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Not everyone is naturally beautiful. Not every bas Yisroel is a pretty girl with perfect skin, and perfectly blushed cheeks. Instead of saying assur, assur, assur, one is wiser to ask their Rov a shailah about how something might possibly turn out to be muttar. According to the rabbanim who mattir certain types of powdered makeup, their instructions are to use pulverized powdered lip color, applied with a totally dry brush used for that one color only, and specifically set aside for Shabbos. A clean, new brush may be used for the eye powder, face powder (like Bare Minerals, though there are “kosher” companies that make a line of makeup for Shabbos), eye “liner,” and so on. You should definitely ask a Rov and not the people here in the CR. What I told you was straight from the pamphlet with the appropriate p’sak of how to apply Shabbos makeup.
For those of you who don’t hold by even such heterim (and do not disparage the rabbanim who paskened the heterim), by all means do not wear makeup on Shabbos. Also do not eat cholent on Shabbos, as there are Yidden who believed that hot food on Shabbos was also assur, and were not interested in understanding the heterim for how to set up a cholent pot k’halacha.
This is not an either/or situation. Both are bad, though smoking in ANY amount can be harmful, whereas moderate drinking of wine may be beneficial. (And before the smokers try to defend themselves, forget it). There is no good to smoking, except for one’s enjoyment of it (and there are many things we might enjoy that are clearly very bad for us, or even if not, from which we refrain, because Hashem Said so), but there IS a great deal of harm that comes from it, both to the smoker, and to the people around him/her, as well as to the environment.
Perhaps among some demographics of Jews there is no shidduch crisis, for WHATEVER the reason (and B”H for that, as it works for that specific group). The rest of us, however, might not be chassidim arranging shidduchim for and marrying off 18 year olds. In our group, there is a definite crisis going on, where more and more wonderful young women (and to be fair, some young men, too), are NOT meeting each other and at age 30 are still single.
Yaakov doe is correct.
Thank you, Shopping 613. I didn’t go anywhere,though.
You can only get ONE very first shot of the Chosson and Kallah seeing each other for the very first time in at least a week. If you take pics before the badeken, you defeat that possibility of getting that beautiful moment photgraphed, because they have already spent that time together taking pictures, even though I am sure it is still an emotional moment. Also, the whole touching inyan should not be dismissed. I personally would not take pics before the chuppah, but I DID get my family VERY organized so all the family pics were taken quickly after the chuppah, and we did not belabor the issue with the chosson/kallah pics, either. We did not keep the tzibbur waiting excessively.
Disagree without being disagreeable. But, you can say, might we consider the possibility of viewing this from another standpoint? Or, perhaps there is an alternative way to understand this idea.
I think that making a poor judgment might possibly be the result of weakness, recognizing that error and the weakness that caused it to occur, is a sign of renewed strength.
good point, W
I didn’t see any of this, but I don’t presume to second- guess people for their personal reasons for doing things. mazel tov to them.
I believe this is a hoax. Check with Snopes, it’s an oldie.
Or a BOLO (be on the lookout).. Where are you guys?
I got a call, “about your Con Edison bill”. If I want to lower my rates, I just have to let him know.”
That happens to me fairly frequently and we do not HAVE Con Ed, though I live in a part of Queens. I have come to learn recently that as annoying as these calls are, there are things in life that can happen to us, that are REAL problems. This ain’t one of them.
A man is not complete until he gets married.
Then – he’s finished…
It would seem to me, that as the Teimanim are believed to have the authentic throughout history pronunciation of Ivrit, that Oh, rather than Oy is correct.
Was it not first in Europe that the havara changed? And WIY is correct about Sinai (See-neye).
I am sorry for the tzoros you went through in your marriage, and wish you hatzlacha rabbah in finding happiness with someone else.
I know people who have met on Frumster (now JWed, if I am correct), and are very happy. The trick is to get out there and not vegetate. Even if you just go to different events with your age demographic JUST TO ENJOY the event and not put pressure on yourself that it’s to find a shidduch, that’s a good thing. You need to get some space and perspective after a bad situation, so you don’t rebound and get into another bad situation. Network with friends and family and don’t rush into anything, but don’t be overly cautious, either. Keep yourself open-minded to real possibilities. Kol tuv.
Horrific tragedy, especially the schoolchildren trapped under the rubble. Hashem Yeracheim.
I’m glad you added that PS at the end, popa.
Is this your subtle way of calling these seminary females “cows” or “sheep?”
What is “Harrys?”
Mazel tov. May you be zochim to build a B”NB.
I am curious as to what type of place one would be in for a Shabbos, that would have activated motion sensors functioning on Shabbos? Surely no Shul would, most homes would not, and kosher hotels SHOULD not.
My non-Jewish neighbors have a light sensor at night that is triggered by motion, so my husband and son walk in the street rather than on the sidewalk, which prevents it from being set off.
I am going (as I have many times in the past) because a) my Rov is giving the first shiur and his shiurim are always interesting and b) my son is giving the second shiur and …ditto. I am trying very hard to stay up all night and attend ALL the shiurim, so that whatever learning I am able to do will be in the zechus of a young relative of mine who is very ill and in need of a refuah shelaima and neis b’korov.
Go for it!
Stop asking us, and decide what is good for YOU!
ANYTHING by the R”R was bliss to me!!! I listened to the tapes on my battery-operated tape player, during the blackout occurring from Superstorm Sandy. They got me through those first couple of very dark nights, with much laughter.
Hooray for them chemicals !!!!!
I don’t presume to know what Hashem cheshbons. Both people are mekayeim the mitzvah. Would you say the poor man deserves less credit if he were to give the money begrudgingly, because it’s harder for him? It’s not our judgment call.
Any new recipes for this Shavuos? I am looking for pickled salmon, something different to do with chicken cutlets, and kugels. I would especially appreciate gluten-free recipes.
oomis – I saw that comment and was about to jump in to defend you but I see you beat me to it. “
Thanks SYAG.
If it’s an inyan of cold weather, wear feminine pants UNDER a tzniusdig skirt.
Neverthelessd, the prejudging DOES occur, and is more often coming from the side that does not believe in wearing a “Srug” kippah. Wishing it were different does not make it so. It’s good, though, that you see people in a positive light. I hope you are never disappointed.
It’s really funny how there are no girls responding to this. “
Hey – what am I – chopped liver????
I wish that you were correct DY, because what you state is how it ideally SHOULD be. But in practical terms, it absolutely is NOT, unfortunately. Ask yourself how many Yeshivish families would agree to a shidduch with a boy who wears a crocheted kippah (even if he also wore a hat, and if he DIDN’T wear a hat, then it is not even in the ball park).
I used to be very idealistic and imagine the world the way I wanted to see it be. But sadly, there is so much emphasis placed on levush (and the kippah serugah is part of that levush definition), that many people do NOT act ideally with each other in a mutually respectful way. I sincerely wish that it WERE as you believe it to be.
I have stayed up all night attending the shiurim at my shul, for many years. Some years I am so tired from yom tov preps, that I can only make it to 2 AM, but this year BE”H I want to especially try to stay up and learn all night, in the zechus of a relative of mine who is ill and beginning treatment. Women also received the Torah at Har Sinai, and we are not really “shteiging,” we are fulfilling the reenactment of Kabbalas HaTorah and our commitment to Torah.
I don’t think it’s the short dating period that is to blame, rather it’s either the pressure that is put on them to make a positive decision to get engaged by a shadchan who wants to close a deal, “
That’s exactly why the dating period becomes so short! Pressuring someone to make a quick decision is a mistake in my opinion.
I cannot agree with you on this, Daas Yochid, because dating SHOULD be a natural relationship, like a developing friendship. We have turned it into something highly pressurized and UNnatural for our young people, who are pushed into relationships without having been given the prior tools for forging those relationships.
Again, I respectfully agree that I disagree with you, (yes, even here, in the Coffee Room).
MAZEL TOV to all who became engaged recently. May you be zochim to build batim ne’emanim b’Yisroel!!!
I agree with Sam2. Sadly I’ve seen too many guys with a kipa sruga who expressed contempt at those wearing large velvet yarmulkas. “
Clearly, that too, is absolutely wrong.
Avi K, I have seen this poem before, and boy, what a terrific eye-opener it is!
DY, absolutely, I do, and sadly so. Someone who wears a crocheted kippah is viewed as somehow religiously “inferior” to the suede or velvet-kippah wearers, and you KNOW that is true. It stinks, but it is true.
Depends on who is asking and why. I would just say that there is a fundamental code of Jewish observance, the Torah, but just as some people like chocolate and some people like vanilla, some Jews have certain customs that differ from others, but all are within the bounds of the fundamental Jewish law from the Torah.
If they are talking about Orthodox, Conservative, Reform, then the answer is that the Torah teaches us fundamental precepts and requirements of religious behavior within our daily lives, and some Jews follow all or most of these laws as they were passed down through the generations, and some do not.
So THIS girl is answering. I think it is wonderful that you are growing in your hashkafa. That being said, it is incredibly rude if someone says hello (and I do not care HOW frum you are, this holds true across the board), if you do not respond b’sholom yourself. We learn that it is incumbent on us to be MAKDIM someone b’sholom. That does not mean you have to stand around and chat if you feel at this point in your life that this is wrong for you. But you do have to be a mensch. The young men with whom you are acquainted deserve respect also, even if they do not share your hashkafa. If and when they ask you about this at some point, you can explain to them what you did to us.
But on the spot, you don’t have to give long-winded explanations to people. Give a friendly hi, how are you and move on. Frum does not equal cutting people off when you have known them all your life. That is a big mistake that some people make, in my opinion. No one has to have a conversation with someone who for whatever reason makes them feel uncomfortable, even if it is only because they are of the opposite gender. But no matter who you are, you always have to be a mensch, and that means you don’t ignore people whom you know who come over to say hello. As I said, you smile, keep the conversation very brief and move on. The Kiddush Hashem is in living a frum life, despite the challenges presented by others. Just my opinion.
I didn’t think you did, I think Oomis did (although she may not have realized it). I still think your argument needs explanation. It’s hard to blame an increasing (l”a) divorce rate on a particular style of dating when the increased rate is not only found amnng the grup with such a practice.”
Daas Yochid, I don’t believe I said that or even implied it. My children’s friends are not Yeshivish in the sense that we think of. They are more what one would call MO Machmir, and they DO date through the shidduch system. So, FTR, many of the couples with whom I am personally acquainted, who divorced after a very short marriage, are not necessarily Yeshivish, though more than a few, are. The one thing they all have in common, is a really short dating period or only a few weeks’ worth prior to becoming engaged. And one would be extremely naive or blind to refuse to acknowledge that the rate of divorce has risen mightily in the last decade among Yeshivish couples. Divorce has R”L risen among all segments of the Frum population, from the most modern to the most chareidi.
It is a sad fact, and though I do not claim to have all or even ANY of the answers and I realize that marriages can fail no matter what one does to try to prevent that from happening, I don’t think it hurts to slowly get to know a prospective chooson or kallah over the course of a few months, not mere weeks. I guess we will have to agree to respectfully disagree.
I think that what MoraRach writes has a great deal of merit, if you will stop and think about it. Dating for tachlis should not be about a specific NUMBER of dates being the magic one. It’s about getting to know someone’s character and personality, to see if they are a “good fit” for the long haul. Many kids are so obsessed with that number that they fail to look past certain externals, and make decisions that might be good for them – or might NOT.
I knew I was headed in the right direction with my future husband, after several dates, but I was certainly not ready to commit to a lifetime together at that point. I wanted to spend more time with him, meet his friends and have him meet mine, see how he interacted with them and with his family and mine,see how he reacted in different situations (like getting stuck in traffic, how he treated waiters and other service personnel, etc.) This took a little time.
We dated for three months, seeing each other frequently throughout that time, then became engaged and got married four months later. I don’t tell anyone how long they should date before making a decision, but they should certainly take longer time to decide about the rest of their lives, than they do to make a decision about what kind of car to buy. Some people take longer to be “themselves” on a date, and it is absolutely crucial to really see what a person is like when he or she is NOT trying to impress you.
Not everyone lets their “hair down” by 10 dates. Some people are really good at hiding serious character flaws, such as anger management. Some people are very shy but have shining personalities when they are in their comfort zone. That might take some time to manifest itself as well, and many good shidduchim have been lost because one of the parties lacked the social skills to be himself or herself on those first 10 dates, especially if they have experienced repeated rejection.
I think we should stop looking at numbers, and if someone sees potential in a relationship, to give it an extra shot before calling it off, just because the magic cutoff number of requisite dates have passed. Jumping into engagements and weddings, for the sake of “shoen tzeit,” makes me feel it is more about the process than the person. And I agree that this is why we are seeing many quick, young divorces.
Recidivism is a terrible thing.
WIY – You may be onto something. I will think about it…
Ah, you beat me too it and took my answer (although, in my case, it’s only 25 years).”
May you and your wife have many times that number of years together in good health, Wolf!
Jbaldy and squeak
We have a Torah we don’t look at their culture. Besides society is at a very sick low. Google teenage pregnancy if you want go know what goes on.”
Everything you say is completely true (didn’t want to quote the whole thing). But to play devil’s advocate for just one moment, I recall a story of a child who was misbehaving badly, so the father potched the kid closest to him. When the child (rightly) protested, the father commented, “Now BOTH of you get the message.”
Perhaps it doesn’t seem fair for our kids to get “potched” when they are not becoming unwed parents. But the influences unfortunately are still around us in many ways. while I personally do not believe that it really helps the situation to forbid normal kids from going to the local pizza places (why cannot the rabbonim be a visible presence at popular hangouts, on a rotating basis?), nonetheless, I recognize the potential for problems with certain kids, while at the same time not wanting to alienate the ones who ARE behaving themselves.