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You are hardly over the hill. There are many people who choose to become Jews later in life, and plenty of Jews marry later in life, due to various circumstances beyond thier control. If you pursue this road (and it will not be easy; the outside world really HATES us), then after making that decision, find a good rabbi in whom you can place your trust, and learn. Don’t rush. My advice to you is to seek out similarly inclined people, after you have completed your process. They are the ones who will most understand what this journey means to you. Whatever your choice may be, much success to you.
Just do your job. Unless he personally discriminates against YOU for being frum (and you would have to have proof of that said discrimination), you have no recourse. HE IS THE BOSS. If you cannot live with the thought of how he treats OTHER people who happen to NOT be employed by him, you are free to look for another job. In an ideal world, you would be able to kindly give him some mussar and he would miraculously change his ways. Not gonna happen. And jobs are not that easy to come by. Just do your job with dignity and make a Kiddush Hashem by being a good Yid and a good employee.
The original post asked if good middos should be A focal point, not THE focal point. And most assuredly, it should be.
Unless I misunderstand, you appear to have no grounds for complaint. Is your boss hostile to YOU for being frum, or did he just refuse to accommodate a frum shul in the same way as the non-frum? Believe it or not, that may legally be his prerogative. He cannot treat you badly for being religious, but he had no obligation to treat other religious people the way you want him to. It could be that you might have grounds for complaint that he created a hostile work environment, but honestly, I don’t think it will fly. Obviously I may not have the whole picture here, but based on what I read and understood, it feels like you can’t do too much.
Cute then, and cute now.
Maybe a girl might feel differently, FB. Also, muscle weighs more than one thinks. Gaining muscle when one is trying to lose weight, might make you more muscular, but weighing more. Msot girls would not want to see the scale going UP.
What on earth is that?
There will be many people in your life to whom you most likely will need to show respect, a rov, a boss, your spouse etc, at times when perhaps you feels they do not seem to deserve it. Your rov gave you a p’sak you didn’t like, your boss ragged on you for not meeting deadline on time, your spouse picks a fight with you. How do you react. How do you deal with each individual situation? You may NEVER show disrespect to your rov. You would be foolish (and maybe taking your future in your hands) to show disrespect to your boss. Ditto, for your spouse.
So when it comes to your parents who D’Oraisah oblige you to ACT WITH RESPECT in dealing with them, remind yourself that just as you would not tell your boss off, kal v’chomer you need to watch yourself in relating with your parents.
Oomis thinks your remark was a bit insensitive.
I’m not understanding oomis either.
A bit?”
I said it that way, so as not to be overly critical-sounding of the poster’s remarks. Obviously, I feel that any pejorative statement about one’s weight or financial status, is totally out of line.
And DY, if anyone here has a daughter who is overweight and not married yet, or the parents are poor and for this reason shidduchim are not readily coming their way, that not-so-seriously-meant statement can be a tremendous source of pain of onaas devarim. I do think the poster was being flippant, rather than deliberately mean, but there are some things people may not find so amusing. Just sayin’…
There is no mitzvah to LOVE your parents. But regardless of your feelings towards them, you are obliged to treat them with respect. That may be very difficult at times, but that does not diminish the obligation in any way. The only exception is when the parent asks the child to commit an aveira. Then there is no chiyuv to follow the parents’ wishes in order to respect them. I am sorry to hear that this is such a problem in your life.
I have to agree with Lior on this one. The Torah doesn’t qualify this law. It just IS! Remember you get more reward for doing a mitzvah that is harder for you personally, to fulfill.
Scared driver, ftr overweight girls and poor girls have as much right to be married as anyone else. I think your remark was a bit insensitive. Thin, rich girls AND guys all have need of having good middos. We all do.
FTR, that can most likely happen by a very low-carb diet. When the body is deprived of carbs, it burns more stored fat for energy. Or so I have been told.
Maybe all men should be forced to wear those blinders that they put on horses and other animals, to prevent them from being distracted by things they might see. Since the problem is apparently in THEIR nature, perhaps the solution also should be on them. (JK)
A car that lasts long and is safe, is analogous to a marriage where both partners have good middos,and thus the marriage will more likely also be long-lasting and safe.
There cannot be a FUNCTIONAL car without wheels, and there is no functional marriage with partners lacking in middos. Not one I would want for my children, anyway.
Without good middos, there is no marriage. Does anyone want his or her children to be brought up by someone with BAD middos?
I’m sure the mods are adorable, too. I have only one maideleh and three yingelech, so far. They are kinehora ALL adorable AND adored!
Yeah…. No, that isn’t happening.
Shtusin – GENIUS!!!!!!
Get legal advice ASAP,because when someone claims part of your property and you say and do nothing, after a certain amount of time, it can legally becomes theirs. This happens most often when fencing is being installed, inadvertently over someone’s property line.
I’m trying to figure out how it is possible for a sneeze to land on someone’s skirt. Blouse, maybe, your own clothing, maybe, but her skirt? That’s just so strange.
My cooking, so I am told, is very edible. That means that whatever was not eaten on Shabbos, is VERY welcome for dinner on Sunday.
The simple answer is that both pritzus AND dishonesty are a no no, equally important.
Everything we know today, is supposed to be in the Gemarah. Does it deal with this at all? What about the DNA of two kosher animals being combined, i.e., deer with gazelle? We eat BEEFALO, don’t we ( well, I never have)?
Inquiring mind. – that’s a great question, and the whole point. Hashem told us what fish need to have in order to be classified as kosher. He did not say, “But ONLY if they were not genetically manipulated.” Do you think Hashem did not foresee this? That said, I am still curious as to what Daas Torah says.
The second the name brand HAT becomes more important than that which is under it, it has lost its chashivus for me.
Finally – a thread we can all really sink our teeth into!
So here is my question: Do fish ever reproduce on their own with other types of fish, i.e can a flounder spawn with a non-kosher species of fish, in the ocean? If so, how would we ever know what DNA was in the fish, if the fins and scales were present? Hashem said fins and scales determine the kashrus of the fish, so it would SEEM that if those are both present, the fish appears to be kosher. If Hashem had just named kosher fish in the Torah, without defining the simanim, it would be a different issue. I wonder what the rabbanim say.
I have listened to R’ Singer since we began this thread. He is excellent. Most of us are not, however. Leave it mostly to the pros, but still Da mah l’hashiv.
Or did you mean Mongoloid? “
That’s what I had been thinking, but that expression has been replaced with “Down Syndrome” in recent years.
I am sorry for you having to experience the pain of a breakup. That said, only you and he know what went wrong. Search your heart for the answer and learn from the experience, pain and all. Hatzlacha rabbah. May you find your true zivug soon.
If people regulatly daven in a different minyan every time they go to shul, then they should choose one place for the Y”N and get their seats there just for the yomim tovim. Otherwise, they should, IMO, contribute a proportionate amount to every place in which they daven regularly. Mispallelim have a chiyuv to give towards bedek habayis. So if you don’t take out a formal membership in every shul, (which would be bizarre),at least give a chelek of a reasonable membership fee as a donation to each shul, as hakoras hatov for them welcoming you there, even when you aren’t a paid up member.
Mongeese??? Why that? Did you mean something else that starts similarly, but is also not an expression that is used today?
From what I know, one doesn’t have to be such a baki in Tanach, just an extra measure of common sense. And knowing Mefarshim, Rishonim etc.won’t help a bit, they’re at a different “angle”, they’re not exactly “gores” the Rambam, Rishonim, Chazal etc.”
You DO need to be very well-versed in Tanach, because THEY will quote chapter and verse by heart on Yeshayahu and Zechariah. You had better be prepared to answer correctly, or do NOT engage in conversation.
I was once approached by a J4J in college who was wearing a kippah and holding (what I thought was) a Chumash. When I opened it up, I immediately saw it was both a Chumash AND NT written in Hebrew with Sheimos in it. The person asked me if I wanted to know the “truth.” I said thank you very much I already know The Truth, and mine came before his and straight from the Source. To prevent further discussion, I turned and left.
Unless you are really knowledgeable, you cannot “win” a debate with these guys. They study evangelism yomam valayla and are fsr better prepared than most frum people. They have an answer for everything…
My rabbi is paid a FRACTION of what was posted here, and the $400 would cover the shul’s expenses if everyone would pay it in full at the beginning of the year, when they are supposed to. Our Y”N seats are separate. We also have people who daven by us, so my husband tells me, every single weekday, plus Friday night and Mincha/Maariv on Saturday. They rarely contribute anything to the Shul, but financially only seem to support the shuls they daven in on Shabbos morning. I think that’s wrong.
Our shul is around $400 per family annually.
Barlev, they probably had not yet created synthetic jewels then, would you not agree? In any case, the bigdei kehuna were made as Hashem instructed.
I don’t know enough about R’ Singer to make a proper comment. If he is very bawkie in both Tanach and effective counter-missionary responses, then I applaud his efforts to undo the missionary influences on our children.
No one should engage in conversation as a counter-missionary, unless that person is a) steeped in knowledge of TANACH, b) knows what missionaries are quoting as the basis for their propaganda and c) are sufficiently articulate to make a correct impression and not sound like yokels, when they debate the issue. Guaranteed, the other side has done its homework. They have answers for everything. This is not to be undertaken lightly. Best not to engage, IMO. They have much more practice at it.
OurTorah – thank you for a beautiful update.
Purim really IS coming!!!!!!!
I personally love good costume jewelry. I could not care less if I am wearing or receiving a real jewel. That said, please do not EVER give someone jewelry that they believe is genuine gemstones or 14k gold or Sterling Silver, when it is fake. That is gneivas daas at the very least, and probably a whole lot of other aveiros, not to tell them the truth. My two cents’ worth.
You know what problem I have with the expression, “You’re not cut out to sirt and learn,” ? The fact that there is an underlying implication, that if someone’s talents and kochos lie elsewhere than in sitting and learning, it should somehow make him feel embarrassed. I would rather that a Rov say to his talmid, “Hashem gave you talents to pursue a career in such-and-such. That’s a gift, just as ability to learn full-time is a gift. Use the gift wisely, that He gave you. Hatzlacha rabbah.”
Haleivi – Shirley Temple did. Lots!
Rema, you say potayto and I say potahto. (FTR, most people spell it with an “a” or two.). 🙂
Chag Purim is coming soon.
THIS WAS A PURIM SHPIEL, folks. Even I could see that. But the not so funny joke, is that there was a letter to a shadchan about a very nice boy who walked in wearing (GASP!) colorful socks, and the mother nixed the shidduch (if memory serves). When such external NAARISHKEIT (YES, I SAID NAARISHKEIT!) determines a person’s worthiness as a shidduch, or without even knowing him defines that person’s character, I say the boy dodged the shivigger bullet. And I feel sorry for the daughter. Hope she is not still sitting home, waiting for the perfect shidduch for her mother.
Independent does not have to mean living alone. My mother A”H made us all work summers in H.S. (in the city or in sleep-away camp) no difference, just earn $ and calculate how to spend it. Just the concept of not being spoon fed everything. “
This bears repetition.
Your last sentence just said it all, ffbb613. If it doesn’t work out, you hope he will be open to compromise. In my very humble but honest opinion, that is where you need to do some solid unbiased thinKings and it. What if you see kollel life is not working from YOUR end, because you envisioned it differently, but HE is perfectly content and does NOT want to compromise? Do you say, “whoops, my bad! I never realized it could be so hard!!!” and then what? To do this successfully, you need to make a real PLAN together, one that addresses all these things. At the end of the day, please discuss this fully with your parents and his, because no one who is giving you blanket encouragement in the CR, plans to support you financially. It’s easy for us to tell you what to do, but we are not your Plan B.