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@Me12345, in Judiasm you don’t get to pick areas to be lenient on.
@Avi K. Sephardi have different minhagim and I am advised not to eat certain things from them.
In Israel I’m talking about people who ae Dati Leumi or Mizrachi, or people who look yeshivish, that you don’t know enough to know what is going on in their kitchen. For example if a Dati Leumi co-worker brings in something she made, I don’t know if she only uses Mehadrin, many people here use rabbanut. Should I sit with her and go through a list of the hescherim she eats?Especially when it comes to Pesach many rabbanim pasken that rabbanut food is 100 percent chometz and cannot be used. It’s problematic.
@Avi K. I did ask a Rav at the time, and for that specific person I was able to mekeil, but there was other people in the area who were also involved and I was not allowed to eat their food. Even if someone gets insulted there’s a limit to be mekeil, let’s say the situation was with co-workers who claim to keep kashrut, you have no idea to what degree, how well they keep things seperate or what hechshers they use.
@Avram, there’s plenty of crying citations too. Between brothers and sisters and families who have more frum or less frum family. There are also faily members who may have been born FFB’s like you but are not religous anymore etc…First of all many FFB’S deal with BT problems. My parents are BT and so I deal with things with my cousins, grandparents, uncles and aunts. My children will also have these issues, so do people who do kiruv, so do anyone that makes friends with a BT can secondhandedly issue with things like how to explain things.
In addition anyone who has a neighbor or friend who is on another plane of yiddishkeit may also deal with the same things. If your co-workers are sefardi and get upset when you can’t eat their food, or a neighbor decides to marry someone of the same gender…etc.
BT’s do NOT have a monopoly on these different situations.
Also many FFB’s grow up living a frum lifestyle and not a frum life, it’s all external.
I don’t really think any of us have this life thing any easier.
On some level, if you really think about it, it’s easy to be frum. If you act a certain way, talk a certain way, wear certain clothes and pretend to be a part of this world you gain friends, community, a spouse that is loyal, a family and so much more.Sure, no one is promising you all of these things, but in the secular world people have no morals and backstab each other left and right, cheat on their spouses, and much worse. Yes these issues have come to frum society to a degree, but it is all against the Torah and we all know that, we all know of this rule book, and it’s rules, and these issues are MUCH LESS rampant than in the rest of society.
No one has it easy.
Life isn’t supposed to be easy anyway.Depends who your Rabbi is and what Torah you follow.
None of this is black and whiteA sheteil macher for a man?
You are kidding, right?Basic politeness (good morning, good evening, etc.) is certainly fine.
You know that’s how all the stories start of how frum nice girls end up in Arab relationships…
@Avreimi this isn’t about being “scared”. You cannot put a stumbling block before the blind, it is assur for a man to get any enjoyment from a woman he is not married to. There’s many halachos and many rabbanim who have spoken about this, and in any situation I suggest you speak to your Rabbi and see what he says.
Most of the rabbanim I follow hold that you should not say anything unless it is for a purpose. Unnecessary chit chat breaks down boundaries. What is it’s purpose? Think about it. As a woman I should not and do not want to have any relationship with any other man that is not a relative. What is the purpose of talking if not to create a connection? For what do I need to have a connection with a random guy?
In Israel i hear it’s 1000 shekel each side.
You gotta do Chesed, but not at a price of an aveirah.
We never said not to do Chesed, it’s about how you go about it….@slominer of course. I hope you wouldn’t talk to your neighbor nearly as much as you would talk to your date, unless you happen to be DATING your neighbor.
Recently I had the opportunity to be in such a position.
My Rav said I should sit in the back, preferably directly behind the driver. (If there’s 2 men in front it doesn’t really matter) and should not talk at all, preferably to put in earphones.Many seminary girls go to shul.
I believe there’s a story of someone asking a great gadol once what to do with extra money they had gotten for the shul, what was best to repair or improve first? This gadol told them to build a wall where the door was to the Women’s section, implying that there shouldn’t be one.
If a woman is not yet married she should be helping her mother at home.
I think the main problem with these things is that most of the time, people are not self aware and they do not want to change.
I’m not saying that is everyone, I know plenty of people with these type of mental illnesses that DID take charge in their life and lead productive lives and finding their zivug without lying and secrets, but many if not most people with these mental illnesses have issues changing and that’s why it’s so hard to treat.
I am speaking pretty generally.
But as we all know nothing stands in the way of will, if one just doesn’t want help or to improve, he won’t.I use internet with filters. Too.
In any case, I’m staying right here.Thanks for making a suggestion!
I’m currently living in Israel and consider myself to be Chareidi, and I share a lot of opinions with Joseph.
I don’t have a smartphone, and I don’t want any secular media, in my house.
I’m not quite sure there’s any single people on the CR who share my ideaology…If you are sick, you need a doctor.
Enough said.Of course schools should know the difference between illness and middos.
Intheparsha@22
You mentioned earlier you and your friends mock the Nasi project.
Me and my parents are not on the same page, but no one said we have to be. (:
It’s easier to read people’s posts and take them serious when they don’t look like they were written by a 14 year old.
Also, I made this account in elementary school and I do not have any memory of picking this name, and I still don’t know why I picked this name as I did not even like shopping at that age. The users here have known me by this name for many years, and for that reason I have kept it even as I matured.
I meet many sefardim who would marry ashkenazi.Mazel tov to both of you!!!
Yekke, I’m impressed. I still don’t know if my future chassan will know about the CR before marriage….
I would not want him dragging up old awkward posts I wrote in elementary school…Who uses hashtags constantly?
Neo-Chassid:
Wow that’s impressive, the fact that you are 20 with a Rabbi. Do you know how many boys I get redt to who are 25 and have no Rabbi? Anyway, I hear you. I’m saying there are girls who would look into you, and if someone isn’t than they aren’t for you anyway.
I would definitely look into you. I do not discriminate by age.
I’m 20 right now, and I do believe that there are boys on my maturity level and age level. But, being in Israel I see plenty of boys around this age doing really stupid things, and the boys I meet who are older seem to have matured out a bit. But everyone is different, I would definitely look into your, get your resume, etc.I’m just saying, it’s a strange world for us girls where one day you can get redt to a 20 year old and the next day to someone who is 27.
Well I guess not.
For starters they don’t just do chilonim. I live in a heavily chareidi area and on my block there’s some very religious Jews for J, missionized from being Chareidi, in Israel.The majority of car accidents involve aliens.
Um, they are banned.
The problem in this country isn’t the laws.
it’s the fact no one over enforces anything.This is the reason for the shidduch crisis.
Women banned from driving.Intheparsha@22
I think the Nasi project is doing great things.
Personally, me and my friends laugh at the types of people who are so close-minded they won’t even listen to a suggestion.I’d marry a convert, balei teshuva, sefardi, someone younger, someone 8 yeas older, and I’m only 20.
Be picky about the things that matter, like middos, yirei shamayim, and people who know how to use caps lock and grammar properly.
Edited
Joseph that’s not all true.
Many girls decide to live in Israel and commit to the lifestyle here and move into apartments here after seminary and find a job and/or do online college. I know many like that.I know a few others that are in programs, or sleep out with an old lady to get some extra pocket money.
At some point people feel they need to move on. I have a neighbor a few buildings over who is 26. She just feels she is big enough to have an apartment. If she lives at home she ends up getting treated like a child and helping out a lot more than she really should.Other girls come from homes that aren’t ideal and move out early on because of that. Others (Israeli’s) can find a job, college, or a school in another city and move out for that living with cousins, grandparents, or renting an apartment with friends….
There are many reasons why a yiddishe girl would move out before marriage.
Don’t push anything, but don’t say it’s unreasonable to look into it and take the suggestion seriously.
oyoyoyoyoyoyoyoy I disagree. I see many immature girls, and meet many mature guys.
It depends on the people, don’t generalize.
I think everyone should give a fair chance to everyone else.
People should at the very least look into things before dismissing an idea because of age.The food ads don’t bother me so much…it’s the wording.
I once saw an ad with the title “FOR PLEASURE SEEKERS”
Ouch, in hebrew it sounds even worse. “FOR BA’LEI TAIVAH”.OR when I see food ads that call food “heavenly”.
Um, since when did food reach the level of heaven? Heaven is for lots of things…not food.Yeshiva Boys Choir even takes tunes from non-jewish sources.
I have been to multiple shabbatons where shabbos is welcomed (Lecha Dodi) with non-jewish tunes.You know, there’s lots of websites that sell music.
Usually they have a “NEW” section.
Did you try to click on that?I don’t mind having a boy taller than me. But all the boys I know want to be taller than the girl, they say it makes them feel like a man…
Since we moved to Israel, our family does not eat OU.
Our Rabbi here holds that the hechsherim here are better than OU.I know it’s kinda weird lol. Everyone else I know who is american eats OU except us.
But, we listen to our rabbi…Daas, the store switched managers, and names, and heschshers a few months ago. So I DON’T think it’s relevant.
But you think the heschers know who mans the stands at Central Bus Station?
Unless they have someone there all the time, what’s to stop a non-religous worker from cutting corners because they are feeling lazy and don’t really care?I was at an ice cream shop with a pretty good hechsher, and saw the lady working there use the same utensil first in Milchig ice cream, than to Parve.
I didn’t say anything because she was already being mean to me (I can’t remember more than that, this was about a year ago) but never managed to figure out who the manager was…
EVEN a good hechsher, would not have stopped this.
This non-religious girl simply did not CARE.
HAHAHAHAAHHA
OH WAIT.
Are you serious?
Oh you are….
Thousands of women put so much pressure on themselves to clean everything, even things that halachicly DO NOT NEED TO BE CLEANED. Areas which chometz does not usually enter, cleaning out the cracks between the tile, chandelier, lights, and opening and shaking thousands of books FOR NO REASON.And you say it’s easier?
The world is dumber now when it comes to Torah and halacha, so I think it equalizes out all the modern day food.Oh, and not the entire population can afford buying pesach out BTW.
Thank you klugeryid.
Syag and Goq: I re-explained myself in my last post. It’s true I live in a large frum community and there’s many frum, respectable people working in stores. Perhaps I just immediately think of the stores I see often, like cofix, the local supermarket, baazar strauss, etc,
But yes, you guys are correct. It really depends what store, but if you do not give any details, where the store is, what the sell, what type of clients they have, my mind hears store and goes to the etheopian women stacking baby socks at baazar strauss, or the arabs stocking shelves at the supermarket, or the nonreligious young men manning the majority of cofizz and cofix stands.
1. I made this account when I was 14. I haven’t the faintest memory or idea why I have this username. But people here know me as this, so I haven’t changed it.
2. I live in Israel, my own family and most people I know live month by month, with limited money, getting one outfit for pseach and one for sukkos. Please don’t throw accusations around me, all I did was say what I personally think when I hear a bochur works in a store.
3. Most of the people working in stores over here are etheopians, arabs, and people who aren’t frum. It may very well be different else where, besides sefarim, suit stores, telephone stores…and maybe in the supermarkets, most of the workers are what I said above, at least in the area I live in. This is not only what I see, but everyone else in my city. If you live in a place where they are bochurim stacking shelves in the local dollar store, than great!
4. Black and white is a separate topic, regardless of whatever the bochur is doing. That’s something I’d check out with anyone, a store working bochur is no different.
5. Wait, you can’t afford to stay in yeshiva? Is the tuition too high? All I want is someone who learns. Whether it’s a shuir, by himself, chavrusa, with his rabbi, in the amazon rainforest, I don’t care. I never said anything about yeshivah. But if someone is NOT in yeshivah, I would like to know why, that’s all. Not such an insane request…is it?
6. 7-15 people…Um, you, your wife, and 5 kids is 7. I believe 5 is the average frum family in Israel. I’m being realistic. My neighbor’s oldest child is 6, and they have 4, and they have 5 kids. Who is to say that will not happen to me? It’s not my cheshbon. Also, my family is going to be paying ZERO support. Nothing, zilch. So….rent, food, everything will be on my husband. I will definitely help out as much as I can, but once I have kids, I need to first be a mother.
I hope you understand me clearer now.
First of all, I don’t know about the store you work in, but hearing someone say “store” sounds bummy. Unless it’s sefarim or suit store…most of the stores where I live are manned by bums, not the type of people looking for a marriage. Definitely not wearing black and white.
Let’s say he is a great guy, works in a store, wears black and white, learns every morning or evening, works in a good environment, has a rav, and a million other things I check out for everyone, than why not?
My question is if he is planning on making parnassah for 7-15 people, he needs a better job later on. So…why shouldn’t he spend the time now, when he is single and doesn’t desperately need the money to focus on excpanding his abilities and talents, so he could make more money in the future.
Yitzy I hear. Listen, like I’ve told many people, if you tell me someone is really matim, then I’ll look into it.
Besides for that, my mom says I’m not even 20 and I shouldn’t “settle”. Meaning Chav Vshalom marry a working guy…..or someone not learning full time.So yeah, I don’t think she’d go for anyone with meds.
It’s not that I’m anti marrying someone with meds, but it brings a challenge I have no expiurience with, and I don’t know if I’d willingly put myself in the position of dealing with that for the rest of my life. Of course, in a few years from now, if I hadn’t found my bashet (which hopefully won’t happen) at the age of 24, 25 I think rethinking is necessary, and meds are definitely something I’d learn more about and make myself comfortable with.On that note I know a girl with bipolar, I don’t know which one, but I do know it was really out of control, and she managed to get married at 21. Hashem manages to get abusive, horrible people married. Although it’s kinda sad, it kinda reminds you Hashem is truly in charge……
Most people I know eat the hchsher but not meat, only milk or pareve.
After meeting many people from Central Jerusalem in seminary and other bigger cities I realized that most people there don’t eat it at all.I guess the smaller towns are less machmir because there’s less items and restaurants.
Shouldn’t you ask you Rabbi this?
It’s hard. I myself would be wary of anyone on meds. I don’t know what your meds are for, so it depends obviously. But I’ve been through so much, and have so much on my plate, if is taking meds for a mental illness, I’d be very wary, even if he is functioning great, and he;s been on them for years, things happen, people change, what if one day he won’t want to take it? Our bodies change, what if he needs to switch medications? Going through the whirlwind of finding the right one and dose and meanwhile he is falling apart…
I just don’t.
If the meds are for ADHD, any physical issues, or very small things, like hormones or moods are a bit off not like major mental disorder, than I’d look into it obviously, but I’d marry a guy like that.
Yitzy: Welcome. I’ve been here since I was 14.
1. I’m not nessesarily looking for a worker. Gosh, I just want a guy who does whatever he does becuse he truly wants to, and is a self made person. He definitely needs to learn daily, something, anything. I might marry a full time learner, whatever Hashem sends me.2. Glad you got my point
Yitzy, we all have hard things, but I get what you mean. I also haven’t had a simple life, and I have told people that I don’t want a boy that has just simply gone through the system very smoothly, and is just sitting and learning now because that’s what everyone else is doing and someone else pays tuition.
I wouldn’t say I’m looking for a boy with an issue, but rather a boy who has built himself up, and who he is now is only a result of his work. I think when I say this, most people that fall into this category are people who will understand me and my hashkafa, and any “issues” I do have, if that makes sense.
Regular people who have not gone through hardships. (I know of quite a few) are people that have simply just gone through the school system and haven’t thought much about where they are.
I went out with a boy who didn’t have any “common problems” with me, but he was put into a situation where he was forced to re-think his life and started on the path of building himself. Such a person is self aware, understanding, and “regular” problems are just a complete different story with them as they have a different outlook on life. This was a boy I thought things could work out with, I felt he could understand who I am and my choices.
What do you say?
Yitzy, why only take a girl that’s currently on meds? Do you not think other people would unerstand you? Why do you need a wife who has BEEN through this same struggle as you?
I think you need someone with understanding, someone who has dealt with heavier stuff in life. By you saying “struggled in life” doesn’t sound like nessesarily meds.
It doesn’t sound strange to want someone who can truly understand your struggle, but I’m sure people can understand and even have similar feelings but in other ways.