saulred

your pain cannot be understated, I am a 40 yr old single bochur, never married, i do all the right things too, i learn and work, bh very good parnassah, im also very personable in terms of dealing with people in my real estate profession, and somehow when it comes to shidduchim i hit a wall, of course always another reason but so far it didn’t happen, so il tell you what i tell myself, the Gemara asks, why is it that when someone is pursue a certain shidduch and is rejected, he still tries to pursue an even better shidduch, why would he pursue a better one when an even not such good one rejected him, and the Gemara answers with a mashal-an analogy, say someone tries to hammer a nail into a wall and it doesn’t go, he tries and tries on the lower end of the wall to no avail, but then he tries on the upper end and behold it sticks, why is that? because the place of the nail was on the upper end, so the lower end didnt work becuase wasn’t its place, not because it was better or worse, (i dont remember where the gemara is and might not quote it in its entirety), the point is, we do believe everything has a time and place, a shidduch even more so, the time and person just didnt come along yet, certainly some people will die single, but most wont, at 26 you still have a whole lot in the future going for you, so dont give up, and you’ll find whatever hashem has in mind for you, so as the Chovas Halevavos says in Shaar Habitachon, that a person should know that everything is from hashem שתועלתו והיזקו אינם בּיד בּשׁר ודם כּי אם בּרשׁות הבּורא-nobody can help you or hurt but hashem, but hashem works throu messengers, and that a person should do hishtadlus that is fitting לאמונתו ולעולמו, meaning whatever works and is the custom in your particular faith and world, and keep davening.

now regarding the Shidduch system, of course there is alot to be desred, it would be nice if people would be more understanding, also less closedminded, but we cant change the world, but in the end of the dayhashem calls the shots