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LOL Dr. P – I use a differnt one. I’m SAW50ST8.
its imamother.com
And I thank my husband also 🙂
Maybe its the 92plus I’m thinking of. Its the one that performed calculus and showed you the steps and gave you answers in XY form. You didn’t need values. That would have been awesome (although actually bad for math skills).
Says who – are you living in BP? There are neighborhoods within walking distance (1 mile is not that far) where rent is even cheaper. Do you value tuition enough to move farther away to a place where you have to walk far to your chosen shul?
Mazal tov!
GAW, that website is really entertaining.
Yes, a small portion are incapable. I think most women ARE capable.
I have a TI89 and drooled over the TI92. Those were illegal in calculus class LOL.
Squeak, unfortunately, a lot of Muslims are afraid to speak out for fear of retribution. Right or wrong.
And I agree with a lot of your assessment. Including that it is in poor taste. But I don’t dictate other people’s poor taste.
No, use that $220 to move to a cheaper place and give the money to the school.
GAW, I do all those things because I have to, not want to. Do you think I like coming home exhausted and scrubbing toilets? I think most people use this as an excuse. People are a lot more capable than we give them credit for and they live up to our expectations.
I can’t understand the philosophy of a husband saying “No sorry I can’t help with MY family responsibilities because I need some time to learn” but still think a Yeshiva education is important. Is it only important when someone else foots the bill?
says who, then you are saying you value neighborhood over tuition. And cleaning help over tuition.
mw13, not necessary. A luxury. A wanted one – fine. Do you value a yeshiva education over cleaning help?
This is also not a mosque, but a community center. With a prayer room.
LOL Dr. P, no 🙂 I didn’t say all were applicable to everyone.
Blinky, then your house isn’t 100% clean. Would you rather your kids have a yeshiva to go to, or a spotless house?
Lets look at things we teach in schools:
1) Jews are better than everyone
2) In the times of Moshiach, righteous non-Jews are going to be our slaves
If you read Tanach, we had a bloody history. Granted, all sanctioned by Hashem. But they believe theirs is also.
Dr Pepper, I do know a few people who live in Boro Park with that. Kids sleep in the living room, some with the parents. From what I’ve heard, its hard to even find a 2 bedroom with reasonable rent in BP.
Although, why people don’t move slightly further out for cheaper rent astounds me also.
Squeak, if you are talking about a movement (and the Inquisition, blood libels etc) was a movement that stemmed from Christian leadership. Those leaders and followers are absolutely responsible [with the exception of followers who protested].
Do you want the world to judge us by Neturei Karta?
As to the sensitivity aspect – I have no right to dictate their sensitivities as long as they are building legally. Sure, protest all you want, but there is no real reason for then to change their plans.
Should Rosa Parks have sat on the back of the bus so as not to offend people? White people WERE offended by blacks back in the day.
Again, freedom means allowing others to do things you don’t approve of as it gives you the same rights.
So I can’t know poor because I grew up in Monsey or Teaneck?
I know poverty. I have a friend that when she first got married was so poor she asked her friends to take ketchup packets, jelly and cracker packages from restaurants (where they gave them out) so they could have. They barely had ANYTHING to eat. They couldn’t afford milk. They couldn’t afford anything. Now, these friends aren’t Jewish, but they certainly didn’t say “I need cleaning help or I am not going to make it.” They shortly had 4 kids in the house and still didn’t have cleaning help.
Cleaning help IS a luxury. Unless ch”v someone is disabled or really mentally unstable. Obviously that’s a different ballgame. But to tell me the average family needs it? Please.
And you referenced a stressed out mother – where is the father in this equation? He can’t pick up a mop and broom?
The only “cleaning help” I have is my husband.
And that’s why schools are closing. People don’t prioritize money for tuition.
Yes, a mother should try her best. But yeshiva tuition should come before a clean home.
There are other ways to cut money out of your budget. A few options are:
Eat less meat, chicken and fish. Serve beans, eggs and cheese instead as a protein.
Unplug everything not in use (except for essentials like your refridgerator).
Keep the air conditioner off. Only use in dangerous weather. Utilize fans, open windows, cold drinks instead.
Keep the thermostat lower and bundle up more.
Sell off your silver. Keep only items that you actually use and need (like kiddush cup).
No new clothing, unless everything you wear is threadbare.
Sell off jewelry except for your wedding band.
Get rid of second car (if you have one). If you live in a place like Brookly and don’t need a car for work (just for convenience), get rid of it. [savings on gas, maintenance, insurance]
Downsize your house or apartment if applicable.
Take in borders if you have room.
I can probably come up with more rather easily. People talk about wanting to pay tuition, but people don’t want to live the reality of actually doing what they need to.
Do we govern on insensitivities?
Why did they choose this location? Because they had a lease with an option to buy. Its a great location, great size and perfect for them. And it was an easy purchase.
IMO, backing down now would be like admitting they are partially responsible. Islam is a religion – not every muslim caused the terror attacks.
Do you want your shuls questioned? How about when they stop allowing zoning for your shul because there is one (halachically accceotable) shul three houses away?
Freedom means allowing others to do things you don’t like. All because you want freedom when its time for you to choose.
Blinky, yes. Even if its $50/week at the end of the year that’s $2500. More than 50% of 1 full tuition in Lakewood.
Says who, with rare exception, most people CAN handle more but choose not to.
Arc, agreed.
On a Jewish women’s website I am on, they were just discussing needs vs wants. You have no idea how many people think cleaning help is “essential” and wouldn’t give it up. Yeshiva tuition is ABSOLUTELY last on most people’s lists.
I will have to ask him when I get a chance. My understanding was that unless you know someone is Jewish (and halachically Jewish, not just ethnically Jewish), its not a problem. If you know someone is 100% halachically Jewish, you should avoid it.
I don’t go looking for trouble. I don’t question someone’s background unless I have reason to. Sometimes I make mistakes and I can’t help that.
Helpful, I would shake his hand. If I knew that he “knew” Jewish law and just didn’t keep it, I would not. I don’t actually go around asking about people’s religious affiliation though.
Moq, you don’t find it strange he told me not to shake hands of obviously frum men?
I really enjoyed Crime and Punishment. Its not a Jewish book though.
Helpful, is he a frei Yid? I’m not aware of it.
If I knew someone was Jewish specifically and was going to be put into a situation that I would be expected to shake his hand, I would ask my Rav.
Helpful, that isn’t what I said. I said that if I don’t know if a man is Jewish, I can assume he isn’t. If I find out he is Jewish, I absolutely don’t shake his hand.
Teaneck problems:
1) Stressing academic excellence without wanting to pay for it (smaller class sizes, multiple teachers plus assistants per classroom, gym, art etc)
2) Wanting classes mixed with special needs students and no tracking (making it harder to teach the entire class, neccesitating problems above)
3) Too much reliance on grandparents
4) High cost of living
5) Lack of understanding between needs and wants
6) Increasing family size from last generation without major increase in salary
7) The way scholarship committees approve scholarships
Blinky, I realize this. But Lakewood just shut down two schools.
Do you want me to detail the Teaneck problems?
Go ahead.
Jose, tuitions is between $14,000-$17,000 per child. These are all MO schools.
Squeak, the why is not as simple.
In Lakewood I think the issues are:
1) Not enough working parents
2) Too much reliance on grandparents
3) Large families without large incomes
4) Lack of understanding between needs and wants
I wonder if you asked people to get rid of their cleaning help before they got scholarships – would they do it?
Squeak, the root cause:
not enough money to pay bills at the school
Check out places that sell car rental cars. They are well serviced but have mileage.
Also, check out overstock.com
If I know a man is Jewish I try to avoid the situation as well.
I work with a conservative man. I am able to avoid shaking his hand because he sort of understands. My boss is half Jewish (the right half) and I can avoid that too.
But random people I don’t know? How would I know they are Jewish? Especially if their name is not traditionally, ethnically Jewish?
Yes. And its not an uncommon psak. My pseudo yeshivish sister asked her Rav and got a similiar answer.
LAGuy, Teaneck is not quite as expensive as LA (most houses are between $450-650,000). People have between 3-5 kids, so earning $175,000 it is possible to pay tuition. Very hard though.
I asked my Rav about shaking hands prior to starting work. He told me it was not an issue. I should let someone extend their hand first but if I was supposed to be the one to do it (based on work place etiquette) that was ok too. And to not shake hands of obviously frum men of course.
Are Lakewood schools prepared to teach a full secular curriculum? AFAIK, in high school a lot of the boys schools have ZERO secular studies education. (Heard that from someone with only girls so I don’t know if that’s true)
I also wonder if people understand that government = people. If you take more money from the government, you are ultimately taking it from the people. Taxes will rise.
The answer is actually for people to start funding the education for their own kids. A homeschooling COOP could be a great idea, especially for boys. The fathers can do the teaching (which is still dealing with Torah) and the women can work. Rent and food is a lot less than rent+food+tuition.
GAW, as my husband is not a Kohen, that is a (spiritual?) impossibility for us. I guess that gives me an excuse not to act like Kimchis!
It depends on where you are excersizing, who is around and what your sensitivities are. This is more of a sensitivity than a halachic discussion IMO (obviously basic halacha applies).
e x e r c i s e
Jose, its a Lakewood school. And its a true story. I don’t know if its rare or not.
The reason people bargain with tuition is that scholarships are not viewed as charity. For every dollar in tuition you DON’T pay, someone has to foot that bill. People just think its like getting a good deal on car payment.
Also, tuition is expensive. If you have 5 kids in a Lakewood school at $4,000 a child, that’s $20,000. That is a large chunk of after tax money.
In Teaneck, if you make over $175,000 combined, you cannot apply for scholarships.
I am not surprised that schools in Lakewood are closing though because many people have a lot of children and a large portion of the population is learning. Schools are starting to understand that without money, schools cannot run.
EDITED
Helpful, I’m rolling my eyes but I will answer you seriously.
A child does NOT have a constitutional right to a cell phone. If a parent does give a child a cell phone, it should be with rules. In my opinion, rules include finding out who the child is calling and where they are going. Make sure the rules are known up front.
I also don’t think you have to scrutinize every second of their phone bill, but you should be aware of who they are calling. You need to verify that your chinuch has stuck.
Lets liken it to a car. You teach your teenager how to use one. You get them lessons. They get their license and early on you always drive with them. Then as time goes on, you make sure they get in and check their mirrors and fasten their seat belt before leaving. After a while, all you ask is “Where did you go?” But its still YOUR car and you control it.
I don’t advocate big brother. But I do advocate that parents stay involved with their children and make sure that the freedoms they are giving their children are age appropriate and that their children are responsible. Train, assist and then let them succeed.
At no point to advocate abandoning your children for “trust.”
LOL That’s a hysterical story. But my husband is a mechanical engineer (as am I) 🙂
Now I have to go figure out who that is. Do they live in Raintree?
If we are on the tuition problem, I wonder how many parents asking for scholarships have cleaning help, fancier leased cars, eat meat/chicken all the time and have many luxuries. I bet the % is higher than you realize.
I know someone on scholarship in Lakewood who lives in a fancy house, has a full time cleaning lady and doesn’t work. She is on scholarship because (what she said) she would rather spend the money on luxuries. I hope this is NOT a predominant attitude in Lakewood. I know in Teaneck a lot of families have scholarships and have the above listed luxuries plus more. Some people have the attitude of “If others get a scholarhip, I can too.” Its detrimental to EVERYONE.
2morecents, a parent should be fully aware of who their child is friends with and what the positive and negatives of each friend are. Again, monitor your children’s texts and phone calls (the numbers are easily traceable on the bill). Know your childrens friends. Know who they are hanging out with, where they are going, what they are doing.
Unfortunately, its fear mongering like what you are talking about that has laced Judaism today. Owning a phone is not going to lead to licentiousness, especially if you are careful. If you are irresponsible parent and let your children run wild, don’t verify where they have been or what they are doing, then maybe. But a phone is a tool, nothing more.
As to married adults – I have had my phone since before I got married. In 6 years, I have not used my phone for impropriety.
Wow, the Jewish world is small LOL.
So your wife is friend’s with my sister’s friend? Or was my sister the one at your house? How did we come up in conversation?
Good sleuthing! Incidentally, my brother in law also went to Polytech with us 🙂
Moq, I’m not disputing that.
Helpful, that says nothing of the happiness of marriages. Certain communities look down on divorce so much that people would rather stay in bad, abusive marriages than get divorced.
I have seen statistics that do show dating length does not necessarily corrolate to length of marriage. But those studies include those who live together before marriage* and do not concentrate on religious groups. I would be surprised if levels of divorce in MO communities was vastly different than in right wing communities. I have not seen any data though.
What I’ve heard (and haven’t seen statistics so take this for what its worth) is that often people are living together and feel their relationship start to break apart so they get married or have a child in an attempt to solidify their relationship, which does nothing to actually fix their problem.
No, he is too young. But his parents may have. The question is – do his parents live in Monsey and did they recently recieve flowers for their shidduch who celebrated their 10 year anniversary?
Dr Pepper did you do the math? I said I met my husband in college (most people start in september), knew him for 9 months before we started dating, dated for 1.5 years and got married 9 months later. Did you assume August then with a September start? If so, I’m impressed LOL.
If you do know me, are you related to the Peppers that made my sister’s shidduch?