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Remember that people are neither as great (not usually as bad) as you remember. You remember the “starry” but not necessarily the bad. Why didn’t it work out? Was s/he rude? Did s/he have a twitch that drove you crazy? Did you find out s/he lied?
However, sometimes people break up and get back together. That happened to my sister and BIL.
Daas Yochid, my family is by no means super machmir. But do you check lettuce the way kashrus agencies do?
LOL Mod42 😀
TMB, how about donating it to the SJS travel fund? I love traveling around the world to witness Hashem’s amazing world.
DH,
Sorry, I forgot you were in Israel. I agree, in Israel post-secondary education may not be needed. [Although, if no one in Israel did post-secondary education, the country would have no doctors, lawyers, etc etc….but that’s a different argument).
In the US, it is basically mandatory in order to support your family. I’ve posted basic stats in the past.
And I agree that its more important to talk to your Rav today than look at the piskei halacha of past generations. Times have changes and its important to get a psak from your current Rav.
Rav Moshe’s psak (who incidentally was my father’s Rav and allowed him to go to college) was at a time where college was not nearly as important. Your current Rav would be better to discuss the applicability of the psak to your life.
Mayan, I know all of them. I was a huge fan. Zach’s cell phone was the coolest thing ever.
Derech, how do you and your wife plan to pay for yeshiva education?
A young couple can live off a small salary from a job that doesn’t require college education. But it is rare to be able to support a growing family including yeshiva education.
If no one pays for yeshiva, how will the schools function?
Mod-80, thank you, I really appreciate that. And while we disagree, I generally don’t mind disagreeing because you are well spoken, not rude and have a good thought process.
Health, you may think I’m anti-medicine. I am not. My step-father is a doctor, my sister is a nurse. I’m a big fan of the medical community.
That being said, there are problems on both sides of the coin. No choice is right for every person or for every birth. I think getting homebirth information out is important so people know what the options are and can choose accordingly.
One time, my teacher Ms. Bliss was out sick and our substitute dressed up like Abe Lincoln. He gave me an unlimited hall pass which got me out of trouble with the principal Mr. Belding. Neither of us realized it expired in the 1800s though.
From a World Health Organization (WHO) report – subsection on Place of Birth:
It has never been scientifically proven that the hospital is a safer place than home for a woman who has had an uncomplicated pregnancy to have her baby. Studies of planned home births in developed countries with women who have had uncomplicated pregnancies have shown sickness and death rates for mother and baby equal to or better than hospital birth statistics for women with uncomplicated pregnancies.
Health, there is a high corrolation between elderly in hospitals or long term care facilities developing increased colonization of c. diff, causing extreme diahrea and often death. But feel free to say I am blaming this on medical negligence.
Lets face it – hospitals are places where sick people go. My OBGYN encouraged me to use a local, community hospital during pregnancy for non-extreme emeregencies. She said that if I would come in to Columbia, I would be exposed to a lot more lethal diseases when all I needed was an IV and antibiotics.
Hospitals are not these sterile zones we think of them. There are sick people there. Your home is generally safer.
That being said, I will most likely end up with a (hopefully medical intervention free) birth in a hospital. With my OBGYN, who respects my wishes to be as intervention free as possible.
RuffRuff, so I should stop saying ufruf and have people understand me?
Are you saying someone who grows up chassidish shouldn’t speak litvish in order for others to understand? I cannot understand a lot of chassidish pronounciation. Same way I have trouble with Southern english.
It would make sense to revert back to more proper pronounciation at all times.
RuffRuff, all Ashkenazim at some point came from the same place as sephardim. Pronounciations change with time, location, language etc.
GAW, I buy the bagged lettuce (w/ hechsher) and don’t check. But when I buy a head of lettuce, I always check every leaf.
Things like that are leniencies. Its fine, it just needs to be acknowledged.
The only thing I currently am very careful about is Tuna (we only buy Tuna with a mashgiach tmidi). There were a few other things that my family does that I’ve totally forgotten about because they didn’t affect me. I never bought those products. I probably should find out just in case.
Derech Hamelech, I apologize for sniping at you.
That depends on the situation.
Did you deal with the basics of the emotional baggage you are carrying? Did you deal with the cause of the divorce? Are you still dealing with it in therapy? Are you kids ready to handle you “moving on”?
There is no set answer.
Why do Chassidim have a different pronounciation than Sefardim? Than Yekkes? Than Temanim?
Accents change. Pronunciations change. If it didn’t, we would ALL speak exactly the same.
I grew up with the term aufruf (pronounced OW-fruf, as is the proper german pronounciation). If I say aufruf (OW-fruf) to most people they have no clue what I am saying. So I say ufruf.
I changed my nusach in tefila. My Rav said that was ok. Why would pronounciation be worse?
Yes, I’ve considered it with my current pregnancy.
Hospitals are disease ridden. Many people go in for simple procedures and contract terrible diseases (my grandmother went in for surgery which was BH successful, but contracted c. diff and died from it).
Most people don’t do an unassisted home birth – they have a midwife. Then the same way you handle niddah in a hospital, you do at home.
How can you be in love without falling in love?
I do think the nature of love changes. In the beginning, its puppy love. Then it matures into something deeper (hopefully).
GAW, I don’t know about you, but I still check my iceberg lettuce, as does everyone I know (unless its pre-certified as clean).
There are products from various kashrus agencies that I won’t eat because of their practices regarding those specific items.
Interesting. When I was dating, 23 was on the cusp of old. Now its 21? No wonder we have a shidduch crisis.
Meir,
I am not fully knowledgable in kashrus agencies or restaurants.
I do know that for instance, a restaurant will check a portion of their lettuce if it comes from the same large batch. An individual at home, will check every leaf.
philosopher,
kashrus agencies rely on many kulos that you would never use in your home but are nevertheless 100% kosher.
restaurants do as well.
If you don’t want to trust them, but fresh ingredients and make everything yourself.
So let’s put things into perspective here and stop getting defensive every time we talk about something that is not practiced among most charedi communities.
It seems that you are the one being defensive on this thread.
Let’s recap:
L’halacha, its ok according to many poskim to own dogs.
Then it comes down to personal feelings (as the OP was asking for).
Personally, if you think you don’t want to own a dog, great, say so. I’m not sure why you think anyone else is getting defensive.
I wonder if it means they didn’t go to college 🙂
Mikehall, he isn’t controversial to me. I grew up in his shul 😀
But to the Yeshiva World, he IS controversial. Yes, Rabbi Tendler learned with Rav Moshe Feinstein and yes he approved of the shidduch.
It doesn’t change the fact that Rabbi Tendler often publicly disagrees with R’ Elyashiv. For the most part, the Yeshiva World holds R’ Elyashiv in much higher regard than Rabbi Tendler.
Mikehall, while I have a lot of respect for Rabbi Tendler, to the Yeshiva World, he is an extremely controversial figure. He also frequently (and publically) disagrees with R’ Elyashiv.
Cedarhurst, where I went to college, there was no antisemitism. There weren’t classes that were breeding grounds for atheism,secularism, militantism, anachorism, and rampant sexual immorality. They had a wide variety of liberal arts classes to take and most of them would pass the “kosher” test. Unless you think European History is immoral to learn?
Maybe its because it was mainly an engineering/technical school.
It was also a great place for frum men because classes were mainly male (I was frequently the only woman in the room), there was an active Jewish Student Union where mincha was available. Professors were very understanding of Jewish holidays. Frequently, I would work with department heads to make sure that classes for majors weren’t scheduled late on friday afternoon.
Sure, if you want to go to a major party school, you can find tons of pritzus. But if you research wise you can choose the right place to get both a good education and not have to worry about your list.
Cedarhurst, clearly you never entered Brooklyn Polytech. It was a breeding ground for geeks, nerds and scientists.
We love our kosher lamps. We have one in our room and one in our guestroom.
A lot of my family, neighbors and friends have dogs. I think they are wonderful and help teach kids lots of responsibility.
That being said, I’m not responsible enough to keep a dog 🙂
I’m not all that familiar with Rav Miller and what he said, but I always heard he was not a big fan of Kollel because it meant the wife was out working. He felt a man should support his family and let his wife be at home.
Whereas nowadays in Kollel communities, many women go to college to support their husbands who are learning. It is rather common in Lakewood for women to have their masters degree.
Mod-80, wasn’t Rav Miller not particularly pro-Kollel?
How about knitting needles, a good book on knitting and some lessons?
Cedarhurst, I think this is more than just about the Kol Isha.
When you leave your house, you know you are going to be confronted with issues that don’t occur within your house. You are going to be exposed to improperly dressed women and kol isha and signs you wouldn’t want to see.
The question becomes how far you go to avoid these things? Do you only shop in Jewish stores? Do you only leave your house at night to minimize your views on the streets? Do you order everything online for delivery?
That is more of a hashkafic issue to discuss with your Rav than a pure halachic one I would think.
Cedarhurst, perhaps not if its only 1 working parent.
Lets say you live in Lakewood and have 5 kids. That’s approximately $25,000/year in tuition.
Lets say you have a mortgage of $1500/month = $18,000/year
Lets say groceries run you $750/month = $9,000/month
That’s already $52,000/year. You haven’t taken off taxes or maaser or paid your utility bill. You haven’t paid health insurance or car payments (if applicable) or auto insurance or phone bill….
TMB, who are you arguing with? I agreed college wasn’t necessary in certain fields but post secondary education is.
TMB, its possible without a 4 year degree if you have military training.
Its your example, not mine. Don’t get angry with me if you are wrong.
All those you listed require post-secondary education. Which is exactly what I said.
TMB, this is from wikihow to become a commercial airline pilot:
The best way to find out how to become an airline pilot is to ask an airline pilot. Know that it is a very long process, and, to qualify as a new-hire pilot at a major US airline, you’ll have to have a 4-year college degree (minimum), and years of flying experience . The highest quality pilot training is military training, but the commitment for active duty is long (up to 10 years), the competition for positions is intense, and the program is very demanding. Also, your service may entail serving in combat. To go the civilian route, expect to spend 5-10 years garnering enough flying experience in order to qualify. You must have a perfectly clean police record and must produce proof of citizenship. It is not a job for anyone who is not serious, motivated, and willing to suffer through a lot of intense training. Remember that the training does not stop once hired at the airline; pilots are tested by government-controlled, company-provided evaluations on a yearly scheduled basis, and also on a no-notice basis.
TMB, how many hours of training did he need? Did he get his training in the army (the way most pilots do)? Training to be a pilot is expensive and hard.
Unless you think more frum Jews should join the American army?
Also, there are many women who cry wolf. Let’s say a woman wants out of the marriage, but they want to win in court, sometimes if they use the abuse card, they gain a lot more than if they didn’t.
Health, those are YOUR words.
This post was started by someone asking how to help a woman in an abusive marriage (whether its her or someone else is not important). Then you chime in about your bad marriage and how women use abuse as a tool…that is INAPPROPRIATE on this thread.
College is not necessarily an absolute, but post-secondary education of some sort generally is.
Usually, professions that require labor are more likely to not need college. Like plumbing, electricians, construction…
But, an accountant can’t practice in most places without having gone to college. I wouldn’t trust a doctor who wasn’t classically trained. Nor an engineer, lawyer, nurse, therapist (PT,OT,speech etc), psychologist etc, etc, etc.
Unless a person plans to live on tzedaka for the rest of their lives (including taking scholarships for their kids yeshiva educations), they need to earn a decent salary to get buy.
But no, its not an absolute need.
Health, you seem to have an extremely bitter divorce. Don’t try to stop people from helping others because of your own experience.
Please, if someone asks for help from an abusive spouse, don’t question if they are being abused. Give them information and help and let professionals sort out the details.
My Rav says watching TV is not an aveira. He says its muttar, provided you are watching proper programming.
But apparently, if TMB watches, it is an aveira, so he should refrain from even the weather channel.
Health, I’ve never come across any NC-17 things on basic cable.
I did specify pornography which is a MAJOR problem in the Orthodox community, whether anyone wants to admit it or not. A person is much more likely to fall into that trap on a computer than a TV.
I still maintain that unfiltered internet = TV.
And yes, you can filter your TV. There are programs out there. Ned Flanders does an excellent job of filtering his TV also 🙂
Wolf, I started a few posts like that too 🙂
TV lied to you? No wonder you are against it 🙂
Mod80, I’m not a person who respects titles very much. I think many of them are worthless.
I don’t automatically think someone labeled Dr is smart. I don’t automatically think someone labeled Rabbi is honest. And I don’t automatically think someone labeled as “Mr” or “Mrs.” automatically deserves my respect.
But I was taught to treat everyone with respect. I usually defer to others wishes because its the easiest path. But I do truly hate being called Mrs.
klach,
I never saw myself on equal footings to adults when I was a child.
But lets go with your theory. At what age do we start calling people by title? A bar mitzvah boy is technically an adult. Should younger kids call him Mr. XYZ? Is it someone over 20? Is it someone married? Is it someone 10 years older than you?
Mayim Bialik.
Steven Hill’s daughter was my dikduk teacher in 4th grade.
klach, can you expand on that? Specifically, why?
I see kids acting disrespectfully to adults all the time while calling them Mr and Mrs. A title doesn’t mean respect. Its how you act that is MUCH more important.