ruby40

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  • in reply to: The Net Results of the NASI Project and the Shidduch Age Gap Scare #2337954
    ruby40
    Participant

    A FEW COMMENTS ( IN CAPS JUST TO DIFFRENTIATE )The recent podcast of Stories of Hope featured a couple with a disability married.
    It was quoted that in Skver, every year there is a list of all of the boys and girls and shadchanim go down the list and set them up. EVERY CHASSIDUS WORKS THAT WAY, IT WORKS IN THEIR CONTEXT- GO FOR A SHABBOS TO SKVER, A REGULAR BY GIRL IS A WHOLE DIFF PARSHAH
    Within 1-2 years they are all married. The man on the podcast was considered an alter Bochur at 22 (and married a 26 year old girl). THE SENSE OF URGENCY, HELPS PEOPLE JUMP BUT IT ALSO CREATES A SHARP CLIFF AND U GET OLD VERY FAST
    I believe that there is a shadchan crisis.
    1. Shadchanim are too few compared to the number of eligible singles each year. The girls that get married young have parents working full time on shidduchim for them. QUESTION HOW MANY HOURS OF ” WORK” PER SHIDDUCH MADE , WOULD YOU CONSIDER WORTHWHILE & EFFICIENT

    2. Shadchanim work “in the box”. Someone slightly circle automatically gets rejected and is left in her own to find her mate, whether single events or other. MAYBE THEIR SHOULD BE SHADCHANIM SPECIALIZING IN ” OUT OF THE BOX , OWN BEAT,… (U WILL SOON REALIZE MOST PEOPLE ARE NOT REGULAR
    3. Too much power is given to shadchanim. Left, right… HUH?
    4. We need to create a database of names of boys and girls and have an organization going through the list and setting people up. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES THAT WAS TRIED , I DONT HAVE THE ANSWERS?

    in reply to: The Net Results of the NASI Project and the Shidduch Age Gap Scare #2337697
    ruby40
    Participant

    A few words about the chassidish scene what’s similar and what is so dif.
    1 koshe zivugin… challenging to say the least is by all
    2. By chassidim having a boy or girl in shiduchim is almost the same meaning you hear names
    3. Chassidish bucherim are visible in shul yomtov and most shabosim tish , not out of sight…no program for them past 20
    4. By chassidim a greater Sense of urgency , culturly there is a huge pressure by kehilos as an example a yeshivish older bochur told me I’m not dating in elul call me after Yom tov on the flip side there were more than 50 chassidish shiduchim in aseres yemei teshuva.. chol hamoed.. as bucherim want to go back to ey a chuseen
    5 litvish girls are melumedos..and want to be convinced that u are a gavra worthy of them saying yes..a chassidish girl for the most part wants someone frum , similar family..and be nice to me a much lower bar
    Of course there are exceptions to everything said..and many problems as well.. golus

    in reply to: The Net Results of the NASI Project and the Shidduch Age Gap Scare #2337599
    ruby40
    Participant

    some facts we can all agree on ( i have no affiliation w nasi & bh have 4 kids married )
    the kind of analytical data you are asking for no one has
    here is what we all see in the american yeshiva/litvish segment of klal yisroel
    TRUE OR FALSE
    1. a normal girl from a typical family can go six months without dating a boy thats even close

    2 .any family that has had a boy & girl in shidduchim will tell u the volume of calls is SO DIFFERENT… (even if their daughter is a better catch)

    3. there are many parents of daughters who are so drained from the process…just waiting for a neis

    4. in yiddish they say “TZVEI TECHTER, NISHT KAYN GELECHTER” we are at a point that many have RED LIGHTS! (skip or no skip who is a kohen godol?)

    5. many well meaning woman have made shidduch meetings , set up, brought in big shadchanim, pics, resumes, texts and calls much time & effort WITHOUT SUCCESS. ( yes hishtadlus, yes showed they care..but no home runs ( and even if a big whole day event made 2 shiduchim thats not a sustainable model despite the best of intentions)

    now for the flip side
    the wedding halls are booked solid
    BMG is averaging 570 chasanim a year and each one has a kalla
    the girls getting engaged are NOT only the ; rich or pretty or yichus ,functional families, big degrees ( although that helps on paper)
    in fact they didnt do anything dif. than their classmates who are still waiting

    so WHAT DID NASI DO?
    THEY SCREAMED…..HELP es brent ah fire!!
    they researched as best they could
    they brought their findings to any rav or rosh who would listen
    they encouraged the tzibur to look past their own needs and think of the bigger picture

    is point 1 & 2 because boy gets resume first as opposed to chassidish where both sides get resume with same click of the mouse
    to be continued…

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