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I can really empathize :(, but I’m sorry i don’t have advice to share. Try to sit down and have a heart to heart talk and tell her how you feel, that you love her, but feel smothered, and don’t want to hurt her, but need space to be a better you. Perhaps the clarity will alleviate her doubts, and therefore let her back off without feeling deserted. Hatzlocha and i wishing you a good shabbos!
Might be a bit late, but i just bumped across this thread in a search. Its on Visions, by esti Eisner
thanx again :). This is gonna be an all niter, unless i fall asleep on my papers. At least being so busy keeps my mind busy and preoccupied!
not so great actually, but the mods don’t wanna give me anyone’s emails :). Guess i can take that as a message to focus on my hw this week!
If you’re getting suggestions, be happy! Many struggle with that. If you would say yes, then at least you’re on the right track. You can try reassessing what you’re looking for and make sure it’s what matches you… IY”H bekarov!
Salt water taffy- the real kind!! And milk/white chocolate 🙂
oh and of course, dried papaya or pineapple. mmmmmm
we always did at home haircuts. But looking back, my mother always said she wishes she hadn’t :). And don’t give at home cuts to kids past 8-10, if they’ll feel embarrassed abt not having a style for girls, or the wrong type of ‘bangs’ cut for boys.
Syag Lchochma- i just had to post for this. that second piece you posted? Wow. That was a truly amazing, inspirational, uplifting, warming poem about recognizing and feeling Hashem’s love in all areas. To be able to recognize we ALWAYS are being watched. We all always being held, every little thing that happens is specially chosen just for us, and we are always being held in an embrace, never alone. You really touched me with your writing. How i wish i could feel those emotions!! How I hope I will be able to never feel alone and recognize the closeness, and soon! Thank you so much for posting that. You brought a ray of clarity into my day.
i’m completely falling apart, losing myself, unstable emotionally and hashkafically. I thought i had bitachon but the foundation was never firm and its all breaking apart around me. I’m falling falling hard and fast, and there is noone around to catch me. Those who care are busy or scared, those who should care don’t know how to show it and are just more angry at me than anything else. I’m watching the ground coming closer and can’t prepare myself for the painful, horrible crash that is coming.
nope, not doing well. And making everyone around me angry and that just comes back at me… A spiral down. There’s only so much hurt and insult i can take in 2 weeks before it gets inside affects me
finally we got to really talk, and much much better though still sooo hard. In everything else, things have gotten worse and worse.
Is it evening yet?
Sorry this is just a ramble and doesn’t make much sense to others…
Slowly, silently drifting apart
like the tide from on the beach
cannot see the little shifts
but with time see the breach
i feel like we are losing touch
a bit more every day
unpleasant silence, upsets
we seem off kilter in a way
i feel we’re both losing our
sensitivity to each others needs
treading on nerves we’d long ago
learned to detect and read
am i just not compatible
with a friend who is engaged?
too sensitive to be pushed off
do i unfairly get enraged?
I wonder if it’d be better
for us to take a short break
or only to talk twice a week
if it’d lessen the ache
it’d make for less hurt feelings
when it seems to keep going wrong
and it’d be a way to prepare for
not talking, in not too long
its not what i want, not at all
but this isn’t working well
we both don’t share our feelings, thots
won’t ask, won’t say, won’t tell
has it come down to walking
on eggshells with each other?
both scared to speak, then both get hurt
I cry beneath my cover
appointments, classes call
busy day and nite
sheitels, gowns, and kallah class
there is no break in sight
this wk coming, that week going
no schedule i can keep
at 2 am we’re on the phone
my body begs for sleep
but, no! I want to talk, to share
my day, and hear of hers
i cannot let the time dictate
our rants, our laughs, our words
i want to see her one more time
before her name is changed
but this does not anymore seem
so simple to arrange
i understand the urgentness
of things you have to do
if slots open, u go right then.
It must be done, it’s true
when u have work or class i know
for me you won’t be free
and things may pop up to be done
but …. can’t u schedule me?
We both want to see each other
who more, i don’t know.
can’t you book an evening off
to spend time with me, though?
If you don’t have the space or time
just tell me, that is fine
i won’t come til your shabbos kallah
won’t have your ear just mine
but that might have to be the way
this is a busy time
just tell me so, don’t let me hope
for u know thats a crime.
hi all. Thanks for the wishes. Feeling much better today, but still got a bit to go to being healthy. Yesterday was pretty bad physically, and emotionally. Got to talk to my friend last nite tho, and had a good talk and long cry on the phone. I hope my complaints didn’t insult her though, cuz i realized after i wasn’t being sensitive to her… She’s so good, andturned it around, instead apologizing to me. oh what a special friend she is!!!! I needed that rant, to get it out of my system. Hope i can now look for solutions… Back to the books now. I missed a ton of work that i have to make up and am slightly stressing about it. (yeah right).
Hope everyone else had a good day, and that noone else is on meds!
ill and out of order. Will return later.
so good to hear from you! glad things are okay. As for concentration, oh booyyyyyyy can i relate right now! :p
But thats what poetry is all about! I’ve described myself in both male and female pronouns in my poems here.
I will definitely try keeping up the friendship. Being in different time zones though will make things difficult. It will be a big adjustment from our nightly 5 minute shiur together. And very difficult emotionally. And losing my support system in emotion, ruchniyus, and direction in daily struggle and conflict is gonna leave me much more vulnerable to falling.
PE- Thank you so much for telling me abt crying on Shabbos! I DID need to hear that!! to know that!! thank you thank you!
ICOT wow, thank you so much. That described it soooo well. (Except i’m not feeling left out, and my joining the club won’t reunite us. she’s moving away.) You described true friendship so well, and the emotions…
MP and kapusta- thank you
think first- sorry i’m not in the mood for a good reply. But that poem was so up and encouraging, while showing yearning and bitachon. What a beautiful positive tefillah!
I am with you on this one, yentingyenta. I can not breathe around cigarette smoke either. I am sensitive to many smells but I literally gag from cigarette and begin coughing- i feel bad sometimes, but the smell does disgust me, and it feels like its burning my lungs. And no, i would not try getting first hand smoke. Oish, what a suggestion…
kapusta +1
mp-i do know what caused the argument,but i’m not willing to staand idly by if it comes up again.
I read ur post in welcome wagon. A late welcome back, and thanks for returning.
nope,it wasn’t at all. Know that stage where pain turns to anger or indifference? Day starting off fine, but all came crashing down. I found someone in a very bad mood and angry at me, and i have no clue what set that off. I tried helping someone else and got into an argument. I try helping
myself and fight or fall. It all keeps blowing up in my face. Then when i was down i got into another argument, and this time got upset and ‘hit’ back. Low then lower, when my friend didn’t get my downness, i just turned off and snapped back. Lovely end to a lovely day no? Yup, here comes my sarcasm full force! And my least favorte recording is starting to play in the background of my mind, whispering quietly ”who cares?!”
We were put together for a while and after a while i opened up, then we had opportunity to get close and build a relationship. It takes me a long time to open up to others… I’m not quite a social butterfly…
ANYHOW. Blabla, haven’t heard from you in a while. How are you doing?
when will the tears stop?? Never??
I want to just be happy for her. I AM so happy for her! But i need her :(. She’s my best friend, she’s closer than any sister could be. She knows me inside and out, understands me, gets me. I don’t wanna lose this friendship :'(. I don’t know how to cope with these emotions. Shes the most special, sensitive, caring, kindest, encouraging, understanding friend. Before her i didn’t know such a friendship could exist and its not one i think can be replicated ever. And now i’m losing her. And i can’t stop crying. I get teary just thinking about it and keep bawling myself to sleep. How long wll this go on? Or will it not stop til she’s married and i adjust? Or til i numb to it? My emotions are on overdrive. I miss her so much already. All the conversations i was waiting to have-will they ever happen now? All the advice i was waiting for the right time to ask-now i’ll have to navigate alone? Or will i now need real help. Thats what every
one else thinks now… A year and a half ago we began learning mussar sefer together. Every night we learn together and then t
alk, generally for at least an hour, often more. And yom tov aside we rarely miss a day. Maybe once every month or two. And now that’s all gonna stop! I won’t even know what to do with myself in the evening! Its been for talking for a couple of years now! I’m losng so much of myself too! My daily learning, my ruchni role model, my friend, my support, my daily lift no matter what happened. I’m not ready to lose her or our friendship. I don’t want to ever!!! :'( :'(
Guess having gone under the water and panicked before makes me more scared. Piano is my escape, but unfortunately not available at night when i need it most usually. Interesting though, cuz most ppl tell me that i can use piano to calm myself etc but i should more importantly write to work through the emotions… Thanks for the email offer, but same answer right now.
Beware PE and kapusta, i might just take you up on your offer one day!
I miss hugs, I do
And i guess kisses too
i don’t get enough
but i need them, don’t you??
the warmth of the feeling
the showing the caring
it doesn’t suffice
in just mentally knowing
i need to be shown
i need it to be said
to feel the embrace
or the stroke on my head
Wish i could say that
to those who could give it
but the need to be shown
not all believe it
the last time i asked
i turned someone away
scared them off
in discomfort, they say
i remember when i’d
leave home every day
with a kiss, and at nite
a hug with me would stay
how i long for that
to have a bit once again
from a mentor who knows
my true pain, or a friend…….
thanks Syag, ok i’m not horrrible. Like i said though, i already felt myself stumbling just from when we couldn’t talk lately, so i don’t believe in myself.
Your high school story sounds very similar to a friend of mine :). With this friend, after a while together we realized we were foing just that- focusing on and exacerbating the misery. And we switched to being encouraging and focusing on solutions. We’ve both been positive, and when one was down the other played the encourager. recently though, she’s been holding ME up and without her eyes seeing light, i’m stuck in the dark. writing has always been a way for me to work through emotions, both positive and negative. I 100% agree that positive writing helps me focus on that, and is a step above writing to get out the negative. But when i’m down, all my writing stops. I can’t write poems of hope and happiness, nor of tears and fears. Not at ALL taken liek mussar. To take the time to send that post shows support! I wish i could apply it, but right now its a point for me to put on hold til i get that back. Thank you.
i want a real hug so badly :(.
My bff got engaged, so i’m losing her. She has been just about my entire support system for a couple of years. Knows me and gets me inside and out. Best friend anyone could ask for. We think and feel the same in so many ways that she truly can finish my sentences and verbalize my feelings, and knows just what to say. Always encouraging, motivating, believing in me. Always there for me. And even just from when she was seriously dating, and ww couldn’t talk deeply, i felt lost and fell. And while i’m soso excited and happy and ecstatic, i’m sad and scared for myself… Makes me feel like such a horrible friend.
believe it or not, its the one i live by too. though it doesnt sound like it now…. and the one i tell other people…
think first- abelated 🙂
kapusta, princess eagle- thank you. Kapusta- ANY reply is something and everything. A hug is even more. PE thanks for believing in me when i’m wavering. No email exchanging for now- i bug enuf ppl as is. Not so sure abt shabbos. I did get a lot of tears out. Good to have that ability again, bad that i am so sad i couldn’t stop… But no crying on shabbos. Or at least we try. Have a good shabbos all.
my pillows soaked with tears
emotions running high
wondering why when i should be happy
i feel the need to cry
so many things are happening
so many challenges and tests
this week been long, lots of different stresses
leaves me yearning for some rest
too many occurances together
everything all in one
my emotions are pulled, extreme hi extreme low
overwhelming, this is no fun
shaking from pressure and fears
happiness and joy make me dance
tears of frustration that just will not stop
noone to listen to my rants
just wanna go to a friend
and let my emotions be free
let myself collapse in sobs, yells and cries
let out all the pain within me.
how about a photo gift? like a keychain, cosmetic case, glasses cloth, mug etc that u decorated, or wiht a picture of the 2 of you on it? YOu can also do shrinkydink keychains for a cheaper version
thanks blabla. for that all. i know i was just ranting and it may not have made great sense…i’m glad i help somewhat. you can be supportive, and u are!!
i hope ur busy with good stuff. And enjoying your vacation. If that’s the poetry source, then i’m glad ur not in the mood now. Thanks for making me smile.
middlepath please don’t leave. Couldn’t u just come to the poetry thread? Bookmark it and avoid the rest?
I feel like slowly everyone encouraging and uplifting is leaving. This thread is dying, the CR is dying. I understand ppl wanting to leave til things clear up and theres a shift. But if all the positive ppl who care leave, what does that leave? Whats to motivate the change?
I can only speak for myself but thats how i feel. I try. I try to be helpful blabla. I know i care so much and try to show it and encourage, support. But a support group has strength in numbers. I am struggling myself. To give strength when i feel i have none is hopeful but i don’t know how helpful or strong what i try is. And i doubt it is much. At least in the poetry thread i hope to gain strength. From poems, and from the replies and care shown. But when the number of those has dwindled so so much…. I wish AYC would come back. I wish the poetry thread posters would be able to post more. I wish when i feel like blabla and am waiting desperately for the words of wisdom from others, that my reply isn’t the only, or amid only 1 or 2 more. Can’t we keep the strength of kindness and caring alive at least here, in this thread?
PrincessEagle, observanteen, Middlepath, AYC- Where are you all? Please come back
i know this is not your point, but the titanic was a historical event, forget about a movie. Like saying something was like a scene from 9/11.
ask your rosh!
Maybe try to find something you can take that pain and frustration out on, NOT on yourself! Don’t know if you play any instrument, but playing loud hard, either really fast or slow songs. Drumming and smashing- even on homemade drums! (i can tell u how to make those!) My all-time favorite quote: “Therapy is expensive. Bubble wrap is cheap” To twist, jump on, pop one at a time, or tonz at once. Even smashing foam cups! Let out the pressure, turn on music or the shower and SCREAM! Paint or draw angry scribbles. And of course, poetry and most of all talking and sharing your feelings. Here in the CR, with a friend, a therapist, a relative. Be strong, blabla
:'(
Please blabla. Call your therapist too and tell her. Let her help you through this low. Listening does help a lot really. If you’d want, i wish i could be available to you, to listen, whenever i could. i am on email more than coffee room… Please don’t let yourself get into that mindset if you can. Don’t let yourself be alone if you feel like that. i wish you could tell your parents if you felt that low, but…don’t turn to something that can leave scars. You WILL get out of the darkness. don’t leave scars to remind you. You will shine and shoot up, i believe that. and then you will hopefully be able to forget this time. i’m out of words, can only give you tears for your pain. will try again soon
ICOT, that was a masterpiece, and is a true piece of encouragement for anyone who reads it. I hope it was able to touch you somewhere somewhat blabla.
just one thought to repeat hr120. If u do decided to tell ur friends, id suggest just telling one. At least for now. Someone who you think is sensitive and would understand. Who knows? Maybe that will open up the friendship betwen you two and it’ll blossom. Hatzlocha!
blabla i just read ur post and cried. I hope u did not dare to follow through on those thoughts. I am listening, and my heart is hurting for you. Please don’t give up. Even if today was black, you know there are up and down days. Maybe tomorrow will be even a bit better. Don’t mark today, skip it and wait for tomorrow to mark the sunshine with a poem. I am hoping you can feel my care, cuz it is real. I don’t know what kind of support one sad person can give another, but as long as i’m not making things worse i will try and do whatever i can. Let me share just a bit of the burden u are carrying, lighten it up a bit cuz i believe in you. Sending a hug your way. Please let me know how u are doing, feeling. Wishing you the best!
i don’t think thats the kind of advice anyone was looking for, Health. Thanks but no thanks.
i could not swallow pills for anything and tried everyone’s advice. i finally learned how at 19, when i had to take 4 pills a day after a bloodtest results. chewing them was DISGUSTING and after trying and failing and trying and failing, i got the hang of it after 3-4 weeks. its just a matter of figurign out what works for you. i still do on the odd occasion have trouble but most the time i can swallow pills. i’ve got my two thought processes that work. for me, the best is to take a mouthful of water, consciously put the front part of my tongue up to the roof of my mouth, withthe pill on the back part. and if you plug your nose, you will be forced to swallow. haven’t found chewable prenatals yet. Hatzlocha!
thanks snapplegrl, i couldn’t find them yet. I thought it was “sleep littleone, pure little one” though…
maybe its a song one of the sem choirs made?
I love that song! I will check if i have the lyrics anywhere
man in the kitchen- u can use any cut of meat. I have used an assortment, including steak tho its less fatty. Often look for the cheapest pkg. We usually use beef bones actually, sometimes with a smaller piece of meat, sometimes even with just bones. Much cheaper too 🙂
first of all, DON’T whisper- it strains ur vocal cords. just talk as you would normally if you have to, even if you have no voice.
Gargling with salt water if your throat is sore.
Drink something with honey and lemon, like tea. This one really works for me :).
Drink lots or suck on candies.
Refuah shleima and if this is a play, hatzlocha!
Iced coffee! With a squirt of chocolate syrup that is! YUM!
I think there is a concept of simcha shel mitzva . “ivdu es Hashem b’simcha” from tehillim? simchas yom tov? “Tachas asher lo avadetah ess Hashem Elokechah b’simchah ubetuv levov meirov kol.” “pikudei hashem yesharim mesamchei lev” “Uliyishrei lev simcha” But yes, “ein simcha ela Torah”
i learned that simcha is not a mitzva, butit is a basic prerequisite to avodas Hashem, that is, to doing mitzvos. i will have to look those notes up and try to find a source…
You made me curious :). I did a little online research. This is what i found.
“R. Aharon of Karlin is reported to have stated ‘there is no mitzvah to be b’simcha, but simcha can bring one to the greatest mitzvos and there is no aveira (prohibition) to be be’atzvus (in a state of sadness), but atzvus can bring one to the greatest aveiros’ (or similar).”
The Arizal, near the beginning of Sha’ar Ruach HaKodesh says,
“When a person is performing any mitzvah, is engaged in Torah, or is praying, it is necessary that he be joyful (samech) and of a good heart (tov lev), more than if he were to find a million silver dinars.”
On hashkafa.com, this question was asked, and this was posted in reply:
See Rambam Hilcos Lulav 8:15. After discussing the special Simcha that took place on the Chag, he writes.
??. ????? ????? ??? ?????? ????? ?????? ??? ???? ???. ????? ????? ???. ??? ????? ???? ????? ?? ???? ????? ???? ????? ??? ??? ?? ???? ?? ?’ ????? ????? ????? ???. ??? ????? ???? ????? ???? ????? ?????? ?????? ??????? ??? ???? ?????. ??? ?? ????? ???? ???? ?? ????? ???? ???. ??? ?????? ???? ???? ???? ??????? ??? ??? ????? ?????? ????? ?????. ??? ??? ??? ????? ??? ??????? ??? ???? ?????? ??? ?????. ???? ?????? ?????? ??? ????? ???? ?’ ????? ????? ??? ???? ?????? ???? ?’ ???’: ????? ??? ????? ????, ??? ????? ????? ???
See also Hilchos Yesodie Hatorah 7:4.
?. ?? ??????? ??? ??????? ??? ?? ????? ??? ??????? ???? ??????? ????? ????? ?? ????????? ???? ?????? ???? ?? ???? ????? ??? ???? ????? ??? ???? ???? ????? ??? ??????? ?????? ??? ???? ????? ????? ??? ?????? ?????? ???? ????? ???? ??????? ????? ?????? ???? ?????? ?? ?????? ??? ???? ???? ????? ?????:
You may want to see the Moreh Nivuchim Cheleck 2, 31.
???? ??? ?? ????? ??? ?????? ???? ?? ???? ????? ??? ???? ?????, ??????? ????? ?? ??? ?????? ???? ?? ??? ?????, ?????? ????? ????? ??? ???? ?????? ????, ????? ???? ????? ?? ??? ?????? ??? ????? ????? ???? ?? ???? ???? ??????? ?? ??? ??? ??? ????? ????, ?????? ???? ???? ?????? ??? ???? ????. ??? ??-??-?? ????? ????? ?? ??? ???? ???????, ???? ?????, ??? ????? ????? (?????) ???? ??? ??????, ??? ??????? ??? ????? ???? ?? ????? ?????? ???? ???????. ?? ??? ????? ???? ??? ???? ????.
??? ?? ???? ???? ?????? ?????? ???-??, ?????-??? ?????? ??? ??????. ??? ?? ????? ??? ????? ?????. ??? ??? ??? ??? ????? ????????? ???????? ???????? ?????? ???? ?????. ???? ????? ?? ????? ?????? ????? ???? ???? ??? ???? ?????? ??? ???? ??????? ?????? ????????? ??????? ???????? ???? ????? ?? ????? ?????? ???????. [???? ??????? ?????? ??? ??? ?????? ????? ????? ????? ?? ????], ???? ??? ??? (????? ?”?, 32). ???? ??? ???? ????? ???? ??? ?????? ?????? ?????? ???? ?? ??? ?’ ??? ????? (???? ?’, 12). ??? ???: ???? ?????? ????? ??? ???? ?? ?????? ?? ???? ???? ??’ (???? ?’, 9). ?? ???? ????? ????, ?? ???? ??????. ???? ?? ????? ????? ?????? ????? ????? ????? ???? ????, ???? ?????
blabla, please don’t hurt yourself. It’s overwhelming and long and such a heavy load, but it will end! You will overcome! it may be taking longer than anyone would want, but each day is another day marked off of the cheshbon. Keep focusing on the sunshine that you know is coming, and believing in yourself! You WILL feel its warmth and see its light, you WILL! It might take another month, or 2, or even 5, but you are getting closer and closer with every hour, every step, walking on to the opening of this dark tunnel. I hope your in touch with kapusta or others who care. (kapusta- that was so special of you! Yasher koach!) Hang in there! Hoping every day is sunnier than the last!
oomis1105- I Daven that no one else should develop arthritis or osteoporosis. But i’m sorry for your pain and misery.
shuli- its February?? Did i just miss 4 weeks or do you live in a different country than me? 😀