popa_bar_abba

I think the issues with facebook are very overstated.

People who criticize using facebook, often are clueless about it’s nature.

Similar to the texting problem, it does make it easier for teenage boys and girls to talk. But once you are in shidduchim anyway, I don’t really see the harm.

I needed to join facebook some time ago, for outside reasons. And I don’t see any problem.

It is time for the post-partum depression rant.

Common wisdom is that post-partum depression is unrelated to any underlying emotional issues, and is purely caused by the chemical and hormonal shifts of birth. Thus, nobody ever goes to therapy for it and only takes drugs.

This is completely proven false. Data shows that women who just gave birth are no more likely to suffer from depression than woman of similar ages who did not just give birth. This conclusively proves that it is not related to the hormonal changes of birth.

Rather, women who are prone to depression, and get depressed at other times, also get depressed after giving birth. Probably because of the emotions attached to giving birth, which trigger the underlying emotional issue.

They should go to therapy, and if the therapist says it is all hormonal, they should find a new therapist.

I say not to.

It is a machlokes among the experts whether it is actually better for the kids or not, so I consider that equal.

Then, when you take into account the parents needs, it tilts the balance.

But, specifics of the case change it. Like here, if you think the kids will otherwise have no father and only a crazy mother, maybe all the experts would agree it is better for the kids to stay together.

How do you all have an opinion on whether it is overprescribed?

How do you all know how many people are Depressed?

I happen to believe it is overprescribed, but not because the people aren’t depressed. I think they are. Just they should be going for therapy instead of (or at least in addition to) medication.

(I don’t believe in mental illness caused by chemical imbalances. I think chemical imbalance is caused by mental illness.)

This reminds me of an Readers Digest anecdote.

So this 64 year old dude is taking a college chemistry course, and his lab partner is a 24 year old girl. And he likes her. Naturally.

So one day he is by the doctor, and asks the doctor: “Say, do you think a 40 year age gap should get in the way of love?”

So the doctor looks at the guys chart, and says, “Why, are you thinking of dating a 104 year old?”

I have never cared a whit about the answer to this question. We follow the shulchan aruch; not our boich. The shulchan aruch says it’s assur- end of story.

Where I think Savage totally misses the point, is this:

I am just happy the goyim in America are not putting us in ghettos and killing us. I am just happy they let us live normally, and even let us go to their universities, and give us jobs. I am just happy they let us do schechita and bris mila, and learn torah.

I don’t think we should start agitating about anything. If he makes a hannuka party and invites me, I’m going to attend and smile.

I also don’t think we want to make support for Israel a partisan political issue. We don’t want Democrats to think they’ve lost us on Israel, because we don’t want it to be a Democrat v Republican issue.

Maybe Savage is willing to do that, because he only really cares about firing up his listeners. But I care about Jews.

Well, I’m not dating you. If this is how it is before we’ve even me, I don’t want to know what you’ll be asking if I come home depressed one day.

Yeshivas Chofetz Chaim… what the yeshiva does believe is that if someone feels he is not cut out for harbatzas hatorah he should plan a reasonable parnassa which nowadays requires college many times.

They do not. My brother was there for almost 2 decades. They will never say that anyone should go to college under those circumstances, except maybe in private. The closest they will say in public is that if you think you will hate harbatzas torah, and will be miserable, or it is impossible for you to do it, then you can go work. While they cluck their tongues. Nebach.

I give up.

I’m starting to feel like a fool; responding the same facts and analysis again and again and getting nowhere. I don’t know what facts you are using, or what you think the implication of those facts is.

I love!

apushatayid:

Since we came to such good agreement on the other thread, let’s do that here also.

You should agree that: Nothing the boys are doing is limiting the options of the girls in any way. This is because the girls do not normally agree or disagree to any other dates as a result of what the other boys are doing.

I will agree that: The current system, for whatever reason it exists, kind of stinks for the girls. They never have any idea what is going on in the boys thinking, and give their information to a shadchan and just never hear anything. They sit there wondering if the guy will go out with them, and never hear back with a no. They feel like they are hanging in limbo.

You should agree that: This is not the boys fault, and the boys really cannot do anything to solve it. Since, when a boy is approached with 5 girls within one week, it would really make little sense for him to say “yes” to one, and “no” to the others. The reason is that after he goes out with the first, he might want to go out with the second. Or third.

The only adjustment I could see made, would be for a guy who knows he will never go out with a girl to send back a “no.” This is often done informally, when a shadchan calls with a bad idea, you just say “no.” I suppose the shadchan sometimes calls the girl and tells them.

I don’t really know if this proposed adjustment is a good thing. It would depend on whether girls like getting rejected by guys they haven’t even asked to go out with. (Shprintze visits a shadchan on Tuesday. On Friday, shrpintze gets a phone-call where shadchan recites the names of 7 guys who do not want to go out with her.)

Agree?

So it looks like we agree. Good.

I don’t like being ignorant. So I’m reading some of the essays on their website.

I just skimmed through “Torah from Sinai” by Rabbi Chait, and it seemed spot on. I’ll keep you updated.

I think reading notes is the wrong way to study. Just take practice tests and look up the questions you don’t know the answer to.

mdd: I really don’t think you are correct about this. You might want to ask a shaila before you actually do it.

popa bar abba – why would you have been spelling vinagarette while making the supper though?/em>

I couldn’t think of anything else to spell.

Why are we questioning the motivations of those who make a simchat bat?

We aren’t questioning their motivations- we are criticizing their motivations.

It would be questioning if there was some doubt what they were.

However, there isn’t.

Mostly because they don’t hide it. In fact, you can see posters on this very thread saying it. Or you can read one of myriad apikorsus blogs on the internet about it.

PBA. You dont know if it is the norm, do you? The situation faced by MANY girls is that they are waiting on a shadchan who is waiting on a boy.

The norm I was referring to is that girls do not wait for an answer before moving on. Since that is the norm (and I do know), there is no hostage situation. You may call off your swat team.

If you continue to call it a hostage situation, without disputing this basic point, it will be hard to take you seriously. (you may become like me)

PBA -“Isn’t this identical to the story of Miriam, where both miriam and aharon knew what had happened, and it was still lashon hara to talk about it it in a derogatory manner”

No, of course not. Moshe Rabbeynu never did anything wrong. Miriam had absolutely no Heter to speak about him.

I don’t think it is relevant to lashon hara whether what the person did is actually wrong, unless the action takes the person out of klal amisecha, which I don’t think is relevant here.

That answers your second point as well.

But how will we find the cure to the cure when we don’t have access to the CR?

Many girls ARE in effect “hostage” when they are waiting a long time for a response from the boy’s side. I know so many girls who strongly (and in my opinion wrongly) hold that it is wrong to make a date with someone who is ready to say yes, if the girl is still waiting to hear from someone else who was suggested before this, but who just did not get back to the shadchan yet (maybe because he has “lists” of girls)

If that would be the norm, that would indeed validate the notion that the boys are holding them “hostage.”

Since that is not the norm, you can’t really consider it anything, since the girls who do that are being dumb.

If the girls intend to wait for an answer before moving on, they should simply make that clear to the boy. It is a simple solution.

I know myself, if a shadchan had called me and said here is an idea, and the girl is not moving on until she gets an answer, I would have responded immediately: “Tell the girl the answer is no, and she should move on.” And then, if I decided to date her, I would call back and say “I want to date her, does she want to date me?”

Simply: You can’t do stupid things without telling me and then blame me for not figuring you out. Unless I am your husband, which is exactly the point.

Okay, popa! I’m sorry for blowing up on you like that. But next time you joke around, please say it’s a joke.

Oh gosh. I posted my next post before this went through. I almost feel bad for going ballistic on you, but I’m sure you’ll take it well.

the OP said the person falsely claimed to the restaurant that it was inedible

Was that the story, you are correct, that might change things. However, the restaurant would understand what they meant by inedible- not that it was truly impossible to eat.

But, since you apparently missed the OP, I will copy it here:

Recently overheard in an office environment; two people ordered food from a dairy establishment, thereupon decided the food tasted terrible,called up to complain how bad the food was, they were throwing it out, however, they actually continued eating, received the credit toward a future purchase, full value, no food was left at the end. Derech agav a brocho achrono was made, after all how can one eat without benching!

What is the halacha?

It says “terrible,” not “inedible.”