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Ever wonder why living race car drivers are the experts on avoiding accidents and the dead ones are still figuring it out?
Is God a dirty word that we need to censor His name?
Itche, I like your posts, but I think you accidentally went over the line here. Whether your rav holds we do write it or don’t, I’m sure he doesn’t make fun of it. No?
Hatzala is very good at keeping confidentiality.
My brother is in Queens Hatzala, and once took his neighbor to the hospital on shabbos. He did not tell his own wife even though she would have gone over to help the guy’s wife. My sister in law found out from someone else after shabbos.
there are so many wonderful girls being overlooked because “boys” and their parents are looking for the wrong “qualities” in girls.
As are the girls looking for a trophy husband. The only difference is that a trophy wife means being rich and pretty, while a trophy husband means being a top guy in yeshiva.
So, the girls get to disguise their pettiness in fake avodas Hashem and complain about the boys. While in truth, the girls just want to impress their friends and be part of the “kollel club”.
We just recently had a thread here where a girl was complaining that she could not find a guy in learning, even while admitting that it might be her avodas Hashem to marry a working guy. So what’s her issue? Friends.
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/totally-messed-up#post-293461
Consider the way a boys “market value” drops when he leaves yeshiva, even compared to boys who are still in yeshiva but planning to leave at the same time as him. (Imagine a 25 year old who learned 7 years versus a 23 year old planning to learn another 2 years.) If the girls want a ben torah, they should be the same. No, the girls want the kollel club.
So we’re all hunting for trophies to hang on our wall. Girls, don’t delude yourselves.
It sounds to me like the parents on both sides are completely crazy.
So, if the kids are also both crazy, then it is ??? ??? ?? ???? and will be fine.
If neither is crazy, then they will be fine. Maybe that is why they are ignoring the parents.
If one is crazy, they will be divorced shortly, but at least you got free drinks and entertainment.
(besides, anyone who knows me knows you need a vise-grip to open any soda bottle cap I close so it isn’t even muktze on my Shabbos table!) :))
Why, do you shmear grease all over it?
I’m wondering how the OP made the jump from a guy who may or may not have intentionally messed with her friend to this…. “theres sooo many AMAZING girls and theres no good boys around. All the garbage is being labled good ’cause there is nothing else”
lol
I can’t believe I missed that!
Say shteiger, how do you respond to that?
What about the child who does not have good middos – who was brought up with bad middos – and is trying his/her best?
Good point. The point of life is to work on our middos, not to just have good middos.
So why should we reward kids who have good middos; we should reward middos improvements which are above the average improvement.
Or just stop playing G-d.
I did NOT say he is a rasha. You don’t seem to be getting the point that he’s got 2 different issues at hand. one of his issues cant solve his other issue.
Your problems are worse than I thought. You simply cannot understand. I feel very sorry for you.
No, I said it was not impossible. But it is clearly not the case in this instance, as you yourself said that the problem he has is committment issues.
To assume he does it to get a high, which is highly bizzare, when there is a perfectly normal explanation is not very nice of you.
As far as whether he should be dating, I assume he discusses it with his therapist, which I assume he has.
But really, the poor guy wants to get married. He keeps trying to make a relationship, and it never works for him.
And then on top of that he has people like you acting like he is a complete rasha.
I feel bad for him. I don’t feel particularly bad for your friend. I do feel a bit bad for you.
And now you call him an “immature nerd”.
Just why is he immature OR a nerd? Having commitment issues is not related to either.
However, castigating people for their emotional issues which are ruining their lives- is pretty immature.
You are still not getting it.
He was not using her to boost his self esteem; he has commitment issues, as you know and noted.
No, what you accused him of was being purposely mean and playing with her life, and in fact you just did so again.
Frankly, I think you are not very understanding of people, and you think just because your friend was hurt that there must be a villain.
Fine, so you don’t have a chiyuv to apologize. Is that why we apologize? To fulfill a chiyuv?
Shtieger:
You did call him evil, and the fact that you actually know he has commitment issues just makes what you said worse. Reread your first post. You accused him of “baldly took advantage of the fact that she was a first timer. and he used her to raise his self esteem“.
And you slandered him anonymously online, so I suppose you could apologize anonymously online also.
I am not slandering anyone. Unfortunately, the police agreed with me that it is a cultural phenomenon and therefore it makes it a chillul Hashem.
You discussed your social complaints about them with the police? Nice.
My point is: Don’t mistake your insulation from outside influences to not listen to reason, common sense, or the law; just because someone is not “in your group” doesn’t mean that you exclude them and their ideas because you delude yourself in the guise of piety.
I see. You think they are ignoring you because you are outside the community.
It could be. It is more likely they just don’t care about your safety concerns because they simply don’t care, and are annoyed that you are getting involved.
Right, so we agree.
I’m actually happy they don’t focus on middos.
Schools usually teach things in the worst way possible, and are usually counterproductive if anything. So it is better for them to teach something unimportant like grades, than middos.
Ok, so you have 4 complaints:
1. They did illegal work that damaged your drain and the rabbi didn’t care.
2. They let their kids ride without helmets.
3. They let their kids play in washing machines.
4. They let their kids light fires.
Now, complaint 1 and 4 are valid, while 2 and 3 are you being a busybody. I’d like to hear the other side of the stories now.
But my advice to you is to call the fire department about the fires, and a beis din about the sewer.
And stop annoying the parents about the helmets; it won’t make you popular.
I usually bring chickens from my eggs.
Still, I don’t think you should bring anything. They want to relate to you as family. You don’t bring a gift when you visit family.
I don’t think you should bring a gift when going to your future in-laws for shabbos. You are not a guest, you are family.
You don’t bring your parents a candy dish when you come for shabbos.
If you really feel you must bring something- homemade cookies.
So why do the Charedi Rabbanim rebuke everyone for talking to girls (with intention to marrying them), why do they always says the genders must remain separate, and only a Shadchan will arrange them to meet. Why can’t singles meet in social evenings,in bars, ect,!
Amazing! You were convinced so fast!
Just 5 minutes ago you thought Rav gave malkus for getting married without a shadchan! And now you are already suggesting guys and girls meet in bars.
(Oh, there was never an agenda here.)
80: what is the point of this thread?
Firstly, there is no distinction since many people can tell a suit.
Secondly, you can always make distinctions. I don’t know the halachos, and neither do you. And I like my boich svora better.
See, I originally thought the OP knew there was no such gemara, and was trying to “make a point” that he think you don’t need a shadchan.
But when he provided his “source”, now I have no idea what he is doing.
If your Rosh HaYeshiva is 60 years old or older, I’d be willing to bet that he met his wife socially.
Examples please?
PBA- Are you refering to the shatnez in your Boss suit?
Yes. And I have never heard anyone say it is assur to wear a Hugo Boss suit despite that everyone knows they have shaatnez.
And you don’t need to drape cotton plants over your shoulders. (See YD 66,0 one should put out scales in fish blood when drinking it to show it is from fish; See also YD 87 regarding putting almonds with almond milk when eating with meat.)
Your assessment makes no sense.
the guy dumped her based on her inexperiencce in dating
Is that why he dumped her?
He baldly took advantage of the fact that she was a first timer. and he used her to raise his self esteem
I see, he gets a high out of dumping girls. Not impossible.
Apparently this guy does it to a zilion girls… he makes believe he’s really interested when in truth he’s not planning to commit in the slightest
Wow. So he spends his whole life trying to make girls interested and then dumping them for fun.
more over theres rumour hes afraid to commit
No, I’ll make that bold: more over theres rumour hes afraid to commit
Doesn’t that answer your question? He is afraid to commit. He is not some evil jerk who is preying on people’s emotions, he is afraid to commit. He is trying his best, he dates, and hopes it will work out.
I personally hope he is also in therapy, and he probably is. So what more do you want of the guy?
This guy is poshut a lowlife that has a frum costume.
You should probably call him to apologize.
I know. I love it.
I hurt people badly, then I ask them for mechila three times before rosh hashana, and when they say no, they are the ones to go to gehenom.
How awesome is that?
PBA: There are certain cases of Mar’is Ayin which are pure Issurei D’Rabannan and apply regardless of common sense. There are some cases which might be Muttar for common sense. The Acharonim discuss what applies where.
Agreed. That is not the case here.
There is a separate Halachic issue of “Vih’yisem N’kiyim Meihashem Umiyisrael” which also tells us to avoid things that will allow people to be Chosheid us or that they would learn to do wrong from us. Common sense should apply to these.
So far so good.
But common sense doesn’t mean that “I know the guy is frum, therefore he is probably doing something Muttar.” It’s more like something where the general assumption of using that object could be for something Muttar.
Source?
I would think that going into a McDonald’s in the city would be Assur from this but on a rest stop on the highway would be okay.
Maybe. Maybe not. I think McDonald’s in the city is fine. It looks like neither of us knows and we are just zugging boich svaros.
And I like my boich.
popa: I’d think so too, but the halacha is not to hang laundry up to dry right before shabbos because of maris ayin. Wouldn’t any normal person think that clothesline in the frum person’s backyard was filled before shabbos?
Itche: I have never studied maris ayin in depth (except for the sugya in YD 87) so I cannot address your case.
Yet, I find it impossible that maris ayin does not take common sense into account. My Hugo Boss suit case, for example.
Which sport? For blazes durn it!
Is there free food somewhere then?
I always have mixed feelings when that happens.
I am sad that they were in this position, but I am happy they figured out what was best for them and were able to do it.
popa, of course you could still be and oved Hashem!and I’m not saying working boys are 2nd class at all!just if someone wants to live that kind of life of learning why should she not be able to because of the messed up priorities of our society??
Sometimes being an ???? ? means you don’t get to live exactly as you want to.
Sometimes being human means that also.
If you really think that you will be serving Hashem to your ability marrying a working boy, and you just like the kollel lifestyle because you think it’s fun or your friends are doing it, then I really have nothing to say.
Many people use their upbringing as an excuse to do whatever they want.
Kapusta, that is quite a cynical view of the people you are referring to. I wonder what makes you think that way.
When I see someone who had a difficult background who seems to be doing “whatever they want”, I don’t think that. The ones I know are not happy being OTD, they would much rather be like their siblings and friends. You have to wonder how much they are being pushed away if they would rather be ostracized by their community and often completely dysfunctional, than to remain in yeshiva being frum.
Popa, Its a totally different life, marring someone working or learning
Sure is. It is also totally different being a doctor or a farmer. But you can be an ???? ? in any one of them.
This is not controversial; everyone agrees to this. Even the biggest learning people agree that if you can’t live you should work.
If you can’t find a learning boy to marry, then you should marry someone else. Nobody disagrees with this.
The focus here is “what does Hashem want”. That is the only thing that matters in the world.
Why is that messed up?
The point of life is to serve Hashem. Hashem provides us with the tools we need to serve Him. If Hashem placed you in a certain situation, He just wants you to do the best under those circumstances. If that means marrying a working guy, then that is how you will serve Hashem.
I don’t see anything messed up.
It is a very hard situation.
At the same time, in Europe very few people could afford to learn. Now, many more can so it seems more common. But at the end of the day, if you can’t afford it- you just can’t afford it.
There is no reason to feel bad about that.
I don’t frankly see any maris ayin issue at all. If I walked past a treif restaurant and saw a frum person inside sitting with some people, I would assume he was on a business meeting and was not eating. If I saw a frum man walk into McDonalds himself, I would assume he was using the bathroom or buying a soda.
Isn’t that what you would assume?
Isn’t maris ayin only when people will think you are doing something wrong?
(Ex. It is maris ayin to wear something which is labeled as a wool/linen blend, but it is not maris ayin to wear a Hugo Boss suit because everyone assumes you had the shaatnez removed.)
I think along with wearing a black hat comes a bit of arrogance.
Very unbecoming.
No, you are the one with a complex. My black hat came with no arrogance. It was simply something I started wearing just like everyone in my family and shul.
Thanks.