Shalom Rivke,

In order to have the kind of emunah in HaShem that you are talking about, you need to have a relationship with Him. And, just like any other kind of real relationship, it takes time to build. So, don’t think about the future right now; just take it one day at a time. And, keep learning, asking questions, and praying. HaShem wants you to come closer to Him, and He won’t make that process impossible for you to do.

Hatzlacha!