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A lamdan, like a talmid hakham, is something that is “she’en lahem shiur.” Talmud torah, mind you, according to the first mishna in Peah, lacks a shiur (no pun intended).
Therefore, being a lamdan, a masmid, or a talmid chacham is something that you strive for. It is a mindset of wanting to learn yomam v’laila.
I don’t presume to take any kavod whatsoever, but at work, very frum coworkers call me a lamdan because they see me always looking to shteig. I come to work with a Kehati mishnayos, and a source sheet I made from the Bar Ilan CD of a different inyan. I am interested right now in learning hilchos kissui harosh for men, so I came with the first teshuva in Igros Moshe printed out and a dictionary, and on my break, began translating the teshuva.
Being shomer negiah is a very important halakha. I am not Haredi, but my Judaism is defined by halakha, and the moment you pick and choose which halakhot you wish to keep and not keep, you’ve effectively separated yourself from the Torah and might as well be Reform- the Reform Movement believes that the individual and the individual’s definition of truth are the supreme authority, not the objective Torah. Relativism may be a popular 20th century value, but it is the antithesis of Judaism.
This girl sounds more frum than you. She needs another baal teshuva, and I will explain why.
People need to be with people who were raised similarly. She cannot relate to your formative experiences in life and you cannot relate to hers. You were raised with a different value system than her, and her ideas of family are also different than yours. Her family will think you’re a frummy, and that you’re weird and your family will never fully accept her. They’ll never view her as equal and will be skeptical and judgmental.
Don’t subject yourself to a lifetime of heartache and machlokes. People not raised religious have a tendency towards zealotry and even fanaticism when they become religious because they lack a social lens and an experiential lens through which Judaism is lived, beyond the printed page. This seems to be the case here.
You sound like you need a girl who was raised frum and maybe became more relaxed over time, since such a lukewarm girl can relate to your hashkafa of seeing halakhot you don’t like as irrelevant.
The BT girl should seek another BT who is frum and shtark, a guy who maybe went to Aish or Ohr Somayach and who consciously made a choice to be a halakhic Jew and doesn’t go with the flow because that is how he was raised.
I wish I knew of Jewish organizations that helped the homeless. Sadly, I don’t.
It’s shver.
The homeless are not a monolithic demographic. Some are sadly those who are good people and just fell through the cracks, whereas others have serious issues with mental illness and substance abuse.
A community-sponsored shelter is the only option.
Perhaps people feel it would be a busha, yet we have all kinds of frum welfare organizations.
There are at any given time people sleeping in Shomrei Shabbos and 770, and people on the streets of 13 Avenue, Kingston Avenue, Coney Island Avenue, etc.
Bill Rapfogel addressed a conference I coordinated with Uri L’Tzedek where he spoke about the Jewish working poor.
Young Baalei teshuva, Israeli yordim, ffb people who lack a good education and aren’t in kollel or yeshiva gedola, immigrants, and stam poor people who can’t get on Section 8 are basically the frum homeless.
The Met council wanted to open a frum homeless shelter that would be respectful of shabbos and kashrus, with separate sections for men and women, of course (although there are far more homeless men than women and children), but he saud that DHS and czar Bloomberg gave them too much of a hassle with red tape.
Halakha does not tell us which superstitions to hold by; if anything, the overall thurst of Judaism is rationalistic and eschews superstitions/darkhei emori.
If someone wants to name after a living grandparent, or buy baby clothes before the baby is born, they are not sinning.
The Sridei Esh was of the shita that a woman singing zmiros was not kol isha b’erva.
This makes sense considering that Talmudically, kol isha is an issur against licentiousness, not the voice of a woman, bichlal.
A woman with a good voice, I suppose, could sing zemiros and perform for audiences of women and girls, and entertain her husband.
I use vegan Parmesan all the time in Italian meat dishes.
I was kind of shocked that I went to a frum wedding where there were Hassidishe family members on both sides, and Rav Eliezer Ginsburg was the mesadder kiddushin, and they had heavy metal, the pop song “Dynamite” by Taio Cruz, and other type songs that I never even listen to before I became frum because I knew they were immoral.
Yet, Henny Youngman is no good? Come on, now.
We are not obligated to finance people’s chumros. Period.
Beggars can’t be choosers.
Normal kosher food should be more than sufficient.
Beans, pasta, oil, spices, noodles, eggs, potatoes, onions, canned vegetables, fruits, etc. are more than enough to build meals from.
Limit meat to Shabbos chicken and yom tov.
Kosher cheeses are very expensive, sadly. Unless you go to Pic and Pay, where they have Sugar River (CRC) and Monsey Dairy (OK) for good prices.
I don’t see much of a big difference between very frum MO people and more relaxed people from the yeshivishe world.
I only wear a black hat when I am davening in a place where it’s the norm. In my Modern Orthodox shul in Brooklyn, Sephardi shuls, Manhattan, Teaneck, Riverdale, I would never wear it.
In a black hat shul in Flatbush, Monsey, Baltimore, or 5 Towns, I definitely do wear it.
This is why it disgusts me to have to pay taxes.
Anyone who takes welfare is in one way or another a thief who steals from people like me who produce and contribute to society.
Those who generally are most makpid on chumros in Yoreh Deah are the most mekil on Choshen Mishpat.
The tension between ritual and ethics is most unfortunate and was never intended to even be a tension, yet the Nevi’im were most aware of this when they condemn the am for being concerned with korbanot and whatnot when people are going hungry.
Sitting next to a woman on a plane is not preferable, but it is also not strictly assur.
Chulent,
That is an answer which not only rubs me and a lot of people the wrong way, but also is not definitive.
Sources, please?
Uneeq,
Your lashon of ???? ???? ?????? puts you in the company of Reb Moshe and other great poskim.
The Taz was the first to suggest that men going with an uncovered head was chukat hagoy.
Maybe this would true in a house of worship, but even that is a stretch. The Vilna Gaon says that a man need only cover his head for the Amidah.
Reb Moshe holds like the Taz, yet allows men to uncover for work purposes.
Rebbetzin Aidel Miller does this blei gissen.
I am unaware of how much she charges, but is known widely as the ayin hara lady, and she has a haskama from R’ Chaim Pinchas Scheinberg.
There are different opinions on what will happen to non-Jews when the Moshiach comes.
Some say that they will all convert to Judaism.
As far as the Noahide movement, I suggest the rabim read the Sefer Yisrael v’ haAmim by the gaon, Rav Eliyahu Benamozegh.
He was of the shita that those who fall under the Meiri’s shita would automatically be considered Noahides, since world religions generally are ethical and monotheist (even Hindus affirm the concept of a unified Godhead).
Research shows that beggars get almost twice as much money when they’re accompanied by a child or a dog.
What community do you wish to be part of? When it comes to which seminary you attend, that seems to matter more than what yeshiva guys attend, as far as shidduchim are concerned.
I encourage the Dati Leumi/Modern Orthodox approach, but I am nogea b’davar obviously. if you’re familiar with my postings.
You have to ask yourself which community you want to become part of.
I am of the school of thought that it is usually highly inappropriate and uncalled for to make Holocaust analogies.
I went to a public high school, and a frum female teacher commented that a fight going on in the hallways was like the Holocaust because nobody got involved.
I recorded the incident and reported it and the teacher to the Anti-Defamation League.
That is what I figured.
Usually, white on white tallitot are worn by Sepharadim, who tend to be mahmir on these kabbalistic inyanim. I would think this is why Sephardic siddurim, sefarim, etc. tend to be white.
I personally have 2 tallitot that have black stripes for shabbat and yemei chol and one with white stripes that I wear for the yamim noraim.
The entire inyan of Shabbos levush is very serious, and it is directly out of the Gemara. (Shabbat 119, IIRC).
And I stand corrected- I must have misheard in some article I read that the Romms were goyim.
The requirement to have 2 tallitot generally means to have 1 for shabbat/yom tov, and one for weekdays, no?
There are even some frum people living in the tent city.
Chulent,
You take a very academic approach, which is what others accuse me of.
Jacob Katz wrote extensively on how living in a Christian world heavily influenced the psakim of Rashi, Rabbeinu Tam, Rema, and other Ashkenazi poskim on the status of Christianity.
Granted that we live in a Christian society, as well, perhaps we should consider these opinions so that we have good relations with our neighbors.
They’re not lies.
I am in this community and know the tricks and scams people pull.
Do accounting.
Nursing has a surplus; there aren’t enough jobs.
Social work, even with a MSW/LCSW, you won’t make all that much money ever.
With accounting, get an MST/CPA. You can make a ton.
We need a Jewish homeless shelter in NYC.
Too many people cannot afford the high rents. Too many homeless Jews spend their nights in Shomrei Shabbos and 770, and r”l, on the streets and in the subways and maybe also in cars.
A shelter where frum Jews can feel comfortable, where those who are down on their mazal can be safe and protected from the mentally ill and drug addicts, would be gevaldig.
Ken yehi ratzon.
As a working class frum yid, I care deeply about making the world a more equitable place. I yearn for the day and proudly work towards creating a world where all people enjoy the fruits of economic equity and are paid fair wages and treated with dignity.
How many times do the neviim chastise us for mistreating the workers and the poor? And I also hope for a day when glatt yosher is seen as important an imperative religiously as glatt kosher.
Antisemitism? The only way to acquire Torah is through bread and salt. The luxurious lifestyles and gashmius we see today among even those who live off the system is disgusting.
Is it fair that people don’t get marriage licenses, claim their homes as minyanim for tax exempt status, and collect welfare while living in luxury?
What is wrong with simplicity? Why can’t a woman wear a shpitzle or a snood? Why can’t a Hassidishe man wear a fake fur shtreimel? Why can’t people limit their meat consumption to once a week, and leave it at chicken, for that matter? People need to live within their means.
I work hard, go to college, attend regular shiurim, and live as cheaply as possible, which enables me to give to others in need, as much as I can.
Todah rabbah, Morah Rachel.
I wouldn’t be able to learn in a yeshiva without internet. I have a Jastrow CD, Bar Ilan, and YUTorah, and R’ Eli Mansour, in addition to other resources, that greatly aid learning.
When people with $6000 fur shtreimels, $1500 wigs, fancy jewelry, sterling silver, crystal chandeliers, and $45.00 briskets are collecting welfare, you know the system is corrupt. Essentially, working people like me are robbed to subsidize laziness.
Kwanzaa is a holiday that was invented as a black power festival by a radical Marxist sociology professor in the UC system in the 60s. It is downright subversive.
In a place like Baltimore, the houses are certainly much cheaper, but remember- cheap houses are cheap for a reason. Baltimore is not the safest community to live in, and there are also not many jobs there at all.
We must always make a kiddush hashem and treat all people with the proper kavod and respect. All people are made b’tzelem elokim.
Sadly, the waitress in question has experienced what many of us experience. I’ve worked so-called “goyishe” jobs in food service, retail, etc., alongside goyim, and even in a velvet kippah, tzitzit, a beard, long sideburns, I’ve been treated and spoken to rudely and abusively by other frum yidden.
Part of the tav hayosher program is to ensure that in food service jobs, we treat our workers fairly and with dignity. It is not just the goyim who are mistreated; there are Yidden who do these jobs also, and we should also be treated equitably.
I fully relate to and sympathize with the waitress, and I’d like to apologize. Like so many things, rachamana litzlan, the menuvals don’t represent all of us.
Sadly, many people are apathetic to the plight of a fellow Yid.
I wish we could somehow be in touch to be mechazek each other.
I struggle financially; I am a baal teshuva/ger tzedek (Jewish father, raised non-Orthodox), and am on my own, homeless 6 nights of the week, and I struggle to support myself and save money for school.
If you go to chasunas, Shomrei Shabbos, 770, Landau’s, etc., you should be matzliach.
Please be mispallel me (Doniel Gavriel ben Shlomo v’ Sarah Imenu) and I will be mispallel you.
This man is hurting.
I proudly give to those who ask because I’ve been in the position where I’ve had to ask, too. The Torah commands empathy. We have to put ourselves in the shoes of others.
A CFP doesn’t want to work with an ani. They want clients that they can make a commission off.
I know this because I am studying to be a CPA and CFP.
Of course. Vaad of Flatbush is perfectly kosher, despite attacks from others on the right.
Christianity is not avodah zarah.
Otherwise, we wouldn’t allow doing business with them three days before their holidays.
And, I outlined many poskim who affirm that Christianity is not idolatrous.
The Bnei Noach movement is a fallacy; Bnei Noach is a halakhic categorization for gentiles who believe in G-d and fall under the Meiri’s category of umot that are dictated by the ways of religion. It is NOT a pseudo-Judaism for gentiles, as Habad and other groups have turned it into.
I feel for you. I struggle a lot also with finances, since I need to pay for school.
Masbia and Oneg Shabbos//Tomchei Shabbos are a good idea. Also, there are quite a few vocational training programs out there.
Saying that I agree with the OU constitutes my maligning it?
WHAT!?
HaShem Yerachem
They made the best Chinese food!
There is still nothing inherently valuable or holy about the Vilna Shas. I find the txt format of Shas on Hebrew Books.org to be far more user-friendly.
There is simply no such thing as mezonot bread. Read the OU psak above. I agree 100% with it.
Paper doesn’t have kedusha. The words printed on it have kedusha, which is why a siddur goes into genizah.
The point is that people should daven.
And, an above poster says that much of we do is relatively recent. I cannot stress this enough.
Remember- minhag has the same gematria as gehinam.
Just because our forefathers did something doesn’t make it right. Eicha says that our forefathers were idol worshipers, which is true. To say that something becomes holy only because klal yisrael does it, not because it is commanded by the Torah, is not Orthodox. It is, however, exactly what Mordechai Kaplan wrote about. Claiming that minhag yisrael is inherently holy, especially when it contravenes halakha, makes one a Reconstructionist, and pasul.
Singleme,
You should want to be supported by your husband and shouldn’t have to work. A husband should be mekayem his ketuba obligations.
Maybe look outside your comfort zone a little bit. This may be your best bet, and what really matters is the fact that the chosson is interested in growth, learning, and keeping the mitzvot.