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Rabbi Paysach Krohn Shlita explicitely talked about this issue in one speech and urged the Olam to wear a tie at Shabbos Mincha as taking it off is disgracing the Kavod Shabbos. Plain and simple -no reason to “Dray a Kup” with any ridiculous Sevora to take off ties. In the Telzer Yeshiva, we all wore our ties for Shabbos Mincha and if we did not, we would certainly have been disciplined. Of all the Gedolim I have been Zoche to see, not one would come to Shul any time, least of all on Shabbos, without a tie. Those who would disgrace the Shabbos by such a causal attitude should be ashamed of themselves – it is in my opinion – to be like the Goyim around us who have turned casualness into a “style”. That Charedi people should copy this in even the slightest way on Shabbos is a disgrace. In the Breuer’s Shul, the Gabbai gave me on a tie to put on for an Aliyah on weekdays; who could imagine even walking into Shul without a tie on Shabbos!
MiddlePath:
Hi – what a pleasant suprise and honor to be asked about my wellbeing in the CR (and to have my “name” in the title of a thread!). Thank you very much. It is very much appreciated. B”H, I am keping in reasonable spirits; writing the Tefillos has given me a cause and the strength to hold up while I am going through a painfully long time trying to get a civil divorce after giving the Get 2 years ago.
Perhaps you might be able to give me some ideas about another Tefilla I wish to write – I was advised by my Rebbi Shlita to write a Tefilla to Daven on behalf parents of teens “at risk” (i.e teens living in the street and off the Derech etc.). Do you know where I can find material to learn about the pain and struggles of these parents, so that I can identify with their Tzuros and thereby try to find words for a Tefilla? The idea of such a Tefilla would be to ask HaKadosh Boruch Hu to give these parents the strength to endure in the interim and ultimately to “reclaim” their loved ones, having found their way back to live emotionally and spiritually healthy lives.
Thank you very much for your kindness.
I think that the objections of “adocs” and “147” are non-starters. The Tefilla for Agunos was written for a unique tragic situation: women who cannot remarry because they are denied the Halachic “bill of right” to do so by a husband who uses the Torah’s laws to hurt her. The case where a husband is denied parenting rights is truly an inexcusable injustice perpretrated on him and on the children by the wife, but is not anywhere in the same class of tragedies as the Agunah case is. To criticize a prayer for an Agunah because it is not “gender neutral” is like critizing a Tefilla for sick people because it did not include other groups of suffers such as financially impoverished people.
The Agunah’s tragedy is precisely because the Torah’s laws are being “hijacked” (I borrowed this phrase from George W. Bush) to punish the woman (i.e. deny her the right to remarry) by the husband for his selfish reasons. The case where a wife is being unreasonable and unfair to her ex-husband, has nothing to do with “hijacking” the Torah’s laws.
No man has the right to use his Torah-itic powers over Kiddushin and Nissuin to deny his wife the basic right to find her true Zivug once the marriage is irrevocably over. The right for a woman to receive a Get is a so fundamentally undeniable, that it must NEVER be held hostage by financial, custodial or other negotiating positions. I have the right to say this since I am an ex-husband who was dealt painful “hard-ball” tactics by the ex-wife; yet it would be unconscionable to me to hold up the Get process even in the face of these tactics.
Another version of the Tefilla for Agunos follows. I hope that Agunos will get Chizuk from these words and that other people will be aroused to Daven on their behalf from the bottom of their heart:
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TEFILLA TO DAVEN ON BEHALF OF AGUNOS
May it be Your will, our beloved Father in Heaven
To bring the tragic plight of Agunos before Your Throne of Glory most favorably
May Your mercy be aroused by the unbearable suffering they undergo constantly
And remember them for salvation and mercy from the eternal high heavens
O Hashem, please draw near to them in their anguish; please deliver unto them a complete redemption
Please take them out from darkness to light, from sadness to happiness, from suffering to total relief and from hopelessness to hope
So that Your loved ones will be rescued, please deliver with Your right hand and answer me in the merit of Soroh, Rivkah, Rochel and Leah our Matriarchs
When the humble will see Your salvation, they will rejoice – those who seek Hashem, and their hearts will be revived
For You Hashem listen to the prayers and supplications of Your nation Israel with mercy
I was a Mashgiach for a Kashrus organization and without a doubt, any manufactured product (with very few exceptions, and chocolate bars are not an exception) do require a Hechsher. (Even dried fruits need a Hechsher because of manufacturing issues!). It is impossible for someone outside of the Hashgacha world to know how a product like a chocolate bar was manufactured (whether Treif products were manufactured on the same machinery). Also some ingredients seem innocuous to a lay person, but may in fact be animal derivatives. Instead of arguing here, we should demand that Jewish schools teach these basics to the students, or at least invite Hashgacha experts to do a few workshops with the students.
HAPPY2BALIVE:
To say that your problems are self-imposed, i.e. that you have set your standards too high (as “ronrsr” psoted above), is blaming the victim – to make you feel guilty on top of your already low feelings. I would say to definitely ignore such advice. Rather, I believe you should concentrate on ways to increase your emotional devotion in Tefilla (it may already be high, but always can improve) and doing acts of Tzedaka and Chesed that will increase your Zechusim. I know someone who had a “miracle child” born after he worked very hard to continously do acts of Kiddush Hashem over a period of time – not big acts – just small things such as helping people “Shlep” their bags from the store, holding doors open, going out of the way to show honesty in money matters openly etc.- to show people how wonderful a Yid behaves – and after each act of Kiddush Hashem, he was Mispallel (in one sentence in English) that the merit of the act of Kiddush Hashem should lead to having a child. It worked.
It was said about Rav Schwab ZT”L that when he found some money on the floor in a train station, he told his son that he (Rav Schwab) will return the money to the token booth clerk (although Al Pi Halacha, he could keep it) and he would “put his beard in the window” of the token booth to show the clerk how a Yid acts honestly. I think doing such acts of Kiddush Hashem are a very big Zechus and after each such act, you should ask Hashem in your own language that in the Zechus of this act, He should bring your Shidduch to you soon (but don’t take it from me alone; ask your Rov if this sounds like a good idea). Don’t be afraid to “talk to” Hashem and explain in your own words how desperate you feel and how much it would mean to you (and how much more complete your Avodas Hashem would be) to find your Shidduch. Of course Hashem already knows your feelings and needs, but our Avodah of Tefilla requires that we express this in words to Hashem. If you want to post your matrilineal name, I will be happy to Daven for you. May you be Zoche to find your intended Shidduch very soon in a most pleasant and happy way!
Dear HAPPY2BALIVE:
I feel very much for your Tzoro which undoubtedly is very poignant and profoundly impacts your daily quality of life. I unfortunately do not know any Segulah (although I have been told that people do go to Kivrei Tzaddikim in Eretz Yisroel to Daven for a Yeshuah from this Tzoro). I wrote a “A “prayer” for a soul searching for his/her Zivug” and posted it in the YWN CR at:
Obviously, I cannot claim that this “prayer” has any power since I am a simple person who has little merit (and probably many sins), so it is not at all anything like a real Tefilla formulated by a Tzaddik. But, perhaps when you read this, it will resonate with you and give you a little Nechoma. My real hope is that by reading it, it will stir in the reader deep emotions and prompt him/her to Daven (e.g. Tehillim or even his/her own self-composed Tefilla) with his/her full emotional being (as Chana did when she was Mispallel for a son), which will have the power to break through the gates of Shomayim. I do hope that you will post back and tell us if this “prayer” resonated with you.
I live in the Midwest and would be happy to look around for you for a job, but I need to know what your field is and what line of work you are interested in. I am not certain how to get a line of communication with you since our ID’s are protected in the CR. I have helped others re-work their resumes to be more attractive for employers and if there is a way for us to communicate directly, I would be happy to do the same for you. Also, where to live in the Midwest depends on the age of your children and what kind of Chinuch you want for them. For example, Chicago and St. Louis have many more Chinuch options than Cincinnati and Indianapolis, but have certain disadvantages as well. I wish you Hatzlocho Rabboh – if I can be of help, please let me know.
Several months ago, I posted a “prayer” in YWN CR, for others to be Mispallel on behalf of childless couples. It can be found at :
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/time-to-daven-for-childless-couples
I think that we need to find an area that we as a community are lacking and make 120% effort to improve to show the RBS”O that we heeding His messages (via the recent unimaginable tragedies) seriously. I think that we can all stand improvement in the area of adherence to Hilchos Shabbos. Maybe we could, as a small group here on the CR, take upon ourselves to learn 2 Halachos about Shmiras Shabbos daily and start a chain reaction for Teshuva in this area. I remember hearing that the Chafetz Chaim ZT”L wrote that it is almost impossible not to violate Hilchos Shabbos if we don’t seriously study the Halachos. Could we agree to take one Sefer, perhaps “The Shabbos Home” by Rabbi Simcha Bunim Cohen (Artscroll) and learn every day 2 Halachos without fail? If you agree, please ask others to respond to this CR thread and we can get this Teshuva movement going strong.
What common act of improvement can we all do that would show the RBS”O that we are serious about taking His message (sent via tragedies to young children) to heart? I can certainly think of many improvements that I, as an individual need to do, but it would seem that such a spate of tragedies from the RBS”O indicates that we as a community are failing in some way spiritually. I think that one thing we can all improve on is our adherence to Halacha, especially Hilchos Shabbos which I believe the Chofetz Chaim ZT”L said that it is almost impossible not to violate if we do not study the Halachos very seriously. Maybe if we all take upon ourselves to study 2 Halachos about Shabbos. Maybe we can all agree to take one Sefer – perhaps the Shabbos Home by Rabbi S.B. Cohen and learn every day – would this be possible – maybe we can get a chain going to many people. Perhaps we could get the Haskomah of a Gadol to take this improvement on ourselves.
I heard on a radio show by a computer world Mavin that Steve Jobs would fire people instantly willy-nilly in the company elevator if they could not answer a question he asked them on the spot. Clearly not a man to emulate or to shed tears over. By contrast in the Goyishe world, I hear reporters saying that people walked into Apple stores and started crying over his death. How can there be nothing of more gravity to cry over, especially not even knowing the person?! What vapid minds, hard to believe they were created in the Tzelem Elokim.
Does anyone know how to donate money for the family? – Not that money can take away one miniscule fraction of their pain, but it might help get them avoid having financial crisis (father can’t work during Shiva and he might need to be home more to help out and unable to get to work) on top of their grief.
I meant to say women have precedence over men for Pidyon Shevuyim (freeing from captivity). My apologies about the spelling error. The point is you can’t just quote one Halacha (about the life and death situation) and neglect to mention the other Halachos (about Tzedaka and Pidyon Shevuyim) that don’t support your point.
I asked a prominent Rov and he assured me that the Gemora’s statement that a man should not follow a woman applies when walking behind her (e.g. down the street) and does NOT apply to a situation where the woman (e.g. your date) walks first through a doorway and then stands aside waiting for you to join her on the other side of the doorway. According to those who want the man to walk first across the doorway and let the door close after him (or hold the door by putting their arm behind them as someone proudly posted that he did when dating), he would still see the woman walk across the doorway to join him, which would present the same problem as when the woman walked through the doorway first. So then you are forced to say that the man should turn his head opposite of the side the woman is coming from, etc. You can see how ridiculous this gets. The point is that walking behind a woman who is walking ahead of you presents a unique problem (which the Gemora forbids), one that is NOT encountered by letting the lady cross the doorway first and wait for you on the other side. No one said you have to watch her walk through the doorway while you are holding the door for her
Also, please DO NOT quote the Halacha about men vs. women on a sinking ship with insufficient liferafts. What about the same Siman in Shulchan Aruch that says that women take precedence over men for Pidyon Shevutim and Tzedaka? Why did you “cherry-pick” and just choose the one Halacha that you believe supports your view? Also, this situation has nothing to do with holding the door for a woman to go first.
Pac-Man: Please provide the Simun in Shulchan Aruch that states this Halacha.
Pac Man and Daas Yochid:
I’ll tell you what – let us make a wager – we’ll ask a Rosh Yeshiva what is the Torah way. If your way is the Torah way, it is a great sadness. I can’t begin to tell you what a Kiddush Hashem people at work make when one holds the door open for co-workers. According to your way, you could only hold the door open for male co-workers, but not for female co-workers!
Also – you failed to address my point that this Chazal only means when walking along a path – do not walk behind a woman; show me where it says that this Chazal also applies when going through a doorway. This behavior is boorish in any society. How much more so it is boorish to do this to a date or wife. I hope that the YWN editor will step in and put some true Torah perspective on this.
I am no Posek, but the idea that a man should not walk behind a women almost certainly is TOTALLY irrelevant when just walking through a doorway. It means that in the street, a man should walk in a path that is not behind a women. No one said that a man has the right to be rude and not hold the door or jump into the doorway first. To think that Chazal would tell us to do something rude is unconscionable. It is warped thinking and if that is how the fellow will be, let someone else have him as their husband – you don’t want to go near such a person. The ways of the Torah are “Darchei Noam”. The Gedolei HaDor always truly knew/know how to be gentlemen above everything else.
I feel for your pain and hardship – but all I can offer to do is to Daven for you and your happiness. I was told by my Rebbi that the Chazon Ish said that one who Daven’s for someone else’s need, accomplishes more than the physical Hishtadlus one does. HaGaon HaRav Chaim Stein, Shlita, publicly implored people to Daven for Shidduchim of the “Techter” (sisters) who are having trouble finding a Shidduch. I would be very happy to do this for you.
Your screen name is “burnt out” – is that how you feel as a result of your Shidduch efforts? Can you elaborate? – I want to try to put myself in your position and to feel a small degree of your pain and from this mindset, to Daven for you and others in your similar situation. I remember the sadness I felt as young single sitting at a Seder table on Pesach while others my age were with their spouse. I imagine that you are having similar feelings.
May Hashem bless you with the happiness of finding your Bashert in a speedy and pleasant fashion, at a time of much Mazel.