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no. I will not so this. I don’t think it’s very honest
There are plenty of reasons to break a marriage besides cheating and drug abuse. The number one reason is because you want to. If you really want a divorce despite the public embarrassment and stigma that accompany it, not to mention the stigma on your kids as regards to shidduchim, you probably have a good reason. If you and your spouse after some time do not have a good relationship, you need a solution.
Of course in all situations you should try to work on the marriage first. You should certainly employ marriage counseling as well as counseling for each of you. But in the end, staying in a bad marriage is a crime to yourself and your kids.
Yell at me
I am always amused when people say that you should trust parents to have major input in your choice of a spouse.
Most parents today don’t even know what they themselves need, let alone their children.
I like talking about bugs.
Worms in cheese are muttar as long as they remain on the plate. If they go on the table, they are muttar midina but we are machmir
I don’t really think we can criticize yeshivaguy for not asking. The common yeshivaworld-coffee room wisdom is that asking how thin-or-not she is, is wrong.
I heard a story about a girl who was misled about the guy’s age (he was younger than her). She found out after the engagement and almost broke it off. Not because of the age, because she was misled.
In general, if you don’t think someone will mind, you don’t have to mislead them.
yeshivaguy: I like the 24 joke
I don’t show up on google.
Be aware that the first thing usually to show up on searches is your onlysimchas posts.
I would also like to note that if worms are found in the flesh of a mammal, they are not permitted unless they appeared in the animal after it was already dead. This is because while the animal is alive, the worms are considered part of the animal and require shechita. The shechita on the animal does not help for the worms (unlike a fetus) and it is not possible to shecht a worm. After the animal is dead, any worms which appear are muttar. (machlokes, but that is how we hold)
so I just got up to this sif today.
It seems to me that if you combine the din of the mechaber that worms in in the flesh are assumed to have never been “romes al ha’aretz” and muttar; together with the assumption people are making that any worms which are the same species have a similar source, you can permit even the worms in the stomach since they must have come from the flesh.
The maximum she is able to negotiate. (probably not very much)
This was already discussed ad naseum http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/ripped-off
I have an observation.
Whenever the topic of tznius comes up, men seem to view it from either a halachic angle, or the “stop tempting me” angle.
Women often seem to be indignant about what other women are wearing. It seems to bother them much more and in a more poignant way than other examples of halachic laxity. I wonder why.
Here I was trying to be non-cynical for once.
Of course you can say it after shkia. Erev rosh chodesh sivan may be mesugal for davening for torah, but don’t you think G-d wants to hear your tefillos now also.
Really, it bears noting that this tefilla is not some “segula” (see my published rants). If you look at it, the text is very emotional and sincere. Don’t just zug it; daven it.
even popa likes this tefilla.
as far as saying it for other bakashos, HUH? It is a tefilla with a formulated text. you can’t really ask for kids and mean cucumbers
I don’t think this is a good idea. Despite what the brochures have been reporting, the Japanese have been reasonable and cooperative. making them mad will not help
my friend used to like cheescake. He doesn’t now that he found out that it has cream cheese
I hate cheesecake. It has cheese.
By the way, what’s with people making milchig meals? The halacha clearly states that simchos yom tov for men is meat and wine. If I ever get married I’m going to tell my wife that if she’s mochel on her simchas yom tov (new clothes), I’ll be mochel on mine.
just kidding, I still would want my meat
bein_hasdorim: If I had composed these arguments myself, I would be concerned. Since I am merely repeating what my roshei yeshiva have said, and I think that I understand it, I am confident in discussing them.
Besides, how do you know I am not a juvenile.
yes, A. that you can do it B. even the steipler sometimes had sfekos.
bombmaniac: the yeshua did happen. I cannot go into detail, but I was given $60,000 which I may have otherwise borrowed at 8.5%. This money enabled me to make certain decisions which can have a significant impact on my life. The money was unexpected and I had previously been told I would not receive it.
I am not narrow minded. I believe everything I wrote, as do my roshei yeshiva and friends. This is all common knowledge in the yeshivos.
I would like to publicly thank G-d for the yeshua I had this week. I had been in a difficult situation and, since posting my rant on this thread, I had a significant turn for better. I do not wish to post details, but let it suffice that this yeshua has a face value of $60,000-100,000 and a non-monetary value of far more.
just flip it randomly seven times
get a chumash with no perushim, turn pages seven times, then send me the page and the question you were asking with all the pertinent information and I’ll try to help
emoticon613
do we know how to do this properly nowadays?
apparently I do.
Once I was redt to a girl form England. I did the Gaon’s goral and turned to “Lo me’eiver l’yom hee”
Reminds me of a story. A certain yungerman’s wife had agreed to bake challah as part of a 40 woman group. Thursday night, this woman was extremely tired and was distressed at the thought of beginning to bake challah. The husband told her, “go to sleep, I’m baking challah.” Now that is my kind of segula.
oomis: I like your take on the issue. To view it as a way to do chessed sounds good to me.You also seem to be asking what danger I see in segulas.
The way I heard it from my rebbeim, the issue is that people tend to use it as a substitute for real growth. Every emphasis is also a de-emphasis on something else. Recall the recent perek shira frenzy. Perek shira is a nice thing to learn, but is it really as important as many other things which could have been focused on? Saying “amen” is extremely important, but are amen parties really the best way to use that time to serve Hashem.
My point is that by focusing on easy, less important issues, people get a sense of having achieved levels in ruchniyos which they have not, and do not work on the issues which truly need work.
Please address this: I applaud your view that baking challah is an exercise in chessed and achdus. However, I can think of far better ways to do chessed and practice achdus. Why not get 40 women together to actually help people in a physical way?
ok. I can let it stand the way you wrote it. The sentence seems a little wordy now, but I don’t know what to do with it.
I don’t think anything I said was against the torah shebaal peh in any way. I’m not sure you are qualified to decide on that either. Perhaps if you would have posted a specific quote, I could have responded. Was my response to the r’ meir baal hanes issue unreasonable or apikorsus?
You opened your self-described “anti-segulah rant” stating segulah’s “are not Judiasm.”
The Torah She’Baal Peh is part of Judaism.
I have edited your post a bit and put it back up.
mod: why was my post taken down?
Segula’s are part of the Torah She’Baal Peh.
arc: I was more delicate than to call it avoda zara, but you may if you wish.
Do I believe that giving tzedaka is more effective when invoking the name of R’ Meir baal hanes? I suppose one can daven in his merit. I suppose one can use the memory of his nissim to bolster his bitachon. I don’t suppose one can superstitiously babble his name and expect miracles.
Thank you for the opportunity to post an anti-segulah rant.
I don’t know whether segulahs work or not. I do know that as I understand them they are not part of how I understand Judaism. Judaism is the worship of G-d and the fulfilling of his command. We are commanded 613 things.
We believe that G-d always does what is best for a person. By doing what we are supposed to, we ensure that in the next world we will be rewarded. What happens in this world is not guaranteed.
Learning Shir Hashirim is a mitzva. So is learning perek shira and saying “amen”. And so is learning the 17th perek of Iyov.
The Torah gives us guidelines on how to decide which mitzvos should be performed at which times. We are supposed to follow these guidelines as the ratzon Hashem. The only deciding factor in any decision should be what is ratzon Hashem.
Some people imagine that by performing certain mitzvos in certain orders (sometimes not even mitzvos), they will “force G-d” to act in a certain way. I know of no basis to believe such a thing; but, even if it were true, is it a good idea? G-d does what is best for a person, by “forcing him”, you may get what is bad for you.
This is not the same as davening. We are commanded to ask G-d for our needs and G-d responds with what is good for us. Sometimes the asking changes what is good for us. But can anyone believe that if a person does what G-d wants, asks for his needs, but neglects to recite Shir Hashirim for 40 days, he will not get what he deserves?
Just what type of G-d do you believe in?
There is a Gehenom and we are supposed to be afraid of it. Rav Yisroel (Ohr Yisroel) says it is a mistake to think that the being that will be punished is just your “neshama”. It is you, the same consciousness, the same being that you consider “yourself”.
That said, your friend was probably raised in an environment which was severe and not understanding or sympathetic to the normal human trials. I don’t believe any explanations about gehenom or Hashem will be helpful. When she wishes to connect to Judiasm, she will need to find out what is holding her back.
Health: I am not joking at all. Why are you quoting the going rate? You should be paying your employees a fair price. I don’t know how you can demonize business owners when you are doing the same thing. You pay your babysitter $4 an hour while you gallivant on the town. You pay some poor lady $6 an hour to scrub your toilets while you take it easy. I’d like to see you work for $6 an hour. I’ll hire you. Remember, this is not about economics, it’s about doing the right thing.
Health: Do you ever have cleaning help in your house? Do you ever hire a babysitter? How much do you pay them? I hope it is in the $20/ hour range. Otherwise, you are simply taking advantage of their lack of skills and the amount of unskilled workers who want to clean your house and watch your kids.
There are important points to be discussed here but I think some of us are missing them.
Guys who do not want fat girls are not being judgmental, they are looking for a spouse who they will be attracted to. Is that unreasonable?
Shadchanim who try to set people up who will be compatible based on what the people are looking for are not being judgmental either. Nor are mothers who look for what their son wants. (Although mothers usually look for what they themselves want.)
Saying “it’s whats inside that counts” is not the whole truth. Certainly, what is inside counts, but is that all that counts? Do you believe that physical attraction is unnecessary? Did G-d create physical attraction for no reason?
Oh! and don’t think that issues of anorexia and bulimia are because of this emphasis. Both of these diseases are psychological disorders and happen because of bad parenting. Perhaps they manifest as eating disorders because of the importance people place on being slim, but without that they would simply manifest in other ways.
well, I got lox and bagels and orange juice for my blood (and a stress ball). I can only imagine what refreshments you get for marrow or a kidney! go for it!
But it really is all about economics. If you want to pay counselors more, you would need to charge more for tuition. You would also no longer be interested in hiring seventeen year olds since much better candidates would be applying. So even more of us would not be able to afford camp, and our teens would be roaming the streets of brooklyn the whole summer(at best).
I know secular subjects such as economics are assur but there are some nice economics books in the library you can read. I can suggest a few if you wish. Start with “Naked Economics”, (its clean) it is an easy read.
Health: Owners of summer camps make a huge investment with awesome potential for loss. It is easy to wipe out a life’s savings if a business the size of a summer camp were to fail. I certainly don’t begrudge them their profits.
You say “most owners I see don’t do any work”
Are you serious? How many millions of dollars do you think it takes to supply the original capital for a camp? Do you think the owners printed it in some basement counterfeiting shop? They worked for it!
If you don’t see them actively working on the camp, it is because they are wise enough to delegate tasks to those who are best suited to perform them.
It is the same thing for people who complain about the amount unskilled kollel wives are paid in whatever jobs they do. If wages were raised, the jobs would go to better qualified people who would then be applying for them. It is precisely because these jobs do not pay well that they are available.
I think it’s absurd when people complain about how much they are paid for any job. The supply of unskilled orthodox Jewish teenagers who want to spend their summer wiping noses is high enough to depress wages to their current level. If you are not happy with it, find something you are happy with. Or get some skills.
Think of it this way. If camps were to pay $5,000 per summer, you probably wouldn’t have a job. There would be an even larger supply of older, more experienced, more talented, more devoted, etc… people lining up for those jobs and crowding you out. Would you be happier with that?
You enjoy being a counselor. Think of the low wages as something you are willing to put up with in order to do something you enjoy.
I gave blood for the first time 2 weeks ago. When we were eating afterward, I told everyone that dam dagim and dam adam are both assur because of maris ayin. Now, fish blood is allowed if you put scales near it to show that it is fish blood. So I assume that human blood would be permitted if you put teeth and hair near it.
I know this is slightly off topic, but I thought it was important.
I am uncomfortable with the emphasis being placed on trying to figure out the other’s secrets and shortcomings. I think many young people approach dating as if it is an adversarial contest, with me trying to misrepresent myself in the best way while trying to see through her subterfuge.
Do you really want to marry someone who is not accepting of your true self, your hopes, dreams, aspirations, fears, and failings? Do you think the person you are dating wants to?
If you form a relationship with the person, you will find out most everything you need to know.
Zevi8: It is a bit hard to take you seriously after reading your posts on the PETA discussion where you make up alternative explanations of G-D’s allowing us to eat meat in order to justify your own crooked, non-torah, “morals”. Is the explanation of the sifsei chachamim not good enough? Are the practices of every gadol since Noah not good enough, that you declare yourself holier and eschew the “cruel, exploitative practice of eating meat.” (like say, the korban pesach) So excuse us if we don’t think you are right about this either. Or if we think you are an anti-torah, anti-chazal, anti-gedolim, cynic.
thank you mariner for understanding my point. btw i did not mean skinny as oppossed to slim (which one is skinnier?)
we must forget about what should be and what could be and instead focus on what is.it is a fact that most guys will not date a heavy girl. any girl who is dating should make it a top priority to be thin. and people should stop complaining about this situation because it is not helping the girls or anyone else.
t.t.t.o. Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah
you guys are oved avodah zarah
you guys are oved avodah zarah
Proud Jew: You sit here, on the internet, and complain about the dangers of text messaging?