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I am in my mid-30s and fully support myself. So why is it acceptable for 25-year-old married people I used to babysit for (and whose parents are supporting them, so they are definitely somech al shulchan avihem) to still refer to me as a girl?
I would agree with maturity levels being part (but only part) of the reason behind the shidduch crisis. I went to college and got a good job. The guys around my age when I was 22 or 23 acted like I was in high school. They seemed rather immature.
http://www.shamash.org/kosher is a great resource for kosher places around the world.
A related question…. I am single and live alone. Several times recently, meshulachim have come to my apartment when I was already dressed for bed. If there is a knock, I ask who it is, and if it is a meshulach, I say that I cannot open the door at this time. Most of the time they leave, bit sometimes they are very insistent that I open the door! This can be as late as 10pm. One pair of gentlemen continued knocking for about 15 minutes and was yelling in Yiddish and scared me. I called a (male married) neighbor who came over and spoke to the meshulachim. But was I supposed to open the door? Even when I am not dressed for bed, I still do not feel comfortable opening the door at night. Am I supposed to anyway? Thanks!
Squeak,
No, they don’t need to be sure it will work, but some of these ideas are just so out there. For example the guy that I saw hit his mother, and the one who is more than 30 years older than I am. If I was being unreasonable or if there was a reason why I should reconsider my “no” answer, that’s fine. But when I get this type of call, I can tell that there’s no reason why she’s setting up him with me other than the fact that we are both single. It tells me that no thought at all was put into this. Many shadchanim will tell you to just go on one date. But there is such an emotional (and often financial) investment that goes into this. And the more time you end up going out only one time, the more frustrating and difficult it all becomes. If there’s no chance that it will go anywhere (such as with the two cases I mentioned, but there have been others as well), what is the purpose?
From this 30-something single….
It could be how you approach it. As oomis says, some shadchanim push an idea, even if you keep saying it’s not for you. I have been redt to someone over 30 years my senior! When I thanked the person for thinking of me but said that I was looking for someone a little closer to my age, I was told that I need to stop being so picky. The shadchan told me to think about it and call back. I didn’t call back on that occasion. (I thought that the fact that he was older than my father was not being picky.)
Another time, it was someone who I knew (the brother of a high school friend). I know of some serious issues he has (I saw him punch his mother in the face when I was visiting his sister!). The shadchan would not take no for an answer. He then called my mother and complained that I was turning down “a gem.” My mother had no idea of the conversation we’d just had (and of the details of my friend’s brother–she knows my friend and thinks she’s a wonderful person) and called me right away very upset that I had said no. I didn’t want to tell her all the details, but she finally accepted that I knew things about him from spending time at my friend’s house. But the shadchan kept on calling me, so I finally stopped returning the calls.
I thank everyone who thinks of someone, but I especially thank those who have some rationale behind setting me up (rather than “they’re both single, so it’ll be perfect!”). And if I have a good reason for saying thanks but no thanks, please respect that.