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Could happen in any country, heaven forbid. Remember that America is essentially a Germanic country too. Very militaristic, very violent when it wants to be.
Lo aleinu.
Here’s the key point you are missing, college has little to do with parnassah. Mostly they just jam liberal arts down your throat.
The famous stat that grads make on average 1 million more than non is an average, therefore useless. It combines david rockefeller and the homeless guy.
the median figure is about 5,000 usd per year over your whole career, which is easily explainable by brains and work ethic.
Because it starts off marriage on the wrong foot. You have to make marriages work, not stress the out clause.
The study was conducted by the Lewin Group.
The Lewin Group is part of Ingenix, a UnitedHealth
subsidiary that was accused by the New York attorney general and the
American Medical Association of helping insurers shift medical expenses
to consumers by distributing skewed data.
Historical evidence compiled in the recently published book, Dissolving Illusions – Disease, Vaccines, and the Forgotten History, by Suzanne Humphries MD, provides compelling evidence that much of what vaccines are credited for doing was actually the result of better hygiene, sanitation and accurate medical diagnosis. The book is filled with documented evidence, fully referenced with archival data.
The only proof is that a man started this foolish thread. Maybe we should say women are better than man.
–apushatayid–
thank you for the example of a man shooting his mouth off
You don’t believe for a minute that women are better than men. If you did, you wouldn’t be shooting your mouth off. You’d say, I’m inferior, I’ll stay quiet.
Most of the men who carry on about the alleged superiority of women are baalei gaavah. Their thinking in terms of superiority and inferiority is due to their thinking that they are superior. They know it’s wrong so they try to compensate with what really is condescension of women.
Shmuel 1:1 And Chana prayed upon her heart.
Most of college has little to do with earning a living. Musical theater anyone?
The stats saying college grads earn more are averages not medians. They combine the CEO of Oracle and the homeless guy. The median figure is only a few thousand a year more and can be attributed to work ethic and intelligence.
There’s too little pressure not to get divorced. It used to be a shandeh.
depends on the college
You got it. In traffic court, you are guilty until proven innocent. They don’t follow the Constitution. This happens often in the USA. The US isn’t supposed to go to war without a declaration of war by Congress. Last time that happened? Dec. 8 1941. The Korean and Vietnam wars, where more bombs were dropped than in WWII, were in violation of the Constitution.
It is possible that federal income tax violates it too. Search the web for more info on that.
It’s not one or the other. Vaccines good, vaccines bad. We just need to know the truth about the risks and make informed decisions. Everything has risks. If a person goes in for knee surgery the surgeon tells him that one possible outcome is death as that can happen with any surgery. So one weighs the risks on both sides and makes a decision.
This doesn’t happen with vaccines where we act as if there are no risks and have gone from a few injections to dozens and dozens as if we were doing mitzvos. It’s a childish mentality.
–Of course, it never occurred to the anti-vaccine crowd that any doctors (if there are any left) who discourage their patients from vaccinating might be motivated by the prospect of increased need for medical treatment.–
Anything is possible in this day and age. We’d all be better off ceasing to look at physicians as religious figures and scientists as gods.
ubiquitin, if could kindly put aside your chest thumping for a minute, can you help us to understand why autism has gone from 1 in 10,000 to 1 in 100 during the vaccination era? I’m assuming you care about children and not just about showing everyone how smart you are.
–My pediatrician as a child, and nearly all of the many pediatricians I have used for my own children, are frum Yidden whose value for human life renders any dollar amount inconsequential. Are they, too, motivated by money or politics? —
Frum yidden are a tiny fraction of physicians. I know scores of physicians who care mostly about money. But the pharma cos for sure care entirely about money and they push everyone else around.
ubuqitin, you’ll notice that i posted that “They also concluded that autism was not associated with vaccines but that in most cases the casual relationships was difficult to tell.”
So don’t go that route. The point is that if the study showed some vaccines cause some significant problems that the issue isn’t simple. And if it’s not simple then you shouldn’t talk about it simplistically and view suspicion of vaccines as an act of fools. I wasn’t going to post paragraphs worth of material on our little discussion board here.
—But why should nobody be allowed to joke about it?—
A joke that’s funny, that’s uplifting, is one matter. A joke that mocks people who are trying to address a tragic situation is another. Maybe to you it’s not tragic because you are lost in your own little world. Here’s my suggestion, spend a day with a family with an autistic child. Then find a joke for us.
—They are making fun of anti-vaccine people, who should be made fun of for obvious reasons.—
Why because they don’t agree with you, the worldwide owner of logic and sound thinking?
If you think that the topic is so simple as ‘vaccines are safe’ then you are not thinking.
In 2011, the National Institute of Medicine did a major analysis of vaccine risks and concluded the following:
They also concluded that autism was not associated with vaccines but that in most cases the casual relationships was difficult to tell.
Thus, it’s not a simple subject, except perhaps to simple minds.
And in case you are not familiar with the National Institute of Medicine (and there’s a good chance that you are not) here’s some info on them:
The Institute of Medicine (IOM) is an American non-profit, non-governmental organization founded in 1970, under the congressional charter of the National Academy of Sciences. The IOM is part of the United States National Academies, which also includes:
National Academy of Sciences (NAS)
National Academy of Engineering (NAE)
National Research Council (NRC)
In other words, it is as prestigious an organization as you can get.
–Nowadays, Sheitles are so well made that its impossible to tell if it’s her real hair or not.–
That’s how you know it’s a sheitel, if the hair looks too good to be true, particularly in a woman over 30.
Let’s see, only a cat can make a cat, only a dog can make a dog. A Only Jewish woman can make a Jewish child. You cannot. Maybe it’s you that’s not a Jew.
Usually I find myself battling the people who say that women are more spiritual so I’m happy to find that this post upset me as much as that silly notion. It’s a throwback to the way people talked 50 years ago in the days of male chauvinism. Today usually you hear female chauvinism.
Here’s what Rabbi Miller had to say about it:
As we know, men are commanded to perform mitzvos asei she’haz’man grama, time-bound mitzvos. Women, on the other hand, are not required to perform these mitzvos. What is the reason for this difference? The answer is that women have other important obligations to tend to, which exempt her from these commandments. A woman must know that she is a briah shel chessed, she has been created for the purpose of performing chessed. Being a wife and mother is a very significant role, and it requires her to be selfless and totally dedicated to performing chessed! It takes a woman’s entire effort to succeed in being an efficient mother and wife. Investing her abilities in raising children is very time consuming but is a tremendous zechus for her! (Rabbi Avigdor Miller Speaks, pp. 271-3)
You are talking like you have found a new religion. I can tell because you are not talking about the risks of vaccines. Everything in life has risks. With vaccines you are shoving diseases inside people’s bodies – children actually – along with preservatives and metal blades. There are risks in doing that. And there’s plenty of evidence that many children have had their lives destroyed that way. So people have to weigh the risks, like they do when they have surgery. The pro-vaccine people are as irrational as they claim the anti-vaccine people to be.
I was very impressed with Reb Shmuel’s comments that he had the courage to take on the arrogant doctors and if you want to check out some hard core arrogance, a physician is your best bet for that. What the good Rabbi meant is that there’s big bucks in the vaccine business. And the whole thing has gone overboard. When I was a kid I got a few shots. Today, it’s dozens and dozens of them. It’s big business and the casualties are kept out of the medical research. So don’t be naive.
There’s way too much male bashing in this community. It’s strange that so many people look at OJ as being misogynistic when we are more often the opposite.
I’ll say again what I find myself having to repeat to frum people quite often. It depends on the person. There are females who are more mature and there are males who are more mature. Same with spirituality.
-Women obtain “da’as” at 12, men at 13.
The fact that women mature faster than men is Halacha L’Moshe Mi’Sinai.-
You speak about maturity as if it’s a one time event rather than a continuum. Girls mature sooner because the level they achieve is lower. It takes longer to bake a roast than toast.
See Maharal, Gur Aryeh, Parshas Tazriah. He says males mature later because they have a higher sheilamus.
— call that tznius. That isn’t a maturity issue. A boy and girl dating trying to avoid community exposure to the extent possible is a virtue of tznius. —
Going on a date is untznius? C’mon. Sneaking into a car is more untznius.
They don’t do it for that reason. They do it because they are neurotic.
It’s good for her to pay.
–The world always says that girls are more mature than boys —
Girls are not more mature than boys. Each has their strengths. Girls tend to act with more poise but then they have the boys pulling up the car to the house and waiting there for the girl to secretly enter the car so her neighbors don’t see her on a shiduch. You call that mature?
More mature in certain ways. Less in others.
I can understand his resistance to counseling. It is very hard to find a frum therapist who is nonjudgmental and who just listens. Most of them act like quasi rabbis and rebbetzins, dishing out advice when they should let the client find his own way. He’s probably never met one like that. If he did, he might want to go back.
We all need positive reasons to be observant. Fear of hell doesn’t cut it. Neither does “not letting Hitler win.” Today about the only positive reason you’ll hear is the joy of Gemara study.
So it depends on what he values in life. Does he naturally believe in integrity. Show him the many parts of Torah that also do. Does he believe in chesed? Same with compassion. R’ Hirsch has many quotes dealing with protection of the innocent. See Horeb for that. Show him some of those.
What many people in power try to do is shut off the brain and say value what I value or what the community seems to value. However, you can do the opposite and say what do you value. See – the Torah agrees with you.
Then the Torah becomes your friend and your comfort rather than this ball and chain.
Rabbi Avigdor Miller has many recordings and writings on the topic of dealing with difficult people. They can be of course parents, spouses, in-laws – you name it. In this day and age with the world full of people living in urban environments and having lost good manners and such, this is an ongoing life challenge.
As some have commented, the rule is show respect, not to fabricate feelings. You don’t have to go overboard. Just stick to the basic rules.
This can be quite hard to do when the parent doesn’t show respect for you. And in our era, this is not uncommon, particularly in New York.
So practical advice will depend on exactly what you are experiencing. If the person is just a buffoon, that’s one thing. If they drive you crazy or push you around, that’s another.
Generally, keeping to yourself is helpful. It’s amazing how much better we can along with people when we don’t talk.
But why do it? It helps the world run better. You need a certain order and hierarchy. Even if a local rabbi is foolish, we should treat him with respect or else you have chaos in the shul.
Also it builds character to suffer a fool, and just keep the mouth shut. You’ll get smarter while they get dumber. In the end, you win.
Another thing to consider is some sympathy for the parent. (I’m not talking about a highly abusive parent.) We live in the end of days. The world is nuts. Your parent likely suffers to earn a living and may have been mistreated his or her whole life. He or she might not have had good role models. There are many possibilities.
Sam2
Interesting, do you recall where the rav says that?
“Personally, I think things would go a lot more smoothly were we notified early on who our bashert is. That would not only save time, but would avoid all the worrying, hurt feelings, disappointments and probably a lot of divorces.”
No olam haba for smooth.
“I think R’ Moshe is learning (and the lashon of the Rambam sounds this way) that the added kedushah is not b’etzem, it’s a product of the extra chiyuvim.”
With the Rambam it’s hard to tell. With Reb Moshe it seems pretty clear. He says the shaychas of the chiyuv of mitzvos is FROM kiddushah. He doesn’t say kiddushah is from mitzvos.
He might get this from the Gemara in Yavamos that considers that an extra pasuk is need to learn a mitzvah for cohanim because they have more kiddushah.
However, he notes men and women are equal in kiddushah. This is why we say women are exempt. They have a connection to the mitzvah, but are exempt, (like a chason on his wedding day is exempt from krias shema-my note). This is why they say a bracha when doing lulav et al.
A true statement.
But I’ll give you another true statement: young people are nearly all attractive, older people not so much. Get married young when you still have your looks.
I’ll give you a good place for a shiduch, but I’m sure people will criticize it: people’s homes. I’m not talking about the people dating but some family home. I believe chasidim do this. The setting is more relaxed and the kids bopping around gets people in the right frame of mind. Restaurants are completely goyish creations and they put us in the wrong frame of mind. Same with hotels.
You get no more privacy in a packed restaurant than somebody’s living room.
“I’m still left wondering why, if the purpose int the man’s bracha is because he has more mitzvos, why it can’t be more explicit in the bracha. Why can’t the bracha have been written in such a way that it doesn’t degrade females. “
It was such a different world back then. Men and women were seen as being in two different worlds and people were not so easily insulted. Even 50 years ago it was that way. Imagine, 1500 years ago, or longer. That bracha could be 2,000 years old or 3,000 years old.
And the world wasn’t so competitive either. They didn’t rank everything. There was no world series champion, no college rankings.
“Men have more chiyuvim in mitzvos, but that doesn’t mean we’re on a higher madreigah than women.”
See Maharal, Chidushei Agados, Makkos 23b and Zies Ra’anan (Magen Avraham) on Yalkut Shimoni, Shmuel 1:1 “And Chana prayed on her heart.”
Reb Moshe says we have mitzvos because we have holiness, not the reverse. But he says men and women are equal in holiness.
“You should know that all of this (the exemption of women from positive time bound commandments) is not because women are on a lower level of holiness than are men. While obligation in commandments results strictly from one’s having holiness, men and women, in that sense, are equal in holiness. All the verses in the Torah regarding holiness refer also to women. (This applies from) the beginning (with) the arrangement to receive the Torah (at Sinai). “You’ll be to me a treasure and you’ll be to me a holy nation.” Exodus 19:6. (The subject of this verse is all of the nation of Israel) as it says “house of Jacob” in referring to the women and “tell to the house of Israel” in referring to the men. Exodus 19:3. “
Igros Moshe, Orach Chaim IV #49
This is from the Tur on Orach Chaim 46.
“Haven’t heard this from anywhere, but maybe we are thanking Hashem for making us into men despite women being on a higher spiritual level.”
This is a myth invented to appease feminism. Women are not on a higher level. You will not find any classic source that says such a thing. I can show you several that say the reverse though.
The idea also doesn’t fit into this context because the brachos work in a certain order, goy, slave, woman. Is the goy higher than the man too? And why would you be thankful for being made less spiritual?
Here is a great explanation from Rabbi Soloveitchik:
from the addendum to the Rabbi Joseph Soloveitchik Siddur
(R. Isaiah Wohlgemuth, Guide to Jewish Prayer, pp. 59-60, said in the name of Rabbi Soloveitchik)
“The shidduch system is not really a system, it is a set of socialised norms that have evolved over time.”
Very insightful point. We do have chaos on our hands.
I think for the most part the norms are not helpful. We are too uptight. People are paranoid. We all need to relax and stop assuming every shiduch idea is a potential axe murderer. We are talking about frum Jews here.
“I DO agree with virtually everything you had to say about shadchanim.”
I have done lots of shadchanus myself. It’s brutal work, especially in this insane era. I go up and down with every match I make.
But I do return calls promptly and try to help the shiduch along.
“I know some people felt that girls should pay on dates because of….? So that they can show that the girl has money? So the girl can demonstrate her feminist side?”
I don’t know that girls should pay for dates, but they should give something. Make a picnic. Think of an idea for a date. When a person gives, they get invested in who they are giving to. It causes you to like people when you give to them. Taking produces malcontent and pickiness or just awkwardness. Also, the guys get simply exhausted from doing all the work, driving, hoping the girl likes his ideas. They get so tired from it they don’t have strength to get to know the girls.
In all my dating, there were just a few occasions where my dates did anything for me. One bought me a Danish. One actually invited me after the date for some food before my trip. One had some tickets to an event in the park. (Note, two of them were baalei teshuvah). I am forever grateful for these small gestures. They helped the shiduchim tremendously and helped me to feel like a human being.