Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
“I daven on the subway train.”
LOL, I ALWAYS do that.
“There’s no problem with the hats chassidish women wear”
My first reaction when seeing this thread was: Really? Phishing much?
I dont see anything wrong with hats, and if thats the way you want to cover your hair, enjoy!
It seems to me that your problem (WIY) with the hats are the ostentatious ones. In which case, yes, I have seen PLENTY of chassidish woman with ridiculous looking hats.
I would love to. How are we splitting this up?
MW13-
“Yes, we all know how girls are expected to learn for 9 hours a day from 11th or 12th grade until three or four years after high school, while boys spend maybe half that amount of time in school, both in hours per day and in total amount of years… oh wait! It’s the other way around! Silly me.”
I actually agree with you on this. I think there is a greater pressure on boys to be “good”. What constitutes a “good” boy? Someone who is learning. The Irony of it is that the guys who I have dated that weren’t learning (full time/ long term that is) by in large far surpassed the “good” boys in Middos.
(p.s. I think you coulve made the same point without being condescending)
I am not going to get heavily involved in this conflict. All I can say is that when you quote plain text Gemara like that it usually isnt so simplistic. I am the furthest thing from a Talmudic scholar (if you knew me you would realize how truly funny I – in reference to myself – and Talmudic scholar truly was when placed in the same sentence) that being said I am quite sure there are Meforshim who expound on the statement of the BHMK being destroyed because of excessive cosmetics.
Pascha –
“I’m at work too, part of my job is posting on YWN while pretending to listen to a lecture that is way too many hours long. At least the latter. :)”
LOL. I think we have a similar work ethic 😉
I dont have any clients coming in today so its all paper work thats going something like: E-file a petition, check YWN, E-file a petition, check YWN and repeat….
Either way makeup is supposed to enhance not be the main focus. If you are um, not pretty no amount of makeup is going to help 😉
Pascha – I am not ignoring your request, I am at work, er um, pretending to work, so when I get home I’ll be glad to post the ingredients.
SJS – no make up EVER?
Prolly in the minority…
I know of two people, My Grandmother a”h and a girl in my High School class.
Pascha –
(That’s a cute spelling of schizophrenia – I like it.)
I actually dont really understand English, I just speak it 😉
pascha – I’ve heard about shabbos makeup… My Rebbi’s in High School weren’t big fans so I’ve never touched the stuff but again ask your LOR.
Actually when the suggestion of hairspray came up, it kind of made sense. It smells similar to the Model In A Bottle and for the first few seconds it does burn a little. I wonder if its not the same stuff, hmmmm…
Mischeifmaker – honestly I am not a hundred percent sure, the powder varietal is kind of like a course powder, and you rub it in at the scalp and then – if you need it – move downwards on the actual hair. My guess would be that the powder absorbs the oil and because its actual “dry shampoo” when you rub it in it prob activates and freshens up.
Dunno – It comes in 2 forms, 1 is a powder and 1 is a spray. I have the powder form, I think you would have to ask your LOR if it is ok for you to use. I have friends/family members alot more yeshivish/machmir than I who use it but I stopped just because I felt weird using it on Shabbos….
I think its important for you to realize that you can be 1,000% tznius without going crazy and without going overboard. If you take on too much before you are ready it will only backfire. Trust me, been there done that.
I think its great that you want to improve in Tznius afterall as woman, this is a Mitzva special to us. But you cant move to quickly or you will get burned out and resentful.
“Up until now I wore a uniform in school… but changed into a short jean skirt and bobby socks the minute I hit the front door)”
Do you realize what a big jump going from short skirt/short socks to long skirt/tights is? Would it be easier if you try taking more gradual steps?
Also, if you feels that you have to hide it from your family that is just going to do more harm than good in the long run. Tell them about what you are doing and get them on board, you dont have to feel like you are carrying a burden alone.
Hatzlocha!
Smartcookie – your welcome. I hope that helps. I think when its done to close it comes out like a stream instead of a mist and it isnt even and therefore seals your makeup blotchy.
Smartcookie- the trick is to do it from arms length to ensure that you get an even mist that evenly coats your whole face (also, I do every possible spot, more than once 😉 )
mischeifmaker – there is a product called Oscar Blandi Dry Shampoo. It is similar to baby powder but it doesnt make your hair grey and it smells great and since its shampoo it freshen your hair as well.
There is no reason for the mudslinging going on here.
I doubt any of the “statistics” brought up here were factually sound in which case, leads to gross amounts of Loshon Hora and Motzei Shem Ra not only about groups of people but whole communities as well.
I’d imagine the point of this thread was to make the public aware of a wonderful group of boys/girls that were being over-looked due in part to the ignorance and or close-mindedness of some members of the Klal.
I dont see how or why this had to become a smear campaign against ANY group of individuals.
Pascha –
“since if they do go, it’s because they were forced.”
But isnt that true of any REAL disorder, what about a Manic Depressive? During mania there is no way you are going to therapy, they are on-top of the world! And even if they go during a bout of depression, its rare that they stay compliant with their Meds being that they miss the manic episodes….
Maybe the fact that you dont see to many Narcissists in therapy is because typically, narcissism is an ingrained personality trait, rather than a chemical imbalance and medication and therapy are not as effective as in other pathologies in treating the disorder. (so, yea, good advice, if you can keep away 😉
The fundemental problem is that we are talking about two very different thing. A. There are people going to therapy for Manic Depression/ Pschytzophrenia/ Aggression… And then B. There ae people who go to therapy because they have a fear of public speaking 😉
(That may also be why people are off-put by therapy, they automatically assume A…)
I’m the furthest thing from a credible authority but, I dont think it is our job to focus on these things. Daven how you seem fit. Say Tehillim, if thats how you communicate, read the english, whatever. Hash-m knows whats right for you and He will give it to you in the right time not a second before and not a second after.
I think maybe this teachers lesson was taken out of context (hopefully, this was the case) if you think that you can C’V “trick” Hash-m into giving us things, lest we forget who is actually runing the world.
Model In A Bottle (!!!) The best product I have ever tried for keeping on makeup (but I have easy skin B”H). Its kinda like lip-chick but for your whole face, it comes in a spray bottle. I’ve always ordered it online, not sure if stores sell it…
Also, whatever you can get a primer for, get it and use it! It may be a bit pricey but it works and it is well worth it for 3 day Yom Tovs. (Sephora carries everything)
3 LAYERS! you may look like a clown the first nite, you will be glad the rest of Y”T.
Hope this helps, Good Yom Tov!
Primarily I would say its either 50/50, or FLOP (flowers, liquor, orchestra, photography) or FLOPS (s = sheitel)
But then again every family comes along with their own unique situation.
What if your Son married a girl from NY, and they wanted to do 50/50? Would you want to pay for most of their half of their guests while you only have family there and a couple close friends?
I think its something to worry about/ and work out when the time comes… 🙂
Hatzlocha!
“I would prefer a boy who had, let’s say, a problem with public speaking, got therapy, and is now more sensitive, self-aware, and confident, to a boy who wouldn’t go because of his “reputation” and did not fulfill his potential.”
I too would rather a boy who has been “tested” or has worked on himself, and life wasnt given to him on a silver platter. But does that mean that he had to go to therapy? Whilst I agree that therapy is great for those who need it. I dont think that it is something everyone should have on their speed dial.
“Narcissists don’t go to therapy.”
Just because I’m in a nit-picking kind of mood 😉
Assuming that statement is true (I am not entirely sure that it is)Narcissism is a personality disorder, so wouldnt you as a future therapist want to help Narcissists instead of pointing them out and putting them down? They need help as do any other person with a disorder.
Bottom line is the Frum community has been known to shove all taboo subjects under the rug, hoping to make everything to look like butterflies and rainbows. Lately, thank G-d, there has been a movement to bring many issues to the forefront and I think therapy has been one of them.
Kol Hakavod to you on your career choice. I am sure that you will find that it is more that just a career, but is a very rewarding experience.
paschabechachma –
“V’eschanan” is the gematria of 515, the number of Tefilos Moshe Rabbeinu davened, and if he had gone into EY, then he would have built the BHMK and it couldn’t have been destroyed (or am I confusing this with something else?)
Yea, no that is what I was reffering to, and Hash-m said if he would have davened 516 He would’ve had to let him into E’Y and then the whole BHMK thing. So that is kinda the same as forcing Hash-m to give you your Bashert (or any other thing) after X amount of Tefillos.
Ofcourse-
“The older I get the more I see that Frumkeit isnt a black and white issue, measured strictly by the amount you Daven or learn. With increased life experience and maturity, thats hard to fathom.”
Since leaving the sheltered world of BY and becoming more involved with all kinds of people I have come to realize the exact same thing, no matter how much BY and some circles would like you to think otherwise (and make you feel guilty for it)
“This is a very strange thread. Whence this idea that you have to “buy” something from HaShem by giving the required number of Tefilas, perek Tehillim, etc.? You daven to get close to Hashem.”
I totally agree.
But, wasnt there that instance with Moshe Rabbeinu where Hash-m said that if he davened another tefilla He would have to let him into E’Y so he should stop? I dont think any of us is/or will ever be a Moshe Rabbeinu but, kinda sounds like the same thing…
Moq – Thank you for the apology, although unnecessary, very noble and appreciated.
Water off a ducks back. Don’t lose any sleep over it on my account.
WIY –
“Quite a few of your posts are caustic, negative, angry and derisive and if you are in shidduchim then it may explain why you have as yet failed to find the right guy”
The only reason why you find them negative is because they disagree with you. As this is “Yeshiva World” News, admittedly I generally do not agree with the “Yeshivish” attitude.
Oh, and a little tip, never tell someone why they arent married. I know the exact reason, Hash-m hasnt deemed it the rite time for me.
Moq – it is a desperate attempt when you try to demean you opponent.
Good try though.
“Yes, our boys want to be attracted to their wives whom they will be faithful to till death. No, merely brains & middos alone won’t cut it.
That makes up hypocritical? silly silly”
It makes you hypocritical, when you have symposiums and wag your head at how mad the outside world has filtered into our lives. It makes you a hypocrite when you blast woman for being un-tzniusdik and being too attracting. It makes you hypocritical when you can only wear a white shirt and black pants because that is a “uniform” of a Jew and the outside isnt the ikkar. Want more examples?
I dont claim that you dont have to be attracted to your spouse but does your #1 criteria have to be, she/he has to make me feel a certain way (keeping this kosher).
“I think asking for a picture is usually in the girl’s favor (gives her a chance to attract him w/o all the objective factors)”
Objective Factors… Like what, a personality? A sense of humor? A brain? Really, I feel sorry for him, he may be subjected to that.
“The hypocracy of ultra-orthodoxy is man-made”
Maskim. But, if you represent that group and you are a hypocrite, then multiply that by 1,000’s… We have a problem.
“The shidduchim crisis isn’t man-made, it’s real. But the basis for the crisis is man-made, and woman-made.”
Um, by definition Man-Made means: Made by humans rather than occurring in nature. Meaning, Hash-m makes everyones shidduch if you choose not to accept that shidduch that is on you. (Maybe you thought I meant dreamt up? I didnt.)
“The girls and boys who get engaged “on-time” are the ones who are reasonable and aren’t looking for a spouse with a shopping list of demands.”
I am actually going to take the liberty of taking personal offence to that. Did you ever realize that Hash-m actually is the one who runs the world? It isnt in everyones plans to get married at 18 and a half.
“It is PRECISELY the very objectification of women that we claim to decry”
CLAIM. Is the key word. This is not the only area of Ultra Orthodoxy that is hypocritical.
Yes, I am Ultra-Orthodox, doesnt mean I cant call my own kind out when I deem fit.
“People’s weight is controlled by many factors, and some of them are really out of one’s realm.”
Who said any thing about weight? And in case you havent notice this “crisis” affects not only those who are over-weight.
SJS – In all honesty I really dont care that guys or girls (for that matter) make all these crazy demands. Its their right. I just think its ridiculous to complain about a “crisis” that is man-made.
Moq- you are all over the place, trying to catch a single sentence with you…
“You need a certain image (aka, taller then you) to be able to look at them as marriage material. Same for a guy.”
They don’t need to be taller, just not shorter 😛
I do not think this a lot to ask, I think the majority of people will agree this is “normal”
Marriage Material. Nowadays many guys ask for a picture before going on a date, honestly I have no problem with that (besides I get to see before we meet how vain you are) but then I get back that its not what they are looking for… Right, because 5’2 with blonde hair makes a better wife than 5’9 with brown hair… Seriously.
Height is completely different than looks!
As someone who is taller than the average Jewish male, I feel extremely uncomfortable dating someone shorter than me (and the guys feel the EXACT same way)
It is rare that you find a short girl who is makpid on a tall guy, but in that scenario is would be the same as a guy being makpid on looks, maskim.
(altho this is something I care about nor look for)
TYPO: shold say isnt
Paschabachachma – I totally agree with you. I am FFB and have dated many BT (in a way I prefer it due in part to some of the reasons didu so eloquently discribed). One of the guys I dated:
– Had yichus (altho this is something I care about nor look for) traced directly back to Brisk.
– Had one whole side of his family COMPLETELY frum.
Every situation is different to make blanket statements in this area is completely foolish. At the end of the day however, I find that BT are usually more comfortable with other BT. I dont think this would hold true for children of BT and I dont know why anyone should look twice @ them for shidduchim…. Just shows how everyone has to fit the same cookie cutter mold and if you dont, you are cast to the side (BT, or not)
Frumladygit – That is truly heart breaking! I once heard a beautiful mashal about looking for a spouse if you had something “wrong” with you (I dont think your daughter has anything wrong with her, but you can relate it to her it may make her feel better) Looking for shidduchim is like making a million piece puzzle. Its always hard to find the piece that fits. But, if you are an end piece with a flat edge, you can automatically rule out so many other pieces (i.e. the shallow, in-sincere etc etc) the edges are always the easiest to find. You just have to look for the perfect fit.
Hatzlacha to all!
Do you want a Jewish one, or a Kosher one?
I learned in BY (GO BY!!!) that you have to learn and be proficient in S”A, and all the Halachos, so that you should know when to ask your Rov.
Play Russian Roulette.
I wouldnt really call it a Tzara but the situation I’m in now of being single, and people saying crazy ridiculous things to you.
I definitely think 3 times before I say anything that may be misconstrued as hurtful or insensitive.
MW13 @ Charliehall –
“The emphases in the frum community on physical attraction, and on money, regarding possible marriage partners is worse than among the goyim. We should be ashamed of ourselves.
Speak for yourself. We may not all be perfect angels, but to make such an extreme generalization like that is really pushing it”
Um, no its not. I’m going with Charlie on this one. The fact that guys only give girls one date, means (basically) that they arent “attracted” to her. The fact that they think they can sum up a person and all their virtues in 2.5 hours is mind boggling. Bottom line its all about the looks. period.
didu – people are crazy thats the bottom line. Its not you its them, as someone who is currently single I see that the reason why there is a “shidduch crisis” is not because of an “age gap” or any thing else but rather because of peoples stupidity.
And to answer your original question, I believe that there is an organization that deals directly with Baalei Teshuva and people with a Baal Teshuva backgrounds it is called The Rebbitzens. I am not sure if they can help you but give it a shot!
G’luck!
RE: medications I heard from numerous Rabbonim that you dont have to tell unless:
1- it effects your life on a day to day basis
2- its life altering
3- its going to impact the life of your spouse.
I’m a firm believer in honesty is the best policy in which case I think the person in the situation should tell the potential suitor once thwy become far along enough that they are comfortable with the person and it would mean something to them. Also, I never understood how you could really build a TRUE relationship with someone if it was based on lies (this goes for medications and OTD, or some other skeleton issue)
MW13-
“1) Wow, what a generalization. Not, “When did some of the people who dress “Yeshivish”…”. Nope. When did “the people who dress “Yeshivish””. All of them.
2) Why do you think that they all do?”
Granted. I’ll give you #1, but it wouldve been awkward wording had I said it like that and I was trying to prove a point.
I used to be neo-Yeshivish, ultra right wing. And after hearing all the rhetoric and the close minded-ness coming out of that camp (yes, I realize this post makes me sound close minded to Yeshivish) I realized that that lifestyle wasnt for me. The do as we do or you arent part of our “exclusive club” doesnt work for me. I’d imagine the “Yeshivish” movement started to unite Bnei Yeshiva but what its turned into is more of just excluding everyone who doesnt fit/follow all their “rules”
To me the bigger question is: When did the people who dress “Yeshivish” grant themselves the right to look down on everyone else who doesnt?
PBA – “The father deserves to be shot.”
Um, no he doesnt? If you are old enough to get married, you are old enough to make your own decision. Whilst the Father may have been pushy, he didnt hold a gun to anyones headand say, “Marry or else…”
PY – “I think if there was an agreement here, she may be required to honor it.”
When was the last time your life turned out exactly as planned? No one can set in stone what they are going to do. Which is why it annoys me when girls or guys say I want to have a commitment to leave in Israel for at least x years. Oh yea? And when did you get your lisence to run the world. The same thing with learning, or anything else, for that matter.
Jewish And Working – The sad fact is that prob not all Boys realize the sarcasm in that.
Its the Boy & the Girls fault.
If you are ready to get married and have kids you should be able to compromise and problem solve.
Girl – you dont destroy (and just “pull out” out of a marriage) because you have a disagreement WORK IT OUT, compromise!
Boy – is it worth it for your wife to be miserable so that you can learn for a couple more hours a day? What is that learning worth?
Bottom line is Marriage is about COMPROMISE, there is no place for selfishness in a marriage you have to just be constantly thinking about the other person. No one promised you life would turn out a certain way, and there are no guarantees.
“Does a girl get any input on where to go?”
Believe it or not SOME guys still actually call before a date! and they ask, “where would you like to go?” (novel idea huh?)
If not (and I have done this) when sitting in a lounge, I ask if he minds walking around outside, you always find cool things and end up wandering into stores along the way…