Guardmytongue

Mod 80 – I wrote that comment as an immature response to what health wrote. With you specifically in mind I deleted it. At least I thought I had. 🙁

Forgot to guardmytongue

6. Sarah Shapiro

9. – really, or are you joking?

A sister, (with more redeeming qualities than I ever could have) who died young. I decided to (try to)emulate her middos in her zchus. And definitely my husband. Indirectly, through books and tapes, I have been shaped by Rabbi Dr. Twersky and Rabbi Tatz.

Health – I try to be VERY careful about what discussions I get involved in and if you weren’t entering the health field I would let this go. For your own benefit, and at your own pace, I recommend you print out this thread and re-read it. Notice your tone, notice the pattern of the content of your retorts and how you chose, at times, to ‘retaliate’ instead of address. I mean well, please don’t be offended, but I am also a health care provider and I know how important a providers attitude is in any healing process. You sound angry and defensive and probably don’t need to be. Everyone hear has opinions and we are all entitled to them, even when we aren’t agreeing.

I don’t think you realize that you guys are making two totally different points. You aren’t disagreeing with each other, you are just mis-hearing each others points (seemingly :)) You cannot always help how you feel about the people you do chessed for or the way they make you feel, and I don’t think you have to enjoy them. But what makes you lose the schar (if I understand correctly)is complaining AFTERWARDS that the person was xyz or that you are sorry you bothered. You don’t lose the schar from being resentful of their behavior or wishing they weren’t so obnoxious, it’s the choice you make when it is done to be resentful or regretful. See the difference?

“I’m bored, there’s nothing to do in bed.”

we call kids who don’t like to exert much energy for anything ‘conservationists’

You are 100% correct. But my point was that those aren’t reasonable estimates for people in Kollel or teaching. We don’t consider 6 phones, many of us have one unlimited and one pay as you go or prepaid. I assume utilities varies state to state but we pay $400 per month (our house is considerably smaller I assume). Those numbers aren’t unreasonable, but they aren’t realistic for the purchases and lifestyle we have chosen for ourselves. (I never know how my tone comes across in posts so let me add I am not arguing or even disagreeing, just giving a view from ‘my side of the fence’)

did you really mean 24K for utilities? And 4K for phones? (I pay $100 per month for land and cell. Don’t have more, so I don’t spend more) I live out of NY so Our mortgages are more like $1700-2000 but why so much for utilities and phone? And who leases cars when they have income issues? $1000 plus should be more than enough to own two cars. I think that if you have the lifestyle listed above you may be outta luck. My guess is that those of us living on much less (ridiculously less 🙂 ) aren’t even looking to cover those types of bills because we are buying differently.

I am surprised by the response to this satirical post. I get offended by almost every conversation/argument in the CR and therefore don’t come often but I thought this was hilarious. I ONLY thought so because the OP was obviously picking things that people DON’T do and was just giving us a laugh at ourselves (himself included). It didn’t make fun of any political group or individual (as opposed to those who were supposedly offended by the rudeness but jumped right in with personal attacks and insults of their own). I cannot tell anyone what to take personally and what not, but I would definitely put my vote in the ‘meant no harm’ column.

Gosh, thanks guys. I suddenly feel so . . . popular 😉

Ma Chovaso – thanks for saying that, I feel the same way. I know it’s not intentional but you can find yourself commenting on discussions and only the regulars get answers from each other. I just figured I was too boring to notice but now I’ve heard from you and a friend that it’s not just me :}

Had this problem many times. Once we didn’t want to name a baby after a very beloved grandfather for legitamate hashkofik reasons. And my mother would never have asked me to even though I know how badly she wanted it but we try to name very carefully. I ended up reading three books/magazines during my last month that all recapped the SAME dvar torah about schar for kibbud av v’aim. I felt that it was a sign but couldn’t rectify the issue. In the end he was born over two weeks late on that grandfathers birthday. (After checking with our Rav) we gave him the name which was “Yirachmiel” which means “Hashems mercy” with the kavvanah that Hashem should have mercy on people who have to name babies in order to give their parents kavod. (Even though my mother MORE than deserved it. If my grandfather had not run away from home to escape Torah it would never have been an issue).

oomis – whenever I see your posts I could swear you are my other screen name.

My brother had a great alarm clock. Every morning it beeped really loudly until I couldn’t take it anymore and I would pound him til he got out of bed. I once told him to go get an alarm clock that works and he said, “Why bother, this one has never failed to get me out of bed on time”.

I recognize so much of my passion in your responses and feel like you deserve more of an explanation than heckles for this exchange. I will say that I learned a life lesson worth sharing – though you will have to come to it on your own. It is that the people who annoy you are doing it because its fun(ny) to them. Answering them is so beneath you. You would have not even bothered sitting next to them IRL, and that is regardless of what kippa they wear. But the need you feel to answer, because now they have dissed you or whatever, I really, really believe that their pigheadedness, onesidedness, rudeness (fill in per the situation) speaks for itself. We all read their comments and roll our eyes and say, “well that was pretty narrow minded (or random or whatever)” and move on. Don’t waste your breath. Legitamate comments deserve responses. Let the personal attacks fall at your feet and step over them.

and btw – Mod 80 – that was my favorite book. I didn’t even know anyone else had heard of it.

This sounds like a sensory problem. Is it something different? I have helped many people with sensory problems decrease their auditory sensitivity through overall SI treatment for hypersensitivity and through auditory retraining (I use The Listening Program because it is the most cost effective and I have had the best results with it). It really makes a HUGE difference (note that I said difference, not cure). If it isn’t related to sensory integration processing or dysfunction then this may not be the right solution.

I was telling my 3 year old the Pesach story and he asked if Paroah was still alive. I said no and he said, “That’s too bad cuz he would be good friends with Haman”

My 3 year old asked me if we were going to the store. I told him we were going straight home. He was quiet and then said, “You mean we aren’t gonna turn any times?”

Same kid responding to another claiming to be right handed,”Am I a righty or a wrongy?”

I got upset at my three year old and yelled, “Cut it out already!”. My son looked all teary and said,”don’t yell at us, we’re just kids”

I can’t tell if your tone is informative or condescending, but my point was not to disagree with you. I just don’t feel comfortable with all these strong comments about the yeshivish world and frum schools when it may be more accurately about the NY yeshivish world and the NY frum schools. People outside those worlds read these posts and I worry about representing us all with such broad strokes. No offense intended.

Aries – I think you should try moving. With all due respect (and I do mean that) what you are saying is VERY true for some places but very untrue for others. Please speak less globally as not all of our cities/schools are as you see them.

I agree that it seems the OP read a different article. It also seems that people (myself formerly included) love the opportunity to blame lousy rebbes for all of the world’s evil. While I agree that many of the kids out there (including kids and siblings of my own) are not resilient enough to withstand some of the stupid comments made to them by educators (or should I say ‘educators’) this was NOT the topic of this thread. People who use the internet and accidentally find themselves looking at porn have a VERY hard time not returning to it. They had no intention of going there and they get drawn in. And as Moq said, the pull is like nothing you know. The late nights staring at the computer are just a hop away, and one kid I worked with was up so late on chats and bad sites he started sleeping through minyan. He felt he probably was just a hypocrite in Gd’s eyes anyway. Unless you know or work with good people who this has happened to (and unfortunately I am in that line of work) you cannot understand. If you are thinking that the whole thing is ridiculous, than you should be thanking Gd because many around you have not been so fortunate. And you didn’t need to be in a bad place or with one foot out the door. Exposure to this type of stuff is addictive. And of the men who are admitted porn addicts, 70% said they were introduced to it online by accident and NOT from looking for it (percentage given at a lecture on addiction)

Been there personally, professionally and as a parent. I spend as much time educating parents on sensory stuff as helping the kids manage. Each kid is different, even though they are so alike, so not all advice is generic. I will throw out a couple tricks I have used with success. First, inside out sock are often as good as seamless. A shoe that is 1/2 size too big will sometimes prevent the sock from being annoying because the toes have more room. I have dealt with tzitzis and button down shirts too. I find there are generally three rules of thumb that I hold consistent.

1) Never avoid the dislike but never force it. You have to ‘keep their toes in the water’ to prevent developing anxiety over the dislikes.

2) Sensory issues on a kid with sensory dysfunction should be treated ASAP by an OT. If you get a good therapist it always works at least a little. If it doesn’t work, switch therapists.

3) Sensory issues on a kid on the spectrum are harder to eradicate but can be ‘accommodated’, ‘dealt with’, ‘worked on’ (choose your buzz word)

The most success I have had is when the child trusts me completely that I will never force these ‘toxic’ things/feelings on him. For those who can understand the language, I tell them that there are things they CAN’T tolerate, and there are things they would rather not tolerate (but in a BIG way) and I will definitely make them do things they prefer not to do but I will NEVER cross the line. When they really trust, they will sometimes meet me an inch at a time.

Sorry for the lecture, I love this subject and autistic kids. I think I was either a gilgul of an autistic person or I was supposed to be one but wasn’t. I think they are the most spiritual beings.

Here’s my huge hashkofik quandry. I believe that it is no coincidence that if you list the things that the sensory kids struggle with the most:

dress clothes

button down shirts

belts

socks/stockings

sitting for long periods

crowded/noisy places

you will have a list of how a frum person needs to dress, behave or spend his day. Is this the challenge of our generation?

Can’t there ever be a thread where nobody feels the need to put someone down or say things that are less than tzanua?

I agree that it has no place. It bothers me very much.