I was stuck in bed with a sinus infection. spent maybe 30min in shul in total…..blah

As someone who has parents who have come very close loosing myself and my sibling through their actions, both growing up and as married people, learning to evaluate your (re)actions as well as what m22 said that they did will avoid alot of heart-ache and pain on both sides. Your children will remember the lessons which you have taught through your anger and your personal pain.

I also went to BC and made it out with my masters. Keep strong. You did nothing wrong to choose this as your college. Hatzlacha

As someone whose mahatanus STILL don’t get along after five years, they should move as far away from both parents as possible for the first year and get used to saying-” ma/ta, shvigger/shver, I understand that you feel upset and want to talk but I don’t want to listen to L”H. I love you and will call you back in one hour.” They should not get involved in anything between their parents and concentrate only on their shalom bais. Most of our fights in the first 1 1/2 years of marriage were about what one parent did to the other. Two ended in screaming matches and threats of divorce. Hatzlacha and koach to the new couple. May they build a BNB.

I agree with Toi- many people have pasts and change however you should ask a Rov fast before the chupa, especially if it had to do with him being involved with drugs or “wandering around” so she does not have any health problems later, or if he behaved abusive or controlling. Those behaviors will not change and get worse over time.

Maybe ask her to stop or she will have to find another place of employment. Explan that it is unprofetional.

I am going through a stressful time in my life. I even signed up for davenforme.com and became lax due to my feelings of abandonment. I felt that because my nisyanot had not been lessened that saying tehillim did not work, at least for me. I have no doubt that this nes has been a sign for me to do teshuva. Now to work on the tephila and tzedaka. What can I say when presented with proof of what klal yisroel can do when united in prayer.

My family other than my mom dad and bro are not religious in the slightest. My wedding was separate seating however the mechitzah was placed in a way that allowed room for family seating near the dais which made my extended family happy. You must discuss any modified seating arrangements first with any hall you find as to see their policy on seating. Some halls are more strict than others. One piece of advice, discuss with any female family members on how they should dress so that they could have time to shop for an appropriate outfit. It took my teenage cousin weeks to decide what to wear with all the “restrictions.” She wore a modestly cut long sleeveless gown with a shawl over her shoulders which covered her arms up to her elbow. Needless to say she didn’t dance much 😀 Show your relatives wedding videos of your friends so that they know whatever they choose to wear must be dance proof to avoid any “wardrobe malufunctions.”

Actual line my hubby heard in a yeshivah from one of his students- “I don’t need to learn this. My parents said it is not important because when I learn in kollel my wife can work and I don’t have to.” That line as well as the low pay and principal support is the reason why yeshivahs cant hold down properly educated teachers. We both are educated and licensed to teach in public school however due to Bloomberg we cannot. If the yeshivahs want frum people they have to value them which means decent ON TIME pay and benefits.

You dont need a TV. All you need is a computer with an internet connection and a subscription to netflix or a monitor with a DVD player. I wish when my hubby and I got married we had just that. Now that is all we have. We watch the shows that we like and my son gets all the Thomas and wonder pets he wants (in moderation). I dont have to pay for cable and netflix is less than 10 per month. And yes, those who do not have any way for their children to view things in their own home will most likely have children who seek TV out in other unsupervised. Better to know what your children are watching and have them educated at to what they are watching then being shocked when your child gets in too deep.

My brother is a special needs adult. As it was the two of us, it was very hard for me to relate to my brother past a certain age. It also was very embarrassing the questions I would get from my friends as to why he was still living in my parents house, had no real job, and no girlfriend. My parents did all they could to help my brother. He had and still has many social and learning issues. In our community it is a very big stigma to have a sibling with a special need with shidduchim. While I did not meet my husband through a shadchan I have no doubt it would have been an issue as to what disability my brother has and if it would be passed on to any children that I would have.

I also understand what it is like to have an older sibling that you have surpassed. In some ways, I feel like I never had an older brother. It is very hard and psychologically draining to be the older sibling in some ways when the person is older than you are. I have no doubt that the younger siblings resent their older one in some ways, or at least are as tolerant of their sibling as the parents are. The parents most probably have their hands full with the other children that they are now unable to give the time and energy that they may have once given.

Your friend should defiantly talk to her siblings about how she feels her brother is being treated. They need to learn to respect their brother as a person. It will not be easy. The parent should also seek counseling to help the family embrace their son as part of a the family and not as a “taboo” which needs to be swept under the rug. From experience, while my parents did the best that they could, they did the best that they knew how. My parents were sometimes harsh and unnecessarily critical of my brother which was in my belief more damaging than any condition. If your friends family does not fix any negative behaviors or attitudes towards the brother, it will effect him negatively for the rest of his life, and theirs as well.

Hang in there wolf!

NO one should not just get engaged to just “get it over with.” Better to just have the sofer make up a kituba and a get. PLEASE take your time. Remember-it is one of the most important decisions of your life. No need to rush.

Of course it is a chillul Hashem, and quite frankly one that happens more often than not. In fact my husband who is a public school teacher as well as a teacher in a yeshiva can attest that the public school kids behave more often than not better than his yeshiva students (and he is not the only one in his public school job to say this). As to your question “are we doing a bad job educating our youth” the answer is yes and no. I feel that we teaching boys to be better Jews then people with derech eretz even though “derech eretz kadma l’torah”. When I was in high school we had “chesed hours.” Only in Yeshiva of Flatbush have I heard of boys having that requirement. I am not saying that chesed hours is a cure all and will automatically help, but an emphasis on long hours of learning and little secular studies, community awareness, and public service does little to help either.

Very well said genug