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“What about the Sefardi community, is it the same?”
It is well known that the Sefardi community does not pat Shadchanus at all. Not even the very frum ones- they just don’t!
I am here-
Mazal tov on your sister’s engagement!
Sorry, but you must be confusing me with someone else. Boruch Hashem there have been many engagements recently! Kein Yirbu!
I haven’t really been posting that often, but just wanted to let you all know that Baruch Hashem I recently became a kallah!
To all the singles out there, never give up hope! Hashem’s salvation comes when you least expect it!
2 places in Brooklyn that do very good extensions are
Bensimon (on ave. P)
Hadass (on east 4th off of ave. P)
Good luck!
Its true! There is a full page advertisement in this week’s Hamodia explaining the program. Personally, while I am sure they had good intentions, this program makes me nauseous. It’s like shadchanim will only look at you if you wave dollar bills in front of their face. Oh, you are over 22, gotta hand over more dough.
If you are willing to work nights, there are TONS of p3 cases around Brooklyn- and you may even be able to get groups together.
I know this personally, because I myself had to turn away many cases because I could not fit them into my schedule.
Once you get the case, all you have to do is get the p4 authorization letter from the parent, and send it to the Board of Ed along with a copy of your license. Then the BOE will send you an approval letter and then you are all set!
Don’t kid yourself
The reason they prefer females is so they can take advantage and pay them $10 an hour.
Show me an “experienced skilled frum man” who is willing to work for that amount of pay- not gonna happen
Are you, a father of 4, gonna work for that salary? if you are, there are plenty of jobs for you.
Busy As a Bee-
believe me, I feel your pain because I am going through it right now as well… it’s a tough time…
Just a few random points
The key is to remain “busy as a bee” whenever I am busy, things seem better, and I also feel more fulfilled. Its when I am less busy that I have time to think and feel bad for myself (NOT a good feeling at all!)
Secondly, I think it is dangerous to feel desperate to get married. that could lead to c”v jumping into a relationship that is not right for you. I have recently heard so many unfortunate stories where people were married for a few weeks before getting divorced. Though I do not know the inside story, I tend to think that they may have rushed into the marriage without a clear mind, because they were desperate to get married.
Lastly, misery loves company- seriously! I find that whenever I am feeling down, if you speak to some single friends to commiserate, it really helps me feel that I am not alone in this crazy parsha of shidduchim, and people are going through the same crazy process- and look, we are all here to tell the tale!
Good luck with everything, and may you find someone who is worthy of you soon! And until then, you should stay positive and feel like a productive member of society, even though there is no shaitel on your head!
rednails-
that is a great mashal! Kudos for sharing it!
If your bringing rayos from Rus and Boaz, what you should be highlighting is that Boaz saw Rus for her internal development, and wasn’t concerned with the fact that she was a convert or that she didn’t have a father who would support them
shlishi-
making a ban on wearing straight skirts would be a wonderful way to turn off most teenagers.
We have to work with what we have, the styles are straight, and most woman are gonna wear them regardless.
Don’t put down those who are at least trying to do the right thing. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and girls in this generation are not born rebbetzins. It is easy for you to stand on your pedestal and make blanket statements. Take it from a girl who is struggling with this- it’s harder than it looks.
To those that said we hafta wear longer skirts- I want you to know that I am usually very makpid that my skirts be at least 3-4 inches under my knee. But when wearing a straight skirt- unless its 3 inches above your ankles, chances are that it will ride up when entering or exiting a car (especially a minivan!!!)
Like observanteen said- it is not practical to say dont wear straight skirts. Everyone is gonna wear them anyway. We just hafta find a way to be tznius while wearing them
“Please do not answer not to wear a straight skirt or not to travel in cars.”
“As you said yourself that it will always happen with straight skirts but not flairy skirts; the solution is to wear flairy skirts and to not wear straight skirts, as the problem will occur with straight skirts.”
Yay me for anticipating answers before they were even given!
I understand the position of the OP
As a frum young woman, I always try to be tznius to the best of my ability. I do not wear tight, flashy clothing, and I am sensitive that my skirts should always cover my knees.
However, with the current style of straight skirts, I find it very hard to keep my knees fully covered when entering or exiting a car. And most of my skirts are 4 inches below my knees. When I am wearing a flairy skirt, I have no problems.
Does anyone have any tips on how to keep tznius when wearing a straight skirt? Please do not answer not to wear a straight skirt or not to travel in cars. I would like some PRACTICAL advice!
I respectfully disagree with you, Mod 80.
I know people who are dying to be married, but the right one just didn’t come along yet!
I guess you could say that they should accept anyone who is willing to accept them, just for the sake of getting married. But that is not how most people do things. You want to marry the right one, not just any one!
Get a hobby! Something that you like to do and can take out whenever you get bored.
EX: needlepoint, knitting, crocheting, scrapbooking, paint by number…
And when all else fails, you could always shop!
nutritionista-
I don’t know, for me the beginning is always the easiest- that is when the motivation is there, the pounds are flying off… its as the weeks go by, and the numbers on the scale stay the same that it becomes so much more difficult to stay on track. At least that is my experience.
Nutritionista-
Actually, the more weight you have to loose the faster it comes off in the beginning. So the first 20 melt off, but the second 20 take much harder dieting and exercise to get rid of.
Good luck!
I never said that everything a psychologist said is false. Having said that, yes, I think that it is important to “mistrust” things that come from completely goyish sources, many of whom are atheists and the lowest of the low, in terms of morality.
I am sure I don’t have to tell you that immorality is the core of many psychological theories.
popa,
SERIOUSLY??? You think that an article in a completely disgusting goyish PSYCHOLOGY magazine is gonna help your argument??
If anything it just proves my point that this way of thinking comes directly from the goyim!! if you tried, you probably won’t be able to find a group with more corrupt and twisted values.
pba-
“Of course not. Size 4.”
actually far from it. Would you like their BMI’s while we are at it?
Asking my brother would not give you your desired answer. My brothers did not marry a size 2, probably because my mother does not put emphasis on insignificant things like that
I agree that the idea probably originates with the mothers, but the mothers are the ones who make their sons believe that anything above a size 6 is not worthy of a date, let alone marriage! And the sons actually do end up believing this, and demanding it as well. It does come from the mother, though the sons are not blame-less. A man who is ready for marriage is ready to think for himself as well, and doesn’t have to swallow everything his mother force feeds him. Show a little backbone!
sister bear-
agree with you 100%
I also feel nauseous reading these attitudes,and the worst part is that they don’t see anything wrong with that way of thinking… hello??????
“shes lk 24!!!”
OMG- is 24 the new 40 or something?
No popa, I am not including you in the few normal ones that are left!
Though I think calling you normal would actually insult you…
awww… cofeefan-
I’m sorry that this thread made you emotional.
Sometimes I feel like crying also!
Remember, there are some normal people out there (few and far between but they do exist, I hope!)
This thread makes me sick.
I’d like to believe that the majority of people are internal, thinking individuals who do not only focus on the external.
Unfortunately, I see that I am wrong. Since when has this Torahdike attitude become the minority amongst people who claim to be bnei torah?
To me, it means that they are full of life, and live each day to the fullest
maynish-
I sure hope that your post is a joke, because I seriously got nauseous reading it. Hold on while I gag…
One of my teachers in high school said that the goyish world has twisted the word love into a bad word. Love is a beautiful thing that Hashem set aside for a husband and a wife. Just because the outside world has corrupted the word, it does not mean it is a goyish concept!
A23-
Did you ever hear of someone who is not photogenic? I know that I am not, and I look MUCH better in real life than in pictures. On the other hand, there are people who are very photogenic, and come out great in pictures, but in real life they don’t look as good. So basically, you are judging someone on their ability to look good in a picture. Now isn’t that just a great way to find your bashert?
funny you mention that…
without going into details…someone I know was complaining to me that people are so petty when it comes to shidduchim, and then like 5 minutes later in the conversation, she said that she would never go out with a guy who ______________, which I think is pretty external! I was like helllloooooo???? You have no right to complain about others!
Sacrilege-
I’m not really interested in getting into the nitty gritty details of it, I’m just trying to say that girls do sometimes get bogged down by the external trappings (not necessarily looks or weight) and that is something to keep in mind when complaining about boys being external. Just a thought…
TikkunHatzot-
you are so right! I always think about that point. Woman always complain that men care about looks too much and are too external. On the other hand, many girls are unrealistic about boys when it comes to money, jobs etc.(are they a professional? did they go to college?) That is being very external as well! Girls have to be consistent in this area.
As for the journal idea- that is so interesting that you brought that up! I was thinking about doing that for a while now. Instead of all the days mushing into each other, a journal might help us keep focus, and try to make the most of each and every day.
ucgnet12-
so you are obviously not the right guy for them! They will hold out for someone who does not put so much emphasis on the external, and knows that the midos and character of a person are what’s important in life.
Whenever you feel down, tell yourself that Hashem is capable of ANYTHING! If Hashem was able to create and maintain the world, He is able to send you your bashert!
I know plenty of people who are chubby, overweight, even obese, who have gotten married. Yes, there are some sane people out there (can you imagine?) Not everyone is only concerned with the externals. Someone will come along who is worthy of you, and won’t care how much you weigh!
As for now, do your hishtadlus by always looking put together, even if you have a few extra pounds. Don’t let yourself wally in self pity (though that does sound very tempting…)
or it has to be eaten on the front steps
People who habitually watch movies will not even realize that there is something wrong with it. This is because the mentality of the goyim have seeped into your mind and warped your thought processes.
In order to regain the yiddishe mentality, one would have to distance themselves from watching videos, and only the will they see how much harm is done.
over a cup of coffee-
It is a great pizza shop called Rosa’s located inside the Empire State Building. Go in by the 33rd street entrance, make the first left, and there it is!
I am pretty sure that the hechsher is OU-Cholov Yisroel
If you check it out I am sure that you will love it!
I am so relieved that I am not the only one who hates dancing in the middle circle with the kallah! I totally dread it!
I am not a good dancer, and I never have anything to say…
good to know I am not the only one…
Health-
It is closest to the entrance on 33rd. When you go in, make a left and there it is! (It recently turned kosher, so you may not have noticed it before.)
yogi-
too bad you had a bad experience there. (Guess that can happen almost anywhere) you are just missing out on some seriously good pizza! Grandma slices are the best!
2021-
great point! goes for most of us around here as well…
I’m so surprised no one said it:
Rosa’s in the Empire State Building has amazing pizza!
There is tons of variety- including the popular french fry slice!
When I see the films, pictures or read stories I am filled with a mixture of anger and awe. Anger at the barbaric animals who could treat human beings this way, and awe at the people who managed to survive with their emotional health intact, and more impressively, their emunah strengthened.
As a side point, (I know this is not what the OP had in mind…) when watching Hollywood produced Holocaust era movies, it is interesting to note that many of them focus on the few Nazis/Germans who helped the Jews, instead of the rest who did not. ex: Schindler’s List, The Pianist
thanks for the disclaimer- we didn’t realize 😉
Sac-
maybe you have family members who can accompany you? Not as fun of friends, but still a vacation!
and btw, out of all places – SOUTH AFRICA?????
If beach towns aren’t for you, at least go for Switzerland or something