RisingSun613

the thing with those is that they are only for about 2 weeks, forsure better than doing nothing though, and you could meet new ppl/make friends with ppl ur age while still in EY.

you could also work in a gan/kaytana- (summer camp version of a gan), work in a store/resturaunt, work in an american telemarketing office (there are a bunch of frum ones all over), be a house manager (cook/clean/watch kids for ppl- kinda like thurday chessed but get paid for it. not the funnest but if you find a really cute family you could get close to it might be worth it)

these are some things that don’t really require a degree or experience or anything like that.

One thing i forgot to add to my previous post: also try getting a job. It doesnt have to be something major but something small like tutoring, or teaching a hobby (piano, drawing… fill in the blank). you could make money off of your talents and things your good at. (for me, as a girl, im good at doing hair so i will charge people to do sheitles and hair or sometimes ill just do it as a chesed.) Or get a bunch of small jobs like working in a hebrew school on a sunday, or sub in an elementary school/day camp, volunteer at one random chai lifeline event, etc… do chesed. Take every opportunity you can! Dont be lazy! (not that im saying that you are) it all helps! Dont be lazy! (not that im saying that you are) it all helps! Like i said, put/force yourself in different (social) situations!

*btw, i hate using the word social because it sounds scary- trust me i know, but in essence thats what it is so just pretend its not there. but know that it is very necessary to expose yourself to the very thing that you are afraid of to overcome it. you can do it, i know you can. because if i did all this, so can you.

again, Hatzlacha and keep us posted!

KC, your story really touched me. only a couple years ago i was in a similar situation, lasting from childhood till about 10 or 11 grade. the difference is that i didn’t even realize there was anything wrong to do anything about. i guess HaShem helpes me figure it out. im glad you recognize that somethings up and that your seeking help. this makes is easier to cope with.

anyways, im gunna jump right into things and tell you some of the things that helped me get over this stage of my life. (which i learned the hard way)

1. this may seem very obvious but this was one of the best pieces of advice i ever got: people change! and sometimes that change will make people grow apart.

2. it’s ok to be not-so-close friends with people. you dnt have to be best friends with all your friends. you can have friends that you only go out with once in a while and it’s o.k. This may be why you feel like you have to “own” friends. (i used to feel the same!)

3. being quiet is an amazing quality if you use it correctly. people who are quiet think before they act, they are good listeners (something which the world needs more of!), they are introspective, giving them the quality to really work on yourself, and they are good observers and therefore have alot to say, but dont know how to sat it. with that said, it is very important that you take slow steps in talking more to people, even if they intimidate you- dont let them. if u are intimidated think to yourself who cares what they think, they have their own faults which can intimidate them and i have HaShem on my side.

4. sometimes the yetzer hara will try to prevent you from doing the things you can do best, so whenever you fell shy or intimidated think is this something HaShem would want me to say or do now? it the answer is yes, theres nothing to be shy about, do the will of HaShem and speak if you have to, who cares what they think!

5. this might be a funny tip but it helps. EAT HEALTHY. social anxiety is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain in the serotonin neuro pathways which can be fixed by eating healthy(as opposed to meds which you end up relying on) ( maybe look into the Rambams diet, there are books on it that helped many people)

6. for the record, i was made fun of for being too tall when i was younger, being called the tall monster =).

7. build a kesher with a rav/teacher/mentor. i made the mistake of not doing so.

8. in your free time, DO CHESED, tutor, do favors for people, babysit, offer to help people, go to events,… the list goes on forev. Make yourself part of a community to help build your life up. this is how you build connections and possible friendships with people (even though these are very hard with social anxiety, push through!)even the smallest of things make a difference.

9. i heard in a speech given by Chevy Garfinkle, In olam haze, HaShem doesn’t necessarily gi ve you what you deserve, HaShem gives you need to serve. use your challenges and grow from them.

10. DAVEN DAVEN DAVEN!!!!!!!! i cant stress this enough.

wow. didnt realize this would be so long. i guess this really brought me back. anyways these are things that helped me, i hope they help you too.

maybe look into the Ner Yisroel/ johns Hopkins program

or what seminary did u go to?

well, each situation really depends on the person and the seminary, but my general advice to anyone in this situation would be: DONT GO TO A SEM JUST BECAUSE YOUR FRIENDS ARE GOING! Rather, go to the one that best fits you and you know you’ll do great, even if that means going without a friend. In the end, im sure you’ll make tons of friends- you’ll just have to be a little more outgoing then you normally are at the beginning, but after a couple of weeks youll be fine. and because you know that you will thrive there, it will make it easier to be more outgoing and achieve other goals as well.you don’t want to go through sem regretting not being in another place you could have gone to (that was much better for you) but didn’t go because you wouldn’t have a friend with you. so please, DONT FALLOW YOUR FRIENDS TO SEMINARY!

Wear what you think is kavodig and tznius enough to go to a wedding. Most people forget that the reason we go to weddings is to fulfill the Mitzvah of Hachnasas Kallah. so, while you are still supposed to look nice, its not supposed to be a fashion show or a social scene! Ur dressing up L’Kavod a mitzvah! so wear whatever will help you fulfill this mitzvah properly.

Note: i personally would ditch the heels if you could get by without them! (most people can). or at least wear really comfortable ones that aren’t too high! ppl with heals slow down the dancing soooooo much!

Every week i wait for Shabbos from the second havdallah is over! Shabbos is my saving grace!

ask your LOR, then you will finally get a clear answer.

LAB- there is a vast difference between the two, having kids is necessary and required by halacha while piercing your ears is not. therefore, there is nothing wrong with avoiding it for a higher purpose– tznius (of preventing someone from wearing big/long earrings). Again, there is nothing wrong with wearing earrings regarding they are appropriate, just introducing a concept. That’s all.

if someone avoids getting their ears pierced, they can also avoid the challenge of wearing big/long earrings– that aren’t tznius.

note: in not against earrings, and im not saying that most earings aren’t tznius and should be avoided, im just presenting an idea– that is generally overlooked that should be taken into account.

maybe she should use extensions or add hair another way, but they should be the Same length as her hair, just used to fill in the gaps.. and make sure her hair will still be Tznius with these added extensions.

You shouldn’t worry about things like getting into seminary simply because you have no control over it. Therefore, it won’t help whether you worry about it or not.

This is really your Yetzer Harah trying to distract you from the things you should be worrying about: the things which you DO have control over- like bad middos you can fix or aveiros that you can overcome… Rather loose sleep over things like that! (even though its secretly really fun to think and worry about sem! but don’t let it get the best of you!)

I’m not saying that sem isn’t important- it is!- i know, im in the same boat! but its just pointless to worry about, because at this point there’s not much you can do (besides daven!) to change the situation.

another way to look at this situation:

HaShem is just testing you. He’s just giving you an opportunity to get closer to you. If you listen, know you will have failed the test, ultimately ruining a chance to get closer to HaShem.

teshuvah u’tefillah u’tzedaka maavirin es ro’ah hagezairah!