing and I couldn’t do it.
Joseph, you stated “Yiddish is holy” above. Are you retracting that statement?
My mother-in-law washes my husband’s tzitzis because I am not a laundry person.
She takes white socks and puts the strings inside and ties them. Then throws them into the wash. But my husband doesn’t wear wool tzitzis which can shrink in the wash.
“Modern Hebrew is not different than Turkish or Farsi”
This is false. People who speak modern hebrew often have an easier time learning Torah (especially if they start without a Torah education) because modern hebrew, although grammatically different, has mostly the same roots. Modern hebrew is closer to lashon hakodesh than any other language. Think of it as a gateway language LOL.
“The Chasam Sofer writes that the reason Jews do not speak Loshon Hakodesh as a speaking language is because it is inappropriate to use a holy language while enveloped in Tumah, which is our current status.“
If that is true, then Yiddish CANNOT be holy. Did you read what you copied before pasting it here?
“it is not possible to be a nation without a national language” – In reference to Eliezer Ben Yehuda, when I learnt the history of modern hebrew, (from what I recall anyway), what EBY was saying was that everyone coming into Israel was maintaining their language from their native country (French, German, Russian, Yiddish etc). It was divisive. People couldn’t converse properly, they couldn’t interact…there needed to be one language to unite the people. And truth be told, he was right. Why is it that when you go around the world, the common language people speak is hebrew? Its not universally yiddish or english or french or arabic…but hebrew.
…by copying the outdated fashions of the world.
@Mod72, that was brilliant!
I wasn’t pregnant at the time. My hair wasn’t too tight etc…
I do get massive headaches wearing hats to shul, but it gets worse the longer something is on my head. So I can stomach the first few hours, but after that I can’t.
It gets really hard when I’m working in power plants and take my hard hat off all the time!
EDITED
plonis, can you voice your reasons for not feeling comfortable talking to your parents? maybe we can help you with that too!
I actually could use some help. Shortly after I got married, I had to stop covering my hair. I was getting pounding headaches to the point of vomitting/nausea and getting ready to pass out. I never realized it would affect me so much because I never wore hats or anything while single! Anyone ever dealt with this before?
It has nothing to do with how tight my hats are – even loose it hurts. Even doilies hurt my head! Right now I only wear hats to shul and try randomly when I am feeling up to it. But its not often…
I was not inspired by The Magic Touch so I didnt read Inside/Outside.
Plonis, I think its very important to get the dialogue open with your parents. Maybe start with your mother if you are uncomfortable talking about tznius with your father?
Plonis, it may be time to have a conversation with your parents and explain that you want to help them AND maintain the tznius standards you are choosing. Talk to them about how it seems contrary to what they have taught you to run out like that.
Also, perhaps keep a pair of tights on the main level of the house for easy access.
maybe don’t take off your tights until you are going to sleep?
HIE, every rav has areas where he is maikel or machmir. As long as you are consistently following your rav, that is ok.
I think you need to review Judaism 101…
Mazal, glad to help! To be honest, a lot of these places smell better than they taste! I used to walk past dominoes every day near Port Authority and their pizza smells awesome (they pump out the smell). I mentioned it to a friend of mine who is a BT and they said dominoes is not even that good and that pizza hut was better. But I can eat pizza hut in Israel, so that’s easy! LOL
Anon, I figured you would think along the same lines as me 🙂
The best would be if chicken was kosher everywhere. THat would be awesome.
I think the problem with Kollel today is that it puts a stress on society at large, which puts pressure on others who want to support Kollel to do illegal things to keep up donations. No, its not everyone, but it happens. I wonder if taking money for learning that causes enough stress on the donor to steal is better than the kollel man learning part time and working part time.
But I do agree, if someone voluntarily gives money to support Kollel and the man is learning properly, that is his job.
So I’ve been thinking about this a lot over shabbos, and I think I have some thoughts.
First, I think in the last 10-15 years, fashion has produced more skirts. When I was 13, long skirts first came in style. Then, mid calf length skirts were in style…then near the knee. So fashionable skirts are much more readily available…and when women go try them on, its a beautiful skirt that just makes it…or is a hair to short but “with black tights you won’t be able to tell” or other things like that. I think ironically that because of the more modest clothing available to the outside world, Jewish women are less tzanua.
About the rebelling against your old teachers – when I was 13, my teacher did not understand the difference between halacha and chumra, nor did she understand the class she was preaching too. Most of the girls wore generally tzanua clothing. She would preach to us about long skirts being 100% assur and other things which the entire class did not hold by. Her entire view on Judaism was singular to exactly what her husband said and if anyone brought up anything different (even from a valid posek), she dismissed it at hand. Once my friend explained she had learned something in the gemara with her father which was different than the teacher was explaining and the teacher said something to the effect of “your father is wrong.” (her father happens to be a talmid chacham…but anyway) It took me four years of good teachers in high school to really understand how wrong she was and undo the damage she had done to me. I think if people have bad experiences with their teachers and never resolve the issues, they will be rebelling against them for the rest of their lives.
Personally, tznius is the last thing I work on. But that’s because anytime I start with that, I find myself slipping in other ways. I prefer to work from inside to the outside; others work better from outside to within.
Feif, when I lived in Brooklyn we had an eruv chatzeiros in our apartment building. I never lived in a house there though…
HIE, its interesting that you posul the eruv. I think the Rav I used in Brooklyn who allowed the eruv is a better source for me…
The kosher cinnabon is still around (at least a few months ago when I was there).
To be honest, it was good, but not great. The costco buns that they sold long ago (no longer available) were MUCH better.
I tasted the campbell’s vegetable soup (I didn’t know it was half moon k – I was at someone’s house who served it and I generally rely on their hechsher, which I was told not to question someone on kashrut if they are generally reliable) and it wasn’t good at all. Lots of hype.
Depends. First, what is the intent of wearing the designer label? Is it because its made better or because its “cooler”? Is it better quality/materials? Second, is it tzanua? Third, can you afford it?
Kraft cheese – they have so many promotions that you can often get it free or really cheap!
You are supposed to give what you can afford and with a full heart.
My sister made two shidduchim. One was a very poor couple – he was Israeli, she was a russian immigrant. They bought her a beautiful necklace (around $100) and my sister cherished it. The other shidduch gave her around $1000 and she used it to go backpacking through Europe that summer.
Both were greatly appreciated by my sister, each in their own way.
Joseph, do you think there is any good in me? LOL
Age is so relative.
My obstetrician asked me which of her partners I had seen. I couldn’t remember the doctors name so I started describing her and included young in the description. She laughed and said “Are any of us young? We are all over 40!” I explained that I thought she was in her mid to late 30s but that early 40s for a doctor is still kind of young. I mean, you need a bachelors, medical school, residency/internship…and then some experience.
Mazal, tthe issue of using your own hair as a wig is debatable. Then again, everything about covering your head/hair is…the only constant is that you have to cover your hair.
Ames, I debate with my Rabbi all the time to understand why/where/how and to make sure we are both clear on the question AND answer. You would be surprised how you can state a question one way and the other person understands it different than you meant. FTR, if he says “its just halacha, there isn’t an answer to why” that is good enough for me.