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Some people benefit greatly from the services of a professional shadchan, and others do not. There is a market out there for them, and we never know from where a shidduch will come. That said, my three married children all met their zivugim on their own, in HASC, in college, and from our neighborhood.
I met one of my future machetenistas when our kids were toddlers, never dreaming we would end up related. We had sons in the same Yeshiva. I liked her right away, and though we lost touch, 20 years later our children met on their own and married. Be nice to EVERYONE you meet. They may be your relatives someday.
No it is not so poshut. We make it once a year (many of us, anyway), so it does not come readily to many people. I had to learn how to make my yummy latkes without eggs, due to my grandson’s allergies. That was a big hassle for me, because last year, the first time I attempted it, I didn’t know what I was doing, and it just didn’t taste like MY latkes (which my son-in-law claims are the best he has ever had).
This year I fine-tuned my recipe, got some ideas in my head of how to substitute for the eggs, and made latkes that got the same rave review from him last night. That is NOT something every Bais Yaakov girl knows. It’s something however, that every seasoned cook knows. And many of us became seasoned cooks from a combination of instinct AND some really great cookbooks (all of which ought to have latke recipes in them).
Someone shared these Chanukah Segulos with me, and I thought in light of your post, that it was appropriate to share them, in turn, with you:
It is also related that the very first half hour of when the Hanukkah candles burn is considered an especially auspicious time for prayer the angels are believed to sit above the candles and take the prayers directly up to Heaven
So, all in all, it couldn’t hurt, and it can only help, if nothing more than to remind us that Hashem makes nissim v’niflaos for us all the time, and we should appreciate them all.
I was also going to suggest maybe Aish.com has such a thing. I just want to wish everyone in the CR (and all Yidden everywhere) a freilichen, lichtigen Chanukah.
This is a very serious issue. Real and deliberate deception, where the prospective chosson or kallah would NOT have ever agreed to the shidduch were they to know certain crucial information that was withheld, can invalidate the entire kiddushin. A competent rov should be consulted.
Sounds almost oxymoronic. It could be a great Kiddush Hashem, though.
Love, love, love it! Especially in cream sauce. Never get the chance to eat it, though.
Not sure what the answer is, though listening to a recording is uvda d’chol, which though not necessarily assur, certainly is not proper. But to compare it to toiveling with a sheretz in hand (which l’chatchilah posels the tevilah), is not appropriate.
Can one listen to a TV program that goes on before Shabbos and the TV shuts itself off? Technically, maybe yes, but it would not be in keeping with the spirit of Shabbos. It’s a slippery slope to say, well, it’s divrei Torah, I feel like the rov is in the room with me, etc…If something is not in and of itself Shabbosdig, it might not be a good idea, even were it technically permissible. Ask your LOR, though. We are not poskim here.
I believe yes. When we are not arguing and showing sinas chinam to each other, but discussing things intelligently and respectfully, with Divrei Torah included and k’vod habrios, I believe the Shechinah could be here. Hashem is always with us even when we don’t merit His Presence, kal v’chomer in good times. Let’s leave the L”H at the door, though.
Yes. Hashem tells us in Breishis that man should leave his parents and cleave to his wife. The mitzvah of pru urvu is encompassed in that.
If you really wanted to leave, you wouldn’t be asking us. It seems to me that you want to try to make this work. It may or may not work, in spite of your best efforts. Decide what is most important to you; what your priorities are. I agree that you should make a list of pros and cons about this place, and see what adds up. If you feel your davening is compromised, but your learning is good, that is one issue to weigh.
The fact that this is a college-oriented Yeshiva is NOT necessarily a bad thing. Realistically, today’s yeshiva boys have to accept that the money trees are blooming less and less, and the newer generation of young parents, who were supported by working (outside the home) parents, do not have the financial wherewithal to finance the next generation of boys who want to sit and learn. You need to be educated. Everyone needs to be educated, even if only to be able to deal with people outside of our daled amos. We do not live isolated from the rest of the world. Now is as good a time as any to recognize that, or you are in for a rude awakening.
If your chavrusa is MIA, find another chavrusa ASAP. If the bochurim are interested in stuff other than the learning that they are there to be doing, then why not try to be mashpia on them in a pleasant way (not heavy handed and judgmentally). People do need an occasional break. If in the end you feel this does not work for you, then you have some hard decisions to make about finding a yeshica more suited to your needs.
Absolutely. And the parent has an obligation to set the right example, by making his or her own brachos out loud, and training the kids to say amein. We train our kids (I hope so, at least) to say pelase and thank you when we give them something. It is even more crucial to express our hakoras hatov to Hashem by making the bracha.
Apropos of this, I have been zochah to be the “Bubbysitter” for two of my aineklach since their respective births, and even when they were newborn and I was giving them a bottle, I said a bracha for them (I drank something too, so it should not be a potential bracha l’vatala). I did the same thing with solid food as they got a bit older. They always associated making a bracha with being given their meals or snacks,
Simcha Leiner is excellent.
The Rambam states women should not leave their home too often. The Rambam says once or twice a month at most. Shulchan Aruch paskens l’halacha that women should not leave the home often, though doesn’t specify a number. The reason for this halacha is so that men shouldn’t see them too often. And this halacha is applicable when women are going from their home directly to another location (i.e. to her father’s home, in Rambam’s example), without lingering in public. And, obviously, the women are dressed completely tzniusdik even those few times they do go outside.”
Then the RAMBAM probably would asser women going out into the workplace everyday, while their husbands sit in Yeshivah. Except for once or twice a month, at most…
Golfer – 🙂
I do not view certain types of pictures of women as untzniusdig. When Rebbetzins Kanievsky or Machlis O”H passed away, their picture should have been in EVERY publication that posted a story about their middos and chessed. Our daughters need to see such role models. It is very relevant to show them pictures of women who are nashim tznuos, tzidkoniyos and accomplished.
Kol kvudah bas melech pnima, does not mean women have to be hidden from sight. You may as well do what the Muslems do, and put them in Burkas, if you believe that. If men have a problem even in the most innocent of circumstances, let them work on THEIR tznius, so they do not feel intimidated by the normal sight of even a frum woman whose life was devoted to doing chessed for others.
If one is talking about pictures of women, which clearly are meant to be attracting in their nature, then I could see and even concede that point to those who feel strongly about it. But when pictures of little GIRLS are being edited so they appear faceless, we have taken this way too far, in my opionion.
Not so funny – I ate a TINY piece of what turned out to be spoiled food at a kiddush, and had food poisoning within a half hour. It did not taste “off” in any way. Other people came forward a week later, mentioning that they had also become ill.
I have never had the desire to not be frum. But were I to contemplate it, I would probably have been a singer in those days when I could still sing well. I have no regrets about my life. I always wanted to be a wife and mother, and then B”EH a grandmother, and those goals were more than met happily. Having a little money to spend would have been nice, but I don’t view my life as lacking just because I never really had much in the way of material wealth. Being “sameach b’chelko” doesn’t just refer to money. (I do wish I could have afforded to go to E”Y when it was physically easier for me to do so).
“but the parents ignore it” ding ding ding ding they do not care I’ve seen a lot of children behaving badly in public situations while the parent is shmoozing or whatever they just learn to tune it out.”
What can you expect from kids when their parents set such a fine example for them? I would talk to the Rov first and have him or maybe the Shul President handle this.
I wish you a life filled with love and nachas, building your own bayis ne’eman b’Yisroel.
TOO LATE…. (Thanks for thinking of me, Syag).
Re: sources for unusual information – Does anyone know a source for the opinion that Avraham actually DID shecht Yitzchok, and then Hashem was Mechayeh hameis???
Eilu v’eilu divrei Elokim chayim. Have a good Shabbos.
When I am busy making the dough and before I am mafrishas challah, I first ask Hashem to give me Siyata D’Shmaya (I am serious) in making the dough into truly delicious challah that will enhance our Shabbos and be filled with bracha. I daven for my family, friends, and then a general tefila for E”Y and Klal Yisroel. Then I take challah and it infuses me with a strong emotional connection to the mitzvah. It’s an amazing feeling when I make the challah in this mindset. So far, so good.
I just threw up. Thank you for all the visuals 🙁
Either ah-GOO-nah or ah-goo-NAH would be correct. It depends on whether or not you are speaking Israeli-inflected Hebrew, or regular Ashkenazis.
ZD, sad to say, you never were zocheh to have tasted my Mother’s (O”H) gefilte fish. It remains to this day, unparallelled within my universe. No one, including moi, has ever even come close to that delicious, sweet (but not too sweet) yummy, perfectly made Shabbos and Yom Tov delicacy. I wish I could still have it, but she had no recipe, and it was the one thing she made that I never learned how to duplicate.
Re: g’mar tov
I always learned that on Rosh Hashana we say k’siva v’chasima tova, on Yom Kippur we say, g’mar chasima tova, and on Succos, g’mar tov (and a gutte kvittel).
Pinchas ben Elazar, Eliahu Hanavi (many believe him to be Pinchas in Gilgul), Serach bat Asher, I think. Can’t remember who else.
Mesivta Ateres Yaakov (formerly of South Shore Yeshiva) is also a good school. It is entirely dependent on what you are looking for. Some of the schools are more intense in their Talmudic studies, others give reasonably nearly equal time to secular classes. And others are extremely strong in the secular department, as well as very Tziyoni.
I know HAFTR boys who became real masmidim, and I know Darchei boys who did not. There are so many factors involved. You should attend all the Open House meetings for the Yeshivos and see what appeals to you. Then speak to other parents in your son’s Yeshivah and try to get some more specific feedback.
I personally never changed my kids in a very public place, for many reasons. It probably IS quite disgusting to someone whose baby it is not, to see someone’s baby’s dirty diaper. It can also be malodorous, and another person could be making a bracha or davening (or eating a sandwich) nearby. The point is that we have to be sensitive to the sensibilities of the people around us. That said, the woman who made an issue in the way in which she did, was a little over the top and obnoxious, even if one agrees with her sentiment. The comment about the ring was unnecessary.
TIn my humble opinion,this is a hurtful, tachlis-less thread. We are at a crossroads now, where ALL of Klal Yisroel has to have achdus and Ahavas Chinam. The tirade that I read here, makes me truly sad, for the negativity it displays.
No one can presume to know Hashem’s actions. If He allowed Medinas Yisroel to arise and better yet, to FLOURISH, He had a reason for that. Think of all the Torah that has proliferated in the last decades. That would not have been so possible 60 years ago. A little hakoras hatov goes a long way, even if your politics and religious ideology differ from the secular Zionists.
And if things are not to our liking, we have to work on changing them, but from within, not through name-calling and smug criticism. Unless you a) live there b)fought there and c)voted in the elections there, you are sitting in judgment on high perches in Chutz L’Aretz and are not in the trenches.
So enough already with impugning Zionists, religious or otherwise. We have a terrible matzav going on, and we now need to focus on pulling togther as a collective nation, to daven for a yeshuas Hashem b’korov.
oomis i feel for you and the problem but I think even young people have problems with lightning. “
Of course they do – lightning doesn’t discriminate. But they can still run faster than I can ANY day. I am a turtle target. Fortunately, I have no chiyuv to be in Shul on a Friday night. I could literally be toast… LOL
No – I look in the mirror and say, “Oy!”
Rain is one thing. Even heavy rain is not a deterrent. LIGHTNING, however, that is directly overhead, is another issue altogether. And what if you are elderly or in some other way very slow-moving and can NOT run for it safely or otherwise? Should you put yourself in a sakana to get to shul which may or may not be so close at hand?
She baked him something for which he had a “teivah.”
It is a disparaging expression to describe someone whom someone else feels is “too fahrfrumpt” for his taste.
There is really only one reason why Hashem created Woman. He looked at Odom and said to himself, “Hmmm…. I really could do better than that!” (Don’t stone me, I was JK)…
To get serious, Man was created so that there would be someone to do Avodas Hashem by CHOICE. The Malachim have no breira.
That’s nothing
This is the fourth of four lunar eclipses in a years time which is called a blood moon tetrad. A tetrad is very rare. I believe there have been only 7 tetrads in the last 2000 years.
The last one was 1967. The one before that was 1948. The one before that was 1492.
The first three of this years tetrad occurred on ( I can’t recall but all three were on Yom Tovim).
I don’t know anything else. Consult Google.
1) 1492 – Jews expelled from Spain
2) 1948 – The State of Israel arises from the ashes of the Shoah.
3) 1967 – Six Day War, liberation of the Kotel
4) 2015 – Moshiach????????
I don’t think we should ever take these things lightly. Whether or not the Blood Moon heralds anything, we should be all taking stock of ourselves and be the kind of people Hashem Wants us to be, so that we are worthy of those signs marking the coming of Moshiach.
I think tunes help the kehillah to connect more to the tefila. I come from a long line of chazzanim and love chazzanus, but I still enjoy hearing the baal tefila sometimes also sing tunes with which I am familiar, so the kehilla can sing along.It makes the davening (at least for me) more resonant.
I would be cautious. His reference to his ex and comparison to you on the second date, presumably when he is trying to impress you, and presumably NOT meant to be a flattering comparison, reveals a red flag. I would not proceeed without further information. He may be better now after therapy, than in his first marriage, but you need more information. And if you see any signs of extreme anger (how he deals with wait staff for example), I wouldn’t continue. Otherwise, find out more. He may have learned from his first experience.
I just want to wish everyone here, and all of klal Yisroel who are not in the CR, a happy, healthy gebensched New Year, with a k’siva v’chasima tova for much simcha and nachas in this coming year, culminating with bias haMoshiach and binyan Beis Hamikdash.
I am SO sorry for your loss. HaMakom Yenacheim eschem b’soch sh’ar aveilei Tzion v’Yerushalayim. I know that can be expressed during the whole aveilus. The highest kovod you can show your mom O”H is in your commitment to saying Kaddish. Have you spoken to the shul rov or gabboim about your issue?
Only simcha and nachas in the coming year.
I agree. And the girl should insist on seeing how well the boy can change a washer, put together a sukkah, and take out the garbage, before agreeing to the shidduch. 🙁
BTW, my daughter, the gourmet cook, could not boil water before she got married – THAT, in spite of me being a (so I am told) great cook and baker who tried to teach her. She learned “on the job,” and I guarantee you nobody ever walks away from her table disappointed. And because of her kids’ serious allergies, she makes and bakes virtually everything from scratch with fresh ingredients.
Don’t judge a shidduch by what someone can or cannot do, but rather on what that person is or is not, in their middos.
Looks are considered far more important for a girl than for a boy.”
Ask most girls who are dating and if they are honest,they will tell you differently. They want a boy who is attractive to them also, and if he is overweight, slovenly, unkempt or has bad breath, they WILL notice. Everyone wants to be attracted to their zivug.
As to the “Y” chromosome being one thing or another, or guys ideally looking for thin girls, it seems Hashem Himself made the decision that girls OUGHT to be heavier, as He created girls to be a 2X. :::fleeing now::: (I am not explaining this to guys who may not get this reference).
to dye black hairs white. “
Why would anyone WANT to???????? I knew about the bachelors, 🙂 .
If someone is trying to defraud someone whether in business or looking for a shidduch, by dyeing the hair to appear younger, it would seem to be assur. But many young men go gray prematurely. Why should a 30 year old man feel uncomfortable around people, just by virtue of having gone gray 20 years sooner than most? And if he is not married, it can be a real hindrance. And why should someone in the workforce have to compete with younger-looking men, in a place where youth and vitality are prized, and age is devalued?
These are issues that were not as prevalent centuries ago. If someone dyed his hair, it often was for arayos of some type, or Avoda Zara. Not so, today. People just do not want to feel old. A more youthful appearance helps.
It’s not the “overweight” that is the issue. It’s that our definition of what constitutes being overweight for a girl, has changed so drastically from when I was in my dating years some 40 years ago. A girl who was a size 2 or even 4 in my day, was considered nearly anorexic. My friends and I were a couple of sizes larger and we were ALL slim. Lucille Ball was a 12, and I doubt anyone thought she was overweight.
So unless manufacturers have re-named and re-sized everything in the world of dress size, it is our own fault that people look at girls’ dress sizes altogether. And that is SO untzniusdig, btw.
And another thing, directed to the males : ARE ALL OF YOU SO FIT AND TRIM??????? Or even well-groomed? Just sayin’…
I have missed posts by so MANY people who have left. They were intelligent, thoughtful, and often provocative (in a good way) posters. There are really too many to mention them all, but I would like to single out Aries. Unless she has been posting under another username, or I have simply not seen her posts, I miss her insights.
Unrelated to the OP, are divorced women expected to return their engagement or wedding ring? “
Nope. Married is married. They get to keep all the jewelry (or sell it, if they so desire). Only possible exception IMO (and here the wife or husband has to be really sensitive and fair-minded) is if the jewelry is a family heirloom of some type. If a man gives his wife his grandmother’s ring that was passed down for generations, the RIGHT thing to do is either to give it back, or give it to one of their children. I don’t believe there is a law about this (though I am not a lawyer, obviously), but it seems to be the right thing to do. If a father-in-law gives his son-in-law his gold watch, or one once belonging to his own father, it makes no sense for the ex-husband to hold onto it. Hold it for a son or son-in-law, or just give it back, IMO. These things have great sentimental value to the original gifters.
While I don’t personally think Trump is particularly skilled in diplomacy, and he is not my first choice for President, I do believe he brings a refreshing blunt honesty to the table, a take no prisoners attitude, something that has been sorely lacking in Washington. He needs to learn to be a little more polished, restrained and eidel, but we have a VERY polished president, and he is anything BUT a leader, much less a good leader. I hear your concerns, and do not necesaarily disagree at all.