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Middlepath:
Would you please elaborate on that? I don’t see any distinction which should make for a difference.
And I would point out that women are petty as regards how other people look also. Ask any guy whose wife has asked them not to wear a particular shirt or tie.
pba: The flamewar will happen naturally. You don’t have to force it.
That was natural. I’m the one who starts it.
Sam: So you are saying you are pro-YU?
Are you modern orthodox or baal habatish?
Avenge the patriotic gore,
that flecked the streets of Baltimore,
and be the battle queen of yore!
Maryland! My Maryland!
I never thought women were dumb. But then I read this thread where they are actually bothering to argue about it.
Correct. Meaning that I don’t think women are shallow for wearing makeup, even though it seems incredibly shallow to me.
And you shouldn’t think men are shallow for wanting thin spouses, even though it seems incredibly shallow to you.
Isn’t this a good way to live?
I am making a macha’ah about this thread.
It is nothing but spite. If someone does something that I don’t think is necessary, that is fine with me. To sit here and bash them and call them “rude” with absolutely no basis, is quite horrible.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
Saysme:
You’ll need to ask us more specific questions. What kind of guy are you looking for?
Yes, that is the mathematical explanation.
The 5th grade popa just realized that it was always working out to hours*5. Meanwhile, the REDACTED year old popa hasn’t taken math since 11th grade.
OP: Here is what I think.
1. I don’t know whether you are thinking this way, but many people have a hard time after marriage, because they think that there is one perfect person out there for them–and discover that their spouse is not “perfect”. They think that when you find the one perfect person, then everything will be easy. This thinking is sometimes related to people’s notion of “bashert”.
This is false, and if you think that way, it is likely why you are having problems.
2. You should go to therapy. Not with your wife, just you. Figure out what is bothering you and why.
The mashgiach of a prominent yeshiva told my brother that the only reason he wears his hat at the shabbos meal is that his kids do.
He was kidding around. He wouldn’t just blindly follow his children’s narishkeit. He wear it because its the right thing to do.
He wasn’t. He is a very close relative of ours.
No, that is a stupid thing to say. Your family member should go to therapy.
Ok, but how about a reaction to the shallow issue? Aren’t women just as shallow, in their own way? (Seriously, you paint your fact to convince yourself that you really have bright red lips and blue eyelids?)
And can’t we all decide that maybe what we don’t understand may not be shallow, from the other’s perspective?
Why should a Shabbos meal be less b’kovodik than a chasuna meal?
I wear it at a wedding only because I have nowhere else to put it down.
The mashgiach of a prominent yeshiva told my brother that the only reason he wears his hat at the shabbos meal is that his kids do.
gefen; I don’t think that is on point. Guys are not making a conscious decision to look for a healthy spouse; they just know when they are attracted to someone, and when not.
Also, I’m betting dollars to donuts, that if you had to ask advice from someone on the CR, I’d be in your top 3. So, methinks thou doth protesteth too much.
Divide by 12 to get the SHAH ZEMANIYOS
The way we learned in fifth grade, is that you take the number of normal hours in the day and multiply by 5 to get ???? ??????.
For example, if sunrise is 7:30, and sunset is 4:00, then there are 8.5 hours in the day. Then, 8.5×5=42.5, so there are 42.5 minutes in a shaa zmania.
(Ok fine, we learned it like you, but then I raised my hand and said we could just do it this way. And the rebbi agreed, after we tried a few examples.)
I found the article. I had posted about it here http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/shidduchim-and-weight/page/4#post-238331
It is called “the truth about beauty”, and it appeared in some website called psychology today. I’m not posting a link, since the images are NSFYW (or for work).
There is (1)the answer, and (2)why you should just trust us on it even if you don’t understand.
You should just trust us on it, the same way you will acknowledge that women are incredibly “petty” in many ways–as men perceive it. But that those behaviors are actually not petty for women. Even though men will never ever understand.
The answer is that the way men are made, is that looks are very important when beginning a relationship, and that in particular, being thin is very attractive. And that is the truth–don’t let any woman convince you otherwise.
The reason G-d did that, is because that way men are attracted to health. In our society, being too fat is a bigger health problem than being too skinny, so thin is perceived as healthy.
And if you think about it, that is why G-d made you guys so absurdly petty about your looks.
I once posted an article about this, written for women. It is in one of these threads, I can try to look for it later.
And excuse me for saying this, but you are one person I would not ask what a girl should look for.
That’s ok. I’m still willing to help you.
Just explain something; why is it ok for the boys to be shallow and not the girls?
It isn’t. But, what is shallow for guys is different than what is shallow for girls.
If you are dating a guy who is very concerned about his clothing and appearance, and reads mens fashion advice, and brings two suits when he goes somewhere for shabbos, and brings a comb with him to touch up in the bathrom at a friend’s wedding–he is shallow.
If you are dating a girl who is obsessed about the appearance of who she dates–she is shallow.
Does that make sense now?
Someone who is not a control freak.
Tell us what questions to ask about him, to determine that.
First, no girl wants a guy with a 26 inch waist. We are shaped differently, and a guy that thin is probably also 5 feet tall and looks like a rail.
Second, I thought this was actually going to be a serious post, and I’d like to suggest one. Girls often don’t know what to look for in guys because they don’t understand being a guy. But we know who the good guys are, and we know what characteristics they have. You should start a thread to ask us.
I have one in my house. I’ll let you borrow it for 200 bucks a day, but you can’t photocopy it.
I had a friend in yeshiva who would only date fat girls; size 22 and up. People used to tell him he was being petty, and that thin girls could also be pretty, and that he was looking only at externals–but he ignored them.
The truth is, I think it was really his mother’s mishegos. She was maybe 300 lbs. and didn’t want to be jealous of her daughter in law.
Anyway, this guy just kept insisting, and refused to go out with anyone below size 22. He’s still single today in his 40’s; he says he never went out with anyone he was attracted to.
I saw somewhere a guy claiming this is a fake, and did not happen. I don’t usually repeat unsubstantiated rumors, but I do repeat good iunsubstantiated rumors which are negating bad unsubstantiated rumord.
Squeak? Anybody? I need some validation for my post.
Once upon a time, the question was:- Are you Shomer[es] Shabbos? & Do you consume Kosher
No, it was always like this.
My grandmother grew up in Philadelphia in the 1920’s, and has told me some of her dating stories. Once, she went out with a fine young man (whose son is now a prominent rosh yeshiva). This young man decided to tell her a funny story:
Once, he was playing outside, and it was almost nightfall. So he told the other boys that it was time to daven mincha. They responded “mincha? we haven’t davened mincha since Jesus was a baby”
So she dropped him, because she didn’t like that he would talk like that, even just to say over the story.
And of course it should be like this. You need to marry someone with whom you are on the same page religiously.
My library has 4 copies; 2 of each edition. But they don’t put them out on the shelves, and you can’t borrow them. They just let you read it in the library if you tell them to pull it from storage. I had them pull it out, but then never read it.
The passuk begs to differ: v’isha b’chol eileh lo matzasi
If the house became issurei hanaa
Massachusetts is in the First circuit
What was he doing?
If the house has tzoraas?
How about if there is a fire in the house?
I dunno what ORA is, but if it is an organization for women, that would explain it.
And I don’t know why it is hard–I just am aware that it is. That is why some men pay 50k to get an irreputable one.
Sam: I have actually heard that it is just as common–that there is a female refusing the get for every male who is withholding one.
And it is not easy at all to get a heter meah rabbonim. See that kolmos (I think) article, v’dok.
As for forcing her to take the get, you’re correct. In such a case, I assume they would use a heter meiah rabbonim for the man, and the woman would be unable to remarry. That is not an agunah case.
It is in fact an agunah case, because it is really hard to get a heter meah rabbonim, and to get a bad one costs 50k and is almost certainly assur.
And the fact that nobody cares about the male agunos, is deeply disturbing.
Feif: That just takes away her support in such a case. But she doesn’t have any punitive penalty which they could use to force her to take the get.
Seeing as the problem of women not accepting a get is just as frequent, and it is very hard to obtain a scrupulous heter meah rabbonim (apparently an unscrupulous one can be had for $50k), it is very surprising that they forgot to include something to force her as well.
I think if I had to sign one, I’d modify it so that whenever I wanted, I could also walk out and be mechayev her $150 per day, until the beis din says she doesn’t have to. And I expect she’d have no objections to that.
I would also amend it so that both parties waived all rights to go to a secular court for any reason except to enforce the penalties and the judgments of the beis din. And I’d also amend it so that the beis din could judge only with din torah as it appears in halacha, and not according to any secular laws. And I expect she’d have no objections to that.
I unsure how the women in the case of a heter meah rabbonim can be an agunah. A get is held for her to accept by Beis din. The heter is because she does not want to accept the get. Not wanting to accept an available does not make one an agunah, except perhaps by the feminists.
There was an article in one of the chareidi magazines last year (perhaps kolmos) where they described the abuse which goes on. It seems that the abusive heters leave a get, but the get has shailos on it, so she can’t remarry with it.
I think you can learn there once for a year, and then for like 3 months out of every year. I dunno if you need to renounce your israeli citizenship to do this
Feif: There is a halachic process for deciding that as well.
We know Beis Hillel and Beis Shammai had major machloksim about yibum to the point that perfectly valid marriages for one of them led to mamzerim according to the other. Yet the Mishnah still says that they didn’t stop marrying into one another’s families. The question is, does that mean because they respected each other’s psak, and therefore if Beis Hillel called someone a normal Jew, Beis Shammai would rely on that even though according to their logic he would be a mamzer? Or does that mean they respected each other to the point that even though Beis Hillel may have thought someone was not a mamzer, he would make sure to tell any Beis Shammai followers not to marry him because according to Beis Shammai he’s a mamzer? If it’s the second case, then if you are a talmid of R’ Willig or R’ Schachter, then of course you can use the pre-nup… just keep track to warn any potential R’ Elyashiv followers from marrying into that family.
Good point. Let’s read the gemara. Gemara says on 14b that they would tell each other which families they were not allowed to marry. So we’ll do that.
Zdad:
That is ridiculous. The first case is not a mamzer at all, because there is a chazaka that rov beilos achar ha’baal. Rav Moshe paskened that reform and conservative weddings are not marriages.
You’re just pulling cases that you don’t understand because you haven’t learned enough, and using them as evidence that there are no rules. There are rules; you just need to know them.
Mods: you allow posts like zdad’s, above?
Yes.
In any event, I’m sure curious to see what happens the first time this gets litigated. I wonder if NYS courts would really enforce it.
I’m unfamiliar with that blog.
I have heard my rebbeim talk about pre-nups, and they said to not use them. However, if I recall, the reason was that it is not proper to plan for divorce–not a halachic issue. That is my reason for not wanting to sign one, but I would do it if my wife insisted.