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Get them an electronic cigarette – cheaper, same experience, but without the ash or cigarette breath – and all they breath in is water vapor instead of tobacco – it’s like being in a steam room – so they don’t have the negative health effects of regular cigarettes
(I wrote this on a different thread but I think it’s important to say the same thing here.)
Hashem created the world that way. Woman (even if they’re not committed to him yet) try to “fix” their men. “You should do X. Why can’t you clean your Y? You never do Z! etc
Not only that women will analyze things that guys never in a million years think are important or relevant.
When my wife and I were dating I scratched my nose after I said something (because it ITCHED). She thought I was communicating some kind of distaste for her. She proceeded to go home and talk about and analyze it with her friend for THREE HOURS! I of course wasn’t even aware that anything had happened to begin with.
Now men on the other hand don’t want to be fixed. They are very comfortable with who they are. If you ask a woman what her faults are she will give you a long list of what she has to work on (another thing that Hashem created women with – they walk around with this idea of the “Perfect Woman” – who doesn’t exist by the way – and compare everything they do to what “she” would do.
Guys don’t give it a second thought – but their wives sure know what they have to work on!
Also VERY IMPORTANT FOR GUYS TO KNOW. This is why you should NEVER CRITICIZE YOUR WIFE! I guarantee you she already knows whatever fault you think you’ve seen. What she needs is for you to love and accept her AS SHE IS!
This is of course the great test of marriage – but when used correctly for both husband and wife they can grow closer then any other relationship imaginable.
Hashem created the world that way. Woman (even if they’re not committed to him yet) try to “fix” their men. “You should do X. Why can’t you clean your Y? You never do Z! etc
Not only that women will analyze things that guys never in a million years think are important or relevant.
When my wife and I were dating I scratched my nose after I said something (because it ITCHED). She thought I was communicating some kind of distaste for her. She proceeded to go home and talk about and analyze it with her friend for THREE HOURS! I of course wasn’t even aware that anything had happened to begin with.
Now men on the other hand don’t want to be fixed. They are very comfortable with who they are. If you ask a woman what her faults are she will give you a long list of what she has to work on (another thing that Hashem created women with – they walk around with this idea of the “Perfect Woman” – who doesn’t exist by the way – and compare everything they do to what “she” would do.
Guys don’t give it a second thought – but their wives sure know what they have to work on!
Also VERY IMPORTANT FOR GUYS TO KNOW. This is why you should NEVER CRITICIZE YOUR WIFE! I guarantee you she already knows whatever fault you think you’ve seen. What she needs is for you to love and accept her AS SHE IS!
This is of course the great test of marriage – but when used correctly for both husband and wife they can grow closer then any other relationship imaginable.
I had Shlomo Katz at my wedding.
I made aliyah through Nefesh b Nefesh when I was 23. I met my wife within a year after I got here, and I’m currently working for a high-tech company in Beit Shemesh.
When people speak negatively about Eretz Yisroel all they are a little but of the modern day Miraglim. But it is very important to come here with a plan. I’m assuming you were here learning at some point and that’s what hit you with the “Israel Bug.” When you do come as a single bochur, it is vitally important that wherever you do go, you stay connected to a yeshiva.
Definitely do not stay in America hoping to meet a girl how has your dream of Aliyah. This gives you a very narrow margin of girls to choose from. With any girl here that’s not even an issue and you have a much larger number of girls who will fit what you’re looking for hashkaficly.
Parents are not an issue that I had to deal with so I can’t speak about it, my parents were very supportive of Aliyah and they themselves are coming this year.
Definitely contact Nefesh they will give you valuable resources to make your klita easy and help you with a direction you can go with here. Plus if you are looking for education the State pays for your degree or for a training program. Free.
I also got hit with the strong desire to move Israel in my early 20’s, and worked very hard to make that dream a reality. And now looking back I’m completely convinced that there was some spiritual direction that pointed me in my direction. My beshart was here, my profession was here.
You absolutely see the Yad Hashem here, people in American will never understand that. Your daily life is completely governed by HB”H and it’s so much easier to see it here, even if on a Gashmiyus level it’s different here then what one has in America.
I just want to stress though that you need to be smart about coming here. You need to have a basic plan. Talk with Nefesh and make contacts with people living here. I was exactly in your position when I came and with the help of Hashem I made it and am making it.
It is possible to make it here, and it’s the place every Jew should be. Don’t listen to anyone’s negative comments, what happens to another person is their tikkun, not yours.
Hatzlacha
There was an article in this past week’s Mishpacha of a woman who was describing marrying of her children in the current yeshiva world today. There was one line in the article that sent both me and my wife rolling “We were pretty secure financially, mostly because we married off out sons to girls whose families paid the lion’s share of the expenses. Indeed we had good children…and we were able to demand that. {regarding marrying off a daughter} If you want a good chassan, bring a great kallah and an even better apartment.”
The rest of the article describes how when marrying off her sons they picked girls who would have steady, money making jobs, so their husbands could learn in kollel. But what ends up happening is that the wives are working crazy hours, never see their children, forget having dinners cooked during the week, cloths laundered etc. the husbands are the ones who are no longer learning and are have basically changed roles with the wife!
NO WHERE in the Torah is there an obligation for a husband to sit and learning full time after he is married! The Torah makes it VERY CLEAR that a husband is supposed to SUPPORT HIS WIFE not the other way around. Yes is supposed to be kovea be itim, yes he is supposed to learn as much as he cans, but what we’ve created is a culture that looks down on people who are supporting their families, these “working men” who are supporting their families are actually being more true to the Torah then people who are learning in kollel all day.
Now I’m not anti kollel at all, I think that for people who are serious learners and have support to do it should 100% do that, but when every Joe Shmo on the street feels that he can be passed off as a “learning boy” get support and then not do any learning, we a have a serious problem. Because if he does what he’s good at and goes out to work, the society around makes him feel like he’s worthless!
Of course then there are people who, as was said above, who are afraid to work because of how they will be viewed. It is a problem in a Torah society for the people who work to viewed as second class.
Sorry, I needed to get that off my chest.