oomis

MOFR, with all due respect – NO. Chemistry comes before. Real love comes after. She has been seeing this guy for a month, she should be feeling SOMEthing at this point. Yes, real, deeper feelings develop after marriage, but if there is nothing before, no excitement, no “can’t wait to marry the guy,” then she is potentially doing a disservice to the guy, if she gets engaged to him without having that emotional connection. Personally, I feel a month is a VERY short time to date someone, and she should tell him to slow down and get to know him a bit longer. That feeling MIGHT come with a little more time, but if not, why should he excitedly marry someone who is vey pareve about him? So many guys screw up the shidduch by getting too eager before the girl is ready, when just a few more weeks might make all the difference in the world. And ti works both ways. Sometimes a girl (or her mother) is being too pushy with a guy who is not ready. A month (for most of us) is way too soon to make a crucial decision to make a lifetime commitment. Better to wait, or move on. JMO. I know there are people here who will strongly disagree with me (and that’s fine), but I have seen too many marriages break up the first year because people rushed into something at the urging of friends or relatives, when they did not feel anything for the person they married other than “he/she is a nice person.”

Anything Hersheys, preferably with almonds. If Cholov Yisroel, Rosmarie dairy truffles are pretty delicious.

I am also strongly in favor of good grammar usage. My parents O”H, were very diligent about teaching us to speak properly. To this day, when I knock on the door and someone says, “Who is it?” I (most often) answer, “It’s I.” Old habits die hard (or hardly, but then THAT would sound as if it were actually the opposite of its meaning).

I sometimes fall asleep in my soup by Shulchan Oreich. Does that count?

Where is the female who allegedly ran away with him from the scene of the accident?

PBA, perhaps you are right, but a treif hotel is still a treif hotel, and bars are still bars, and most lounges DO have people coming and going who are up to something our kids should not be witnessing on a date. JMO.

I feel you should not be Heimish with the date on the first few times. This IMHO is Pritzus.”

OK. I don’t agree with you at all, but I respect your opinion.

This is outrageous.

LJ that wasn’t his question. He was asking why everyone gets so hung up on finding a fairytale that they forget that they’re marrying a human being.”

Thanks, and FTR, I am female.

To address LJ’s comments, We had wonderful Gedolim when I was growing up, Rav Moshe ZT”L for one. Shidduchim were not conducted as they are today, and we had FAR fewer unmarried men and women in those years. The process was more normal, people didn’t check things out to death, they went out if someone was suggested to them by a friend or a relative, or if they met them at Shul, in college, at singles events that were actually fun to attend and ENCOURAGED the mixing of the frum singles.

We do not live in the society of two thousand years ago.We live in a time when men and women are in the workforce together, on public streets together, and in other situations where they will be SOMEWHERE together. Deal with it. We have to learn how to be tzniusdig on ALL circumstances of life, not by pretending that the opposite gender does not exist, but by learning kosher, proper, ways to interact. That is not happening today, as our yungerleit (and not everyone is Kollel yungerleit ftr), are unable to sustain normal conversations with women EVEN for dating purposes. I might want to eat a cheeseburger, but it is forbidden to me. So even though I smell that wonderful odor wafting from MacDonald’s, I am NOT going in there, even if I am RAVENOUS because I have not eaten all day. A little self-control goes a long way.

As to hotel lobbies, personally as a Modern Orthodox Machmir, I think that those are TERRIBLE places to go for a date. Do you have any idea what pritzus goes on in hotels, that could be happening in front of our young people’s very eyes or even just the knowledge that it might be going on??? I am not being sarcastic. My daughter was taken on such a date, and witnessed what was clearly a pickup. THAT’S where we want our kids to date, rather than to go out for a slice of pizza, if they cannot afford dinner in a restaurant? And do you really believe we need a heter for someone to go out to a restaurant, sport event, etc. if they are not on a date? OK, I respect your opinion.

The loss of two pure neshamos breaks my heart, looking at the wedding picture of this couple, thinking how just days before this tragedy they had such wonderful hopes and dreams with the coming birth. May Hashem protect their families from further sorrow, and heal the Tinok ben Raizel so that he grows up as a healthy man to Torah, Chuppah, and Maasim Tovim.

We have let the dating process be taken out of the hands of the principal parties, the actual DATERS, and put it into the hands of shadchanim, parents, “resume” readers (and boy, do I DETEST that word – it’s not a job interview!), endless “researchers” (there’s another word I can’t stand – you’re not doing a paper for class), and several others. Instad of encouraging young men and women who presumably are old enough to be getting married, actually be respopnsible for themselves, we have a generation of people who are being infantilized on every level.

They do not know how to socialize in a normal way, to carry on a normal conversation with someone of the opposite gender. They need “coaches” and “dating mentors” to help them “navigate the process” (not my words, by the way). This was UNHEARD of when I was dating some 40 years ago.

We are not allowing our kids to grow up, either, in a realistic way. When they actually DO get married, they often have no idea of what the real world of married life, especially where finances are concerned. It is a huge shock to many young couples when they discover the real cost of living.

There ARE too many unrealistic expectations in the dating process, but IMO the worst problem is that the daters expect the process to go smoothly because “on paper” everything looks great. Well, we don’t marry paper, we marry a person, who is not two-dimensional. Only taking the time to get to know someone, gives one a fighting chance of making the right decision, though there are no guarantees. Also, people have to start making the effort to give a shidduch a chance, even when it does not appear so perfect on paper. That was my two cents. (Off the soapbox, now).

I think people who do not give up a seat to an elderly person or pregnant woman, are impolite. I think that people who criticize others in a public forum, without thought as to the potential onaas devarim, are impolite. I think that anyone who does something AVOIDABLE that causes discomfort or upset to someone else, is impolite, as well as thoughtless, and inconsiderate. I especially think it is impolite to refuse to own up to one’s offense and say “sorry” and mean it, when one becomes apprised of having been impolite. Yes, we should try to be mevater, but sometimes we should NOT. Please try to be more polite. Thank you.

No. I just heard of this awful, awful tragedy now. I am in disbelief. I cannot even imagine what tzaar both families are going through. Does anyone know anything about the baby’s condition? Truly a horror that this happened. Hashem Yeracheim.

Re: Hanging of Haman’s sons – The Megillah tells us they were hanged (almost as an aside), THEN goes on to recount the actual events leading to the hanging.

There is one company I know of, whose Quinoa is no chashash of chometz. Quinoa is NOT chometz orb kitniyos. The problem is that some Q is grown in proximity to wheat fields. The ones from Ancient Harvest(?), or a name like that, are under Hashgocha Star K kosher for Pesach. Ask your rov his opinion.

I just wanted to wish everyone a freilichen and safe Purim.

I have heard about 80, because presumably when one reaches 80 they have lived to the age of gevurah, and many men at 83 make a “Bar-mitzvah” seudah, because they have lived 13 years past what is considered the normal lifespan of a man.

Little dogs can bite your ankle more quickly than large dogs. BTW, I LOVE dogs, especially the mutts with soulful eyes.

Purple, get thee to a good gastro doc and have an endoscopy. It will show if there is scar tissue signs of celiac (doesn’t sound like it though), infection, i.e., h-pylori, or something else. I sincerely hope you are no longer experiencing the nausea (in which case you may have simply had a stomach flu, which IS going around now, or even mild food poisoning), but if you are, we are not the people to whom you should be directing these very important questions.

Much nachos to you.

My daughter, when quite young had a visual convergance problem. She was seeing double, but was not cross-eyed. She complained in 1st grade that she couldn’s easily see the chalk board because it was “TWO.” I took her to a very good eye doctor (in this case, an optometrist), and he gave a VERY extensive eye exam, and diagnosed the problem correctly.

He worked with her for several weeks thereafter, gave us different eye exercises to do with her daily, also prescribed bifocals (yes, a little six year old girl in bifocals)and in a few months, B”H her vision converged for good. I was the happiest mother in the world that it was a relatively easy fix, and she didn’t even need glasses for many years thereafter.

If he meant to look like Hamas or whatever, then I think it was incredibly tasteless. If he was a Ninja, nu nu? I remember when we only dressed up as Esther, Mordechai, Achashverush or Haman (Y”Z) for Purim.

And how do you know OOmis is wrong? She claims she knows such women! “

I don’t CLAIM anything. I know many such women. They feel their wigs fit better and more sleekly with their hair cropped very short. Personally I find their hair to be very mannish, but that is none of my business. No need to get excited about it. I don’t disagree with you. You have no idea how many women are more concerned with the appearance of their shaitel than the appearance of their own hair (and I am not getting into a discussion of how tzniusdig that may or may not be). I never said they were doing it for halachic reasons. but the OP was why some married women shave their hair off. This is one reason that I know to be fact, based on what the women themselves have told me, though their hair is not completely shaved, but rather very closely-cut.

It is certainly not ossur d’Oraisah for even first cousins to marry. It might not be a good idea when there is a hereditary disorder in the family that could potentially be passed on to the children, when family members marry each other. If the gene pool has an inyan, it is safer not to do this. Otherwise – why not? I would go to Dor Yesharim and have both tested, as with any shidduch precaution.

Cholov acum is always a chashash milk from a nonkosher animal. So you have one issur just this time it is a vaday. “

Not in the USA it isn’t. From everything I have ever beem taught, if it says “USDA milk” it can only come from a cow (not even from a goat,deer, or sheep). In Europe this might have been a problem, but not here in America.