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If u like, I am willing to talk with you. ask the mod to email me your info and phone numbers, and best time to call.
hope you dont mind if i ask here about a potatoe kugel – how painful to grate 10 lbs by hand?
Dont feel like clean up for Food Processor after. which one is simpler???
😉
for cholent, I use no recipe, just dump all in, good sense of spicing, tomoatoe paste (some) cumin, salt, pepper, right flame and water not to burn it. Enjoy!
wolf, intersting post about parents divorced, father not frum.
an older girl came to us for help with shiduchim. she does have some baggage, mother frum from a frum nice family, sibs are frum, father is not. didnt ask many questions, did not want to hurt her feelings. she is lacking confidence, does have a profession and a good job. what kind of guys are available and are a reasonable match? how can we help her?
Liora, first time I hear such shtusim. Oy Vey!
My husbadn bh is a wonderful person, I admire him in every way, his fine Midos I wish on everyone, and while we are both considered BH blessed with good looks, we dont look alike at all.
Try to figure out what really bothers you, and go talk to a professional or a smart rebetzin asap. Better not to tell your chosson about such thoughts, it will scare him away. resolve it with someone else asap. You need to see it differently.
MazaL Tov, Hope things work out for you!
Shadchan should suggest whatever works with their own beliefs/ values/logic/insight, not always same as what the guy asks for.
We suggest shiduchim all the time, BH. If a guy walked in and insisted a much younger age as the only option, I would probably metion to him some good therpaist to work with first.
Unresolved issues would create a difficult marriage, I wouldnt want to subject any of my girls to it. shiduchim is a responsibility.
BPT, when are we invited over for some Kugel and a mashkeh?
😉
you may hit some more icebergs along the way. Everything good comes with work and difficulties. ‘sheva yipol tzadik” – before reaching the destination. so, understand tis a part of the process, its also a way for Hashem to test us and help us build trust and Emunah, and allow him to navigate for us.
Once you went thru difficulties, you will be a stronger person adn able to handle better life challanges, and always there are some…
and the sun will shine tomorrow!
Gavra, may I ask who is the boss? sounds very ideal…
BJJ, you seem busy with settling, external expressions (goish or not). you seem unready. it takes time to land from seminary to real life. better not to get married before you are ready. it takes time, maturity and understanding what relationships are, and what is it you envision. your dream will get more vivid with time, you will get more clarity. if you date now, its because your friends do. dont jump into anything yet, you need to be ready. your marriage will be better when you do it with more life tools and understanding. and that comes with time.
BJJ, One more point. time is at your side. you are young. use your time to establish yourself. get a job that interest you. enjoy your friends company. do things. travel with friends on vacations. perhaps get a college degree (if it suits you hashkafically). Life is ahead of you. you can handle shiduchim on a very low flame. no rush. when you get married a few years older, you have formed, have a profession, an income, friends at work who will set you up. life has much more than shiduchim. enjoy your time! laundry and pots will wait…
shiduchim can be difficult and may seem unfair at times. if your parents have no money/ BT/ Out of towners/ If you are from overseas – the frum local community is hard to break into. everyone has to get a check on 1000s of items, who can pass?
Mothers can be difficult too, and not allow you to meet their son, while reality is you are 1000s better than their “holy son”.
So relax, and allow Hashem to guide you. someone prefect will come along. and I would say away from a divorced men. Mangy got divorced for a good reason… just my 2 cents.
Hatzlacha
Call friends. shadchanaim, rebetzins, teachers – get everyone to work for you!
BJJ, there are many nice guys who come from a similar background, they will understand where you come from, appreciate you for who you are and you will support each other. Dont chase those who are not interested. Similarities in background work very well. Hatzlacha!!
dont see any snow yet…
KRM was same today. lines and lines for parking lot. Snow.
wine – same issue with non observant guests for your shabbos meals.
values are far more important than a label. Life has better goals and quality with focus on values and not on external packaging, as long as you dress clean and pleasant to the eye.
It is unfortunate that some people grew up with designers as a value, and find it hard to give it up.
If it is important to you, and you can easily afford it – go for it. Just remember: what would you want your kids to value, and dont make others feel bad (shul, area etc.)
May your Simcha and pleasures be derived by long lasting ones! (chesed, chinuch of your children, ahavas habriyos, torah learning, mitzvos, honoring parents,working on ones middos and so many more…)
IYH when time comes to look for shiduchim for our children, expensive dressing and showy lifestyle wont be on the list, and yes, I do live in NY. So its possible to live in NY and have a meaningful lifestyle…..
anything on your head for long period of time, is indeed not so comfortable. you can try to get a better fit, lighter etc, but still. Thats why many women change into a light snood as soon as they wlak into the door. Out of town, FL for example, women are in snood outside as well. Just lighter. It is a mitzva, and not always easy.
m, Relief is referral organization. most practitioners they reffer you to charge high fees, many frum familiess cannot afford. I am familiar with a particualr crisis where releif reffered to someone who said she would charge $175 for a session, and at the end of the session she asked for $350. The family was speechless, wrote the check, and thencalled relief. Relief told them to call practioner and ask for a refund. they did. she never refunded. Hope someone at Relief is reading this post.
some women are attracted to younger.
I know plenty US girls who never went to Israel, who are unfortuately anorexic. Also girls in EY who are home, not seminary situation. It is a problem. A Relative of one who went thru counseling, hospital stays etc etc and still not recovered, said she learnt there is no solution, its a lifetime issue. if anyone knows differently – would love to hear!
for those who dont have the circles etc – you have to be proactive. start connecting with rabbonim of shuls for men/ rebbetzins for the girls. in shul, develop kesher with people there, get invited for a shabbos meal, get them to know you, let them know you would appreciate their help – they have friends, relatives. if your parents dont do it – do it yourself. you need a large network of ppl know ing about you and activly looking out for you. attend shiurim, dance class for girls etc – connect with people, let them know you exist and available, explain what you are looking for, ask if they have friends/teachers/ mentors who would be familiar with what your are looking for. How about your teachers? anyone who you felt understood what you are about and a good person? get them all on your team.
make yourself visible. in a tznius way of course.
make phone calls from time to time to the busy ones who would not remember to work on your behalf. a gentle reminder. “im ein ani li – mi li”.
I know out of towners, baalei teshuva etc. who worked hard to create a circle of people helping them, and bh met at some point their bashert.
Saying “my mother doesnt socialize, not the type etc” is no excuse. use anyone who is willing to help. make them aware. and daven.
Hatzlacha!
PS To all members of YWN – look out for those who need your help. quite, out of towners, older – just anyone who you can help. its a great zchus to try. Keep trying. Hashem doesnt stop taking care of us. lets follow his derech! invite for shabbos meals, express interest, encourage, try to set up. Apprecaite what you have and share with others.
shiduchim is a hard game. if he is good for you – go for it. no need to discuss with her. when you are already engaged – it will be her option if she is still a friend or not. if he is 100% right for you – do not wait. Look into it, date and figure it out. if nothing happened, she doesnt need to know.
IMHO, Not so tzanua to discuss dates and especially names with friends. Thats what mentors/ rebetzins are for. No names, just healthier. Wishing you much Bracha, and Mazal Tov bekarov!
how about some of us who just dont wear any? quite problematic halachically. Proudly feeling pretty enough without it!
1 day, you are correct. as one who went to top seminary, while a good sem is a nice addition to the resume, in reality, long term is not so significant.
A mench, good person, good middos, common goals. will be a great spouse, friend, mother. Will help you build iyh your beautiful empire of a good jewish home you will be happy with and proud of.
Stay focused.
Hatzlacha!
in jewish and non jewish society, traditionally men brought Parnassa, and women brought up children.
If you are ready to change reality, unsure how many women will be there who would want to partner.
What is the problem of being a man?
If you cant buy her a Dinner now, how can you prove you are capable of handling Parnassa and supporting your family?
If you are not ready to take care of a wife and children, maybe you are not ready to date?
no need to hurt anyone, especially when it comes to something they have no control over. (his parents etc.)
saying something nice would work best.
“she is not available, will think of other ideas for you”.
in shamayim there is a reward not only for completing a shiduch, but also for encouraging and giving someone a positive experience.
and we all need to try to help singles around us!! great mitzva and zchus! choose situations you feel comfortable with and that you can expect to be able to be helpful.
many workers get no wage, or below minimum, and business owner promise them they will be paid tips instead, so tipping is a part of our culture, Rabbi Belsky’s note posted is very helpful.
I know a frum head counselor in a hotel program, who was promised it would be tips only, but they will be generous, she worked hard for entire Yom Tov, and a mother of 5 kids (some are special ed, where it was not easy to cater for them for so many hours) said hotel owner told her tipping was optional, so he tried to be nice to guests, and the worker, a frum person, was taken advantage of.
tzaar of someone who is not paid/ underpaid, and looking forward to be made whole, as misrepresnted, is not a small thing.
OP is unclear. what was the dishonesty about?
a clear question can get a much better answer!
ok guys, sometimes people do need to move away from parents, I have seen situations. (therapy would be befeficial)
I also have seen where a spose is keeping close with ONE side of the family, and yes, it is unhealthy, andin a long run, wveryone will lose out.
If a spouse keeps her away from her family, it may be a warning sign. you cant package all family as one (parents and sibs) and therefore cut off from everyone.
She may be not confident enough, afraid to see it or to challange it.
maybe developing a relationship with him (you and husband, as a couple), arrange a get away together – try to create some friendship so he gets to know how wonderful you are.
If all fails, talk to a smart rav. it is something that needs work, no need to giver her up. Good luck!
when are buses coming back?
a trained therapist can help you clarify what your needs are, why you are stuck, etc. nothing like a professional. it does cost a few $, but with teh right qualifed person your life is about to imprive big time iyh. post your gender and location, i can suggest someone good in your area. again, be prepared to pay. its worth every time!
Beckers Classroom is great. you need to work hard, but its a great course. would your employer pay for it? even if not- take it, and not a CD. Sit in class, in Manhattan! Best instructors!
ok, so first, speaking with rabonim, was also told it is 95% fault of men. what can we do. they are militants all over the world. some are immature with strong control needs etc. with no fine midos, good healthy upbringing, emotional maturity issues – it can be a disaster. BH I am in a great marriage, but was helping a close friend in an abusive marriage. I called Shalom tast force myself, so she doesnt have to go thru it. Thye gave me a list of telephone numbers of resources, and I did the leg work. took forever to rach people, voicemails etc. bh didnt have to put her thru that, only to find out – all resources said they could NOT help, some were unsure even why their number was given. I called back Shalom task force, they couldnt offer anything else. time for them to refreh their resources and do a serious Bedek Bayit before investing in ads in paper! I tried to contact their director, Rabbi Schonbuch, after asking friends for favors to get me his numbers. He did not return my calls. He seems busy with a paying practice, why would he care about a suffering woman in real need? I was dispapointed. I am saying 100% Emes, hoping to save tzaar to next person in dispair.
Ohel Story – called them. receptionsit had no clue who to refer me to, took messages. i called several times, and once reached higher person who said they apologized, but recent hires were temps who really didnt know how to help. meanwhile reached one of their social workers, thru personal contacts, again 9going thru regular channels brought zero success and tons of frustration) and he was nice and said he would want to help, but tachlis, got zero help from him too. situation was real.
the one who saved the day were Sister to sister, and some good people in the community who offered her shelter. was a scary story. still davening for her, but now bh she is on her own. she struggles to feed her kids (doesnt qualify for foodstamps), anyone who can offer food assistance, or other financial assitance, please let me know.
teachers said kids behavior has improved drastically since separation. BH.
Still davening for her. long way to go. now lets see the rabonim in bais din waive their fees for her. where is the jewish heart???
Hope you find this helpful.