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yes, that’s the idea. If you drink enough, you won’t have to apply it to your underarms.
how old is your son?
Beelzebub – name of Philistine deity, mentioned in the book of Kings (Sefer Melachim):
From Hebrew, Ba’al Tzavoov – Lord of the Flying Things – Lord of the Flies.
no need to be ashamed, I liked yours and added some to my collection.
duckbill – a dinner companion who skips to the bathroom when the check arrives; tightwaddle.
duplicity – n. Minneapolis-St. Paul
the Spentagon – where your tax money goes
And, for a special Rosh Hashanah laugh:
If B’reshit were written by the writers of the television show “This Old House.”:
Today’s project is an interesting one. We’re going to build a woman. You won’t need plans, but pay close attention because you can make mistakes. Have your materials and tools ready and follow along.
Simple Isopropyl alcohol makes a fine, effective and longlasting deodorant. It’s much cheaper than commercial deodorants. In the US, it is sold in two strengths, rougly 70% and roughly 90% — the stronger one works better.
If you don’t like it right out of the bottle, you can get sealed gauze soaked in it, such as a medical practitioner uses to disinfect your skin before giving you an injection. Works great, and it is portable.
Warning: if you shave your armpits, this will sting very badly and cause you to jump up and down and utter profanites.
Da, I must put in a good word for contactr lenses. I am extremely nearsighted and my glasses were unsightly and difficult.
At the age of sixteen, I got contact lenses, in the days before soft contact lenses. It was a miracle, put those little discs in your eyes, and you can see perfectly! I have been wearing hard lenses nonstop (actually, I take them out at night) and without problems, for almost forty years now, and still regard them as a miracle.
Glasses and contact lenses are quite amazing. I think if the only historical mitigations for nearsightedness had been laser surgery and lens transplants, then someone invented glasses, which have almost no side-effects, the inventor would be awarded the Nobel Prize.
mybat, I had a very severely wandering left eye when I was a youngster. In elementary school, I wore an occluder, a patch on the inside of my glasses, to block my use of the steadier eye.
I was supposed to have an operation to correct it, but my mother got a second opinion from another opthalmologist and he said to wait, since there wasit may correct itself as I grew into adulthood.
Indeed, he was right, and an operation was avoided. Once I became an adult, most of the problem went away. Now, when I am very tired, or look at myself in mirrors, my left eye will wander outward, but that’s merely a mild annoyance and a fascinating trick to show others, and not a problem.
I got my first pair of glasses at five. They looked funny and I didn’t like them much.
My younger brother, who was blessed with perfect vision, was envious of my glasses and cried, until the optician gave him a massive pair of glasses, w/o lenses.
My sole consolation was he looked funnier than I did.
not to mention the classic Hebrew School mistaken lyrics:
David Melech Yisroel, Hi-fi Pizza Pie.
There really is a pizza store in Central Square in Cambridge, MA called “Hi-Fi Pizza;”
radiatore – little radiators.
tortellini – little twists.
penne – pens or quills.
ziti – bridegrooms
Farfalle – little bows or butterflies.
Shrank – retired head of the psychiatric unit.
Samurai – Japanese dark bread (with caraway seeds) used for Hiro sandwiches.
Stockade – Assistant on Wall Street.
tactics – breath mints from Chelm.
tangent – lifeguard.
toboggan – to haggle over price.
trifle – a small gun.
from languages other than English:
Mazel Ton – a lot of luck.
Harlez-vous francais? (Can you drive a French motorcycle?)
Haste cuisine (Fast French food)
Talisman – owner of Judaica store
Pasta – n. Yesterday’s noodles.
tantamount n., the aunt of a horse.
Shibboleth – N., from Hebrew: any distinguishing practice which is indicative of one’s social or regional origin. It usually refers to features of language, and particularly to a word whose pronunciation identifies its speaker as being a member or not a member of a particular group.
(following from wikipedia):
Gilead then cut Ephraim off from the fords of the Jordan, and whenever Ephraimite fugitives said, ‘Let me cross,’ the men of Gilead would ask, ‘Are you an Ephraimite?’ If he said, ‘No,’ they then said, ‘Very well, say Shibboleth.’ If anyone said, ‘Sibboleth’, because he could not pronounce it, then they would seize him and kill him by the fords of the Jordan. Forty-two thousand Ephraimites fell on this occasion.
when my niece, who is getting married in a week, was small, she learned to sing “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.”
There was something in there about the star being “like a diner in the sky.”
You know, of course, of the three cowboy names that are hidden in the lyrics of Adon Olam?
(old joke from Hebrew School)
.
.
.
.
.
Billy Rasheet
Billy Tachlit
and
Kid Ruchi.
There may be four categories to consider:
1. Written by a jew with a goyish kop.
2. Written by a jew with a yiddish kop.
3. Written by a goy with a goyish kop.
4. Written by a goy with a yiddish kop.
<<<10-20,000 years? Uh-oh…>>
the point being it was not, by any stretch, manmade.
I think that I shall never see
A poem as lovely as a tree.
— Joyce Kilmer
That goes for ponds, too.
— ronrsr
10-20,000 years? Uh-oh…
;a-)
as customarily reckoned by the geologists in this area.
but you can live without them, if you choose.
support of what?
my objection to makeup at my wedding was somewhat different.
My wife’s mother was a famous theatrical makeup artist in the soviet film industry, and taught stagecraft in America after coming here.
When she does your makeup, you may come out looking like werewolf, bunny rabbit, temptress or deranged criminal, depending on her mood. It could have made for a difficult and interesting bedeken.
If I may monopolize this discussion for another moment:
I am reminded of Groucho Marx’s assessment of the educational value of television. I paraphrase:
I find television very educational. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
(apropos of nothing except the previous quote)
He also said, and I paraphrase again:
Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend.
Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.
I also want to note that of most of those devices I mentioned, my dear grandfather, Dave z”l thought that they were wastes of times, particularly the dog. We got the dog when I was 14, and he thought I should be spending most of my time learning a trade by then. Thank heavens my mother didn’t always listen to her father.
I was once accompanying my future wife to the Bet Din to get a Get, so we would be free to marry.
During a break in the proceedings, the chief judge’s blackberry goes off. He excuses himself, says he doesn’t usually take calls during the day, but this comes from a higher authority.
It was his wife calling.
I think the Amish have the right idea. They examine each thing to determine whether their lives (and their family lives) are improved by each piece of technology.
Most people think they just eschew everything new, but they don’t. They use engines and other useful technologies on their farms, etc.
They use the useful, and reject that which they perceive as harmful. They do use phones, though phones were put at the corners where four farms met, so they wouldn’t interfere with family life.
Now they have a problem, since one can have a cellphone in secret. In the old days (more than a decade ago) you’d have those pesky telltale wires coming to your house.
bests,
-rsr-
I once just stopped using my cell phone. Left it at home. It was great. Didn’t use it for years, until my wife started insisting she needed to get in touch with me. She never explained why, and I’m still confounded.
Some of the most valuable learning experiences I had as a child were from “gadgets” that were given to me, or I found, which didn’t seem to otherwise have any value.
Some that I had and remember well:
1) a stopwatch — timed everything compulsively for several weeks.
2) An anemometer (for measuring wind speed and direction and predicting the weather).
3. An 8mm movie camera – at age 13, my friend and I made a stop-action animated film. He is now a big cinematographer in Hollywood, and thanks me because he has never had “to work a day in his life.”
4. A 35mm camera – boy, did I learn a lot about light, physics and people with this one.
5. A printing press – we had nice ones at school – I loved the beauty of the rhythmic movements of their mechanisms. The love for these big machines led me into the world of computers, where I found my life’s work.
6. A dog – not strictly speaking a gadget, but she taught me many lessons in kindness, compassion, generosity, enthusiasm and menschlikeit (huntlicheit?), and altered my life from one of bitterness and anger, to one with more kindness and joy.
So, who’s to say that the gadgets of today are merely time wasters? I think you need to examine each one with an open mind, and remember that Hashem sometimes works in strange ways, and how do discover your passions unless you try many things?
bests,
-rsr-
<<it is the serious financial issues that can drive families to shalom bayis issues.>>
Dear Tzippi,
it sometimes goes way beyond Shalom Bayit issues. Financial distress can cause physical and mental illness, and even death. Financial difficulties are now among the highest causes of suicide in men.
Recall that a handful of Bernie Madoff’s victims did commit suicide, and anticipate how many have suffered as a result of his chicanery. Also, the suicide rate in the USA has been increasing as the economy has been tanking.
Here’s a link to the National Institutes of Mental Health’s guide to dealing with financial distress: http://www.samhsa.gov/ECONOMY/
Pray as if everything depended on Hashem,
Act as if the world depended on you.
bests,
=rsr=
mepal, best advice is to be born to parents who don’t have excess skin under THEIR necks.
are they offering the boys any sorts of bribes for their wedding days?
Why are the recent Takanos by the Belzer Rebbe and others so narrowly drawn. They don’t seem to limit $ (or NIS) amounts, but rather limit choices.
I understand that musicians are particularly upset about takanos that limit the NUMBER of musicians at a wedding. Why not limit the dollar amount? If I wish to have a trio for two hours, rather than a single musican for six, what is the harm in that? The range in price of musicians also varies, we spoke to those who charged $80/hour up to $400/hour.
For our wedding, we chose to spend the bulk of our money on music and food, figuring that was the best investment in the joy of our guests. We spent almost nothing on gifts to each other, outside of simple 14k wedding bands, total cost about $270.
If you’re going to set up guidelines, why not peg them to family income — say, no more than 3 months income?
bests,
-rsr-
Why are the recent Takanos by the Belzer Rebbe and others so narrowly drawn. They don’t seem to limit $ (or NIS) amounts, but rather limit choices.
I understand that musicians are particularly upset about takanos that limit the NUMBER of musicians at a wedding. Why not limit the dollar amount? If I wish to have a trio for two hours, rather than a single musican for six, what is the harm in that? The range in price of musicians also varies, we spoke to those who charged $80/hour up to $400/hour.
For our wedding, we chose to spend the bulk of our money on music and food, figuring that was the best investment in the joy of our guests. We spent almost nothing on gifts to each other, outside of simple 14k wedding bands, total cost about $270.
If you’re going to set up guidelines, why not peg them to family income — say, no more than 3 months income?
bests,
-rsr-
You are right. We did check it out with a rabbi beforehand. We wanted the wedding to be inexpensive, but definitely kosher.
We are blessed to live in an area with lots of kettle-hole ponds which were formed when the glaciers receded 10-20,000 years ago, long before man was in the business of pond-making.
Our wedding ceremony was on a ridge above one of these ponds that we walk around frequently.
The pond that my bride-to-be went to also had ample, inexpensive parking, another big plus.
It was Walden Pond, where Henry David Thoreau spent his time philosophizing on self-reliance, survival, independence and the natural world.
We’ve had a lot of rain this summer, and the pond was filled beyond its usual banks. The usual “beaches” were closed, so she did have some trouble finding a spot where she could get in or out. She came close and found a spot where she could get in easily, but couldn’t get out, which made for some humorous photographs of her trying to climb up on the rocks, with the help of her friends.
another problem is that when we are sick, or grieving we are encouraged to share our woes with others, and others come to visit, hoping to lessen our woes.
Finances are the last taboo in America, and we are discouraged from talking about them with each other. What loneliness must the person in severe financial distress feel, and with no one to share it with. He may not wish to share it with his immediate family, for fear of looking bad, or to share it with his greater family, for fear that he might be viewed as a schnorrer, bad provider, malingerer, etc. He may not share it with his spouse, did he not agree to a ketubah where he promised to, even to the point of selling the shirt off his back, to provide her with food, clothing and necessities?
Maybe it’s time to break this last taboo, and bring financial distress out of the closet.
Is there some way you can tactfully let your friends know they are in your prayers without embarassing them?
I’m not a woman, but I’d like to put in a good word for weight watchers. 45 years ago, when I was a real fat kid, I took my Aunt’s WW diet off her refrigerator door, copied it and stuck to it for a few months. I lost 70 pounds.
I grew up, and since my 20s, have been putting on a few pounds per year. Pretty soon, it adds up to real weight.
so, this past winter I joined weight watchers again. Lost 20 pounds, which I’ve kept off all summer. It wasn’t that hard. I will go back in October for another 20.
bests,
-rsr-
That’s a wonderful thought. Few things besides the physical welfare of our loved ones can cause as much distress as financial difficulties. The psychologists say that it can be especially devastating to men who are expected to breadweinners, and can feel that they have failed in such situations, which may not entirely be of their own making.
We pray for the sick, the captive, the dying, why not for those in dire financial distress?
I think someone should alert Secretary of the Treasury Timothy Geithner to this.
Thanks to all for the wonderful blessings and wishes.
bests,
-rsr-
forgot: Bouquet for bride, corsage for my mother – $75
Archival pen for ketubah signing- $5
Actual figures from our wedding last weekend. We are both around 50, and put it on ourselves:
Mesader Kiddushin (an old friend who is a rabbi and was going to be a wedding guest, anyway) – $650
Catering (good food, dairy buffet, hors d’oeuvres and great desserts for 55 – NO WEDDING CAKE (that actually cost extra, since we needed more desserts) – about $4000 with gratuities, etc. — could have done it for less.
Open bar – $150 + 40 gratuity (not big drinkers, my family)
Chuppah – borrowed – $0
Chuppah decorations – from our garden and friends’ gardens – $0
Signage – made ourselves – $10.
Ceremony in public park – permit (not strictly necessary) = $25
Reception in beautiful, new VFW hall – $375
bartender – $75.
Klezmer band – $1000 for a quartet for 2.5 hours (could have spent less, but we liked these guys) + a single clarinetist to play music before and after the ceremony.
My suit – $99 at Marshalls + $35 tailoring. I can use it as a regular business suit.
Her dress – $49 at consignment shop. She dyed it, and will use it again.
Her veil – borrowed
Her shawl (this was expensive) – $69
Champagne – $120 + we will be receiving $36 rebate.
Ketubah – I typeset it myself, had it printed at a graphics art shop — $65. We will have it adorned at a later date by a friend who is a watercolor artist – price $150 (her usual price is $300, but half is a wedding gift).
Transportation – rented a large car for 3 days to shuttle people from airport to hotel to ceremony / reception. $170 – special weekend rates.
We bought other things, such as shoes, etc., that we have now for future use. Tried to buy things we could use in the future.
Photographer – $300 to fly a professional photographer, an college friend of the bride, in for the wedding. All the rest was her (the photographer’s) wedding gift.
Flowers: 3 pots of pampas grass for decor. Cost of flowers added to our tzedekah.
Mikveh – $3 for parking at local pond.
Did I forget anything?
We could have put on a wedding for 100 for very little more – an add’l $45/person for food. The band and hall wouldn’t have cost more, and could have supported 100 people.
Some of our relatives spent a fortune coming across the country to be here — but that doesn’t count towards the total.
We drove all the travelers to and from the train and airport, so we would at least have a dedicated 90 minutes to converse with them, regardless of what happened the rest of the weekend. Made them feel welcome, too.
It was well within our budget, and I am fortunate to come from three (mother’s, father’s and stepfather’s) so that the wedding gifts paid for at least 2/3’s of our costs.
Our guests are still telling us how lovely it was.