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If indeed she is older (over thirty, for argument’s sake), and her parents are actually counterproductive to her meeting the right person for her, then she is old enough to go to the shadchanim herself and not involve her parents until it is really shayach to do so. it is sad, but there ARE parents who sabotage their children’s efforts to get married, often unconsciously, but sometimes not so unconsciously.
Too many holes in that story. Anyone with an illness who refuses to follow medical advice because “Gott vett Helfen,” does not believe that we must also do our own histadlus to merit Hashem’s Divine intervention.
He was a good mayor, and strong advocate for Israel. I am stunned and saddened that he left such a tzavaah for his burial, but it still does not take away from the good he did. The Daniel Pearl coincidence is eerie, to say the least. Was the Jewish date the same then, as well? Now THAT would be true H”P.
Don’t leave. Period.
Remember, Bruia chastised a Tanna for speaking to her two extra words. “
I believe (correct me if I am wrong) that the person Bruriah thus chastised was himself a vocal proponent of the idea of not speaking too much to a woman. She was likely giving him some sarcastic mussar.
It is NOT flirting or conversation with the opposite gender to day Good Shabbos as you walk by. If you stopped and continued the conversation, it possibly could be construed as such, if that is what one insists on thinking. But certainly not so, in passing.
Never share with your wife that your mother’s cholent is better than hers. Never tell your husband he is getting bald.
Hevei makdim es kol heodom b’Shalom, (especially on Shabbos when we are all outside together).
I have just this week talked about this with someone. Obviosuly it is true as the shvatim were considered full brothers, but it never quite made sense to me, as the MOTHER is the one in whose body the children develop, and the religion goes according to the mother,and when we make a mi sheberach for a choleh we use the mother’s name (because it is always a possibility however remote, that the father was not the actual father). I guess the answer is that the Halacha is the Halacha, and Hashem knows the answer, even if some of us don’t quite “get” it.
My son encountered someone in the street some weeks ago who approached him for money because, “I haven’t eaten anything for two days.” My son immeditaely offered to take him to a kosher deli nearby and get him a couple of sandwiches (or whatever he wanted) and some juice or soda. He also offered to take him to a grocery to get some basic supplies (bread, milk, peanut butter, cans of tuna, tissues) The man refused, said he only wanted the money. My son told him he does not carry cash around, but if he changed his mind and really was hungry, he would be happy to pay for the food by card. The man walked off in a huff.
As was pointed out, the non-Jewish velt took many customs from US. Perhaps the concept of bridesmaids stems from the concept of the bride having a Shomeres with her until the chuppah.
In any case, MAZEL TOV on your engagement. May you build a bayis ne’eman b’Yisroel with your chosson.
Put a really bitter-tasting edible item on your nails (like lemon juice or hot pepper sauce – caution: do not rub your eyes). It will turn you off, every time you put your fingers to your mouth.
The word “knei” also means to acquire, to make a kinyan. When a man marries a woman he makes a kinyan, he is acquiring a wife. She is not being sold to him (though I bet a wife or two has felt that way in the past…). So one should regard a good friend as he does an important and crucial acquisition in life.
I had another thought as I was typing. Hopefully I have the spelling correct (if not I am sure someone will immediately inform me of same…). The word “kaneh” in Hebrew, means something upon which we lean, i.e. a cane (cognate if I ever heard one). Derech Agav, I believe Egypt is referred to in Navi as a “kaneh ratzutz (meaning an undependable ally, though appearing at first to be reliable).”
A true friend is one upon whom we can lean, in times of tzoros. As I said, if its root is spelled the same way as “knei” with a koof and not a chof, then perhaps I have a little pshat of my own here.
Two things that have caused me grief, are leaving something in the microwave that I cooked for Shabbos and remembering that right after I bensched licht, or leaving the fridge light on, same scenario. Regarding the fridge, I now shut the light on Thursday to avoid that mistake (yes, I DO need the light on most days).
The point you make could be valid, depending on the situation. O don’t agree that all requests for advice require hearing two sides of an issue. We have had people ask for advice in feeding their babies, how to go about dealing with celiac disease, if we have to give our in-laws kovod, should FFBs go out with Baalei Teshivah, etc. These are issues that might or might not require looking at all sides, but opinions may abound that could be helpful, even when you only have a little information. There is a great deal of wisdom in the CR (as well as shtuss, at times). So you need to be boreir and pick and choose what resonates with you, and ignore what does not. For all other things always ask your LOR.
I learned in a shiur last night that the origin of the idea of doing negel vasser comes from Ki Sisah, where we discuss the mitzvah of making a Kiyor Nechoshes (copper sink)for the kohanim to wash their hands (and feet) prior to going to the mizbeyach to do the avoda. Anybody else hear that before?
Curiosity – only if you are a boy!!!!! The girls get a kiddush and no trauma!
I became engaged 36 years ago on Tu B’Shvat, and we were married the following Sivan. It worked for us.
Oomis – Mrs. Weasley
Ya got THAT right! I really sometimes saw myself as a combo of Hermione (know-it-all and loyal to a fault) and a bit Prof. McGonagal, but the truth is I am first and foremost MOM. Mrs. W. it is!
mewho, I have often wondered about that myself. it IS kinda tacky.
A rebbie is committing an assault if he hits a child (UNLESS he is actually defending himself FROM an assault by that student, chas v’sholom). If he hits that child, he is legally liable, and can be arrested. Children learn through ahavas Torah not through the fist. As to OTD, no one, single thing is responsible for that, but for certain, animosity and abuse of any kind will SURELY push that child in that direction. Some manage to survive in spite of it, but so many do not.
I usually believed that when a rebbie threw a kid out of class, (my kid or not) it was for a valid reason. But I have come to learn over the years, that rebbeim are human beings who also make mistakes sometimes, and it is possible for a student who is completely innocent, to be rebuked for no valid reason. It happened to my son, I think I related the story here once,and the student who was actually guilty immediately came forward and said my son had done nothing wrong, but the rebbie kicked him out anyway.
He called us in for a meeting at school, and he was very embarrassed in the end, when he finally came to realize his gross error. We were not looking to bust his chops, but we did express our dismay that he had not been dan l’kaf z’chus to at least listen to my son’s defense. He acknowledged his error and to his credit apologized to my son for the embarrassment caused to him.
At first I thought an echo, but it really makes no sense…
My husband does this every erev Shabbos and on Sundays, with whatever leftover challah or bread we have. It is amazing how the birds have actually come to EXPECT the bread on those days, and you can see them sitting patiently on our roof and nearby, or even sudddenly flocking to our home the second he walks outside on Fridays and Sundays. I call him the “Birdman of (our neighborhood).”
The birds come in droves (like a scene out of a Hitchcock movie). It actually could be a little scary to someone walking down the street, so he does it very early in the morning when few people are about. But it truly is amazing to see how they have come to depend on his being there at those times.
LOL, DY
ICOT – BRILLIANT!
The main reason, is that it is not acting like an adult to not be honest and forthright with another person. It is worse to deliberately act in such a way as to make that person think negatively about you. No one is putting a gun to your head to go out with the person. As I said previously, there will be many such moments with which you are faced in life, where you will want or need to say no about something important and it may even be a really uncomfortable situation. This is part of adulthood.
(It’s why I am so against the whole “let the shadchan do the asking out and breaking up for you,” deal) If you are old enough to date, you are old enough to UNdate, as well. And yes, if you act in less than a menschlech way, people WILL talk about you.
Hot tea and honey.
“I am deeply saddened by your loss. Hamakom Yenacheim…etc.”
Oh, and let’s flip the story.If I found out a guy had done this to my sister–I would round up my brothers and hunt him down and give it to him the old fashioned way.And tell everyone in the world. “
See, I told you GUYS TALK!!!!!!!!
Sefardic version of Vacht Nacht.
You asked a question, and after thinking about it, I have a carefully-considered answer. You were both wrong. Your husband innocently (but nonetheless not correctly) started to change what I assume was a messy diaper in public. For many reasons, that is not a good idea, some of which you may not have considered. Aside from the unsanitary conditions (at least on the changing tables in the restroom, only babies are being placed), someone could have snapped a photo of your husband and baby (undiapered), and sent it into cyberspace. While I am sure some people are groaning now that I thought of this, it has happened before.
Sometimes you have an emergency and the public is the only place, but please consider that not all people enjoy the sight of a baby being cleaned up and changed. Some people even get nauseous at the sight (and odor). We love our babies and don’t think twice about it, but you wouldn’t want people to watch your toddler using the bathroom in public, your baby should not be treated differently.
The woman was WAY out of line, especially if she was using unsuitable language. But once you saw she was clearly in need of anger control, you should not have further engaged with her. What you said ( I am sorry to say) to her was also out of line, though I DO understand what prompted you to say it. Honestly, I would have picked up and moved to a different area after that and not spoken to her at all.
I might have said (if anything), “You’re right – I’m sorry that we offended you; have a nice day,” and would have moved on. That would have shocked her, and shut her up.
Neat beards are fine. Stubble, not so fine, unless it is Sefira or the Three Weeks. Grow a beard or shave, but be well-groomed, no matter what derech you choose for your facial hair.
I personally see nothing wrong in going to them for meals. it’s very gracious of them to include you, and if this is the right girl for you and you are the right guy for her, I hope we hear besoros tovos from you at the right time. I think flowers are always nice, but if too pricey, then arranging cookies nicely with dried fruits is really a nice idea. Would a bottle of wine be out of your budget?
Postsemgirl +1
Torah613613Torah – You say you sometimes wish you could just tell the boy what you think directly. You can. And you should. The shidduch norms today, and their protocals, have taken something very precious away from young men and women, in my humble opinion; the ability to express themselves directly and as adults. If one is old enough to be getting married, one is old enough to speak DIRECTLY to the party involved, and not go through all these shlichim.
BTW, what one says through someone else can be misinterpreted, twisted, exaggerated, or fabricated (albeit, one would hope, unintentionally). It’s always better to speak for yourself. Look what happened with Miles Standish.
ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!!!! We are extremely close and protective of each other. Our parents were niftar 19 years ago, and in their zechus we have kept our family unit strong, as they did with their own siblings. That doesn’t mean there are never disagreements, but there is ALWAYS love and menschlechket.
If she didn’t say it’s a secret, then he doesn’t understand it is STILL her news to tell the others? He should ask her.
Let’s say there ARE pressures to date a specific person. There will always be pressure in life to do something you might not want to do. If it is something truly distasteful to you and not something you HAVE to do (like get immunized against something, or go to the dentist), you grin and bear it. Life will throw all sorts of unpleasant things our way. We grow up when we learn how to deal with these situations gracefully.
If a girl does not want to go out with a boy, she should say so. Period. If she never went out with him to begin with, she should give it a chance. If he is not for her, she can say no to another date. If she is too shy/immature/thoughtful (note that I am factoring in the idea that she simply doesn’t want to hurt his feelings) to be able to say “no” then she has to learn how to do so. It’s called being an adult. And btw, maybe HE doesn’t want to go out with her again anyway. NEVER be obnoxious on a date. It will come back to haunt you. Guys talk. Worse than girls, sometimes.
Ken Zayn, those were a hoot.
DY, agreed 100%.
just before Shabbos, so it’s fresh and clean. My husband usually sets up the candles in the Shabbos leichter on Motzai Shabbos for the next Shabbos.
I am not clear on what you are asking. Are you (the girl) trying to get the boy to drop you, or are you someone who doesn’t want a certain boy to agree to go out with a specific girl? In either case, it is not acceptable to be passive aggressive. Be forthright and honest in your dealings.
Tzaar baalei chayim. Also, people who kill small animals with no remorse, often turn out to be headed in Charlie Manson’s direction.
I also thought it was an Arab game, with the expression “check” mate originating from the “Sheik’s mate” (the Queen) being captured.
A boy should be well-groomed, whether clean-shaven or not.
I wonder what the young man would have said had she responded, “Sure, and I hope you plan to keep all your hair, after marriage.”
You are right about that. What you surely realize as well is that centuries ago, and even decades ago, it was not common for Jewish women to “
Respectfully, Golfer, I believe you are mistaken. Women went out to sell their wares in the market place, and did business with all types of people including men, all the time.
I would slso make the point that just because someone refers to someone as Mrs. that does not automatically mean there is no hanky panky going on, or thoughts of same. Anyone ever see The Graduate?
Methinks some of us have way too much time on their hands.
This is a sticky wicket, as they say. You can always say you are making just a very small religious ceremony with family. But the truth is you don’t have to invite anyone from the office (maybe the boss), especially if they are all non-Jews you can bring in a nice buffet for breakfast when you return to work, add in some fancy cakes or desserts, for the office to share and they will probably be happy not to have to shell out for a big wedding present. It will be fine, IMO, as long as no one is singled out.
Why can’t anyone make a check payable to the Shul, enclose a note that it is funds earmarked specifically for Talmid Ari, and the Rabbi to whom the check was mailed, is responsible to see to it that it is disbursed properly. Since he already gave his haskama to be involved, it is not a difficult thing to accomplish.