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1. Pretty sure that was Reb Aron Solovechick.
2. Have never heard that story.
Bachur 2.0, I hear what you’re saying, but can you explain why you won’t go out with a nice girl who is frum now and also has a past?
If you are suggesting that people should just look at how you are now and not at your past- it’s not fair if you’re not willing to do that as well- by going out with a girl with a past…
“LB: this is a stall tactic + she can get schar if he actually learns so even if this might not be the best way to get rid of him for good she might actually be mekariv him…(there is a chance however small it may be)(mitoch shelo lishmah ba lishma)”
No offense, but this is TERRIBLE advice! You are pretty much advising her to play with fire. Rebshidduch ignore this advise. Don’t worry about trying to mekariv him- mekariv yourself first. This plan is horrible and extremely risky. Just stay away from him.
I agree that using shadchanim can be tough. But don’t settle for less. Never think about marrying someone because they have potential. Because if they don’t reach it- then you’ll have big problems. Also, don’t marry someone as a chesed. Again- that’s a bad idea…
“Avram, he would become more religious for me. But I am curious why would he say he wants to become a rabbi and how all guys want me and how it should be easy for me to get a good shidduch when he knows I want someone learning full time?”
Ummm. I think there’s several very plausible explanations for why he is willing to change for you:
1) He finds you attractive
2) He finds you attractive and he thinks that he only needs to temporarily change until you get married to him then he can do whatever he wants
3) He finds you attractive so he’ll say anything to get you to go out with him
Are you seeing a pattern? If you’re really looking for a full time kollel guy- then why are you wasting time dealing with People that don’t fit what you’re looking for?
LU,
Sounds like you’re agreeing with me. Thanks for the support.
Does it really?
“Avinu” comes before “Malkeinu”.
I thought that Hashem was our Father? I would think that my father would want me to be comfortable. Do you always wear a jacket when you speak to your father?
You should definitely go to the Blind Museum in Holon. It’s near Tel Aviv. Amazing experience. Also, you can go on a Segway tour. Google “ZuZu Segway Tour”. Have fun!
I’m very confused. What are you guys talking about? How do you not recognize the state?
Does that mean that if the police was trying to pull you over in Israel–then you would just ignore him? What about border patrol? Are you just going to ignore them in Ben Gurion?
The Israeli government is in charge of Israel. It’s very simple. How would you “not recognize” the government?
It’s obvious. It’s ???? ???!!
For all of you who are advocating essentially only having beshows, did you have one? Or do you plan to have one when you start dating? If you didn’t and don’t plan to, then stop advocating for it. Very simple. You just sound delusional and hypocritical- if you are saying that the current dating system is wrong and yet you’re not willing to do what you think is right.
Either follow through with what you’re saying is right or please stop talking.
“Which minhagim? Which “chareidim”? The Sephardic chareidim? The Chasidic chareidim? Which “Big Rabbis”?”
Please don’t play dumb… You are obviously aware of “The Gedolim.” Ever hear of Rav Kanievsky, Rav Shteinman… All Charedim will look to the Gedolim for guidance and leadership.
“Telzers follow the teachings and Minhagim of the Telzer Yeshiva”
How is it any different from saying Chareidim follow the teachings and minhagim of the Big Rabbis in Bnei Brak?
Does this approach bother anyone else? Essentially what we’re saying is that it’s perfectly normal for a Rabbi to say one thing- but when questioned 1 on 1- he might hold differently.
How doesn’t this make him disingenuous at best and a liar at worst?
Lu,
What are you talking about?
You said that “there is no toeles in asking or being answered by an anonymous poster.”
Of course there is a toeles purpose here! Unless you’re trying to say that you don’t care if fellow Jews each kosher food? Are you assuming that the OP is just asking for fun? Maybe to cause trouble? He’s trying to keep kosher!
If after 120, you meet Hashem and he says that because you ignored the OP he ended up eating trief- I hope you have some good explanations planned…
DaMoshe and Person1,
Though you guys are right, there is no point calling out Joseph. When he sees arguments that he can’t refute or are inconvient to the point he is making, he simply ignores them. Probably because he’s a bored 15 year old Yeshiva bachur. Don’t bother waiting for him to respond to your points.
You are the spiritual leader of the CR so we need to know exactly what you did- so we can emulate you.
Joseph,
So did you go out on any dates? Did you have a beshow?
Just pointing out that Joseph has continued to ignore LU’s question about how Joseph met his wife… Hey Joseph, we need the chizuk. Please tell us how you met your wife. I’d hate to imagine that you’re someone that talks big on the forums, but in reality doesn’t actually practice what you preach.
Please tell us how your arranged marriage took place. Chanukah is coming and we need your story to inspire us and help us fight the secular influences around us.
LU, you’re going to have to keep waiting… Joseph just ignores questions that he can’t answer…
People also probably have different expectations for marriage nowadays. After the Holocaust, a lot of people were just looking for someone Jewish and frum to settle down with and have a family. Whether they actually liked the person wasn’t as big of a consideration. The main goal was to have a Jewish family. These days, that concept isn’t enough. People want to enjoy being married.
ZD is right, but another main reason is that the stigma of getting a divorce has gone down. In the past, people would stay together even if things weren’t good because they were afraid of what their neighbors and community members would think.
It’s a tie. They both lose.
Shopping- I respect your decision.
36 posts in 4 days is plenty. Not really sure why the thread should be closed. People seem to have strong opinions on this topic- so I’d rather hear current thoughts instead of seeing posts on this topic from 4 years ago.
I agree with Meno. A spicy cholent can change your heart rate. An inspiring dvar Torah can change your heart rate. An amazing Simchas Torah hakafos can change your heart rate. Yet, I don’t see any calls to ban those things…
“Negro” also simply means “black.” However, I wouldn’t suggest you go call someone that term…
“What if the “denied” spouse becomes intolerable?”
Lenny. What do you think is going to happen? Do you think that the Beis Din will force your wife to be nice to you? Not going to happen. She will become intolerable and then your life will be miserable until you give her a Get.
It’s time for you to join reality. You cannot force someone to love you and be happy with you. You have 2 options: 1) Give her a Get; or 2) FORCE her to stay in the marriage- and wait for her to try her best to ruin your life and make you hate waking up in the morning.
Again, stop asking what the Beis Din can/cannot do–and start thinking about how real life works…
” don’t know if it’s a good idea to start comparing boys from one Yeshiva to another. That sounds like it could be a Hilchos L”H issue”
Or people can speak in a nice manner for a toeles purpose–so there won’t be any L’H issues…
“What is The Final Countdown by Europe?”
Europe is a band. The Final Countdown is a song. If you google the song–you should recognize the tune very quickly.
“I once listened to goyishe music and now I am a Christian missionary. I will never forgive the goyishe music I listened to for doing this to me.”
Do you make good money as a missionary? I could use a few dollars…
“What I can’t figure out is if one of the spouses absolutely wants out, and the Beis Din says they can’t have out, what happens to the marriage going forward? Thanks.”
Lenny, you seem like a nice guy, I just have a few questions for you. What is wrong with you?? What do you think happens to the marriage? If your wife doesn’t want to be in the marriage and she is forced to stay in it, then she will probably make your life miserable until you give her a Get.
Since you seem to need this spelled out for you… If she wanted to drive you crazy, she can 1) Stop doing housework; 2) Stop making food; 3) Embarrass you in public; 4) Constantly be screaming at you and making your life miserable…
That is just a few things that can take place. Lenny. TAKE A HINT. Your wife doesn’t want to be with you–just give her a Get and move on. Stop trying to force her to be in a marriage because she will be miserable and will hate you. Unfortunately, you can meet with 1000 Rabbis, but even if they can force her to stay married to you, they cannot force her to love you or to even treat you respectfully.
Just try to find a kind and unselfish person. What difference does yichus make if your spouse is a terrible person? You are not marrying his/her grandfather!
The way to stay happy when you’re single is just to live your life. Go on a trip, get a job, do whatever you want… Don’t be constantly thinking about shidduchim. Hashem will take care of you. Enjoy being single…It’s not a crime or disease…
“Gofish – I don’t think that Joseph is as bad as he sounds. From what I “know” of him, he actually seems like a very nice person, and I don’t think he ever engages in personal insults (which is hard to avoid around here) even when he feels strongly about something.”
“You have never spoken to me that way before and I was surprised by it.”
lilmod ulelamaid, why are you surprised?? Like many people mentioned earlier, some people make Judaism look terrible because of the way they use the Torah. Joseph is one of those individuals. It’s not that hard to see that…
“You certainly have no right to judge the other people involved without hearing from them!”
No one is judging him. We’re sharing our thoughts based on what he told us. You’re the one judging us.
“As an aside, my Rabbi & wife are super-friendly.”
Maybe THAT is the real problem. If you know what I mean.
“I think what i need is a husband and some shidduch advice! what kind of guy is this someone who doesnt talk to girls, doesnt wear jeans but not black suit black hatter, someone who goes to movies, listens to not jewish music, etc….?”
“im very careful with tznius and dont talk to guys and dont watch movies or tv or any of that.”
Wait so you’re looking for a guy who watches movies, but you don’t watch movies? Doesn’t seem to make sense…
“I already know 2 guys who i want and they wont be learning full time”
Haven’t you heard? There’s a shidduch crisis! Force them to learn and then force them to marry you. Then you’ll be set. Your welcome. I solved the problem. Gosh. I love helping people. Especially during Elul.
Ever hear of the concept of being Dan L’Kaf Zchus? Maybe you should try it sometime…Also, you’re the one who is being judgmental. I’m trying to help Sparkly.
@Sparkly “zahavasdad – footsteps is HORRIBLE!!”
Sparkly, I’m just trying to help you out, but you really should consider writing in a more mature fashion and using less exclamation points.
It just makes you seem younger and more immature. You can feel really strongly about a point and get your point across without CAPITALIZING yours words and adding “!!!”. Just trying to help because it’s Elul–and I’m sure that you don’t want everyone to look at you as a young immature girl.