If I had such a high-level filter I probably wouldn’t even be able to access the Coffee Room. Are you kidding me?? A furniture website would be blocked?? Do you have any personal experience having purchased furniture from a website? I think I’d want to be able to see what I’m getting. Even with clothing, the companies make it look so appealing and then when you order it and it is delivered you realized you’ve just purchased the biggest shmattes that need to be shipped straight back where they came from! Hardly able to do that with a room of furniture.

Breindy – Thanks!

Moderator – 18 – In Brooklyn

I don’t need the traditional type of massively huge, formal, ornate dining room sets that the local Boro Park stores seem to showcase. I don’t like those, they are too large for the space I need and I’m looking to get the best value for as little as I can get by with spending. I realize I would have to spend several thousand, but am not looking to go overboard.

To TOI and all the other posters who have used this line…

No one knows what happened ever… No one know what happened in private behind closed doors, etc. etc. etc.

GRANTED!

HOWEVER, what you are failing to recognize is that the the woman in this case is using any and every opportunity available to her for mudslinging, maligning and displays of inappropriate behavior to her adult children and her friends.

The issue at hand is not what occurred in the marriage–the issue at hand is that the woman cannot disassociate herself from a situation which is OVAR ZMANO! and it is having far reaching ramifications.

It is interesting to see how the thread continues to take on a life of its own because of how readers choose to interpret what they are reading to make it more palatable to their understanding.

SNJN –

The reason why so many reactions you are getting is not to believe the husband was such a tzaddik….

I didn’t use the word tzaddik. If the reader came to the conclusion that a caring, decent person is ‘perfect’ and a ‘tzaddik’ they drew their own conclusion from what they read.

Emunah 613-

Thanks for your time in sharing.

I do not have direct contact with this woman and am not receiving direct hits from this person–I suffer from the residual fallout.

If I had direct dealings you could easily tell me to avoid this person. I can’t go and hide in a cave. That seems to be the only way to avoid being subjected to the garbage she dishes out. I am not actively or inactively involved with her. Her devastating effects are very far-reaching.

What you and everyone else are basically telling me is to avoid living life to the fullest in my community. I’m tired of having to live on the fringe to avoid her wickedness and evil eye and I mean that literally. Have you ever been stared down by a vicious, evil person whose gaze pierces through the innermost part of you and makes you feel vulnerable? I hope you never do!!

As I stated previously, in order not to divulge any details that would possibly reveal too much, I realized that I must explore this in a more private setting.

Again, I thank you for trying to shed some light on this situation, but your story has no comparison whatsoever to the situation at hand. I draw no similarity between the two cases.

Adorable–Perish the thought–am definitely not husband #2 and have no aspirations to ever want to be associated with her.

To ALL~

I realize I don’t know everything, and as so many of the responders have not failed to let me know that I was not privvy to the intimate behind closed doors details of their lives, nor would I have cared to, but I know more than enough from the fallout and aftermath of their sham of a marriage.

Discretion is not one of the virtues of this woman. She has no compunction to air her dirty linen in public as long as she can look good in people’s eyes while attempting to besmirch her EX.

If what I do know was not easily verified by reputable sources it would be another story. but as hard as it may be for some people to accept, the limited amount that I know is way, way over the top.

There are some people who through their life’s experience understand that this woman’s behavior is totally unacceptable–that she should have sought therapy and to have put her life in order before entering a new stage of life. And once she remarried, she surely shouldn’t have been carrying ill feelings of her EX husband into every situation. This gets carried over into her interaction with her adult married children (and who knows how much the grandchildren are subjected to indirectly) family simchas, Yomim Tovim, weddings, bar mitzvas, shul, aufrufs,social situations etc. As we all know–the world is a very small place, especially when trying to avoid an unpleasant situation.

Believe me, I know many, many divorced people and I have NEVER, EVER come across the likes of someone like this. It is EXTREME.

I have not divulged details that would identify who this person is and that was not my intention. I didn’t do it for the sake of loshon horah.

I thought I might get some perspective and to gain a better understanding of the workings of someone who is totally not in my realm. I’m not in much of a different space than I was previously. I didn’t learn anything much other than perhaps that this may not have been the ideal forum to introduce this topic on.

Thank you and hoping that this may prove to be a learning experience for someone.

Aries…Maybe you are too attached to the situation you are dealing with and you can’t look beyond your client’s history. That’s one case scenario that you are being made aware of from the perspective of what you are being told.

If it is bothering you so much, then don’t bother to respond. I guess this touches more than a raw nerve in you.

A poster has a right to express him/herself and if you are a coach allow me to enlighten you: Your lambasting attitude won’t get you very far in your professional endeavors.

This post was introduced as a discussion–and you are attempting to make it a personal attack against me.

I am not one of the players, I seek counsel and take mussar from people whose values and opinions I respect and lastly I don’t need to qualify or justify myself to you one iota.

Have a nice day.

Ms. Critique-

…Another reason for her attitude is perhaps jealousy, assuming the first husband went on with his life and living a normal life ….

Husband #1 definitely did better the second time around and doesn’t have to blantantly advertise it. He is adored and respected by his second wife’s entire immediate and extended family.

I may not be quoting this entirely correctly, but I had heard that a person merits their zivug rishon according to one’s mazal and a zivug sheini according to one’s deeds. So there are situations where one eventually gets what’s coming to them although the road to get to that point is very long and winding. I imagine that in this particular instance husband #1 got more of what he deserved in a second wife.

Imaofthree–not discussing an EX in a bad light is a very difficult standard to undertake, but the payoff is priceless. Your friend who undertook this definitely deserves a lot of respect. Taking the high-road is virtuous!!

As for help/therapy–my experience is that there are people who strive for improvement and others who are shallow, in denial, and are so full of themselves that there is no room in their lives for anything but themselves and the drama they create. They wallow in their mire and emit toxicity like a contagious disease. Those types almost never seek help–how unfortunate that sometimes the people who need therapy the most are the ones who are oblivious to it or think they are above it.