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is it fleishig?
ummmm it still doesn’t quite work that way
i’m having deja vu…
ok, i’ll bite. What?!
it’s hard, it is. Very. But so neccesary, and so helpful. Your rav ignores you when, in the street? Many do. But if you call and ask to speak to him, he definitely will speak to you, and if you want, meet you, and will help guide you. Or perhaps a different rav in the city.
The intern may be helpful then. If she can practically help too. Or else, a psychologist or social worker, as scary as that sounds. Its a sad truth, but your ‘mentors’ may have not known how to help, and thus felt beyond their scope, so left, or maybe they didnt really comprehend your hurt. Either way, it doesnt seem right at all. Maybe if such a thing happened again, you should pursue them again after a week break. But though its a hard situation, its not the hardest out there. A psych..will tell you straight out right away if they thought they cldn’t help.
You’re expressing thoughts, feelings, emotions, questions that ive had and have still
You might be surprised though to find out that one or more of your brothers found someone to talk to also. Telling one or two trustworthy people should not make it public knowledge at all, so it’s not exposing your family. On the unlikely chance it would? Then you could all get help and guidance to become a happier, close family, something noone will regret 5 yrs down the road.
The tears should not have to continue, though that ability to shut it off and smile is a very important one- keep it. A fake smile releases endorphins too! Your mother will be upset that you told about your family? Yes if she finds out, she may be. Mine was. Very. But its still worth it. And necessary. Her anger is from hurt, fear, but safety, care, strength comes first. You come before her broken emotional reactions. They arent coming from a healthy frame of mind, right? Chayecha kodmin. Don’t let the pain go on and on.
ohoh can i join the brainstorming up the list? Speakin of which, you never answered my last post to you, hmmmm…
kosher food
a can opener
warm layers, that you can pile on and remove piecework
a camera and charger!
your principal is so completely wrong and responsible for bullying she allows to continue. I know there are organizations fighting against bullying and starting programs in schools and getting involved. Long overdie in every school imo. re bullies, i’d actually advise speaking up, interrupting if they stop, telling them calmly but firmly how it is loshon hora, motzi shem ra, onaas devorim, halbanas ponim. How you’d appreciate if they’d stop the verbal abuse.
I know, having been dropped by a mentor breaks your trust. It cuts deep. If this intern isnt sticking around… She might not be there after the school year for you. A rav/rebbetzin, a psychologist, a social worker. They’ll stick around longer. If there’s a neighbor you trust, who won’t be scared to help our. You can ask for names from the help lines too. Relief. Yitty leibel help line. And many more.
I know exactly what you mean about feeling its betraying your family to talk. And it kept me from finding someone. For too long. Until damage had been done. And i’m begging you not to wait until then. Be proactive, and prevent more pain. Don’t be one of those kids who tells everyone about their family, no. But find one or 2 people who can guide you, preferably who will work together (this will also likely help that they stick with it). If one can be a rav, he can give you psakim, tell you what you can do, what you can say, without guilt. He can tell you if you should spend time away despite the guilt, perhaps even move out, for a week or a year. Find someone. It will take a huge load off your chest that you don’t even realize is there.
And most of all, do not feel guilty. Be careful with your actions, yes. Don’t hurt if it can be avoided. Protect yourself. Get help. Feel bad, pity your mother. Look at her with pity and compassion for what she is, and what she can’t see to break out of yet, instead of with anger if you can. But to feel guilty for taking care of your safety and health, for protecting, for getting a better environment and outlook in which you can grow more solidly and stronger, that is something to not feel guilty about. And the guilt can be, and is, debilitating, and it will stop you from doing what you know you should. But it is yetzer hora. Recognize it for what it is, and you can fight it. The only time guilt is good is when it is proppelling you to a change and growth, like in teshuva. If its holding you back, or weighing you down, let it go. Its hard work to overcome, start now while you’re in bais yaakov. Its much easier then.
And don’t wait too long if you can. The longer you wait and debate, the more excuses and deterrants the yetzer hora can plant in your mind.
I had something else thats slipped my mind… If i remember i’ll come add it.
sadly, i can relate to parts of what your saying. And letting it just continue as is is not a good idea. If a ‘mentor’ can drop someone… Yoish. Find a new, better mentor please. Regardless of your mothers comments, you should still try to spend time away from home. She’s just insulted in her low self-esteem and expressing it in the way she knows best- hurting or insulting others. Do you have any friends from school? Can you go to a brother? A mentor, a psychologist or social worker, a rav or rebbetzin. Its my best advice, and the sooner the better. You can also call one of the many jewish help-lines just to vent, for advice, for suggestions, for help. You can remain anonymous, so it’s worth trying. It’s hardest to go through things alone. And i wish noone had to go through what your going through. Keep davening for changes and help, and keep strong.
aproudbyg- i am boiling inside that your class would make fun of your bro being otd, or about your oarents. What chutzpah, how not understanding, how painful. The fact that you nonetheless view yourself as a proud by girl is amazing. You have inner strength that will get you through pain and bring you far. Do you have any friends from school or the neighborhood you could go to for shabbos, meals or afternoon? Are any of your brothers married and living near you? I’d even suggest finding a family who takes guests for shabbos from shabbat.com if you can. Find yourself a mentor please. A teacher or neighbor you respect, a rav or rebbetzineyou can ask your questions to and ask for advice from (they may also have guests for shabbos meals and be glad to have you join them), a psychologist. Someone you can discuss this with who can practically help or advise.
It sounds like you already do, but know you are not at all responsible for your brother’s or parents’ actions. They have their challenges and tests, you have yours, and their actions don’t affect who you are, and you NEVER ever deserve to have someone rub those in your face. Besides the fact that noone of your friends has the right to even begin judging them.
You really sound strong and it impresses me. And i’m glad your sense of humor is still intact :). It’s one of the best tools for getting through tough situations
yaff80- i’ve heard (though can’t remember who said it) that in today’s day, the inyan of teaching your kids to swim is to teach them to drive properly.
its not about her admitting it, its about her hearing what it does to you,and about her coming to recognize the wrong in it. This is not a healthy environment. If you can, get invited out for shabbos to friends, relatives, whether for a meal or to sleep there. Spend your shabbos afternoon at friends at least.
It’s not something to lightly dismiss. Ask a rov and/or a therapist for advice and help. and do NOT allow your mother to grab your shirt or chas v’shalom hurt you or throw soomething at you. That is not part of kibud av v’aim.
ouchhhh. If this is not regular, then your mother obviously snapped under pressure tonight. And it is NOT an excuse.
I’m scared for the responses you will get because i know many will say call the police for abuse, and i don’t think that’s a good idea. If this is not her normal behaviour, give her a day or two to cool off and see if she comes to apologize. If not, perhaps bring it up in a non-accusatory way, when you are calm and can stay calm. Don’t accuse, don’t use ”you”. Explain you were hurt and surprised, and see what she says. If applicable, ask your father for advice.
That’s not acceptable behaviour, even if someone is under stress though. Sending a hug…
you can sell your seforim to a girl from next year. Linen possibly too. Or if you have someone to leave a bag with, you can keep an ear out for people willing to bring it back
for those who eat quinoa on pesach… Do you do the cooking in your house??
naww, with you away how could anything imprtant happen??
i was waiting to see who’d attack the use of ‘must’ first 🙂
stuck
like glue
like lead
in bed
as if
one dead
should i be offended?
oh come on, instead of closing all his threads, block him
syag- lol!
GROWWWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!! RAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
?? ??? ???? ????? ???? ??? ????? ????? ???
i don’t get it. Is being censored by the mods something to be proud of?? Sounds like a buncha sixth grade boys comparing how often they get in trouble.
”i got 3 detentions this month”
”pfft that’s nothing i got kicked out of class 4 times last week just!”
”oh yeah? Well i got suspended twice this year already and its only November!”
i know it doesnt. Mods were on a short break then a few posts ending with DY’s post went up, so… I wondered who the unidentified mod is
ohhh of course it’s you! 🙂
Who else would it be?
which mod is still up? Or is DY a mod???
It’s me.
me!
you’re early
whoa gangnam talk about taking out your frustration on the wrong person. All syag did was post a funny not foolish line in response to yours, not try to supply anyone anything, not to ruin your ‘genius’ subtitle idea. And that ‘annoying’ mod is the one who is getting your comments posted. Don’t prove the truth in the line you want for YOUR subtitle
if you sleep on shabbos and that messes up your sleep schedule, then sleeping an hour less at night should be helpful, no?
woohoo! A blast from the past! Welcome back to our not-youngest-anymore poster!!
golfer +1 on your first post
worst yet when they call but are in middle of a conversation with the person next to them and don’t even realize you’ve answered their call
i wish i was sleeping…
2am n still here!
mazel tov!
yehudayona- even non-fat milk tastes different after being frozen and has only about 2 days life after
yep. Cover it. Plastic wrap, in a baggie, in a plastic container with a cover…
my father doesn’t. That was always all the better for me though! 🙂
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HBUOwadhdyd
shdidieufosmabqyqoGY662Ioseneoxizn x aajaov?@ ausgqowkr,,z.++n sbwbsz?
Smsbdurnsjckvlk
sadhu9qben Y9lznsrlt,voznaoelt
-by: a monkey with a typewriter
i’ve clicked on an auction or tzedaka or 3. If they weren’t getting hits, they wouldn’t pay to advertise here, so it must be working
it’s nerves. And just about everyone gets nerves, uncertainty. That’s normal. Again, if u can get yours hands on that book, theres a chapter about just these feelings
caleefornia- you sound pretty sure of yourself!(my straight out opinion: dont miss your chance for such a great guy!) Many posters mentioned things i’d have. Especially the would you be disappointed if you lost your chance, would you be measuring up other dates to him.. There’s a chapter in ”dating secrets” aka shidduch secrets on this if you’d like. I had a good friend who said pretty much exactly what you did. Another who said you are never 100% sure, but once you say yes, you realize you are so glad you did. I’d suggest maybe speaking to a shadchan or mentor about your emotions, i’m sure they’d be able to direct you through all your thoughts. One of my friends did that and was the best thing she did. All of these 3 friends tried taking a step back and looking at it, realized he was an amazing guy just what they wanted, and recognized its kinda hard to be emotionally attached with so little time together. All said yes, and all are in wonderful happy marriages.
yep i’ve been following. And you just asked for it!
so?????
i’ve seen many coffee addicts break their addiction. It is possible!! And you won’t be a wreck every taanis. I also know a current caffeine addict. As in i’d guess 15 cups a day. Ugh
boy, that subtitles gonna break the record for longest soon
so what happens now? It’s 1:45 🙂
aye
is there a coffee addict family support group?