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It is clear, at least to me, that anyone who would take such am awful and drastic step, is obviously suffering from extreme depression and is emotionally ill. To feel such isolation and despair that one could end his life, surely must be the result of some type of breakdown, IMO.
Besides being unmannerly, it can be lethal to do so. To this day, I ALWAYS remind my family (especially the grandkids) not to talk when there is any food in their mouths.
GAW, we don’t disagree at all. I just believe that there are girls who view their style of dress as totally appropriate, no matter what others think, and they are not struggling within themselves to be more tzniusdig in that respect. The only ones who are truly struggling are girls who RECOGNIZE that their is a problem with what they are wearing, but will continue to do so anyway and feel guilty about it. Would you agree that there are people who feel NO guilt at all about various things that they do, like eating tarfus, not keeping Shabbos, not going to the mikveh, etc? Those are people who are not conflicted, and there are girls who are Shomros Shabbos who likewise are NOT conflicted when they wear short sleeves, pants, short skirts, etc. If and when they go to Seminary in E”Y, many DO come back, no longer comfortable with what they used to do.
Just write from the heart, and tell him how you cannot wait to be his wife and begin building your bayis ne’eman b’Yisroel together. Gift-wise, you’re on your own. My gift to my husband was me.No returns with or without receipt. 🙂
I think some of us err when we refer to women who dress in less than (what some of us consider to be) tzniusdig clothing, as a “struggle” for them. Perhaps that is true for SOME young women who are trying to find their tznius hashkafa, but on balance, I would be willing to bet that most young ladies who wear shorter skirts are not struggling. They are doing so because they like the style and are perfectly content with the status quo. It is only a nisayon for those who feel conflicted, to begin with.
The whole concept is strange to me. I always believed that we live, we die, and our neshamos go to Olam Haba, if Mashiach has not yet come. To think that we could end up reincarnated, is difficult for me to contemplate. But then again, so much of the mystical aspects of Judaism are similarly difficult, and that is why we do NOT study Kabbala.
knee is the joint where the femur and tibia meet”
And so, the femur (shok) is actually ABOVE the knee…
The femur extends to the bottom of the knee. That would be the Shok, no?
All I know is that my knee joint apparently is NOT part of my upper leg, or I would not have so much trouble with it… 🙁
For everyone who has a problem with the word “modern,” it was NOT Nivul Peh last time I checked. Stop being so hung up on it.
#6 — Great post, Eclipse.
It is also a little harder on the eyes (at least for me) to read all caps. To emphasize a phrease or word, is fine, though.
Candyland – every day, with my five year old granddaughter. She won, every time. But she didn’t gloat.
As an aside, we played a card game “War” together, and when I won a really big DOUBLE war, she said, “Yay!” So I informed her that maybe she didn’t understand that SHE had lost the round and I was the winner, to which she replied, “I know, but I was so happy for you, Bubby!” Now, THAT is a nachas!
MAZEL TOV. Shabbos bris????
Halevai b’korov, Eclipse.
“What the heck” and “freakin” are considered profanity now? Really?? “
I don’t consider them to be profanity – BUT – they clearly stand for words that ARE considered to be profanity (and sound very similar to those words), or if not actual profanity, vulgarity at the least. 50 years ago, kids would not have been able to say “freakin,” without an adult wanting to wash their mouths out with soap. The fact that it is in such common usage by otherwise respectful people, shows how desensitized and accepting we have become to ALL manner of foul language.
Fress means to eat like a glutton.
Oppen Scrolls is off Rockaway Turnpike in Lawrence, not Far Rockaway. It is in the parking lot right on the block between the LIRR tracks and the BOGO Pizza place.
Only to be surpassed by Bubby-hood! I just had three days of pure Heaven with my daughter, son-in-law and their delicious two children. Bli ayin hara.
Yom Kippur Yizkor and ANY time Unesaneh Tokef is davened, always leave me in tears. I enjoy yom tov very much, but let’s face it, when we lose a loved one, it cannot help but lessen our simcha. I lit candles next to my mother for the 16 years that I was married until she died, and before that, always stood at her side when she bensched licht. Every time I light now, I am acutely, ACUTELY aware that she has been gone for nearly 20 years, and it pains me very deeply. But that does not mean I cannot enjoy the yom tov nevertheless.
.. I cannot seriously believe that someone blamed boys potentially cursing on women not dressing Tzniusly. Wow. “
Interesting – that is not how I interpreted WIY’s statment. I got the direct impression that it is a lack of tznius on the part of the BOYS (having nothing to do with girls, but simply a matter of the boys lacking in personal eidelkeit), a chisaron in THEM, that allows them to use prutzadig language. I never heard my father O”H or either of my brothers or my husband use foul language. I have rarely heard yeshivah bochurim do so, either, but if they do, it is on THEM and no one else.
If my spouse ever remembers where he put his keys and wallet, I will make a kiddush.
Yehudahyonah, the Gemoarah does not say it is an absolute requirement for a mother of any Kohen Gadol. It just says it is a zechus to get there.”
We have had this discussion numerous times. I never read the Gemorah, I only learned this story in Yeshivah. It was the woman HERSELF who in RESPONSE to being asked why she merited to have so many sons who were kohanim gedolim, stated that it was due to the walls of her house never seeing her hair uncovered. That was HER belief. Did Hashem Tell her so, or did she make an assumption about something?
The Gemorah retells this maaseh to teach us about the great importance of tznius, yes, but IS what she said mamesh Halacha? I was not taught that it was. And perhaps she was mistaken in her belief in cause and effect. Hashem does not require a woman who is frum and ehrliche to cover her hair in the privacy of her home when alone with her husband (unless he is making a bracha). It is not meritorious for a woman to deny her husband the pleasure of seeing her hair, especially when it is ONLY permissible to him above all other males. It is not only a chumrah, but one which can cause marital discord, unless both husband and wife are on the same page about it.
BTW, we have been over this again and again. The story of Kimchis is well-known. But no one here has ever been able to prove to me that the story is meant to be taken as an Halachic imperative, but rather as a lesson of value.
Just remember – if you don’t talk to your cousin, your mother will get untzuhernisht from your aunt.
I use Kedem, a whole bottle of the cooking marsala, one packet of onion soup mix, lots of minced garlic, a little Italian season (or at least some basil), and rosemary plus a little paprika. You can put new potatoes around it also. Cover and bake until fork-tender. The smell while cooking is one of the closest things to Shamayim that I can think of. Baking challah is another.
Any non-gebrochts Pesach recipe is good. Kasha is great as a side dish, or brown or white rice. I have recently acquired the taste for quinoa also. Apple kugel or pineapple kugel, made with potato starch, makes a nice side dish.
One of my close relatives has celiac, and she is compeltely gluten free. There are rice noodles that taste virtually identical to wheat, and make great luckshen kugels. Eggplant parmigiana is a great dfish also, as is any fish, meat, or chicken, made without matzah meal or bread crumbs.
Stuffed cabbage, 2 veal marsalas, turkey legs, and I still have a lot more to go.
Anyone have a fabulous recipe for a kugel made without eggs? We already have an oatmeal cranberry kugel, but I would love something else that would not cause a problem for my young grandson who is highly allergic to eggs, nuts, and seeds.
Oomis, what if a lady decides to wear no head covering or, worse yet, a miniskirt? Are these straightforward cases? “
People are ALREADY doing this. There is no question that these are serious issues, but I know there are rabbonim who in the past mattired some of these things. I certainly do NOT advocate for such liberalism, but neither will I call a woman a prutzah for failing to cover her hair (if married), or for wearing a shorter length skirt.
Pritzus is not only about what is covered up or not. It is about one’s behavior and demeanor. I have seen some very pritzusdig behavior in women who were covered from neck to ankle, and some exemplary eidelkeit in girls who were wearing shorts and a sleeveless shirt. And btw, MEN can be as guilty or more so, of pritzus in their own behavior, and not with frum women. V’hamayvin yavin.
MDD, the way we are leaning in some parts of the Yiddishe velt, there is coming a time when a woman not wearing a burka will be considered as being untzniusdig. There ARE basic laws of tznius, but there are also chumrahs, and there are interpretations of what those laws actually mean. Not everyone is in agreement as to what the loshon refers to. There are discussions about what the shok is (i.e., does it or does it not include the knee), how much sei-ar showing from a married woman’s head is considered to be erva, what type of head covering is mandatory, what is permissible within the Halacha, is red assur, or is any bright color? How tight is too tight? Did women really wear STOCKINGS in the midbar?
Yes, there are basic laws of tznius, but there are also rabbonim who hold different opinions as to with how much latitude within the law, one may interpret those laws. I am not chalilah saying we should be lax, but each generation has had its own interpretation in this area, and it is not as glatt an issue, IMO, as you are presenting.
WHOA!!!!!
religious jewellery “
You mean like a Magen Dovid? 🙂
Yekke2 LOL
Is that like “mirroring?”
The more the merrier.
My issue was someone who hurt me truly badly, calling me in the middle of my pre Y”K seudah to ask my mechilah (which I had already given the previous year), thereby re-opening old wounds about which I had really forgotten. It mamesh upset me all yom tov to have been reminded of how hurt I had been then. One may forgive, but it is not always easy to forget totally.
Anyone with a medical condition so serious that it necessitates getting IV fluids, is surely a sakanas nefashos case. I cannot imagine a rov thinking otherwise. It is not achila. One cannot just on a whim get an IV somewhere.
The good guys do not ALWAYS win….
My soulmate, children and aineklach.
What would you do if your wife put on a burka? Would you just accept it for the sake of shalom bayis? Or would you risk a little shalom bayis to preserve your own sanity?”
I always have believed that kol hamosif goreya. Aside from the fact that it is garb by which MUSLIM WOMEN are recognized, it is not what Hashem Asks frum women to do. There are women in E”Y who are starting to dress like this all the time, and I do not 100%believe that normal and healthy feelings of tznius are involved in their desire to do so. JMO, so please do not shoot the messenger. I read an article about this recently, and it made me very uncomfortable. I think it is a problematic practice.
By the way, what year DOES middle age officially start ANYway? “
Isn’t it obvious? For Jews, that would be age 60!
Hashem LIED to Avraham Avinu, in order to protect his and Sara Emainu’s Shalom Bayis. What do you think Hashem kivyachol is Thinking? If there is a MAJOR breach of tznius, then the spouses have much greater problems than a decrease in shalom bayis. If it is minimal, and the couple is happy together, perhaps the additional tznius aspects can be introduced in a loving and non-accusatory way, i.e. “I LOVE how that longer length dress looks on you. You look like a princess!” as opposed to, “Your knees are showing again – didn’t we just HAVE this talk about your lack of tznius?”
The words you quote, while relevant and timeless, nonetheless were written in a time when women were not the primary or even full time co-breadwinners in most frum households. Today, a woman needs an education for many reasons, but most especially, because SOMEONE has to be able to earn a living, and many of the husbands are not doing so. Plain and simple.
If she is uneducated, her ability to earn will incrementally decrease. There may be a variety of places in which she can become educated and employable, not necessarily in a college setting, but let’s be real. NOT every girl can be a morah.
With great respect, in the ideal world we would not need to get education in a treifeneh environment. But we do not live in a utopia, and we have to be practical about life. College life may not be ideal, either (far from it), but in order to protect yourself from your enemy, you have to recognize who he is, and what his strengths are, and then arm yourself to fight back. Presumably, we get those tools in Yeshivah and in the home.
What aveiros are you interested in? I am sure something can be arranged…
The assumption that the child does not want to live an orthodox lifestyle. What is a left wing modern orthodox parent to do when a child puts on a black hat, tzitzes and and a velvet yarmulka and will not drink the milk in the home. “
A child that puts on a black hat, tzitzis, a velvet yarmulke, and will not drink milk in his home, probably should have a decent grasp of the concept of kibud av, in that case. If not, then, all the things he is doing are pretty moot.
I could not do kaparos with a live animal. Show me the money!
Yep, I thought so too, when I was 18. I laughed when my kids said similar (not quite as chutzpahdig) things to me. I just look at them and say, just wait until you are talking to your OWN 18 year old. THEN you will understand! And I will laugh and laugh… And we will have this conversation again.
Is that a communicable disease? Like mad cow?
(My inner Seuss) “
Oy neigh!!!
When I was young, I thought my parents hung the moon.
Now that I am older, I realize that as far as I am concerned, I was right.
Ya got MY vote!