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When people start defining themselves by their hobby, that’s a problem.
There’s a difference between one who has a hobby with food, works in it, likes it, than one who defines his life and being as a “foodie”.Definitely not.
Of course!
I find slippers and crocs to be annoying. I never seem to remember to pt them back on and off when I want to sit on my bed or a chair with my feet up, etc.I usually just wear socks, and in the winter I have thick socks. I also like being able to wear colorful and fun stuff around the house, I have a drawer filled with ankle/shorter socks in many fun designs and colors to wear around the house. So I never run out when pairs need to be washed
Wait…we still have our gas masks.
They were recalled?CTLAWYER: This thread just goes to show how many are ignorant of the laws in the country they live in, and many people do not do it on purpose.
I really think they should have a class on this in school, about the laws of the country you live in.
How does the government expect people to keep laws when nobody actually knows them?Speaking of couples, my upstairs neighbor who is 65 just got engaged.
Bitachon is trusting in Hashem.
Hishtadlus is the amount of effort you put into something.2 different things.
I remember you.
In Seminary a teacher of mine came to school excitedly saying her grandmother was engaged.
I believe the couple were in their 60’s or 70’s,
She showed us a picture, it was hysterical, they looked so cute.I know of another 2 couples.
Doesn’t make headlines unless your famous.
Just like any other shidduch won’t make headlines unless your famous or there’s something really special and unique about it, the idea of people finding their second zivug in their older years is baruch hashem not unique, that’s why it’s not publicly announced all the time. It is uncommon though, so in the cases I’ve heard, most of the neighborhood/city knows and becomes involved in the chasuna and preparations. Still, not uncommon enough to make newspapers.Uncle Ben’s story sums it up IMHO. When I read the OP I thought about a money scenario as an example. A man runs a new business and he claims he must be working on it 24/7 “It’s new, it needs a lot of work to get it up, that’s how it is in the beginning” But he’s never home and his wife needs him. She sees he’s exasted, frustrated, stressed, etc. She says to him “Hashem will send us parnassa, but do you really think your hishtadlus is to work like a dog and go to bed at 4am and wake up at 7am?!”
So what does the man do, does he continue his schedule, or not?
That’s the question we are asking.The answer, to me at least, is that again, I see this like any other disagreement in marriage. You need to compromise, and if you can’t do it alone, get a Rav or objective mediator involved.
About what bounderies need to be set, I think you should be more lenient with those that are officially OTD/non-religous. It is wrong to expect a girl dressing normally in pants to show up to the shabbos table wearing a skirt that is 4 inches below her knee. Tell her to wear clothing that is looser, short sleeves, and either pants that aren’t tight or a maxi skirt. (IMHO, I think those are much more tzniyus than a skirt above the knees, when it comes down to not being michshol a man, which is the important thing here)
Also, when giving rules you must clearly state WHO the bounderies are for (hint: they are not for your 21 year old OTD daughter who really doesn’t care about spiritual rules) and WHY, the reasoning behind them.
Instead of saying “You must come to the shabbos table respectable, cuz you need do be more tzniyus for shabbos” say “In our home we dress to respect those around us, and you need to wear respectable clothing (define what that means) outside your room at all times. Shabbos is special to this family, so if you would like to wear nicer clothing to the shabbos table either to respect shabbos or the family, it would be appreciated”
Instead of saying “We don’t play goyish music loudly cuz it’s assur” say “We do not allow non jewish music to be played loudly be anyone in this house because me and spouse feel that it has a negative affect on the avirah”
Mostly, for yourself.
If it’s a joint decision you compromise, and if you can’t go to your Rabbi and explain the situation to him.
Just like anything else spirital you will disagree on, like minhagim, schools, and many other topics.Why don’t you ask your Rav?
I do things for selfish reasons.
I didn’t say what you meant.
I meant that fear and punishment don’t motivate me.Not a motivator for me at all.
Perfection doesn’t just exist in our minds. Hashem created a perfect world, he cannot deviate from that. The Torah is perfect, he could not of made an imperfect Torah.
WolfishMusings, it is logically impossible for me to fly, but Hashem can make me fly. That’s why I called it perfection. Also, when I was explained these concepts in a shuir given at aish, he called it perfection.
@LightBright, if the boy’s mother don’t ask that question yet, we don’t need to say 🙂
@in galus Hashem is limited by perfection. There’s a difference between the impossible and perfection. Hashem is perfect, he cannot create something that makes him imperfect, such as a rock he cannot hold.
And wouldn’t everyone be doing teshuvah if observing mitzvot alone would guarantee lavish income, great health, and shalom bayit (of course matching everyone up perfectly too)?
Why don’t we? Because we have a yetzer hara and Hashem blocks us from seeing clearly SO we can have free will.
@in galus Why do you say that?
Yalli, I’ve heard as a nickname for Ayala and Yackov. The latter is less common but I’ve heard of it a few times.
ex_236:
Some rabanim posek that smoking is assur.
Some of the same poskim posek that sports are assur.So there you go.
Heat.
I think if you can afford getting them taken off for the wedding and being put back on, you should get them. I just know a few people who had to do this and ended up not putting them back on because it was too expensive and too much of a hassle. If you are willing to do that if you Bezrat Hashem get engaged while wearing braces, than go for it!
@Trulytrying you need to ask a Rav about specific circumstances.
Therapy nowadays is really not so taboo anymore. I know many friends who went to therapy for 6 months to 2 years in their life, and I found this out after being their friend for not too long. ACTUALLY someone I went out with told me this on the first date (in context I had asked something and it was part of the answer) and it showed me in his case at least that he was:1) Aware and listening to his emotions, and properly dealing with them to the point he went for help for a short period of time. Which meant he would be more wiling in the future to be honest with himself, when he needs help or is in the wrong in emotional areas, spiritual areas, and relationships.
2) Was a stronger person because of the experience, and learned valuable tools to deal with emotions and different things in life. He can probably better deal with life than other people now.
3) Everyone deals with hard situations in life, and often times it leaves baggage behind. We all have it, doesn’t need to be a mental illness or major abuse, it could even be just a friend who betrayed you after many years that you can’t seem to get out of your head that left your self esteem shattered. It can just be life, normal regular sad parts of life. The fact that he dealt with this situation properly shows me he is less likely to be holding other baggage behind too that isn’t dealt with, and if he is he is probably working on it.In conclusion, whether you have to say something? Probably not. Depends what it is, ask a Rabbi.
But depending on what it was, I think it’s a POSITIVE thing to say it and will enhance the relationship between you and your date if you are already dating seriously. Once you are hitting your 4th or 5th date, you need to take risks, and you need to expose some parts of yourself in order to really connect. This is a wonderful way to do so and only shows strength in my opinion.Smoking is a health issue. It’s different than not wanting to marry a redhead.
Which I find extremely offensive.Sounds familiar…
Ok listen. Here some advice.
1) Shadchanim EVERYWHERE are overwhelmed. I went to a “good shachan” 2 months ago who has yet to even give me a single name of a person. Sometimes I think she might of forgotten about my existence. It’s all from Hashem, you have to do your hishtadlus and go to a few shachanim. Whoever isn’t interested, drop them. Find someone else. Don’t go to too many and remember 90 percent of shidduchim are redt by family and friends.
2) Everyone has “red strikes” against them. You say most of your friends and family are OTD, well I made aliyah in my teens, got kicked out mid-school, and I’m also overweight. I have strikes against me too. But if you dwell on that, it will end of defining you. As much as what you are trying to do is the opposite, it sounds like you are trying to make sure everyone else sees who you are, but from the tone of your posts it seems like you might have to work on your attitude a little. Everyone had marks, but it’s all in Hashem’s hands.
Not really.
But taking them off and putting them back on for a wedding is a lot of money and a hassle.You should be concerned about your health.
Jews believe in one God, and it’s not your body.@RebYidd23, my friend has read your challenge and challenges you to convince her to create a username.
If a bochur expects me to be super stylish and pretty like a model, than I’m sorry, he should be working out and looking like a male model.
Also I ain’t supporting anyone. My chosson is gonna support me. Kids need a mother, not a babysitter, ganenet, cleaner and cook.
@RedYidd23 I have brought people to the CR from the real world, an example of which is my brother who doesn’t really post anymore, but I know he lurks even if he won’t admit it to me. But he is in yeshivah mostly so he doesn’t get much internet access. His username is Prankster123.
I also know of a friend who lurks here a lot, when I asked her why she doesn’t make a username she claimed she’d be here all day posting…so there you go.
I went to Aish and heard a really fascinating class linking this war to nuclear war, which seems to be coming up.
Streekgeek!!! OMG, did you really see what I wrote and decide to chime in? I’m going to bed like right now so I may not see your reply till tomorrow…..
No, Hashem is limited by perfection.
Sorry to kill your childhood.I have met e-pals online. It’s hard nowadays cuz there’s so much dangers. I’ve actually had a few e-pals from the CR, that I met on other websites and we recognized each other’s writing style.
Unfortunately I’m not in touch with any now. In total I’ve had 5 or 6, 3 of which I was good friends with on the CR. But those users aren’t active right now on the CR in case you are wondering who they are…
It’s quite interesting..
I have my own issues. I get set up with boys who are frum but have smartphones….
But I’m only willing to live in Israel, but I don’t want someone zionistic.More like I need someone chareidi not yeshivish..
I have met goyim who keep the motzvos before and 100 percent believe in the Torah.
They say converting and being Jewish is really hard, and they prefer to serve God in the way he made them to.Pain is nessesary, suffering is optional.
JJ2020: Obviously if it only happens after marriage, it’s a sign that Hashem wanted this to happen and for you to go through this. Yes I know mental illness can hit in the late twenties or thirties but it’s not the majority of cases.
Back to the majority, other posters are saying people KNEW their child has a mental illness yet did not seek treatment or diagnosis. THAT IS ABUSIVE. There is nothing else to say. Those parents are sick people.
A Rabbi is not a Navi, but I am looking for a boy with a close connection to a Rav, who would know about any issues. A proper and good Rav will pasken he must tell.
The Wolf is right, if you are asking your Rabbi what type of food you should have for dinner tonight, you have a problem.
I haven’t been getting too many dates either.
You know you only gotta marry one.Joseph: I see not getting a diagnosis by then time you are a teen to be irresponsible, neglectful, and abusive. Hashem will send a shidduch, no one else. You have no right to avoid treating your child with any illness for ANY reason, that is abusive.
I have enough of my own issues, I would not be willing to marry someone like that right now. It would be too much.
Wow there’s like 7 people waiting moderation!
I’m in shidduchim, and honestly although you say “It’s never going to be be me”, I don’t think it will be me. My Rabbi paskens that you must share information during the dating, whether it’s a 4th date or a 7th date. I’m only looking to marry someone who follows a Rabbi, who asks about everything and they definitely speak to about such matters. Given my hashkafa and the home I wish to build, and the community I want to live in, I am trying to find someone with those same values, again- one of the big ones is daas torah, serious daas torah, and not going rav shopping, etc.
So most rabbanim I’ve heard in my circles say you must say things in the dating stage. I just don’t think I’m going to marry someone with a rabbi who would pasken otherwise. I may be wrong, but….yeah