Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
All of my pics (2!) were basically head shots. I would not put a full body picture. One shows my torso but it’s taken from a distance and you can’t really see much from it. I don’t find it degrading, I want people to see what I look like. It’s a personal prefrence.
I have pictures on my resume, totally natural no makeup pics. Let people think whatever they want.
Actually in seminary we had classes about loshon hora in connection to shidduchim and were given phamlets about it to give to our parents. My mom has gone to some speeches on the same topic.
Back to the topic at hand, I think it’s stupid to ask if someone is good looking or not. Ask for a description. No one is going to say “Yeah he’s really bad looking” and I think the majority of the world fall into a grey area, not terribly drop dead gorgeous but not horribly ugly either.
What do I say? Unemployed? Figuring it out? Focused on survival?
All of the above…
Depends who I’m talking to…But those answers sound pretty familar.
A Rov doesn’t mean some joe shoe or the guy at shul with smicha.
Chazal tell us to be a part of society. I have to conform in many areas of society, with social cues, nuaces. I have to wear certain things, and as a woman I need to do certain things too, or else I’m considered, weird, different, etc.
It’s the price you pay for being a part of a society and all the good that comes with it. Want to opt out? Your choice.
Hahahaha, don’t worry, they are good. And yes, basically we can post and there are moderators who are online looking things over. We are all mature (sometimes) adults (depending, more or less) so they expect us to act like them. You can also email a moderator if you have any issues, and you can report posts, there’s an icon above every post to report it to a mod.
I’m also on some frum email groups too, which again, have the same type of moderation.
Baruch Hashem.
Hey 29! Long time no see. Not necessarily, don’t make assumptions….
Hahaha
Yup! It’s good to hear from you!
The little I know: That’s why you research who you pick.
Thank Lilmod! Baruch Hashem, I was in sem, and then I found other forums that don’t have moderation, so they are much more exciting. Also most of my old friends in the CR are gone, and suddenly everyone is anti chareidi here. I never agreed so much with Joseph before about everything!
I mean you should ask if he has a smartphone, what apps, how he uses it, etc.
I actually just got rid of my smartphone baruch hashem.Do you know a single boy who feels like he learns better wearing a certain colors?
Were talking about boys…right?Not five year old girls picking out their clothing for gan?
Only if you move to Israel
Everything is important. You can’t just NOT have a Rav…
Everywhere here I know asks everything from taking a job, moving, or going to college.Avi, there’s much work done over the internet nowadays, not a problem. I don’t know how people manage, I see kids at age 12 go to the supermarket and say “Um, yesh luchem um milk?”
I’m a bit late, but here’s what I can say.
I think we all can agree that wigs that are 15 inches past the shoulders and look very natural are not tzniyus. If you can’t say that, I’m not sure what part of Orthodoxy you claim to be a part of but I don’t think it’s mine.
That said, of course it’s more mehudar to cover your hair with other means (as long as those aren’t more eyecatching than your sheitel). Follow your Rav about what is the bouderies between a tzniyus sheitel and not tzniyus one. I live in Israel, and most frum people here were sheitels that reach their shoulders or are an inch or two below it. Those are just fine.
Look, adults find it hard to learn, and they survive without knowing.
What bothers me is seeing kids who are born here and don’t know hebrew or people who came at age 9, 12, or even 19 and decided hebrew is too hard to learn.Smartphone?
Anyone over here for me? Who wants to make my shidduch?
Anyone have any more stories? I need a laugh. I have a few but they aren’t matim to post, and will probably out me
This thread makes me so sad. So many things have fallen and been lost to us, including the concept of a Rav.
In Israel it’s much more valued and educated about.There’s a difference between protest and violence.
I think we all can agree those being violent are not making a kiddush Hashem.Beyond that, I’m not quite sure why there are 4 pages here of back and forth.
I still have so much to say on the topic of tzniyus….
Modesty, you can do it!
Here’s a poem my friend wrote:
Wait-
Don’t shut down just yet.
No, really, don’t.
Hear me out,
Let me say something first –
It isn’t a dress code.
Yes, your school makes a big deal out of it.
Yes, your parents are always yelling at you about it.
Yes, I know, those girls look nerdy and you like fashion.
I know. Really. I promise.
But please just listen.
Just try to put every speech out of your mind that you ever heard about tznius.
What if you gave it a chance?
You might say you’ve done that time after time.
You’ve gotten that burst of inspiration and you’ve starting warming to the idea of being someone who is dressed stylish but modest.
And then something happened.
A comment.
A smirk.
A “who does she think she is?” look.
A lack of looks from the boy next door.
And suddenly, just like that, the inspiration left.
Vanished, without a trace.
And this time, you ran the other way, completely in the opposite direction.
But now, think for a moment –
All your talk about “being your own person” and needing to “stand out” and not wanting to be “controlled” by anyone?
That’s all an excuse.
You are controlled.
By the comments, the smirks, the looks, and the lack of looks.
You are letting everyone but yourself determine how you will look, act, and be.
Is that control?
I don’t think so.
Are you still reading?
Please hear me out completely.
Darling, you think you know it all about tznius, don’t you?
You think it’s old fashioned; archaic; prehistoric.
I don’t blame you.
They’ve presented it wrong.
They’ve never heard your questions or given you answers.
Of course you resent it.
No one would blame you for not wanting anything to do with tznius.
Notice I keep saying that word you despise so much – tznius.
Why, you may ask?
Because I want you to get used to that word.
That word is not them and their mistakes in giving it over.
Tznius is beauty.
It’s nothing if not beautiful.
How?
Well, let’s talk about it.
But first you have to let go.
Don’t let them control your feelings and thoughts about it.
I understand –
You’ve been offended and hurt and misjudged and looked down at.
But let go.
Take a deep breath and just take your foot off the pedal and let go.
Ready?
Are you looking at the word with a fresh perspective?
It seems different now, no?
Now, I won’t tell you all about how you’re a princess because unless you’re from England (which you might be!) that concept is totally foreign to you.
So I’ll just tell you that you are a person.
Yes, it’s that simple.
You’re a person.
You deserve respect and love and appreciation and you deserve to have someone knowing all about you and accepting you as you are.
So, yes, tznius.
Tznius is a character trait.
It isn’t a dress code and it should never have become one.
It’s not nerdy or uncool.
It’s not for losers.
It’s for someone who is a person.
It’s for someone who wants to be seen by the world as a person.
Something inside of you is resisting what I’m saying, right?
Why is that, you’re wondering?
Because everything you have ever heard about tznius made it sound like rules, and you’re a rule-breaker.
Everything you’ve ever heard about tznius made it seem restricting, ugly, suffocating and overwhelming, right?
It isn’t all that.
Tznius is freedom.
It’s being able to let go of their opinions and be yourself – you owe that much to yourself, don’t you think?
Tznius is like wine –
It’s an acquired taste.
Funny metaphor?
Not at all.
How is it an acquired taste?
It doesn’t mean some like it, some don’t.
Acquired means it is owned by you.
Acquired means it is something one gains for oneself through action and effort.
You have to let go of their opinions first, though.
You have to view yourself as a person.
And most importantly, you have to make it yours.
Own it.
Modesty, the problem with pictures is that many different people have different ideas of tzniyus. I can understand that no matter WHAT they print, people will say it’s too tzniyus, not enough, etc.
I understand them, it’s easier to just not get into it. Try looking at people around you. Go to frum areas and make a game of looking for nicely dressed tzniyus people. Ask where they shop, ask them what inspires them, ask them for advice. I had 2 friends that did that but with short sheitals. They sat on benches in Jerusalem in busy areas and looked out for pretty short sheitals…and then approached women
That’s what I meant. Attractive, pretty but not attracting…
Wish I could have a convo IRL with you bout it…I know how you feel. On some level there are times I want to look “hollywood pretty” (There’s another less apropriate word in m y head) rather than “real pretty”. Looking attracting rather than attractive.
It’s hard. But you need to learn to appreciate real beauty. Being pretty while not flaunting your body is a wonderful feeling. It comes with sacrafic, but you get used to new things.
I feel like looser clothing is much more comfortable after getting used to it. Also, I get a good feeling that I’m be being revealing but yet I’m pretty.
Learn more about it and you can learn to love this gift too
It’s all int the perspective.
Perhaps you need to get new friends, ones striving to be more tzniyus. Perhaps you need to learn more about it…Modesty, there’s so much you can do and learn!
Are you a girl or a boy? What type of frumkeit?
Who said tzniyus can’t be fun and enjoyable?
I live in Israel, so I definitely don’t stand out. That for me isn’t an issue, it’s wanting to look less tzniyudisk.
Modesty, learn more about it….I know it’s hard.
Bezrat Hashem is should be in the zchut to find a good shidduch.
Anyway, point is- you can find clothes. That’s not an issue.Lying reffers to deceit. You can lie, but not decieve. Ex. “There were a billion people at the wedding” – not a sheker. Your message needs to be true, the words can be shifted.
There’s many halachot on the topic. You don’t have to say personal info, and can lie if someone asks you about it.
I’m 5’5. Just bought a skirt in a non jewish stores that reaches 5 inches below my knee, no joke.
A line skirt- in black.I took racutane 3 times so I’m a expert. (Look it up, it’s banned in the USA, but I live in Israel) Basically it gets rid of your pimple forever (didn’t work for me I gues. I spent over 17 months on it) dries out your skin like nuts, you gotta put on chapstick once every half an hour.
Flexitol…
Find out where to get it, it works wonders! Also an aloe vera product by “forever”. Nothing else works, everything else is marketed to make your lips smell good and look nice…cosmetic not medical.Growing up out of town I never entred a frum store in my life until the age 14, and I was very tzniyus thanks very much! There are shells! And non jews wear skirts too! Midi skirts are very in style, I very rarely buy things in “frum” stores.
Plus money isn’t a factor, the women not being tzniyusdik have plenty of money to buy things from the mall and spend days there, plus money shouldn’t be that big of a factor in your spitituality. At least in this sense. You won’t die if you only own 5 weekdays shirts.
I don’t care what you wear, after all the standing in davening- trust me, it will be uncomfortable.
Crocs are so mechubad….but yeah“BIderech sheadam rotzeh, nelech” iF YOU want to to get divroced- you’ll get it, therapy won’t do anything but help you get it faster.
BUT if one wants to work, therapy is AMAZING.
TheGoq- that’s a problem too. Of crouse!!!!!!!
Sure, why not? I’d prefer that he propose, but I would totally do it.
I beleve Tzipi Canton proposed to her husband,
It wouldn’t be weird at all. I know plenty of girls who have done it. Indeceisive guy they really liked and hey just said “Hey, I really like you…can we get married?” and the guy said yes and then they went ring shopping lol.I actually just went to get a few akirts hemmed. I bought 3 skirts last year for 10 bucks each at the endish of winter. They were good quality, and cute, thick, no irnoing, and you don’t pass that up here at an insane price!!! Skirts are usually 70 dollars or even more. The thing was they were supposed to be maxi, but wearing it at the hip proved to be like 6 inches down from the knee. I was debating between 3 or 4 inches…
I never meassured my skirts. Ijust sat with them, stood with them, and used my eyes to decide if it was long enough. But yeah, chabagal I’ve been to both schools. Girls didn’t bother listening to it more or less in either.
WTP: handled great. You can tell them it’s not practical and you aren’t makpid on it. Explain why people ARE makpid, and if they do want to be makpid, open the door. Tell them “I’m not makpid, but if it’s something you want to do, even just for the next two weeks- I’ll support you on it”
fifity nifty is NOT THE SAME TUNE. Wow…childhood..
Tzniyus is a mitzvah SPECIAL for women- if you don’t love it, educate yourself. You are an adult.
And as a mom you are responsible for teaching your kids to have ahavah towards any mitzvah. So you gotta eduacte them.Ask my Rav…of course! What’ the question?!
Waze is also dangerous. It needs to be used properly like anything. Don’t drive of cliffs, or into construction sites.
Especially in Israel, it’s not so well known but waze doesn’t actually know if you are a JEW or ARAB, so I and multiple people I know have by mistake driven into Arab cities, villages, and places. You need to be very viligant. Safe driving!
LF why can’t you stick to one?
I think GH is talking about the desperate issue of teachers who aren’t quailified, and keep a calm classroom by ignoring anyone they can’t answer and are afraid to say I don’t know. Apparently questions lead to other children thinking. 😨😨😨😨