OURtorah

TAOM- do you have a teacher you can speak with? or someone older than you?

streekgeek- THANKS PAL :)!!!

sha’alvim for women has an elevator

Leeba, first of all welcome to the CR. I’m going to try to keep this short!

As someone who has moved completly away from Torah and Hashem, I was wondering who you rely on when your life gets rough. It’s always easy to see past Hashem’s doings in this world when you are in a good state and everything is going well (you don’t have to keep the hard halachas, you don’t have to daven and are not obligated in anything etc.) But what about when the goings get hard. You surley cannot blame yourself, or you may be self destructive. Who do you fall back on then? Also what do you feel like you are living for now, if not to have a beliefe in a God, who gives you challenges to make your life even greater than it was before!?(this was not to be attacking, rather I am curious on your perspective now!)

Observer of yeshivish- tznious is not about attracting men. Its about being able to build an inner beauty that creates an atmosphere where one can trhive in their yiddishkeit. I grew up quite modern and for me tznious was not enforced once I learned halachos of tznious and was able to sloely take on each different part of tznious, I was able to recognize the beauty of it coming from the complete opposite. I feel more beautiful than I ever have cuz I know I’m making my neshama more beautiful. I baruch Hashem don’t feel self concious with he need to dress in a way thst will grab others attention.

That’s not to say thst dressing tznious means u dress like a shlub. On the contrary I dress like hashems princess and put myself together.

tryingtobeagoodjew- hi! i am out of seminary and i am in a secular university. I must tell you that coming out of seminary i was extremly worried about the environment and the lack of yiddishkeit that wud be surrounding me. but i also knew i was strong in my hashkafa, my love for hashem and torah and my judasim.

My university happens to have alot of frum jews (as well as many not religious ones). There is a rabbi on campus and lots of frum jews!! (lots of bais yaaakov and more modern girls alike) and all of us frum jews live at home and commute (20 minute ride). I happen to like it alot. Yes, in an ideal world, i would love to be in an all frum enviornment, but FRIST HAND, i have to tell you that it has only strengthend my love for hashem and torah. I now (more than EVER! even in seminary when i thought i was the happiest) am so happy with who I am. I walk around as a modest, tznioous Jew, making a kiddush hashem for other jews around me who are not frum AND the contrast with goyim in the school make me realize how lucky we are to have a faith so strong and morals so deep.

I know alot of people would disagree with collage/univeristy, but I happen to think it is an opportunity to understand yourself alot better. Also to really feel “kol yisroel ariviem zeh lozeh” – all jews, no matter what hashkafa, we look out for each other and its really beautiful.

Hi Chacha5!

I have a story theexpresses the importance of a mitzva but its thru the opposite of the mitzva (bear with me and ull understand)

There was once a man named Moshe who worked extremly hard to make ends meet for his family. He lived during the depression, where there was much anti- semitism in America and could not get off work for Shabbos. So each week, he would be fired and sometimes not get paid, in order to be mesirus nefesh for Shabbos. Each week he came home right before Shabbos, in a completly bitter mood and would go into the holy day angry and mad that he had made the choice to leave his job over Shabbos.

Years went by and he continued this trend. As his children got older, he noticed they were going off the derech. They, in fact, stopped keeping Shabbos. Moshe was so confused and upset. He went to his Rabbi and cried “But Rabbi How could this happen! I kept Shabbos all these years! How could it be that all three of my children leave the ways of Hashem, the way of Shabbos!?” The Rabbi responded, ” Moshe, when you came home each week, were you proud of your mesirus nefesh, no matter how hard it must have been on you?” Moshe replied, “No Rabbi, I was bitter and angry. After all, I had to give up my pay often and my job! It was such a hard thing on me. I would go in with regret” The Rabbi said, “Moshe, this is why your children have strayed from the path of Torah. If you would have gone in with true mesirus nefesh, your children would have picked up on it, and would have had an even stronger faith. Just as a Jew keeps Shabbos, Shabbos keeps a Jew. Don’t forget that.”

click vegetbale- I think you need to take a step back for a second and breathe. What you did just now seems to be a rant on how you were feeling in the moment (and clearly after many moments like this you sort of just burst).

While everyone should and is entitled to their moements of outbreak, you should reevalute what you just said. I will give you my approach to any worker in any store including grocery stores. I Baruch Hashem am not the frustrated type, therefore I dont mind long lines, even when Im short on time. I just make the best of every situation. In life you will come across people who annoy you and challenge your personal issues (like anger, impatience etc.) It is important that you take time out of your life to recognize these issues and learn to work on them, so when you are in contact with someone in a grocery store, you are able to handle youself and come out stronger and less frustrated. People who work in grocery stores do not want to be there. I came across a lady behind a counter today who was exhasted and did not want to be anywhere but there. You need to feel for the workers, it is not an ideal for them. So yes it can be frustrating, but make these people feel btr, give them a smile, give them some words of encouragment. And seriously, don’t feel bad if it frustrates you, cuz ur entitlated, but Hashem is sending you a message that this is an area you must be working on!

I hope this helps!

hi RF- I’d say if youre looking for a more yeshivish setting then go to TOMO. If you want an even more charedi setting, you can look at mercaz hatorah. Both have serious learning and personal growth environments.

If you want a more mixed black hat to more modern guys you can choose KBY or shaalvim. Both have serious learning and serious bochrim who are looking to become more frum and grow.

the first spelling mistake you made is majoUr.

adam12- why can’t someone from a broken home marry someone from a not broken home?

econjew- I don’t see why you can’t be with a certain tzibur and do other things outside that “boxed in” title. I don’t belive in these titles. We are all Jews and as long as we are in confines of Halacha and doing our adovas hashem leshem shomayim (or at least doing our humanly best) why should it matter what you call yourself. you can be sure there are very yeshvish people that just have the title but aren’t as serious behind closed doors. and you can be sure of that in any “sect” of the Orthodox spectrum. Many people are dishonet, but you should be honest with yourself. If wearing a black hat makes you feel more connected to Hashem and to a tzibur you want to assocaite with, then by all means (come join us!) but, if you are doing it just to be “yeshivish” you are missing the whole point. you need to understand the meaning behind the hat, not just put it on. So if this girl your dating is so adamant that you are yeshivish, maybe you should reconsider someone who wants to confine you to someting your not. You can have yeshivish tendancies but not be a full time learner with a wife supporting you. its ideal and it works for many is beautiful. but for lots econimic times are hard, and you clearly care about supporting your family.

hope that helped! hatzlacha on your path!

writersoul- definiatly not limited to gemara here. It happens to be that so amny important concepts we as women need to know stem from the gemara and it’s obviously important we know them. a man is obligated to learn any torah not limited to gemara!

It happens to b that a girl I know (and please don’t take this as a generaliztion to girls cuz its just one story) once came up to me and we were having a convo about covering your legs. I told her I had learned the mekoros for covering your leg which included snippits from gemara. She said this is why you shouldnt be learning gemara. What are your opinions on this? Is it wrong to understand the reasoning behind the mitzvos were doing?

I wanted to bring a new concept to the floor- sometimes kids who are off the derech, might not be doing goyish tendancies, but doing the tendancies of other sects of judasim.

I personally have become more frum while my family is modern orthodox, and to them I am the crazy one so to speak “OTD” from how I grew up. While to me this is def not OTD, i understand what it is like for any parent from any level of observance to see their kid become different.

coming from the other perspective, although when your children go off, it is scary and unknown, if they are only doing MO tendancies, although your rabbi/family hashkafa is different, keep embracing your child, because hopefully they will come to realize that lifestyle is not for them. and if it is, as long as you put in the effort to make them love yiddishkeit, maybe the learning lifstyle, or the pressures were too much for them. and maybe its a good time for each of us to introspect and see if we were pushing our kids too much in a certain direction and not catching the red flags that it was too much for them! Hatzlacha and ksiva vechasima tova!

Show respect. And be a role model that they need. This means don’t give them tochacha here and there. Actions speak louder than words. The closer you keep them, the more they will feed off your actions and see that you are a Frum Jew, you aren’t “rude” to people like them and you are there for them every step of the way. They will Bezras Hashem come out even stronger in their Yiddishkeit because of this.

WIY- I work in a FRUM camp for kids with special needs, and they play with chalk. does that offend you?

I’m a Canadian! And I love walking down Bathurst because there are so many Koilleim and Shuls, and kosher markets, and resturants! and of course so many Jews! also our prime minister is a good friend to Eretz Yisroel!

MorahRach- I don’t know if it’s too late, but I really think you’d love Toronto!

It is probably one of the biggest Jewish communities outside Eretz Yisroel and New York. There are shuls that have a whole array of Jews on the Orthodox spectrum. It is a close knit community, plenty of young couples, middle aged and older families. There are plenty of schools including a MO high school that is seperate for boys and girls. The beauty of the community is that you really can find an area that you can fit perfectly into, especailly because many areas are just a big mix of more yeshvish and less yeshivish families living in harmony Baruch Hashem!

Hope this helps! Hatzlacha finding a great fit for you and your family 🙂

Vogue- My best and sincerest advice to you, is to find a Rabbi, mentor, or teacher in your community that you can have a chevrusa with, or even just to meet once or twice a week. probably someone who will understand where you are coming from, maybe someone who also was rasied more modern and joined the yeshiva veldt.

I can only imagine how hard it is for you, but I think you should really try your best to stick around the girls for now. Really truly think to yourself “will I be friends with these boys when I’m married?” hopefully not! so why are you wasting your precious time now on these boys, when Bezras Hashem in the near future you’ll find that one guy who will be the only guy you need!

I wish you much Haztzlacha!

akuperma- “If you look at other countries, such as the American Jewish community after the Revolution, the Civil War, and the world wars – there is certainly a reason for the zionists to hope that mass conscription into regular army units will enable a preservation of the zionist majority.”

From my understand of the situation, the Jews with a more Zionistic outlook are not calling for the Gzerios of Bochrim into the army for the purpose of causing our boys to conform to their ideals and outlook.

That being said, we need to be sure that Bochrim don’t get pulled into a way of life that we don’t nessicarily agree with, but respect. To be a truly loving Jew, we can’t speak about other Jews like you speak of them. The Zionists aren’t looking for a majority, I believe they are looking for unity with the Charieidim. They believe in fighting for Israel, we believe in fighting for Eretz Yisroel. Should there be more appropriate way of asking our opinion on this Gezeria instead of forcing it? I’d wish so.