Not all YU bochrim are the same.

Some are quite yeshivish just in YU because they need the college degree/ familiar pressure/ etc

These are 19-24 year old girls, mostly girls who are coming from YU families not willing to offer support for a learner but have moved to a place hashkaficly where they want someone with the yeshivish values

I know a lot of students in that situation take classes over winter session so that they can graduate sooner. (I actually have one friend who took them because she wouldn’t know what to do with the 5 weeks otherwise)

I wouldn’t say that this is restricted to Charedi only necessarily, and it is quite logical. When I (as a single female) get on a long flight, I don’t want to have to spend 12 hours smushed between 2 yeshiva bochurim trying not to touch them (yes, I have gotten that assigned seat and traded with someone). Or even if I’m in the aisle. I want to be able to fall asleep without worrying about either I or my male seatmate shifting in close quarters, ending up in a very uncomfortable situation.

Is there a chochma behind this?

by riverdale I mean the community based around Rav Willig

you could probably work out a similar system using the highlighting post its. if you auto-piloted over then you move the post it over the beginning of the bracha/ sticking out/ etc and if not you leave it at the bottom of the page. etc

bhe, that isnt necessarily true. you could date for a month and as things get really serious, and the shadchan is dropped, and more serious things are discussed, it comes out that it is not shayach

or maybe try something like SawYouAtSinai or YUConnects?

sfashkenaz, its on one of the journeys cds

I think Northwestern might be near the chicago yeshiva, but look into that.

I don’t know if this is what you are thinking of oomis, but there’s a classic dvar torah about how the first 3 were supposed to teach that Hashem exists, the 2nd set to teach that Hashem was in the land, and the third set was to teach that there is nothing like Hashem. And Makkas Bechoros was just to punish.

Succos (or was it Rosh Hashana, I always get confused) when you are living in the time of Nechemya and people havent made an eruv tavshilin (see the gemara in Beitzah)

logician, I am profoundly insulted by your assumption that working full time means you cant learn. I know a (married) guy in his 20s who learns for an hour or 2 before davening at a 7 or 730 minyan before going to work and also has a night seder chevrusa for a few hours.

If someone has a normal 9-5 job, there is plenty of time to learn if thats your priority, and the point is, there are guys who recognize they cant learn full time, but still have the priority to learn when they can

it really depends on the teacher and the school. in some schools its totally normal to ask your teacher for a meeting, and the teacher knows how to begin the conversations in those meetings to build the kesher. some, not so much. I found the best way was to ask advice on something and then once you start one conversation they just grow. eventually you invite yourself to their house for shabbos etc etc

dash is refering to the concern that according to R’ Akiva Eiger, saying “good Shabbos” might be being mikabel shabbos, so if you say this on friday afternoon at a time where it is possible to accept shabbos, then it might, according to this one opinion, be a problem. (although I do know people careful about this)

The easiest is in the frum stores, otherwise some serious hunting is necessary.

I have seen on Amazon believe it or not.

and every so often you get lucky in random stores, but no guarantee on that one.

The other option is to make your own, learning to sew a skirt is pretty simple

btw keepitcoming, who is this shadchan that has working boys? I want one

I think you need to find out why she wanted to end this friendship, what about it wasn’t working for her.

It may be that the situation has been changed and this friendship doesn’t really make sense anymore. Sometimes friendships do fall apart as things change, and thats life. Its not easy when that happens, but sometimes thats life, and fighting against it may not make it better.

you dont want her to pretend to become friends with you again and really resent you forcing her into it

I think Problem 1 is partially inherent in the nature of boys and girls- the girls are mature and ready to be adults earlier. some of this is nature, and some of this may be nurture with the girls taught responsibility from a younger age

I think you need to figure out why he thinks he’s ready to start dating, and evaluate if he is.

there are some guys who are ready to be married at 21, and he can always come back to American and learn here.

but talk to him, ask him why he thinks its time for him to start dating

also, if he has a sister around the same age (or theoretically he could do this with a parent), make him have a conversation THAT DOES NOT CENTER AROUND HIS LEARNING. because that is hwat he will need to do when he starts dating, and he needs to know how. if his mind is still too in the clouds to do this, then he’s not ready.

I did this for a brother of mine, and as much as it wasn’t really fun for me, it took just 20 minutes and it let my parents see that he was ready to enter that real world.

I think that there is a distinction to be made within MO that is not being made here.

There is the group that is using “its ok, I’m MO” as an excuse to be mekil/ over aveiros, bordering on Conservative, except being more widely accepted. But the other group, often called YU Machmir or Torah Umaadah is the group that is MO while still holding (mostly) to Halacha. The ones that do send their kids to non-co-ed schools, dont go mixed swimming,the mothers cover their hairs and wear skirts, some even wear tights. the fathers go to minyan 3x a day and have a chevrusa or 2 every day while doing daf yomi, etc. They are MO because they believe in Torah Umaddah, as a way of bringing them closer to Torah, following The Rav (r’ solevetchik as he is called in those camps).

so the MO bashing on a wide level has got to stop.

(and no, I am not saying this b/c I am MO, but I grew up in a house that was that second type of MO, going to schools of the first type, and very much saw the difference. Yet I still became Yeshivish)

also, regarding what charliehall said that ” Rav Soloveitchik z’tz’l, who qualified as a Gedol HaDor, was an enthusiastic supporter of co-ed schools, founding one himself in Boston”. I think if you read the Teshuva thoroughly it implies that he did not see it as a lechatchila, but rather as a bdieved because this was the only way that the MO parents in Boston would send their kids to his school instead of the secular prep schools. And you can’t say that the fact that he allows it shows that he’s more modern because Rav Moshe, who even you can not deny was a Gadol Hador also has a teshuva about until what age Co-ed education is OK, and under what circumstances.

I feel like I am reading the male parallel to my own story. I too went to a modern orthodox co-ed elementary school. There were kids in my grade who weren’t remotely Shomer Shabbos. I then went to a way frummer, but still MO, all-girls highschool, and realized that I did not like the MO way of life. So I found a teacher to be my “mentor”, who I had discussions with, would go to for shabbos, etc. even in a MO school you probably have a few “yeshivish” teachers, find them and a make a Kesher.

and regarding the learning at the yeshiva: maybe see if theres someone there that has a car and is willing to meet with you closer to your house or pick you up? and remember that problem is only until you get your licence, at that point you can drive yourself to night seder (I have a brother who did that his last 2 years of highschool in exchange for agreeing to stay in the MO highschool through graduation and not leaving for yeshiva)

also, I would suggest slowly hinting this to your parents, not in an obnoxious or demanding way, just enough so they’re not shocked when you want to go to a more serious yeshiva after highschool.

regarding being mad about where they sent you/how they raised you. I was also mad for a number of years, but then I realized two huge benifits I got

1- because I saw so much of that side, i was able to say I didn’t want it and become who I am today

2- the fact that I did get such strong acadamics at a younger age means that school is easier for me, and when I was in college (under parental pressure) it did not take so much time to do the work, letting me spend more time how I wanted

so in short, my answer is, if you think the MO way of life is not for you, then don’t do that, no shame in going one step to the right 🙂

Hatzlacha!!!

basicly in publisher it is very easy to make the text boxes where you want them and have the text “flow” from the text on one page to the next if you want to do funky formating with columns or whatever. Word is great if you are doing straightforward, text and footnotes.

both are relativly user friendly and have plenty of tutorials online