Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
But the order keeps changing
reb shlomo carlebach; just do it and stop complaining. Dont make such a song and dance about it…
Please tell me what you want your subtitles to be
Why thank you, mod 80. Could mine be either ‘tamid besimcha’ or ‘Limericist Extraordinaire II’.
Maybe for zeeskite do ‘sweet but sharp’.
Just Smile: Wow! A welcome from the Baal Achsanya him/herself! Thank you!
My problem is that its so hard to get the cd away from the kids that I can only listen to bits and pieces at a time. I heard the entire bigson and seresh episode today, so here’s my best parts:
1. When they keep saying to Achashverosh (who could have them killed for the most minor reason): “sure thing king”.
2. On their way to the gallows when Seresh says “sorry Bigson it wont happen again!”
3. When they discuss their plot initially and mordechai goes over to them and says: “Can I help you gentlemen?”
Bigson: Yes mordechai, we were wondering how we could kill the… urgh!
Seresh: … The King’s poultry.
Bigson: Hey excuse me Seresh! Like we were saying, Mordechai do you have any ideas how we can…
Seresh: …er … Cook his goose.
Bigson: Or else we’ll make the king a real dead duck!
Surely that sign should say “Mishenichnas ‘ODOR’ mema’atim besimchah. lol.
Hi guys. Its time to wake this thread up and get new posts here, or just laugh as you read thru these!!!
MAMB!
Many ppl seem to like the cellphone idea and its cute. But what will you do if someone actually calls you while you’re supposedly already on a call and your phone rings? You cant do this every time you go shopping! Also this is not solving the issue but avoiding it.
I think acting politely but cool or involving your family is a much more sensible approach.
But tell us, is he a family friend/someone you have contact with outside of the store or not? Any what type of messages or vibes have you given him in the past?
Icot: your vocab nitpicking was highly entertaining for me to read and you highlight common errors that most ppl wouldnt realise. Well done! You certainly toe the outstanding grammar line!
I do feel however that this may not have been the ideal thread for your launch. Bpt has written a lengthy OP which shows he has invested a lot of thought, time, soul searching and great sensitivity in what he wrote. He had me read and reread it and it is a master OP and a great piece of work!! Slight grammar slips in it should perhaps not have been brought to our attention.
Mods maybe change i can only try’s sub name from icot (which doesnt add anything) to ‘The Vocab Nitpicker’, similar to eclipse’s The Human Spellchecker, and we look forward to admiring future vocab corrections from him on other threads.
Anyone care to comment on the OP?
Guardmytongue I wrote a few of my favorite parts. Most of them are already listed here eg the fish, the torah avenue, the persian to persian call, who is the most filthy despicable man in the world… Daddy Homon, when the guard says you were supposed to lead the horse not follow it etc.
Other gr8 parts include when homon’s son asks him if the lots are still under warranty cos they keep failing, and that nissan and iyar are baaaaad months cos of korban pesach and pesach sheni.
Also when reading the king’s chronicles… Tales (tails) of vashti? No that one’s way too long!
And as mordechai gets up on the horse… You must be getting a kick out of all this… No you are! *kick*. Ugh!’
Its all amazing. Thanx to everyone.
No my speciality is really limericks but nobody posts limericks any more (sob, sob, sniff) so i’ve stopped there for the moment. So I’ll post here cos though limericks are closed for me, here is still o-pun.
From Kernel-In-Chief,
Lieutenant Kernel Shticky
Too many!!!
Dijon vu – the same mustard as before.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
A pessimist’s blood type is always B-negative.
My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it’s just kiln time.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.
Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
When you dream in color, it’s a pigment of your imagination.
Shotgun wedding – A case of wife or death.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
Without geometry, life is pointless.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.
When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.
If electricity comes from electrons… does that mean that morality comes from morons?
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’ The other says ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’
And then there was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
Gummy Bear I think chayav means that’s the spirit!!
Two guys were arrested for acting suspiciously last night. Turns out they’re both delusional; one thinks he’s a battery and the other is convinced he’s a firework. Police say they have decided to charge one and let the other one off.
I think it was ?? ???? ?????? ?????? who used to call sunday in ??? ????: The ??? ??? ?? ?????!!!
Bringing this thread back on topic (ahem!), the birth of a son commands the bracha ???? ?????? (naming Hash-m as good and doer of the good), and a daughter is greeted with ???????, expressing gratitude for sustaining the lives of the parents to this moment. I cant remember offhand why different brachas are made and which is on a higher level – the many books/sefarim on childbirth discuss this.
I agree with the several posters above that both boys and girls are exciting though different, and many frum mothers find the bris difficult.
I remember seeing in a ????? on ????? that the reason women/girls make the ???? of ????? ?????? is that they are created in the perfect, complete state that H’ wants them to be, according to the ???? of ‘? , whereas men must work hard and strive to reach the position/????? that ‘? wants them to be in, and sometimes do not achieve this. So according to this, the birth of a girl should be greater than of a boy.
“I was taught to daven ‘bifnim’ meaning what the siddur says”
To daven bifnim is highly commendable. The drawback is that you are saying what the printer of that particular siddur chose to print. In many siddurim there are a variety of nuschaos in several parts of davening. Common examples include morid hageshem/hagashem, and many other phrazes in davening that some shuls say while others dont especially nusach sefard. One must therefore know what is one’s minhag or mesorah to say or of the shul you are in, and not just read blindly from whatever it happens to say in the siddur you are using at that particular tefillah.
bygirl93: “you cant teach an old dog new tricks”…
So is your other user name canine? Or Wolf?
shuli: “i am frum. not saying my gender its too obvious in my name”
I know a few females called shuli (shulamis) and a few males called shuli (probably shulem) so its not obvious at all. But dont tell us. Keep neek wondering… :-}
ItcheSrulik Thats really nice cos we all know that every hamelech in the megilla refers to HKBH. Though I’m puzzled why your shul allow a shaigetz to lein… :-]
Gummy Bear your post gives me goose bumps but not in a good way. Hope you’re kiddin’
What other words from the megillah give you goose bumps?
Uvhagia tor esther bas avichayil lavo el hamelech… Vayehav hamelech es esther mikol hanashim
Lehashmid laharog ul’abed es kol hayehudim minaar vead zaken taf venashim beyom echad.
Ki im hacharesh tacharishi baes hazos revach v’hatzala ya’amod layehudim mimakom acher.
Balayla hahu nodeda sh’nas hamelech…
Vayoshet hamelech l’esther es sharvit hazahav
Ish tzar v’oyev haman haraa hazeh
Let me tell you of a psak I once heard from reb elyashiv shlita. He said… Oh no! Silly me, thats my identity blown now. That was careless of me. You must all know who I am now. I’m going. There’s just no privacy nowadays
ronrsr: “string a line from the top of your head to the top of each family member”…
Frim: “…and similar to ronrsr I heard ppl to attached the whole fam to a string…”
MAMB!
…as many posts as we wnat
…YOU MOVE TO FAST
Eclipse would tell you that your tipsy spelling is reason enough why!!!
The mods would say its either a system problem or its to make their job easier.
It is how the system is set up. I assume it is to prevent computers from spamming the site.
My 7 year old daughter asked me if an ??? ???? can say ??? ???? ??? in davening or not?!!
My Rov thought and then said that he can cos he’s thanking HaShem for not making him an ??? ?????
You ask for an explanation of ‘what these people think’.
You have obviously never asked any of ‘them’. Try it. Too many of ‘us’ ignore ‘them’ and dont talk to them at all. In fact many of ‘us’ walk past ‘them’ without acknowledging them at all. They dont bite, and you dont know what a difference a nice hello can make!
The answer really is tinok shenishba. They have been brought up that its not a big deal to drive on shabbos r”l and are just going to shul in the same way that they usually move around on shabbos to go shopping or to a football game etc. They dont understand why they cant do melochos because their parents, friends and community have been brought up that its ok and only old fashioned frummers dont do it. One guy said “but I have yartzeit on shabbos so if I cant drive to shul I wouldnt be able to get there at all, so which is better, not to go or to drive?” When I tried to explain why its not only better but imperative to stay at home rather than drive, he could not accept it. I just couldnt get him to see where I was coming from. Nebach!
But dont ignore them. You never know how your smile and acknowledgement can change their opinion of frummers.
My husband has NEVER been drunk on purim! Hic. He’s too busy chasing the billions of blue blistering barnacles. Hic.
We werent fooled at all. We all know that this chiyuv doesnt apply to you and thats why you crave it so much and speak about it so often. Cos chazal said chayav INISH livsumai, so it doesnt include Bubbys
observanteen I’m also very impressed with you. Although judging from other posters names (like mbachur), maybe your name comes from when you were a teenager but you havent changed it now that you’re out of your teens. However, if you did it cos your mom’s sick in bed then 1st of all refuah shleima to her, and 2nd of all good on you however old you may be.
Do you listen to the weather forecast?
Thats always been my argument. We are not attempting to control or change the future, just listening when someone attempts to predict what MAY happen. The 3 keys belong to H’ and only he controls. So whats wrong? My Rav told me ppl never knew the gender b4hand so why do I want to know? I said no one had the facility to know in the past, and I wanted to know for the reasons I will give below.
I personally did, that is for JIC (just in case) the birth is Thursday or Friday and it’s a boy, the shalom zachor will be ready
I did for the same reason. I also wanted to know longer in advance if I had to prepare a drasha at a bris. In the end almost all my kids were born on or over shabbos so I had plenty time for the shalom zachors.
reading the sex of a child from sonograms is subject to fallibility. It’s really hard to pick out the main difference, and mistakes can be made.
‘the main difference’? Or the only difference? How many do you know of?
‘mistakes can be made’; Someone was told they’re having a girl and they painted the bedroom pink and bought all girly outfits and stuff. She gave birth to a boy!!
ha ha ha ha – If there were any witches nearby, they would have corrected your spelling of the OP!
I notice some ppl are embarassed to ask what an abbreviation stands for if they think they should know it.
I recently put MAMB at the end of a post and nobody queried it. (It was homemade and stands, of course, for Mishenichnas Adar Marbim B’simcha).
Chayav bubbelle, what does “i k m a. h a y?? i l a b i m l s e” mean?
Is it: I Know My Alcohol. How ABout You?? I Love A Bottle In Mornings Like Someone Else?
There’s goes the teenagers telling everyone what to do again…
To all of you who sounded shaken,
This thread it has NOT been forsaken,
It was just a rumor,
Without any humor,
Abandoned? You’re really mistaken.
Limericks are just too exciting,
Addictive and very inviting,
The threads in the coffee,
Can go like Gadaffi,
But limerickers carry on writing.
This is for sure a collection,
That we do all read with affection,
When we need a lift,
We click here real swift,
And our mood really changes direction.
Limericks can really excite,
And bring us no end of delight,
I feel so serene,
Lets make this our routine,
Its the cream of the YWN site!
Haifagirl and DY: Great humor. Keep it up!
Reminds me of a woman complaining at length at an airport of the delay in her flight. “A witch on a broomstick could get there quicker” she berated the staff. “Madam” said the man, “the runway is clear…”
Why not leave it for the Human Spell Checker
Cos she may be able to check spells but she’s not a miracle maker and it’ll be a miracle if she shows up any time soon. Wont it, zeeskite?
who is shakespeare…
A spotty teenager in a library asked for a play by shakespear. Which one, asked the librarian, there’s lots of them. So the teenager thought and thought and thought. Suddenely a smile flashed across his face and he shouted “I’ve remembered, I’ve remembered! WILLIAM Shakespeare!”
The words are inside the cd cover. Or have you copied the cd…???
What you ask your rav is a shaila. A kasha (or kushya) is something you may have on a piece of gemara.
Nu? nu? nu? nu? nu? nu? nu?
Come on, whats the matter with you?
Seems ‘Lims’ you cant face ’em?
Do techiyas hameisim!
And start it again from anew.
Let it rise up from the dead
This wonderful limerick thread
So release the trigger
And post in with vigor
Lets all resume using our head!
Its hard cos teenagers always think they know better, and sometimes they really do, but they must still learn to accept authority and this seems to be difficult for most of them, as i’m sure it was for me during my teenage years.
Why are they called ‘teenagers’? Vayl zai teen vus zai vill…
What do I throw out? As much as possible! It all depends how much space you have. When you take the same stuff out year after year during pesach cleaning, eventually you’ll get sick of taking the same things out and never seeing them between one pesach clean and the next. I never held it against my parents that they threw out my amazing school stuff with remarks like wonderful work or well done written in it!
I seem to have missed this thread. Dont know how.
Blinky Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!! (Thompson and Thompson were my favorite guys)
You’ve missed the essence of the twins names! One was Thompson with a letter P, but the other was Thomson without it, even though they were twins!
Every book they give different reasons for the letter P in the 1st twin’s name eg in one volume he says “I’m Thompson with a P as in pschchology!!”
A man asked an American Indian what was his wife’s name.
He replied, “She is called Five Horses.”
The man said, “That’s an unusual name for your wife.
What does it mean?”
The Old Indian answered,
“It old Indian Name. It mean…
NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG!
Trying to find out what my kids remembered about purim from last year, I asked them where the word purim comes from. They correctly said its from lots. So I said what does lots have to do with Purim? My son, bless him, said (chayav you’ll like this one) cos on purim we drink lots of wine!
I will bln get it this week and then after listening to it and then rereading this entire thread (so that I can join in understanding the comments) I will enjoy posting my best parts – if my kids allow me to borrow the cd! I’m away till mid week so after that…
Ps on a serious note, if you really want an amazing version of the purim story, learn thru megillas esther with ibn ezra!
Lehavdil elef havdalos there are things to avoid at the other end of the spectrum like ‘oh my g-d’ or ‘oh my g.osh’
Thanx for your tip. Its a gr8 album. My 3 favorite songs on it are ‘New York, New York, New York vert zein a vinkel far Super Mosques in Yiras Ha-Imams’, ‘Oisgibluzener Bombers’ and ‘A Gantz Yuhr Fry Zich’.
Many Thanx to you too, just smile. Thats exactly the one I meant, tho cos its only 4 yrs old I thought either most posters here are far younger than me if this is what they listened to in their youth, or its been rereleased, or its the wrong one. Ok i’m gonna buy it. Thanx everyone and especially just smile for bringing this to my attention. By the way why have you already had umpteen hangovers? Even Homon only had one…
Thank you blinky!
Can ANY of you posters above tell me the exact details of the cd/cassette cos I’d love to get one. I found one on 2 sites called the purim story released by aderet in Feb 2006. Is it the right one:
The Purim Story
Two Cassettes or Double CD
Ages 4-7, 8-11
Label: Aderet Records
Step back in time and experience one of the most suspenseful episodes in Jewish history. Hear Mordechai as he warns the people not to attend the King’s banquet. Listen to Haman and Achashverosh scheme to destroy the Jews. Follow the saga of B’nai Yisroel as they return to Hashem. It’s all here in The Purim Story. Over 90 minutes of non-stop action and wit that children and adults will both love!
The other says:
Release date:
Feb 16, 2006The Purim Story
Kirsch
.
How would you know, mr 80? We dont give dates of birth when we join here. And dont tell me you’re ‘poster’ but you’ve replied using your wrong user name again… :~].
Lol. MAMB!