Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
As someone who is a dues-paying member of Shearith Israel, I was most pleased to hear Dr. Soloveichik’s remarks that day.
Nothing is inherently Jewish about a latke. Germans and other goyim eat potato pancakes and hash browns all the time.
American Jews across the country, Orthodox and non-Orthodox, will be proudly sitting down with their families to enjoy turkey, stuffing, latkes, sweet potato latkes, gravy, candied yams, mashed potatoes, sufganiyot, pumpkin pie, apple cider, and all the trimmings. I’ll be davening at Shearith Israel, where they conduct the Minchat Todah in honor of Thanksgiving, and where we’ll be watching the parade afterwards. After that, I’ll be volunteering at a kohser Thanksgiving meal for the poor and elderly, and at night, I’ll be enjoying an Empire turkey, latkes, sweet potatoes, pumpkin pie, and all the trimmings with family, as a proud Jewish American.
Parents giving up their kids is no solution. The Haredim need to go to work.
Writersoul,
Without domestic duties being addressed, a home falls down quicker than a house of cards. The toilets don’t clean themselves, now, do they?
Perhaps try hiding your vegetables; my grandmother, a”h, used to “hide” vegetables in mashed potatoes and give it to the kids (spinach works well). You can try adding cauliflower to your potatoes as well. Kugels are a nice way to get vegetables, and you can even try making roasted veggies; zucchini, butternut squash, acorn squash (with butter, brown sugar, and cinnamon), carrots, cauliflower, broccolini, etc. are all very yummy roasted.
You can even try making latkes made from vegetables like carrots, zucchini, and whatnot.
You can also make a braised red cabbage. Red cabbage braised with onion, apple, raisins, a little sugar, and some apple cider vinegar is a delicious vegetable dish, and very nutritious.
I’ve been losing a nice amount of weight by replacing starches with vegetables. I eat Israeli salad every morning, with a hard-boiled egg, and some cold asparagus or broccoli, for lunch, I have a salad of spinach, yellow peppers, chick peas, and cucumbers, and for supper, I’ve been eating smoked salmon with steamed broccoli, a leafy green (such as kale, cabbage, or chard), lemon for flavor, and tomato, onion, and capers. I also like making new kinds of vegetable stews and soups without added oil, and experimenting with new stir-fry dishes, too. I have about 150 lbs, in total to lose, and for me, this is a new way of life more than anything else.
The gemara also says that a wife can demand a divorce when the husband is physically repulsive to her, due to a malodorous occupation, or due to a medical condition (such as boils or leprosy). I would feel bad for such a husband- his occupation and medical condition are things not necessarily within his reasonable control.
This is unrelated, but is a gripe I have with labeling.
Some products with only a K really do have rabbinical oversight (whether these rabbis are “accepted” is a different matter). Instead of the public having to research this, the company might as well just get an OU or a Kof K or one of the mainstream hashgachos to improve the bottom line.
I had Norman’s on Passover (used the plain yogurt for different dairy dishes). Nobody had any complaints.
Cleaning is a necessary function for normal, productive adults to carry out. People make too many excuses around it.
In the secular world, there’s no concern that a woman remains chained, essentially enslaved, to her husband, which is what happens when a man refuses to give a get.
I think working through hypotheticals is a great idea. Communication, compromise, a desire to place one’s spouse first, and compatibility (religiously, personality-wise, and in other ways) are all essential.
This depends on the community. Generally, the MO communities don’t push marriage at a young age, and one frequently encounters singles in our community who are in their mid-to-late 30s.
You have a serious problem on your hands. You need to consult professional help.
These are my thoughts, and this is how I would deal with an otherwise uncomfortable situation. I wouldn’t dare purport to be a tzaddik.
This is a good place to learn how other observant Jews think about differing issues.
If my wife liked cooking and wasn’t good at it, I’d eat her food with a smile, compliment her cooking, mipnei shalom bayit, and take an evening walk to Mendelsohn’s or Pomegranate. Dishonest? Yes. But the gemara says that lying mipnei darkei shalom is mutar, and I’m looking to marry someone with good middot and a good heart and beautiful neshama, not Julia Child (a”h). I’d do the cleaning myself, if she wanted to cook. I don’t trust strangers in my home, going though my belongings, and I also feel it’s degrading and arrogant to pay someone to do what people should do for themselves. Cleaning is an activity that develops the muscles and instills good middot. What is the aversion yidden have to cleaning their homes? I don’t get it.
I still have about 30 boxes of matzah left from Passover, but that’s plain matzah. ShopRite had egg and bran matzah on sale, which is nice, because it breaks up the monotony for me during Pesach.
While on the topic of cheap things to cook, matzah brei is one of them; matzah, water, egg, salt, pepper, and a little margarine.
I’d make dinner and clean every night. I love to cook, and I’d always do what I can to treat my wife like a malkah and feel appreciated and loved.
I’m Sephardic, and thought it would be ironic to choose an obviously Ashkenazic-sounding version of my name. Also, I’m a ben bayit by many homes, and in most cases, people will call me Reb Doniel (since they’re Ashkenazim).
Depression isn’t a yetzer hara. It is a serious medical, psychological, and emotional condition, and like other mental illnesses, there is a very strong spiritual dimension, as well.
R’ Twerski is a medical doctor, and for him to not recommend psychotropic drugs would constitute malpractice on his part, when individual patients require such medication.
If anything, there may be a strong yetzer hara for individuals not to seek out the proper medical assistance. The yetzer hara convinces us there’s nothing seriously wrong, when in fact, we do have serious problems that require professional attention and treatment.
Depends on the community.
A 35 year old single in MO circles isn’t considered an older single.
HaShem doesn’t give you nisyonot or challenges you can’t handle.
First off, b’ sha’ah tovah! This is a very happy moment in the life of a couple, as they prepare to welcome their first child into the world.
I’d suggest that if you can reasonably afford hired help (I’m sure you can hire help for between $12 and $15 an hour, and assuming that you only need 4 hours a week, that would be $60 a week, which is the cost of eating out in a restaurant for 2, many times, or the cost of morning DD or Starbuck’s for the week), do so. Maybe you can continue doing some housework and only hire a cleaning lady twice a month?
G-d helps those who help themselves.
You have to do your hishtadlus.
The Gemara in Avodah Zarah says that he who works erev shabbos, eats on yom shabbos. You have to have faith, but you also have to be logical and do your duty.
Having a career should be seen as a reasonable prerequisite for marriage.
There are quite a few frugal cookbooks out that have recipes for hearty cooking.
I’ve fed myself for $25 a week (excluding shabbos). Not that this is healthy or balanced, but I’ve purchased day-to-day cheap bags of produce for $1, rice, beans, potatoes, eggs, onions, 50 cent yogurt, and soup powder. In NYC, they also sell $2.19 big loaves of rye bread, OK-Pas Yisroel! (May be Stern’s, but I see it sold in ShopRite and Russian stores).
Also, this is l’toelet harabbim- ShopRite in Brooklyn has Manischewitz Matzos, KOSHER FOR PASSOVER, as well as Yehuda matzos, KOSHER FOR PASSOVER, on sale for 99 cents. I purchased some already for Pesach.
I’d suggest not starting until you’re in a position to marry, financially, that is. Since we don’t casually date, but date with marriage in mind, it may only lead to disappointment and heartbreak if you date before you can afford married life.
I’d be more than happy to cook and clean for my wife, not only during shana rishona, but for all of my marriage, too.
If you’re looking for tips, there’s a Permaculture magazine online for free with some great ideas and tips for saving money.
I always clean up when I’m done. I wouldn’t subject my mother to that kind of balagan.
There are diverse voices here, people who are on the derech, and off the derech, and people who are everything from Briskers, to Chasidim, to YU types, to Liberal MO, converts, baalei teshuva, and people with yichus. Enjoy your time here.
I thought that the men in fur hats and long black coats, with beards and long side curls I saw walking on Saturday afternoons were cool.
15 years after that, I became an Orthodox Jew (albeit not choosing the headgear and levush I found cool as a non-religious 6 year old living in Brooklyn).
I still find Chasidim cool, and admire them for their counter-cultural ways in dress and their pride in their culture.
For many in our MO community, reading The Weekender (NYT) is an integral part of their oneg shabbat.
I hold that today’s newspapers should not be considered shtarei hedyotot, nor should reading them be considered an issur of vedaber dabar (unless, let’s say, you were reading a trade publication). I read in the Harchavot Peninei Halakha of Rav Eliezer Melamed that since advertisements are no longer the main means of identifying business or trade opportunities, one is allowed to look at ads as long as they don’t intend to make a purchase based on them, and as long as reading or looking at them gives the individual a sense of enjoyment.
I happen to enjoy reading The Weekender, and I don’t look at the stocks until after shabbat is over.
As a man, I’d never wear a leather jacket. My goal is to walk humbly with HaShem, not look like a punk, thug, bully, or greaser-type.
You can also do a lot with cabbage. Cabbage soup is a hearty meal, when paired with some brown bread. You can add rice, raisins, brown sugar, vinegar, and tomatoes and water to make it like an “unstuffed cabbage” soup.
See if you can get Fould’s macaroni and cheese where you live. Often, it’s like 99 cents a box. If you live down South, Winn-Dixie Mac and Cheese is OU-D and usually very cheap per box.
Better than Bouillion is diluted with boiling water to make a very flavorful broth.
I like it because it isn’t full of artificial carcinogens and chemicals (unlike Osem, which contains derivatives of butane!)
The other powders, like Osem, Telma, Lipton, etc. generally just require one to add boiling water.
What about when the man cooks better than the woman? I dated someone who once served me ravioli that were all stuck together. Another made a broccoli dish on shabbos with semi-raw chunks of white onion in it. I’ve tasted chicken soups that taste like hot dish water. When I marry, I’d be more than happy to do all the cooking (and I’d clean afterwards, too).
I think most women would object to the idea that a housewife should actually be a housewife and pick up a broom or wash a dish.
This didn’t make it into the canon, just like the book of Maccabees didn’t (Catholics, le havdil, view Apocrypha, such as Maccabees, Baruch, Bel and the Dragon, etc. as Mikra).
There exists a minhag among some communities, including some Temanim, Italkim, etc. to read this on Shabbat Chanukah, similar to how Ashkenazim read Kohelet and Shir haShirim on Shabbat CHM Pesach and Sukkot.
Telma
Lipton/Gefen Kosher label
Osem
Better than Bouillon is my favorite.
People would post anonymously when they face issues that they are ashamed of.
Many people in their 20s are still developmentally like teenagers; they’re not economically, emotionally, or intellectually developed or independent or mature yet. They can’t compromise yet. Children having children is bound to fail.
ROB’s view of aggadata is in line with the views of Rabbenu Avraham ben haRambam on aggadata. If you hold that all aggadatot are infallible, then what do you with the clearly flawed science that Chazal went on?
The number one problem in marriages and the number one cause of divorce is indeed, money.
According to an article by Ron Leiber of the New York Times in 2009, the odds of a marriage ending in divorce due to finances is approximately 45 percent. Many of the reasons behind this high rate are the lack of discussions couples have before they get married regarding their views on finances, what debt they are bringing into the marriage, experience they have with budgets, what they envision their financial future to be, and many more.
There are many sources to corroborate my claim.
A wife in Judaism is called an akeret habayit. A homemaker. A woman who doesn’t work needs to take care of her household and her husband and kids, and that includes laundry, cooking, and cleaning. What does a woman who doesn’t work or fulfill domestic duties do all day?
If the OP’s wife wants to work and contribute a second income, let her do that. My eitzah would be that they should only have a maid if the wife works and is incapable of cleaning, as a result.
I’m single guy, and I clean up after myself. I do dishes, scour pots, scrub toilets and the sinks and bathtub, do laundry, vacuum, sweep, Windex the mirrors, mop the floors, use Murphy’s oil soap on the hardwood floors, and even cook and scrub the range and oven about 3 times a week. Twice a month, I scour the refrigerator and clean the shelves. Why couldn’t a woman who doesn’t have a job take 2-3 hours a day reasonably to do all this?
I think the fact that there are lazy women who don’t want to be good wives and mothers is also a cause of shalom bayit problems, and the fact that Jewish women have such a jappy reputation fuels the intermarriage rate, in all honesty. A man needs an ezer k’negdo, not a headache and a drain on his wallet. Sadly, the OP’s wife seems like the antithesis of an eshet chayil, and she is not like all of the strong Jewish mothers and wives I know, in my own family and among friends, who go to work, and still manage to keep a clean home.
My rebbi and teacher, Rabbi Marc Angel (a musmach of RIETS, and author of 26 books) wrote the following about Kupat haIr, in his book “Maimonides, Spinoza, and Us: Toward An Intellectually Vibrant Judaism,” pp. 107-08:
“A significant Orthodox charitable organization provides assistance to needy individuals and families. On a regular basis, it sends glossy brochures to potential donors, soliciting contributions. These brochures include abundant pictures of saintly looking men with long white beards, engaged in Torah study and prayer, and signing their names on behalf of this charitable organization. The brochures promise donors that the Gedolei haDor (the great sages of our generation) are official members of the organization. One of the rabbinic sages associated with this charity is quoted to say, “all who contribute to [this charity] merit to see open miracles.” Moreover, donors are told that the Gedolei haDor will pray on their behalf and are actually given a choice of blessings they would like to receive from these prayers: to have pleasure from their children, to have children, to find a worthy mate, to earn an easy livelihood. “Urgent request are immediately forwarded to the homes of the Gedolei haDor.”
Is it appropriate for a Gadol haDor to assure contributors that they will be worthy of open miracles? Can anyone rightfully speak on behalf of the Almighty’s decisions relating to doing open miracles? Doesn’t this statement reflect a belief that prayers uttered by so-called sages (similar to incantations uttered by shamans!) can control God’s actions, even to the extent of making God do miracles?
In this brochure, dressed as it is in the garb of Torah-true religion, we have a blatant example of superstitious-tainted Judaism. The leaders of this organization assume: (1) Gedolei haDor (we are not told who decides who is a Gadol haDor, nor why any Gadol haDor would want to run to the Kotel to pray every time a donor called in an “urgent request”) have greater powers to pray than anyone else; (2) a Gadol haDor can promise open miracles if we send in a donation; (3) a prayer uttered at the holy site of the Kotel has more value than a prayer uttered elsewhere, that is, the Kotel is treated as a sacred, magical entity; and (4) A kvitel placed in a crevice in the Kotel has religious value and efficacy. This brochure relies on the public’s gullible belief in the supernatural powers of Gedolei haDor and the Kotel.
I’d suggest, first and foremost, that she either gets a job to pay for the maid, or that you have her clean herself. A wife has certain duties to perform and fulfill, and cleaning her house is one of them. Quite frankly, your wife sounds spoiled, chutzpahdik, and the type of woman I’d run away from. Be a man, put your foot down, and fire the maid, for the sake of your “kemach.” As far as groceries go, reduce your household consumption of dairy and meat products. Go over the shopping list with your wife, have her buy whatever she can at big-box non-kosher stores (a can of OU beans at Key Food is 99 cents, compared to $2.49 Gefen beans elsewhere). It’s stories like this that make me wary of marriage; a wife can send you straight to the poor house.
Your wife is a serious problem. I’d suggest speaking with rabbanim who are also trained in marital therapy. Finances are the number one cause of shalom bayit issues. In this day and age, two incomes are needed, and extraneous expenses need to be done away with. It turns my stomach when I see Jews hiring illegal aliens to clean their homes and raise their kids.
Why are you having a maid? There’s your first mistake. If your wife worked full-time, I could see it. But, there’s no reason why she shouldn’t be cleaning her own house, like any other self-respecting woman. If she’s lazy or jappy, than that’s a problem.
It is indeed a troubling Yerushalmi, ROB.
I voted against this proposition because I oppose gambling, and see it as incompatible with the moral vision for society Judaism offers. More gambling will result in more problems for our society, more immorality, more degenerate behaviors, and more temptation.
I’m not quite sure most people are ready for marriage in their 20s. It takes a lot to hot only be concerned with the financial responsibilities of running a household, but also to be responsible for another person’s feelings and to be sensitive towards another person’s needs, as if they were your own. This is extremely difficult, as marriage entails two neshamos becoming like one. Hurting your spouse, either b’mezid, or b’shogeg, is something that needs to be guarded against, and being responsible for one’s words and actions always needs to be a priority. There is a lot that is involved in marriage, and the fact that our nation’s divorce rate is close to 60% indicates that most people don’t think seriously about what’s entailed.
My suggestion is for this couple to seek out competent and qualified financial advice from a financial counselor or financial planner.
It’s easy for an individual to flippantly spend money they don’t go out and earn themselves. I can understand the OP’s concerns. If both spouses were working, the circumstances would be different. It’s often difficult for individuals to stay within a budget, and when people are used to being handed everything (first from their parents, and then from their chosson) and not working for it, they fail to learn the value of a dollar.