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SJSinNYC – I think a 2 week time frame should be advocated for the normal shiduch. Most people after a couple of dates will either reject or get serious enough to contemplate that after 2-3 more dates they may be able to get engaged. The scenario is the same whether you have a date every 2-3 days or whether you meet every 1-2 weeks. What I am saying is that this method shoud be encouraged both by parents and shadchonim – OBVIOUSLY if one side feels they need the extra time they should not be pressured at all, they should be able to take as long as they need.
Come on we need to get the systme moving – why should someone go out with 1 boy/girl over a 3months period when they could go out with 4-5, especially in busier periods such as bein hazemanim.
Don’t forget – in every shiduch you eventually have to take a small leap and put your trust in the one above – no one can be 100% CERTAIN that they will be happy for the rest of their life on day one.
SJSinNYC – I suggest you read what I have written – take as long as you need – even if it is 2 years, but the suggested time should be 2 weeks. Most cases are not that complicated and can be and should be completed in 2 weeks – this method works in Europe and Israel why can’t it work in the US?
But let me reiterate -if you need longer spend longer – but the normal period for say 70% of people should be 2 weeks.
tzippi – you are correct but he doesn’t say spread those ‘few’ dates over 6 weeks.
What contemporary reality dictates that you need 6 weeks when you could do it in 2?
Of course there are exceptions and many people may need 8 weeks or longer – but as a rule of thumb even Americans easily be able to get to the same position after 2 weeks.
There is everything to gain and nothing to lose.
Perhaps the moderators could restrict each user to 2-3 postings a day, that should ensure people use CR appropriately.
We HAVE TO speed up the system, 2 weeks should be the goal – there is almost NO REASON why it should take 2 days for a shadchan to get back to one of the parties.
I believe that the shiduch crisis is less acute in Israel and Europe than it is in the US and this is may be ONE of the reasons.
(Don’t forget let us all keep davening that everyone finds their bashert bekorov.)
Always think of the Berochoh we say each morning shosoh lee kol tsorchi – if we are jealous of someone else’s property or success then we are contradicting the very berochoh we said a few hours prior.
We have to come to the realisation that the Abishter has given us all we need – if we do we will be happy.
The trick is to maximise your potential not yenem’s.
Its time the US changes the shiduch system to the one that operates in Israel and Europe. Couples should go out for the same amount of dates but rather over a 1-2 week period rather than 4-6 weeks. This should speed things up and maybe alleviate some of the problems.
Obviously if couples need more time then they should be allowed to go out for as long as they want – but this should be the exception rather than the rule. This method is tried and tested and it appears to work.
All shadchonim should be pushing for this.