Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
As I have said to people and posted time and time again.
There are segments of the haredi community who are facing the huge problem of trying to follow two religions. genuine Torah Judaism where they attempt to serve hashem and fake “stigma judaism” where they worship their peers and random people (yes those are the people I mean when it is said “what will people think”) And yes I believe in freedom of expression but dont believe it is acceptable for aperson to worship two different beliefs which outright contradict each other.My
True. I believe most jews in chutz laaretz dont have a good reason not to be in eretz yisrael.
Because the worries are related to chillul hashem which is not our responsibility when done by non jews. But when kews make chillul hashem , people get concerned
This so called shidduch crisis has little if anything do with age gap.
The premise that girls marry at 19 and boys 23 is very enchanting and sounds wonderful, however for the vast majority of frum couples, this is not the case. Shidduchim is a difficult experience and many boys an girls start at 25, an only a muniriy of girls marry under 21.
The real problem boils down to stigma. I am not talkin from my own experience bug also fom the experience of many people i know.
In many communities the shidduch process has become so complex and insanely judgemental that the vast majority of suggestions are rejected, even before the boy meets the girl. In some communities the following factors can be game changers as to not whether they will get married, but meet up in the first place;
Job of parents, income of parents, siblings school reports, clothing style of boy, vague reports by some witness who claimed to have seen or know the boy, city of origin of the boy, some sin he committed which hashem forgave years ago, shoe style, glasses color, how long snd what place he learned torah in. House of fanily. Style of family. Asthma of 2nd cousin
And the list goes on and on.Is it a wonder why so many young people are not getting married?
Instead of approaching shidduchim with openness and tolerance(within the framework of halacha of course) positivity and hope, many people coming with artillery oc elimination, of judgement, misbelief and in many cases ,it is the parents themselves who are rejecting one shiduch after another without even consulting the person for who they are looking.The answer to this crisis is to stop thinking so much and to allow dates to happen.
The problem is not lack of marriages, but lack of dates . It can typically take, in some kehillas, 20 even 50 suggestions until a boy meets a girl. Yes pre checks are often important ,however this whole culture of judgement is ridding boys and girls of hundreds of potential matches. Thd vast majority , although not all, concerns , questions and thoughts will be answered kn the dating itself. Genuine human interaction and emotion provides the answer to everything
Of course boys will want a picture. The shidduchim process is enough stressful from the beginning and there are so many requirements for particulars in personality and ideology to be checked out. Who would go out and waste time eith hours of prior enquiries if the looks of the girl is not not fitting.
The practice of not showing pictures before the date is one that is mainly prevalent by hassidim, who have their own unique customs and traditions and i think the vasy msjority of ywn readers do not follow that practice
Another issue is , young people , especially girñs are marrying at yoing ages even as young as 18, 19. Divorce rates are highest amongst people who marry very young
The yeshiva world is facing a problem of epic magnitude.
The rabbanim such as rav shach z’l rav kotler z’l rav kamenetzky and many other great zaddikim were all dissemenators of pure daas torah and would be sgocked by some of the things we are seeing today.I want to make clear that bli ayn hara the frum world is thriving in all areas and the huge growth is a credit to this success.
However in terms of shidduchim
What we are seeing, not everywhere, but in many places is shameful and very saddening.
Most notably about the money issue.
That is the fact that some parents are willing to marry their children to someone partially or solely because of financial status or profession of the other side is as mind boggling as it is depressing.I know a number of people who married for money when after the marriage either they lost their money, which made the person feel all the goodness of the partner was gone, so they divorced, or they were ruch but did bot share the money with the couple, again resulting in divorce.
Are people that immature that when marrying a partner to fulfill a spiritual goal would primarily consider something as shallow and transient as money??