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WIY: Every seminary is perfect, but every girl is different. You will find such girls in every seminary, and every seminary has girls who don’t live up to standard.
The fact is that SEMINARY DOES NOT “PRODUCE” A GIRL. 9 months cannot stand up to 18 years!
If you ask, which seminary has girls who know meforshim, which seminary has girls who never listened to nonjewish music, which seminary has girls who love to daven… we can suggest based on stereotypes. But the above questions are too general.
Yes Tiferes is Yeshivish, supposed to be like Hadar but with less work.
Giving up shows a lack of Emunah. Taking a break shows you know when you need to take a break and relax.
Dating is stressful but it shouldn’t wear you out like that – could be you need to make a rule like at least 2 weeks between first dates, or something.
There is always rooom to improve in Hakaras Hatov – I didn’t think it was such a big deal what we did but this really made my day, thank you so much for making me feel I have contributed to the CR.
WIY: 100% agree with you.
(thanks for tleling me -I answered the Shir Shel Yom but the mods havent put it up for some reason)
Hashem loves Shalom, and btw, I DO have shalom with non-jews. And it IS important since we are living in THEIR country and need to be grateful.
A is the way!!
“Al Taasu Chaburos Chaburos”
Ask a Hadar girl, she either has it or knows who does. 🙂
Republicans/Conservatives tend to support Israel, but it’s ok if they don’t like Jews.
Democrats/Liberals tend to support Jews (Section 8, food stamps etc), but it’s ok if they don’t like Israel.
We have to vote for who will be good for AMERICA. Not for the Jews. So said the Chafetz Chaim.
WEllInformed: Thank you, I still haven’t had a chance but hope to get it soon.
Msseeker – that’s really funny. There must be a lot of people with the same problem!
Artchill: I definitely do not have sleep apnea.
Health: thank you. I will have to look into them.
Sayswho: What is the active ingredient of those sleeping pills?
Tzippi: Don’t know about Coffeefan, but I don’t drink coffee (or soda, or anything with caffeine) on a regular basis.
I hope to respond more fully later, but want to thank everyone for their suggestions. Everyone is so concerned about me – a person they don’t even know. Mi K’amcha Yisrael! I plan to get melatonin today and will tell u how it goes.
Thank you Moq. So right, thanks also.
dunno: you’re right. Every time I see this thread I sit up straight!
Health: I’m pretty sure it’s due to being extremely overworked, but I did drink chamomile tea last night when I got up at 3 and went to sleep for another hour, between 4:30 and 5:30. I’ve done most of their suggestions. I don’t have time to go to a sleep clinic. Where on earth do you find sleep clinics anyway? Never heard of them. (I would need one in the NYC/Brooklyn area)
Also, I’m a morning person and generally extremely happy in teh AM, comes PM and I get stressed out and tired. That’s what makes me think it’s just my circadian rhythm going off.
squeak: Yoysh. I have both types of insomnia :).
Sacrilege: If you take it for an allergy, you’re much less likely to experience the effect because you have all those histamines for the antihistamine to deal with. (I used it but realized my body was getting used to it so I stopped)
Wolfish: I want to try Melatonin next, thank you for the suggestion. Does it have to have a hechsher?
Squeak: Once in my life, I tried alcohol. It does not help insomnia, just relaxes you so you don’t care if you sleep, plus it makes you thirsty and have to get up in the night anyway.
Where were the secret service agents?
I agree with you. THere is a serious lack of respect.
Thank you! Can this be part of the information in the threads on top?
yeshivaguy1 – I’ve heard from reliable sources, that Touro is fast catching up with YU in terms of graduates from the law school getting into the best programs (even yale and harvard)
Charliehall: the problem with taking benadryl regularly is that you can build up tolerance, even if you don’t get addicted. I’ve heard that Tylenol is much safer.
SJS: same here. I found it helped to talk to Hashem thru the day, not sjust during davening time, like before I go to work, for help at work, as I walk into school to do well in school, when i come home that I should be a good influence in the family etc. It helps much more than just trying to have kavana when reading from the siddur.
Health: Is acyclovir still available in liquid form?
Sacrilege – but not TOO memorable!
Oh, shake the hand of the interviewer if female – it shows you are aware of proper business etiquette and is very impressive from a frum girl. If a male, be prepared to put your hands behind your back, smile, and say, Due to religious reasons I don’t shake hands with men.
Oh I completely missed the husband point. That only strengthens the point that you have to sometimes say no. What does she do if you are not available?
I go to sleep at midnight and have been waking up every morning at 3am. What should I do? It’s like my bio clock is set wrong. When I take stuff like tylenol to go to sleep, it only lasts exactly as long as the drug, so I never feel I’m getting enough sleep. Any advice? If I go to sleep earlier, I toss and turn until I take something to make me sleepy (nothing too strong, usually tylenol, benadryl only once a month if Im having allergy symptoms and not worried about being groggy.)
good.jew – um guys have ben known to forget their wallets at home. It doesn’t show a lack of trust, it shows common sense. I don’t know this guy from a hole in the wall, why should I assume anything about him?
One guy I dated, got into several near-accidents on the way home. He was just a really poor driver and I was terrified. If he had gotten into an accident, believe me I wasn’t going to hang around at the scene – I would have called a taxi and gone home myself, but couldn’t have done that without a cell and money.
Google it. Basically, sound eager to learn, smile, and just relax. Make sure you can discuss a book you recently read
frumladygit – its easy for people to tell you to do this because it’s a chessed. To me it sounds like a classic manipulative relationship – you never asked for these favors, she’s using them in order to get something from you rather than to really help you. If she was really thinking about your needs when she does those favors, she would not be using your daughter. And btw, there is nothing wrong with bochurim learning to help out when necessary at home! My mother insists my brothers all have to do something “Real” to help out and they are all very good boys!!! Having to go shopping once a week does not mean bittul Torah.
Anyway, having been in an analogous situation, you have several options.
1. Continue with the situation as is. If you really need her financial bailouts, you may have no choice. Everything said above by wise member of hte CR applies.
2. Do not accept the next offer of help, give it back to her politely saying “Thank you, but I really can manage for myself.” This way, if you do help her, it won’t be from guilt but from true chesed.
3. 1 and 2 are more extreme options. There is a third, it’s harder but is very good in the long run. You need to stop the “she gives, I owe” cycle. Decide that your giving is not dependent on hers. If you can spare your daughter, spare her even if you haven’t recently recieved a gift. On the other hand, if it will be hard on you (or your daughter), say no even if you just recieved a major gift. This is extremely difficult in the short run, since you are used to this cycle, but if pursued consistently will enable you to feel less manipulated without giving up her assistance.
Perhaps give her a few “free gifts”. Ie, offer to send your daughter once or twice when she doesn’t ask. Then, you will feel more comfortable the next time she does ask, saying no – you can see her next gift as an expression of gratitude and not acting as if she is entitled to your service because of the present. Then, do not send over your daughter, just politely remind her that “Oh is this because I sent over my daughter last week? Thank you!” Or whatever.
People in the CR – It’s very easy to talk about how others should act. In this case, telling someoen that it’s chesed is a little counterproductive. We also have to know when a chesed is taking too much from a person, and not realistic to be continued because it is causing feelings of bitterness, like in the above story.
You’re going to sleep early.
With my siblings, I just say “I have a vort tonight” (works well when every other person you know is getting engaged)
Or, just say that you are taking off time from your cell phone in order to work on yourself.
pfru: The medicine is called Acyclovir, and it did help me although I think it was the placebo effect. It’s not available any more.
I personally love looking to see who is engaged, but that’s just me. I’m not so comfortable with the other sections (like babies – I feel that could be an ayin hara)
Although, I suppose engagements could also be ayin hara. I would not want my picture up.
the most Goyish music I listen to is:
Lipa Schmeltzer
Meydad Tasa
Ofra Haza a”h (kol isha)
My siblings only want to hear L’Chaim Tish.
Does this make me a bad person?
sof davar hakol nishma:
“boy boy boy your waiting to be screamed at. Money comes and goes, here today gone tomorrow. yiras shamayim and midos don’t. i know people personally and i pitty them because they married into such rich families… that they’re supported by them and own houses because of them…. that the poor daughter in laws have to dress according to the way the mother in law wants… things are NOT NOT NOT at ALLL so simple as they seem. Money is convenient but you never know what goes on behind close doors. It’s a package deal. I would rather live a simple life and make my own choices of what to wear, dress my children in , what school to send them to… etc.
unfortunately people are so blinded by money, i know of a shidduch taht the couple got divorced because to begin with , it wasn’t a good match but they were so blinded.”
sof davar:
1. Who said money is the issue here? If you knew me, you would know how ridiculous that assumption is. The issue is FOOD. CLOTHES. TUITION. HOUSING. I don’t have family who can help me, and I DONT WANT TO ACCEPT CHARITY FROM ANYONE ESP. THE GOVERNMENT. This is capitalized to make sure you read what I wrote. I am not talkign about wanting to have enough money to have 2 cars and a bungalow.
2. OTOH, I know myself, that for peace of mind to serve Hashem and to have a home which is focused on doing Hashem’s Will and not my own, my husband has to be able to take the burden of parnasa. There is NOTHING wrong with this, this is the curse of man since Adam, he will till the earth. Hillel Hazakein worked, our Avos worked, (even Yaakov as a shepherd), the Chofetz Chaim had a store, and my husband will work and serve Hashem his whole life.
3. As for my “asking to be yelled at” – Divrei Chachamim b’nachas nishmaim – wise people speak softly. Please make the strength of what you say the content rather than the emotionality.
sof davar hakol nishma
“what are you saying? that if they knew what living a kollel lifestyle was about they wouldn’t have chosen such a lifestyle? well, young people have to make that choice for themselves, is it material comforts (and comforts that aren’t guaranteed, depending on if he makes parnasa or not) or a much simpler lifestyle. it’s not an easy choice but an ideal and strong desire for kollel can keep them going for a long time.”
I know many people who struggle being in kollel. It’s really not for everybody.
Moq
“I suppose it’s like any course of life; may regret that they didn’t join kollel. And some doctors wish they became lawyers, and many businessmen wish they were plumbers. Or toenail cutter import/export professionals. Just because some people regret their path doesn’t invalidate it.
Everyone has their unhappy campers.”
This is true. Finding a parnasa is like finding a shidduch – like splitting the sea. And not always is it the perfect life we envisioned, but the point is to serve Hashem not to be perfectly happy at all times.
MDD: THANK YOU.
Sacrilege – You are absolutely right. Everyone has some genetic flaw. Hashem didn’t make us perfect. We just need to find someone who is “compatible” as DY so well puts it.
Reminds me of the Rabbi Twerski story where this man refused a shidduch for his son because the girl’s mother had a bout of depression. He told Rabbi Twerski, why should i introduce this gene in my family? Dr Twerski couldn’t tell him, due to patient confidentiality, that he had treated this man’s wife before she married him.
Canker sores can be caused by a lot of different things. Vitamins can be a major factor, but they’re not the only one. I’ve read just about everything on the topic, and it seems to occur after different stresses. Hormonal fluctuations can also cause it – I know mine started when I was 12 and they are way more common in women.
If you only just started getting them than you should look at what you’ve changed in your life – new foods, a job, less exercise, new worries. You could be vitamin deficient but I would think it’s unlikely if you just started getting them and have been eating the same diet for years.
smartcookie: definitely take a multivitamin, but some people absorb different vitamins better in different forms. You could be deficient even if you take multivitamins, depending on your body’s needs. You should be tested to see what vitamins you are low in so you can focus on exactly what you need. It’s easy to ask your doctor to do the blood test, it’s not expensive and very important to your long-term health. (Also, Vit D for example, being low in your teens increases the risk of osteoporosis later – you want to correct that type of thing while you still can!)
There’s research that people with canker sores are especially low in B vitamins and I needed to take a b-complex vitamin in order to have enough. (They prescribed 50,000 iu of Vit D 1/week – I didn’t want to shock my body like that and figured with 800IU a day (twice the daily requirement) my body will catch up, and BH it worked.) However, everyone has different needs and just because it worked for me doesn’t mean it’s right for you.
Sorry for being so long but I know the terrible feeling of having canker sores. (Going thru it right now – no appetite whatsoever, except chocolate, once in my mouth it hurts too much to enjoy.) Canker sores are a sign that the body is worn out, you need to figure out what that trigger is (it could be low vitamins, stress, allergies, etc.) Feel better!
Practicality. If you’re determined to misuse the system, you obviously can, but they will know something is up if you are calling every 15 min. Whereas people are much more likely to misuse the system if it’s online. (Like where they make tax records available online – yes you can get them by filing a request, but you’re much more likely to check up your next door neighbors’ if it’s just a click of the mouse.)
Thansk for the reminder!!
Of course numbers should be checked before dating.
I think a reason for not putting it online would be that once you know a number, you may be tempted to put together any possible ones, and would start to figure out who has recessive genes. I think the point is that people shouldn’t know who has recessive genes unless necessary to remove stigma. The point of Dor Yesharim is to help prevent genetic disorders in a way that doesn’t stigmatize carriers.
nope. but I was shocked that an 18 yo girl can’t cook. I was raised that a bas mitzva girl should be able to cook a full shabbos if necessary.
Re the vitamins: I have had major problems with canker sores for years, and tried EVERYTHING on the market.
A few months ago, I got tested for vitamin deficiency and it turned out i was very very low in several vitamins (d, iron, b). Many frum girls are low in vitamin D and should definitely be tested. I started taking those vitamins i was low in and didn’t have canker sores for a few months.
Now I have them again… yoysh. I’ve been careless about taking vitamins.
I was just wondering… does anyone else find that they get more easily depressed when they have canker sores?
WIY: Thank you. I am not worried – I know Hashem has the right one for me.
mw13: I like what you just said, a lot. We don’t have to hate our enemies, but we do have to fight them.