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@135847. I agree that by all means we should not have single men and women just mingling, but do you really believe that people should get married without dating? The Radak writes that the reason the imahos are all described as beautiful is because it is important that somebody is attracted to his wife. That is why the gemara says that you have to see your wife before you marry her- and this goes along with personality. You have to meet the girl first to see if you have an attraction to her- it is the only way your marriage will be good. If somebody finds their wife ugly or distasteful, he will not be capable of having a good relationship with her. Obviously, I am not saying that bochurim should date girls for multiple months like the goyim do, but they definitely should go out a few times (as is the norm) to be able to make sure that this is really the person who they think they can join together with to build a bayis ne’eman biyisrael. The idea is that before you get married, you decide this is somebody who you can build the bayis ne’eman and a relationship with, and after marriage, you really get to know eachother and grow the relationship.
– And @SQUAREROOT- I hope you realize that if we were to allow men and women to mingle at pizza stores and at shul kiddushim, then even if one out of every 20 men and women who mingled would get married, but the others might just mingle for fun, anf it would not lead to good things. And if the older singles are doing it, the teenagers will also start mingling in public places, which will lead to much worse things. In addidition, there are real halachos we have to deal with here: believe it or not, it is actually assur for a man to look at a woman who he is not married to.I am surprised that nobody hear has ever learned avos. @1, Have you never heard the words “Asei Lecha Rav”? You are supposed to have 1 Rav for yourself- one person who you ask your shailos to, and you should do whatever he says. If your Rav tells you something is assur, then that is your psak and you should consider it assur. If you then go and find a Rav who will mattir it for you, then it really shows something bad about you. It displays that you have very little or no yiras shamayim- you only want to do the ratzon Hashem if it works out for you, and if it doesn’t, then you will make it work. At this point, why wouldn’t you just go to a reform Rav, who will mattir anything for you. By going kulah shopping, you show that you have no realy respect for halacha, and that you do not understand in any way how halacha works.
I hope you only wrote that there is nothing wrong with kulah shopping as a troll.I’m just curious why “gadolhadorah” has opinions on which daf yomi shiur is the best (she has said in other posts that she is a nush). I’m hoping she only knows that R’ Eli’s shiur is good because of what her husband, brothers, or sons told her.
Charles Tyrwhitt is the only way to go.
@ChaylevHalyah- If even (and I doubt you are even at this level) you are a baki in shas gemara and rashi. Shkoyach. You can quote me the daf if I say over a gemara. But do you know how to learn through a sugya. Have you ever been amal batorah? If you can read through shas like a book and happen to have an amazing memory, that’s not ameilus baTorah. That is not how Hashem wants his Torah to be learned.
And just saying, I’ve never in my life met or heard of a baki biShas who goes on YWN.@RebEliezer- “tested to evaluate his potential” ?? That’s possibly the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen in the coffee room. You’re telling me that somebody should only learn in kollel if they have the potential to become a gadol!? It’s a chiyuv on every yid to learn- vhigisa bo yomam valaila”. It doesn’t matter if you don’t think you will become a gadol, you are still chayuv to learn as much as you can. Learning is not a haichi timtza to become a gadol- learning in itself is the goal. Take a look at the hakdama to the Ktzos and the Beis Halevi. What you are saying is borderline kefira.
@Coffeaddict-
You say that since the people getting abortions will have kids involved in crime, is is better to abort.
So tell me, would you walk up to a homeless druggie and shoot him in cold blood? After all, he’s doing the wrong thing, so according to you, he should not be allowed to live.(also besides for the fact that no matter what you think, abortion is still retzicha and is being oiver the sheva mitzvos bnai Noach)
The truth is, its pashtus assur to look at any lady who’s not dressed 100% tznius, which is pretty much impossible to find in a goyishe movie. So basically, just stick with the chofetz chayim films if anything. Even those, however, could be an issue of bittul torah. So basically, it depends who you are.
For little kids its probably ok to watch jewish videos, and for bochurim I would say do not watch movies at all. It distracts you.AvirahDeAra- what does “oichid” mean?
@Chai_18 that taka might be true I don’t know if I’ve ever thought about that tzad. Shkoyach.
I think its disgusting when bochurim take a flip phone and get tons of apps on it so its kemat a smartphone. If you are going to have a flip phone, that means you want to live a certain type of lifestyle with little distractions. I think its ok to have apps like waze or zmanim, because that is purely for functionality and cannot be missused. However, I think its terrible for somebody with a flip phone to download treif apps, such as whatsapp, or chas’ vshalom even instagram or tiktok. At that point, it is in essence a smartphone with all kinds of treife zachen, and the only reason the person didn’t get a smartphone is because it looks more frum to have a flipphone. This is a terrible issue.
As a side point, I want to know what people think about the following svarah that I came up with about phones:
If you have a smartphone and don’t really have a life with things to do, you at least won’t be bothering anybody,because you will spend your day just on your phone on games and all kinds of other apps (not saying thats ok, just the facts0 ; but if you have a flip phone and you have no life, you will be left with nothing to do but be that guy who calls everybody all the time and texts people things like “sup.” or “yo.” Thats really annoying to people who actually do things with their life.
So please, if you have a dumbphone, do something with your life. Learn some gemara, go out with a friend, or play a game with someone in your family. Don’t text me “yo”
What does the oilam think about that?@lopman23- colored socks aren’t in anymore
Black and white dress clothes is a sign of chashivus, as we, the yidden, are representing Hashem and the Torah. Therefore, the common thing is to wear nice clothes to represent this with a sense of kavod. In addition, it distracts someone much less from their exterior if they are just wearing pretty much the same thing every day, and it makes it so they don’t have to spend hours looking for the right clothes or trying to look the coolest- because everybody is dressed the same. Also, it gives your personal sense a much more chashuve feel to wear nice clothing- it is much harder to sit and concentrate in learning while wearing jeans and a t-shirt. Another reason is to seperate ourselves from the goyim and show that we are at a higher level than them.
In any case, a white shirt is what the yeshivishe oilam wears, so if somebody is not wearing that, it is not actually a chisaron in the person (If you put a white shirt on Rav Chaim, he is still the gadol hador, the shirt doesn’t take anything away), but if they choose to wear something else, it shows that for some reason, they refuse to comply with what the rest of the yeshivishe velt is doing, and they don’t want to be part of it. it shows that they hold what the yeshivishe oilam does might not be correct, and they want to associate with a different velt.
Well, I hope that’s good enough.@Reb Eliezer- It wasn’t the fault of the one who placed it in the aron kodesh, it was just that the atzei chayim were very old and weak and it was rolled to the end of the Torah, so all the wait was on the right side and the eitz chayim didn’t hold up.
During Hoshanahs on Hoshana Rabah in my Shul, a Sefer Torah fell from the Ahron. The Rav paskened that nobody needs to fast because it wasn’t a person that dropped it, it fell by itself because one of the atzei chayim snapped; and also it was a Sefer torah that wasn’t currently in use because of a safek if it was passul.
However, the rav did say that everybody at the minyan should take something upon themselves as a result of this, because Hashem was clearly sending a message.i think that the discussion about lace sheitels is not a problem in whether its halachically a hair covering- pashtus it is. The problem that a lot of poskim see with it is the tznius aspect which is that if a wig is meant to be worn to cover a married womans head and have it noticable that she is married, a lace sheitel is a problem because it looks so much like real hair that it defeats the point. It also shows such a strong desire to assimilate and not be proud of being a jewish married woman, which is an issue.
@Gadol Hatorah- That is mostly true, but I have seen threads where people said that they were on the CR from their work computer when they were supposed to be working. Even sadder.
I honestly think its comical how all the 45- year old CR users basically just sit on their computers waiting for a bochur to write something trollish and then attack the bochur for it.
So this is what we’ve come to.Actually, this might be a weird thing, but in my yeshiva we call all of the English teachers “Sir”, as in “Sir, what’s the assignment today?”. It’s actually a lot easier than calling them by Mr. and then their full last name
Please stop trolling. I saw you on a different thread, claiming that you have been a Rebbe for 20 years. If that is true, you should surely know how to deal with a situation like this.
I’m actually not sure, I remember hearing once that the reason we can get one now is because its illegal for them to kill us, and we dont have to be choshesh that they will. i could be wrong though.
I don’t have any advice for you about this, but just I feel like this is something that you should discuss with someone, maybe a Rebbe, who knows you and your situation more than anyone on the CR does. Hatzlacha!
Sy, by the way, I’m really sorry if i come across as really mad and hostile, i just tend to get intense when I’m proving a point. I hope theres no hard feelings.
SL- you are making 2 assumptions, the first one being that you assume there even is an option for frum child-care for the right price. Im sure you’re from lakewood or somewhere in-town, but believe it or not, there are yidden who live in other places that do not have as many jews. Where I live, and I know in many other OOT communites such as mine, I would doubt there is even one frum girl willing to nanny all day, and even if you would say there is 3, (which in my community, which is not even that small for out of town, I doubt there is), there may be more than 3 families who would need that service. So even for the right price, it might not be possible.
your second assumption is that the family has the money for that. a frum girl would most likely charge more than a non jewish woman, and not everybody can afford that.
So yes, if a family lives in a pace with an option for frum help, and they have the money, they should 100% splurge and pay for that. But if both of those requirements dont both apply, what more can they do- they need someone to watch their kids.
And addressing your comparison to tznius, that is different, because one can always borrow from a gemach or from other people, and you cant borrow a nanny. In addition, tznius is actually a mitzva where someone needs to stretch themselves and go to much further lengths to fulfill then having a frum nanny, which is a nice thing that would definitely help, but the kids would do well even without. Yes, I know people who grew up with a non jewish nanny during the day and are frum ovdei hashem, and part of the yeshivish community. Ask around, I bet you know people who grew up with non- jewish help.I’m talking about a situation where a child would have a nanny during the day while their parents are at work making money to support their family, and on Sundays, Shabbos, and nights the parents are home. The nanny may be necessary in this case, and maybe there is no jewish one available. And again, I’m maskim that in an ideal world the nanny would be a frum yid, but even if the nanny is not jewish, the parents should make sure to model and ingrain torah and hashkafos into the kids whenever they are with them,which is hopefully all throughout dinner and the rest of the night, and the parents should definitely let the kid know that while their nanny may be a very nice and respectable person, she is not like us and you should not be learning your values from her.
But yes, if a child is never with his parents and only with the nanny, that will be a problem not only hashkafically, but for the child’s wellbeing, self-worth, and feeling of love towards their parents.First of all, I’m actually a republican.
second of all, I actually agree with all of your points, I was mainly responding to commonsaychel who said “Forget CPR and the rest, why would you trust your precious nechomas to a shiksa?”
And I was also answering the multiple people who said that people should not have nannies because they themselves should be taking care of their kids.I think its disgusting that you automatically assume any non jewish lady is a terrible person- there are lots of normal, caring people out there also.Also, I dont think you have to worry about your nanny harming a child if you do some research into it, maybe 1000 years ago you shouldve been worried, but just like non jewish barbers are now allowed b/c of dinah d’malchusah dinah, i would apply that here also and allow you to have a non- jewish nanny. Obviously, call up references first and be responsible with who you choose, but dont be so ignorant to not trust anyone.
And don’t just say that its a terrible thing to have a nanny because a child needs parents, since you have no idea of the situation. the mother might be busy making money for the family and need someone to help clean, cook, take care of kids, etc, or there may be othe reasons you dontknow. And even with a nanny, most parents are still very in the picture.
just think about what you say and how you judge people before you post.common saychel do you realize how hypocritical you’re being?? First of all, nobody in this thread has said anything troll-like, its been kept on topic (for the entire 4 message convo), and 2nd of all, you yourself are being a troll! you are going around the coffee room, (I’ve seen you in multiple other places), and writing this paragraph which is irrelevant and is only going to start arguments. You arent the first hypocrite I’ve encountered on this site, and i’ll tell you the same thing I’ve told other people who’v said not to do something and did it themselves (like what your doing) :
Kshot Atzmicha Viacharkach kshot acheirim. Its that pashut.DY ya its very good
This is probably not the best place to ask about that. Maybe ask somebody who knows your daughter and knows about seminary- you’re in Lakewood, it shouldn’t be too hard to find.
a pashute yid- true, but not everyone is up to that level where they can get relieved of stress just by learning. Thats a pretty high madreiga. Also, are you not spending time on CR yourself? Kshot Atzmecha V’acharkach kshot acheirim.
@ZSK just because you were zocheh to get married quickly and without much trouble does not mean that there is no shidduch crisis. I have a then 23-year-old brother (who has gotten married since) who was in the Parsha at the same time as my then 22-year-old sister (now married also), and my mother would constantly be getting calls redting shidduchim for my brother, who had just started dating and had to chase after boys for my sister who had been dating for 2 years. I know other people who have been in the same situation. Remember that other people have challenged even if you cannot relate to them.
opinionated 2- I don’t think it was even a hava Aminah of anyone in this discussion to spank without clothes on. The point of patching is not to be an inappropriate gesture, rather it is to instill a feeling of “what I did was wrong and I should not do it again” in the kid. Obviously, there are boundaries and after one spanks a child, they should speak to them lovingly and explain why they did it.
well, what if he needs to go on the internet for something important for work or booking a flight? You surely should not make a blanket statement that all internet is assur. You can put on an adblocker or figure out other ways to be responsible while still doing the right thing. Contact your local TAG office for more information about blockers.
Oh great, Syag found something to bash GH for.
Because what else would he be doing?I think its not a problem as long as it doesn’t get out of hand. If a bochur smokes a pack of day and maybe has a shot or 2 at night, there’s no problem if it’s not affecting his avodas Hashem and learning. if a bochur constantly leaves shiur or doesn’t do things he is supposed to because he is busy smoking or is drunk, that’s a problem. But otherwise, I think it’s a good outlet for bochurim that’s not affecting their Yiddishkeit.
Also, I’m totally maskim to midwesterner about the tuition.This is a boosha. You guys are probably 30 and arguing like you are 10.
Spanking is better for the child than yelling at them. If you spank a kid, he will feel bad and realize they did something wrong, and then you can comfort them and say you love them, and they will see that. If you yell at a child and make them feel terrible, even if you console them after, they will still feel terrible
Mistykins do you seriously think that?? There is no correlation whatsoever. There are plenty of very frum and yeshivish women and Rebbetzins who go to shul and have children that are Bnei torah; and there are unfortunately some of those women who do have OTD children. There are also many women who don’t go to shul and have heilige children, but also women who don’t go to shul that have OTD kids. Kids don’t go OTD because their mother didn’t go to shul.
joe dimaggios card