Pashuteh Yid

NotPashut: When you say that I have tayna’s on Reb Chaim’s supposed psak, because of the six points I raised, you misunderstand. The six points I raised are the psak. You have quoted a footnote which I do not know if I am required to believe is correct unless somebody shows me the original. (I do not have that sefer.) Asking for reasons is not taynas. It is asking for the etzem psak. I have not seen a single reason yet for the psak, and you have not supplied one. I can’t possibly bring taynas on an as yet (to me) nonexistent psak. I am simply asking to see how he arrived at his conclusion. When a godol paskens, he is mechuyav to give reasons. Reb Moshe didn’t just write one-line teshuvahs saying “because I said so”. Neither did the Tzitz Eliezer or anybody else. It is not beneath a godol to reveal his reasoning. The entire shakla vtarya of the gemara could have been omitted and just the maskanahs kept, if that were the case, and shas would be 100 times smaller than it is now.

It occurred to me that possibly Reb Chaim may hold that tikun hamalbushim is meakev tefilah in which case that would explain his reason, as one could not be yotzei if not dressed properly. However, the Rambam in Tefilah (5,1) says it is not meakev bdieved.

Will Hill: I did the usual screaming against college, and against modern orthodox, and against various ethnic groups saying they were vilder chayas. One time a roommate had some issues that bothered him with emunah, and I yelled at him instead of trying to help him work it out. I thought the entire working world both jewish and non-Jewish were a bunch of fools. I probably caused friction in my family when I thought they were not frum enough in this or that matter. The usual run of the mill obnoxious behavior.

Boruch Hashem I realized it before it was too late that I was missing out on the gadlus of the RBSH that he provides parnasah to people in so many fascinating ways, and that we are all interdependent on each others skills and talents. I feel much more ruchniyus and appreciation for the chochma of the RBSH and the incredible beauty of his world in the hashkafah of ahavas habriyos than I ever did in my older hashkafah of gayvah and bitul of everything. This I believe is the lesson the gemara teaches us in that when Reb Shimon bar Yochai came out of the cave, everywhere he looked he burnt with his eyes and he kept saying meneechin chayei olam voskin bchayei shaah. But a bas kol came down and said get back into your cave, you are destroying my world. A year later he saw yidden running around frantically in the market for tzorchei shabbos, and he understood that we need the physical world for ruchniyos, as well. At that point everywhere he would look, he would heal with his eyes. (He stopped being mevatel everything, and started to appreciate the hard work of people even if they were not learning full-time.)

Bemused, you ask a valid question, and I have tried to address this on other threads. I normally never give mussar or tochacha to anybody. However, when somebody starts with another person and clearly hurts their feelings, I have no choice. In practically every case here (although not necessarily on other boards), somebody will offer an innocent opinion on some topic, and kannaim will come down and take the person to town.

You practically never see uncivilized behavior here initiated by the more moderate or even left-leaning posters, except when they are first personally attacked. Kannaim constantly overreact to posts that they do not agree with and launch these personal attacks, even though nobody has actually attacked them, just expressed an opinion.

The pattern occurs over and over. Because of a din of rodef, I need to soothe the one who has been attacked, and the only way to do that is to tell them that they have been wronged, although it is also effectively attacking the rodef, as you pointed out.

There are some kannaim here who are careful with bein odom lachaveiro, however, the majority are not. Just like in EY where they throw acid and beat people on buses. It is an entire mindset that must be changed. That is why I rail against it constantly.

I understand the mindset, as I used to be a bigger kannai than these people. But at one point I realized that almost every time I ever got angry or into some kind of major fight with anybody, it was because I thought I was doing some kind of big mitzvah or because of some religious issue. I began to think that this is not what the Torah is all about, and is a perversion. The Torah is only about shalom. The RBSH is an Av Harachaman, and hates this fighting in his name. While there are numerous rayos to this, one of the most obvious is the gemara in Sotah which says that He would rather have His name erased, if it can make shalom between a man and his wife. The meaning is that bein odom lamakom is subordinate to bein odom lachaveiro. We also see this by Avraham where gedolah hachnasas orchim yoser meikabalas pnei hashechinah. Imagine one is in the middle of speaking to Hashem and guests ring the doorbell. You could imagine a whole bunch of kannaim screaming APIKORUS, you interrupt the aibershter for some idol worshipping yo-yo at the door. How dare you!

But in truth the main thing the Aiberhster wants from us is to be menschen to each other. When we scream at each other for his sake, we totally destroy the whole reason for the Torah. It is all about us, it is not about some arrogant, angry G-d who we must constantly give his due praise or he gets furious. Everything he created is for us. Everything he told us to do is for us, so we make the maximum of ourselves, and have the happiest and most fulfilling lives.

There is much more to say, but another time.

Oomis, I feel your pain. You must understand that it is not a reflection on you. Time and time again on this board when certain kannaim come out of the woodwork on a particular issue, they say very hurtful and disparaging remarks to others. I hope they will apologize and change their ways. As you pointed out, embarrassing someone in public is far worse than never wearing a hat once in one’s entire life. (Unless someone can show me where it says that one who doesn’t wear a hat has no chelek in olam haba like it does say about one who is malbin pnei chavero. Look, I could be missing a very important chazal.)

I addressed this issue many months ago in various coffee room threads.

After thinking about it, I have come to the conclusion that two psychological factors cause this behavior.

1) These kannaim worship a very angry G-d. One who created the world and gave the Torah with so many details davka designed to trip up people so he can give himself the supreme pleasure of punishing them in all kinds of sadistic ways. (In truth the world was created so G-d could give of his goodness to people, just like we try to do to our children. Ratzah HKBH lzakos es yisroel, lfichach hirbeh lahem Torah umitzvos. Also, as Hillel said, the entire Torah in a nutshell is to treat one’s fellow man kindly.)

2) These kannaim imagine that they have a very unique and high place within this angry G-d’s hierarchy, and they are self-appointed ministers to dispense this angry G-d’s wrath, possibly by virtue of their imagined high-levels of learning. (Here again, they forget a chazal which all the rest of us simple Jews say every week, Talmidei chachamim marbim shalom baolam.)

I and others here have been the target many times of this behavior (including the dedication of an entire thread in our honor about pro-freikeit posters here on YW), but once you realize what generates this behavior, it is rather comical, and you won’t feel as bad as you do now.

In addition, the silliest thing of all, is that those same commentors who accused you of posting without sources, were davka the ones who said the whole issue is “Self-intuitive”, and who seconded that notion, i.e., based merely on their own feelings without any halachic backing.

What is even more interesting is that the Mechaber at first writes that there is an opinion that one should not daven bareheaded, and that there is an opinion that one should not go into a shul bareheaded. That seems to imply that there are other opinions that hold one could theoretically daven or go into a shul totally bareheaded (in theory). He then says that a straw yarmulka is sufficient. The Mishna Berurah’s chumra appears to be based on the styles of his times which were different than in the Mechaber’s times.

One last thought, if Reb Chaim Kanievsky did say one should miss minyan, I would expect a teshuvah with at least six paragraphs.

1) Showing why hat outweighs tefilah betzibbur.

2) Showing why hat outweighs kedushah.

3) Showing why hat outweighs kaddishim.

4) Showing why hat outweighs borchu.

5) Showing why hat outweighs krias hatorah.

6) Even if we prove the above five things individually, we must still prove that hat outweighs the aggregate sum of all of them together.

If such a six-paragraph teshuvah exists I will (figuratively) eat my hat.

Today I saw a boy in shul who was out of school because his shoes tore. He was afraid of showing up at his mesivta in crocs because he thought either he would get thrown out, or people would make fun of him. He was forced to miss an entire day of learning.

Pretty sad commentary on the attitudes of certain segments of the population.

Oomis, that is a beautiful story. Ultimately, our role is to help the entire world, not to knock others.

ICanOnlyTry, thanks for the vote. I am worried, though, if I teased JFem once too many, because I haven’t seen her around here in a while. I really should ask her mechila, as she was a very sincere and well-meaning person who did not have an easy life. I hope she understood I was only kidding around.

Mdlevine: What a fine daughter you have.

Thanks, asdfg.

Nossond, that was a nice hesber in your earlier post.

As some people mentioned, it is a bit sad that we don’t have direct writings of R. Soloveitchik, with very few exceptions. Most of what we have is transcribed, or second hand notes. This has unfortunately led many people to say whatever they want, and attribute to him. We don’t have something like an Igros Moshe where you can look up and see the reasons and parameters in black and white.

Nevertheless, even in the gemara we often see machloksin among talmidim about what their rebbe said, i.e., Rav Huna amar Rav, Rav Chisda amar Rav.

Thanks to all for the kind words.

SJ, glad to see you have drastically cut down on the amount of sinning you do in NYC.

Baltimore is very flexible and moves around from state to state. You never know which state it will be in at any given time.

We know the Cohen family personally, and my kids were in the same class as their’s for a few years. My kids love Agent Emes, and often dress up like him with sunglassses and throw their hats like frisbees.

May they be matzliach with their series. One point that does not need to be said is please don’t copy tapes or disks, as it hurts their parnassah.

My doctor said it is not good for your health to eat more than 20 at one sitting. I try to follow this advice whenever possible.

I would like to add my 2 cents worth regarding things that gross me out. People who lick money, or pages of books or bags in a supermarket. There are very effective ways to manipulate all these items without licking them.

BTW, I read once that increasing stamina from 0 to 3 miles is much harder than increasing from 3 miles to 26 miles.

Smh1, it was started by a (Jewish) guy named Matt Drudge.

Sqveek, when I wrote my words, I hadn’t seen the monumental and laborious work of exegesis you had just compiled. Had I known I would certainly have cited a reference to it, and bowed out.

I remember reading in Morris Mandel’s coumn in Jewish Press that any possible thing a women can do to make herself more attractive should by all means be done. It is part of feeling good about oneself that one is clean and neat. It is not healthy to let oneself go. One of the first signs of mental illness or depression is when you see a person who is wearing dirty clothes and looks unkempt. One should always try to look his or her best at all times. It is part of being professional as well. Many job interviews and promotions are probably decided based more on appearance, than on actual skills. The reason is that one who pays meticulous attention to every detail of his appearance will probably pay meticulous attention to every detail of his job. One who is shlumpy about appearance will probably be shlumpy about the job. This holds true for men and women.

Essay describes how much dogs give to their owners

Dear Ann Landers: Back in 1992, you printed an essay that made a lasting impression on me. I have saved it for six years, knowing one day I would ask you to print it again. That day has come. Today, we had to put our dog to sleep. She was nearly 14 years old and couldn’t hold on any longer. Taking her to the vet for the very last time was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

Please reprint this essay for my dog, Penny. She was part of our family and will be greatly missed. Thanks, Ann.

— D.J. in Wausau, Wis.

Dear D.J.: Here is the essay you requested. I did not grow up with pets, but I confess, when I first read this essay, I had a clearer understanding of what a pet can mean to a family, and my eyes moistened a bit, too. It was written by Chuck Wells of Palmyra, N.Y.

Dogs Don’t Have Souls,

Do They?

I remember bringing you home. You were so small and cuddly with your tiny paws and soft fur.

You bounced around the room with eyes flashing and ears flopping. Once in a while, you’d let out a little yelp just to let me know this was your territory.

Making a mess of the house and chewing on everything in sight became a passion, and when I scolded you, you just put your head down and looked up at me with those innocent eyes, as if to say, “I’m sorry, but I’ll do it again as soon as you’re not watching.”

As you got older, you protected me by looking out the window and barking at everyone who walked by. When I had a tough day at work, you would be waiting for me with your tail wagging, just to say, “Welcome home. I missed you.” You never had a bad day, and I could always count on you to be there for me.

When I sat down to read the paper and watch TV, you would hop on my lap, looking for attention. You never asked for anything more than to have me pat your head so you could go to sleep with your head over my leg.

As you got older, you moved around more slowly. Then, one day, old age finally took its toll, and you couldn’t stand on those wobbly legs anymore. I knelt down and patted you lying there, trying to make you young again. You just looked up at me as if to say that you were old and tired and that after all these years of not asking for anything, you had to ask me for one favor.

With tears in my eyes, I drove you one last time to the vet. One last time, you were lying next to me. For some strange reason, you were able to stand up in the animal hospital; perhaps it was your sense of pride.

As the vet led you away, you stopped for an instant, turned your head and looked at me as if to say, “Thank you for taking care of me.”

I thought, “No, thank you for taking care of me.”

How about a big YW reunion bash, where we can all meet and fight in person. Everybody will have a nametag with their username on it.

In fact, there is a halacha that if a woman does not use the cosmetics which are the norm of that era, it is potentially grounds for divorce. This is in Shulchan Oruch, but do not remember the siman. It is a shalom bayis issue when a women lets her appearance go. Just as it would be for a man who refuses to bathe and get haircuts, etc.

Azi, I think Lawrence’s nickname is Larry. You should call it Larry’s hardware.

Not pashut, that was written before the founding of the state, and probably before the holocaust in which Reb Elchonon ZTVKL perished, RL.

You really should know the streets well, and not just rely on the navigator. Once I was on the way to a chasunah in Lkwd with a guy who had one, and we were on Ave J and E15. Anybody would know to go to Ocean Pkwy and get on Belt to Verrazano. However, the guy insisted on following instructions to drive thru Boro Park to Fort Hamilton Pkwy. The amount of lights and double parked cars and blockages on the narrow streets in BP took an extra hour.

Also there is a famous story in Wall Street Journal about a guy who almost drove off a cliff as his navigator told him to continue on a certain path. At last sec, he turned around when he saw water and saved his life. You have to be careful.

Excuse me, but in order to moderate you need to be certified pro-freikeit.