oomis

MAZEL TOV!!!!!! May you and your chosson be zochim to build a BN”B.

Many double digit families that are doing an “amazing job,” are doing so because the mother has foisted the care of the younger children on the older one. And before anyone argues with me about that, I witness that personally ALL the time.

And a very real issue is that the children who are charged with this parenting responsibility are sometimes still in need of strong parental supervision themselves. I see six year olds watching 18 month olds by themselves. I have personally run across the street (and with my osteoarthritic knees that is no small feat, pun intended), to snap up that baby, as he was about to run into the street (and I am really tired of feeling responsible for the safety of these children whose parents are just not watching them).

The older girls (somehow it is never the boys) who end up caring for their infant siblings, may be getting experience at child care, but they are also often getting burned out at a very young age, being forced to spend most of their free time babysitting. I am sure there are exceptions to every rule, but on the whole, my observation is that this is what happens in many larger families.

I am not saying that all of the above cannot happen in small families, but it is less likely, based on what I see every day.

We are actually discussing MANY theoretical variables. The main one is – WHAT should a frum guy of any age, married, not married, yeshivish, not yeshivish, do when confronted with a scene of this nature and there is no one else who is appropriate nearby to help? IMO, the answer should be a no-brainer.

I said,”Mazel tov, Chosson, I love you!!!” to my future husband. I laughed, I cried, and then we went to my parents’ office which was about 20 minutes away, to tell them in person, and called my in-laws, who already knew my husband was proposing to me that night.

That rule was foolish and unenforceable anyway. What would stop someone from buying Two or even THREE extra-large drinks that could potentially exceed the limit. And what about sugar free drinks? Were they also being limited in size? Stupid “Weight Police.”

Maybe it’s a chessed that the person has even PART of a talent.

We called the cabbage purple, never red. And why do we park in the driveway and drive on a parkway?

oomis, thank you for your many intelligent and well-reasoned posts. “

Thank YOU for the kind words…

Gamanit, I have tripped over less than a suitcase. When the wind gets knocked out of you by a hard fall, it is momentarily confusing, absolutely embarrassing, and possibly injurious. The sooner someone helps you up (unless you have a broken limb or possible concussion, and YES that can happen from falling over a 50 lb. bag), the more quickly some of the embarrassment is mitigated. I don’t buy the notion that normal people would be embarrassed to be helped up by ANYONE, when they cannot get up by themselves. The inability to help oneself, not the negiyah per se, is what is most humiliating. And if girls were not being taught that it is untzniusdig to allow someone to literally give them a helping hand in an emergency of this nature, there would be no inyan whatsoever of embarrassment.

But whatever one’s beliefs in this specific inyan might be (and I respect ALL of them, whether or not I agree), I am sure we could ALL agree that at the very least the person of the opposite gender should quickly get proper help for the person and not just stand by gawking. Personally, I would not want to wait that long to help someone.

I have tripped over smaller bags, and when I fell, my foot caught under one of the bags, knocking it into the air and they fell on me. It happens, and it takes no talent at all, just a simple misstep. Hope it never happens to you. It HURTS and is VERY embarrassing (especially because some people might think it takes “real talent” to do that).

The Torah doesn’t say kishuf doesn’t exist, only that we may not use it or go to those who do it. I believe there are kochos of tumah in the world (look at the Egyptians who turned their staffs into snakes), and the Orientals were known for their mystical arts. Nonetheless, we need to keep away from such things, because it is forbidden.

Let’s stop with the labels. There are people who are more Shomrei Torah, and there are those who are less Shomrei Torah. We are all on the frum continuum, and Hashem Loves ALL of us. Now it’s time for all of us to love each other, despite our different hashkafos, or maybe even BECAUSE of them.

When we learn to be accepting of all Yidden, we have a greater opportunity for influencing those who are less observant, by setting good examples by our own behavior. Unfortunately, the opposite is also true, and our bad behavior reflects on ALL of Yiddishkeit, even when done by only a few misguided people.

I don’t naysay this. The Ayin Hara, Eye of an Evil One, (not Evil Eye, because then it would have to be Ayin Hara-ah to be grammatically correct)may have kochos. We don’t know what zechuyos a bad person might have because of ONE good deed he did. It could be enough to grant him the ability to wish ill Chas v’sholom on someone, and for it to have “legs.”

I’m asking you to acknowledge and understand that the girls in my community would be much more embarrassed by the added attention of the boys coming over to help, “

I concede that perhaps that is so in your community. It saddens me, however, to think that ANYone out of a possible misinterpretation of “negiyah” would hesitate to ask for help or to offer it to someone who has fallen and is possibly injured and DEFINITELY embarrassed. But again, I understand your point completely.

GG, that’s so interesting. I know an Osher Zelig.

I find the name Yitzchak Eizik, interesting.

Golfer, i think you might be right about Yekusiel.

Let’s say a bochur would have come up and held out his hand to help her up. She would think he’s meshuga”

If she is thinking clearly, she is thinking (and saying) “Thank you so much, I think I can get up myself..” (if she can)…”but I really appreciate your offer. So nice of you.” Menschlechkleit cuts both ways.

a man must save her regardless of the hirhurim both of them have because the touching of saving someone drowning, “

Really? He is saving her from drowning and he could possibly have improper thoughts about her???? Somehow, I imagine the only thing either of them is thinking of at that moment, is NOT DROWNING.

chgoachdus made a valid point that I have been feeling for a long time. Many women who go out to the workforce and pay for a caregiver, are earning so little when the scales are balanced, that it hardly seems worth leaving the baby for what they net at the end of the day. Often (and I know this to be fact), the women simply do not want to be at home with a child all day. I find that very sad, that we have come to a place intellectually and emotionally, where caring for your OWN baby is boring, a burden, unstimulating, unfulfilling, WHATEVER negative you want to attach.

I recognize, however, that despite my own personal feelings on the subject, that we always must deal with what IS and not what we would love to see be the case. My children’s generation has grown up with a very different mindset from my own, and not in any small measure due to the exhorbitant expenses attendant in living a reasonable life as a frum person. Yeshivah tuition, kosher food (especially for Shabbos and Yom Tov), etc. are ALL very high cost, and paying for these things comes WITH a high cost as well.

But if the money being earned is merely coming into one end of the wallet and going out the other to the (non-Jewish) babysitter, then at what cost are women leaving their children for the bulk of the day, when they really are benefitting only marginally financially? (Not talking about women who MUST work outside because their husband’s income doesn’t cover expenses at all).

Speak to another dentist for a second opinion. Hatzlacha rabbah.

By the third or fourth date, if conversation is not coming more naturally to you, you are probably not making any kind of real connection. Safe topics are family,goals, if there is one thing you could do just by wishing it, what would it be, if you could meet anyone in real life (past or present), who would that be and why? What is your worst fear, what is your happiest memory? You get the idea.

White porcelain fillings are considered “Cosmetic” by the insurance. They won’t pay for it when it’s cheaper to use the silver amalgam. Dental insurance carriers are notorious cheapskates and pay for very little. But if you have very visible fillings, it might be worth it to you to work out a payment plan for the white fillings.

I am thankful that Hashem gives me the opportunity (and strength) to watch my baby grandson half-days while my daughter works as an OT. I get to spend quality time with him every day, and she is able to be with him for the rest of the day. It’s a really great arrangement, and my yingeleh gets to “daven” with me, and already recognizes when I sing Modeh Ani and Torah Torah to him. He quiets down when I say Shma. This, you cannot get from a non-Jewish babysitter. It really is a pity that so many small and impressionable frum children are not being exposed to what their own mommies would be doing with them, simply because the caregiver is incapable of Yiddishe taam.

My husband would like to add that m’d’oraisa, humans are pareve too (Kesubos 60a). “

And that is why if a woman is a nursing mother and cooking fleishigs and (theoretically) some of her milk might somehow get into the fleishigs, there is not even a shailah of chalav in basar. Her milk is pareve.

It is not marriage if it is not between a man and woman who are both free to marry each other. What’s next? Marry your beloved pet?

As to eiver min hachai – it may not be exactly the same, but even if I were not Jewish, I could never eat lobster after seeing a cooking show demonstrate how they cook LIVE lobsters by throwing them into boiling water. Anyone who thinks that is not cruel, is in serious need of cashing a reality check.

Goq, you’re gonna milk this for all its worth, aren’t you!?! (Sorry, didn’t mean to horn in on your pun..er..fun). Let’s moo-ve on…

Talk about the things you like to do in your spare time, political issues (that are not too controversial – you don’t want to get into a fight), if you both went to learn in E”Y, what is your most favorite memory from that time, talk about family, something funny that happened in grade school, your favorite birthday present,subjectg you loved/hated the most in school, best family trip (even if it was to Great Adventures for the day), etc. Leave the heavier stuff for subsequent dates.