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I am and will forever be confused about something. When I was a kid growing up in East New York in my Modern Orthodox home, where boys and girls talked to each other at any age, Baby carriages were taken out without an Eruv (there were no eruvim), and everyone’s kids played with everyone else’s, I was NEVER permitted to ride my tricycle on Shabbos, or play ball outside. Merely leaning against a car, was considered being oveir on muktzeh.
I live in a frum neighborhood, where ALL the Yeshivish families who live across from me, without exception, on Shabbos allow their younger kids to ride tricycles, scooters, play baseball in the street, and climb into and play on a truck that is often parked in their driveway. I never allowed my own kids to do such things on Shabbos (the playing in the truck would never have been permitted at ANY time), and they look askance when they see Kollel type people doing this. So my question is, what is the actual Halacha about riding these types of toys and playing in a truck on Shabbos. Are they or are they not using things that are muktzeh? At the very least, they are uvdah d’chol, no?
… because of how Hashem created her…show that all you are is a nicely shaped piece of flesh”
“How Hashem Created her” was without clothing, which was the intention tobe the norm. Adam and Chava messed that up, but clearly Hashem’s original Plan was for people NOT to wear clothing, because that is not an inherently untzniusdig state. It is our Yetzer Hara that made it so.
Thank you, and I daven for her refuah. Our mutual friends DO know, but at first many of them did not realize she was speaking of me and encouraged her. When they discovered she was writing about me, they were horrified and very apologetic to me for having unknowingly added fuel to her fire. But there are also those whose first thought was, “Well where there’s smoke…” and that is the real danger of motzi shem ra. There will always be someone who thinks it MIGHT somehow in SOME way be even a LITTLE bit true.
In this case, it is an inyan of a complete break with reality, coupled with apparent paranoia. I am convinced that she has begun to believe her own fiction, especially the part where she believe she has done “endless chessed for those who spit in the face of chessed.” Gam zeh ya’avor. Obviously Hashem feels I need this particular nisayon right now. Let it be a kaparah.
Hashem gave us animals to utilize in a variety of ways, one of which is to use their hides and/or fur to clothe ourselves. If the leather item is not too tight, I see no difference between it and wool, cotton, fur coats, or anything else that can LIKEWISE be untzniusdig, when made to appear that way.
Oomis: Personally, I love playing house with more expensive toys. What’s wrong with getting married and enjoying it?
Girls vary in domestic ability. So long as they have the minimal skills to cook supper and clean the house, and plenty of girls learn on the job, I don’t think that should limit when they get married.”
You missed my point. Of COURSE marriage should be fun (among other things). But too many kids are getting married, who don’t get that marriage is also WORK, responsibility, and not a toy you can put away when you are bored. And worse, there are so many young people who still think their parents are responsible for their happiness and financial security. With an attitude of entitlement like that, they are simply not mature enough to be married. They are just playing with more grownup toys.
Being able to cook is NOT one of the essentials to being ready to get married. As you pointed out many couples (I include the men, especially if the women are outside in the workforce to support their husbands while they are learning) learn on the job how to cook and clean.
IMO, one of the reasons the divorce rate during the first year of marriage is so high, is because the young couple, who often barely know each other, much less know each other well, are PLAYING at being married, and don’t really yet understand what marriage means.
Daas Yochid – I HAVE filtered the posts and unfriended her. I barely ever go on Facebook, so I was innocently unaware of what she was saying about my family and me, until it was brought to my attention, both because it was all sheker and because it was libelous in print. People who don’t know me, were giving her chizuk and egging her on, telling her what an ingrate I clearly am (and that is one of the nicer things I was called, I won’t repeat in print or otherwise the other things she wrote).
Obviously she is profoundly emotionally disturbed, and for that reason, I am moichel her. It is still hurtful nonetheless, and especially so because she lives near my community, and knows some of the same people whom we know.
Does your neighborhood have a Shuls listserve that posts for buying and selling, rides needed or offered, advice, etc? They are usually in Yahoogroups.com. If so, post on the list and see what response you get. I got a ride for a Shalach manos basket to Lakewood that way.
When they are ready to assume the responsibility of a household if mommy and totty were to be unable or unwilling to help support them (and in today’s economy that is often a reality), then they are ready to be married. Otherwise, IMO, they are just playing house, with more expensive toys.
Shopping – I don’t know about that. I am what might be described as modern orthodox machmir (I hate labels), but I have never been turned off by these questioning threads, nor has my husband, to whom I sometimes show the controversial ones, to see his take on them. If one has emunah, seeing these opinions expressed should not shake it – UNLESS – that person has never really believed in his/her heart that it is the EMES.
In the last six months, my family has been through a health tribulation that I do not wish on ANYONE, much less on the beautiful, wonderful people who are experiencing it firsthand. To add to it, I personally have my very own cyber bully, a former friend who unfortunately is mentally ill and has targeted me with her obsessive delusions. I am mentioning these very challenging and unpleasant things, specifically to make the point that real emunah is not only when things are going well, or when we have no questions.
Emunah that is part of our neshamos remains with us to HELP us through the challenges and difficulties that inevitably come into our lives. It also helps us to remain faithful to Hashem (hence the word emunah, which is from the same root as ne’eman – to be faithful), even in the face of questions that do not appear to have logical answers. Faith is not necessarily based in logic (though sometimes it is). Faith is exactly that, faith. We either have it, ro we do not. And when we are worried that we might not be strong in it, we DO have to take steps to strengthen ourselves. I guess that TAOM feels this is the best step, but I feel bad about that.
TAOM – Hashem Knows what we deserve and what we do not. Believe me, He listens to you ALL the time, and you DO deserve that. How about forgiving yourself? Hashem forgives everyone who is sincere in doing teshuva when needed. Is He not the Father of us all? Parental love is the strongest tie that binds. Never underestimate what YOU mean to Hashem.
Send her over here. I am in the mood for pizza AND pancakes!
I find this question to be deeply troubling? Why would anyone want to hurt an animal. Unless that animal is trying to injure you or someone else, you have no right to cause tzaar to it. If it IS trying to bite, then all bets are off and you do what you need to do (kicking however, seems a less than efficient way to stop a dog from harming you).
The only significance this “holiday” has for me is that afterwards, lots of costumes are available for sale for Purim.
It looks like I have missed something here. I have not been available to check in with the CR too often the last couple of weeks. WHAT ON EARTH happened here? What was said to chase someone nice away from the CR? How could it have an impact on someone’s emunah, and what thread did it concern? I am frankly baffled to come back to the CR and read the OP’s very disheartening post. TAOM, I hope you will reconsider, because just as (by your reckoning) things may have been posted that you feel have potential to weaken your emunah, I have found words of wisdom here that strengthen mine. It is all about how we accept and understand that which we read.
I hope you stay, but if not, hatzlacha rabbah to you.
PBT wrote an excellent comment. “
I agree. I would also point out that in my father’s day O”H, frum men wore ALL colors of hats, black, brown, navy, gray, beige straw hats, felt hats, cloth hats, homburgs, fedoras, caps, and a hat that was a smaller version of a fedora (don’t know what it was called). People were not hung up on the stereotype of what a hat meant based on its description. But wanting to identify with and be like a particular group that wears a particular type hat, is fine, if that is one’s goal.
Here’s a totally different WWYD. How would you handle the situation of someone who cyberbullies you?
I hope he offers to pay for it, but I would not ask him to. I had a friend of my daughter’s who was spending the week by us with ehr parents out fo town, running around like a vildeh chaya when she was a little girl. She knocked over a very expensive antique lamp and it shattered. So what should I have done, made this child feel even more upset than she was? I just told the kids to play more carefully, told her not to be upset it’s just a lamp and no one was injured B”H, cleaned up the mess myself (because the shards of the lamp were sharp), and looked at it as a kaparah.
Anything to do with Shidduchim. ALWAYS.
A Boy in shidduchim is compared to a teabag. First he’s opened up then he hangs in the air and then once he’s into it he gets burnt. “
Nope, he’s all wet…
My black skirts go with everything. I don’t wear black for any reason other than I happen to like black skirts. Also, it’s very slimming…
Are you seriously asking that question here? Do yourself a solid favor and get your education so you are prepared for making a parnassah. Go and learn every single day also, just like my father,uncles, brothers, and sons all did and do.
If it affects your shidduchim to show that you are a responsible and productive member of society who is machshiv Torah every day, then I would ask myself if that is the right shidduch for me.
People are finally beginning to realize what the past generation has done to infantilize the present young generation. It has not been to our children’s benefit, in spite of what many people believe. We have a bunch of young adults who cannot for the long term, make it economically, and Mom and Pops’ gelt will eventually be running out for most of them. Not everyone owns successful businesses. So if they themselves are not properly prepared to earn a living, who is going to pay for THEIR children’s expenses, when THEY get married twenty years or so down the road and pooh pooh being educated? Bubby and Zaydie?
WOW!That was really something to read!
He’s saying that we edited HIS remark because HE divulged YOUR personal information. Which was a joke, because he doesn’t have your personal information (that he’s posted, anyway). You’re good. 🙂 ‘
Always try to be. DENKS!
Just because someone celebrates a pagan holiday by extorting candy from their neighbors, does not mean that I have to be party to their pagan ritual. As for Darchei Sholom, I have never had a problem with gently explaining to my neighbors’ kids (who moved away recently) the first couple of years, that while we hope they have a fun time trick or treating, we do not celebrate their holiday. I always told them to be safe and not eat anything without showing it to their parents first. The kids understood, and I always bought chocolate fom them during their candy sales (OU-d), so they saw we were not being mean-spirited and respected our feelings.
Boy this was scary. I did it, and then the screen would NOT return the way you instructed, until I did it a second time.
Oomis, that was the mods editing when I responded to your question. “
Thanks for letting me know, and I am sorry I thought it was you being a little rude.
Mods, that was a little bit uncalled-for. I never gave ANY personal info out and never do, and it was clear I was only joking with the poster’s claim the he knows everything. If YOU guys meant your response as a joke to me, you should have said so, otherwise it was a little bit much. I thought you knew me better than that by now.
Absolutely not. You SHOULD understand what you are davening – otherwise you are not connecting with your tefila in the best way that you can. Good for you. There will come a day when you will be way more comfortable in davening with ANY type of Siddur, but knowing what you are saying gives greater meaning to your davening. DO NOT feel embarrassed about that, ever!!! I applaud you.
No, I do not believe there is, yet, because we have not proved worthy. Wouldn’t it have to be someone born on Tisha B’Av, btw (so I heard)?
What about saying Kaddish for someone who left specific instructions to be cremated rather than buried?
Oomis, PLEASE DO NOT INSERT IDENTIFYING INFORMATION. IF YOU DO THIS AGAIN YOU WILL BE BANNED. “
I sincerely hope that line is meant as a joke. I did no such thing, and it was a kind of rude response.
Perhaps the idea is that on this type of phone there is a built-in APP “censor chip” that prevents people from accessing any really inappropriate things on the phone.
If someone is more Modern to Yeshivish, it might not work so well to go to more modern circles, as that is not the derech this poster seems to have chosen. That being said OP, if you are FLEXIBLE, you might find a like-minded Baal Teshuvah, or a Modern Orthodox person who is looking to grow spiritually with you more to the right. Hatzlacha rabba.
OK, what’s my real first name?
Send ’em my way!
Seriously, I really do NOT get why Keurig coffee should be any better than ANY top quality coffee made by pouring plain boiling water over it through a filter into a mug. If it it the coffee itself, then buy some K cups of coffee that you like, forget about the machine, just poke a hole in a K cup and pour the coffee through. If it is NOT the coffee grind, per se, then why bother with the expense? I make phenomenal coffee with an old melitta filter. I use Starbucks “Blonde” (milder than regular Starbucks which I personally find to be too bitter), and it makes a superb cup of joe. I am totally spoiled now, of course, and cannot drink isntant unless I am desperate on Shabbos.
Be open to shidduchim that might be “out of the box” thinking. You might be more to the right side of modern, but people on the right tend to be more cautious about dating baalei teshuvah (sorry, but it is just how I have observed it is, and I MARRIED a BT). Join groups where you will meet other single people in your demographic. They more than likely may have been previously married. Come to NY, you might have additional opportunities to find a chevra here, rather than in Toronto, and they can introduce you to someone.
Survival, overcoming incredible odds, your vision for a better world…Yemos Hamoshiach…
When it is bothersome to another person, then it probably is being done a little TOO forcefully. Shokeling doesn’t bother me, but when someone looks like he is about to launch into outer space, he is moving too much.
Amerigo Vespucci was chopped liver??????
Columbus probably WAS of Marrano blood, perhaps not halachically Jewish, however. There were Jewish simanim in his family crest, and I was always taught that the first person to set foot on the Americas was a Jew from his ship.
On a serious note – knowing when Moshiach is coming, so I could truly be prepared, and not just “think” I am ready.
Lotto winning numbers for a major lottery, works for me. This way I could plan all my tzedaka donations in advance.
If you are on the Do Not Call list, they are committing an infraction. Unless they are a tzedaka organization, they can be reported and fined.
I do not hang up on Tzedaka groups. I only do so when it is a telemarketer trying to sell me something.
You have to ask yourself are you shokeling because it inspires you, or because you think it makes you look somehow more frum to someone watching you daven? Be honest. If you really need to shokel in order to daven better, and it is to such an extent that it bothers someone else who can now not concentrate on his own davening, then it is too much, and you should daven somewhere way in the back where you are less likely to bother others. Look for a quiet space, and shokel away. I give the same advice to someone who davens too loudly, which can be distracting to other mispallelim. Your kavanah cannot come on someone else’s cheshbon.
NOPE
I use a veal neck roast. 350 degrees for a couple of hours, check for fork-tenderness, and if needed continue baking for another half hour or so.
Boruch Dayan HaEmes. He should be a meilitz yosher for klal Yisroel. One does not have to be Sefardi, to mourn the loss of a Godol of his stature.
I also cannot understand how it is a Yeshivish thing to take a girl to a lounge on a date. I cannot think of too many places that are more inappropriate to do so. A lounge is a fancy bar. THAT IS ALL. I am NOT yeshivish, and I still disapprove of such a venue for a frum couple to go on a date. A lot of schmutz and arayos-dikeh things go on in such places, with men picking up women (married or not). THAT’S a place to send our frum kids to get to know each other????????
I also believe that if a person could be a great tzaddik in a generation of reshaim, how much greater would he potentially be in a generation of tzaddikim to emulate.
If I recall correctly, it’s a Kotzker vort (I may be wrong, it’s happened before…). “
Sounds like a DT from the Kotzker. I admire his words so much. There was a great DT I had heard (and hope I am not mangling, as it was long ago) about him having his talmidim in his succah and asking if they believed the Ushpizin were there. They all nodded yes, of course they believed, to which he responded that he did NOT believe it. He KNEW it, because he could see their neshamos all present. And that is how we are supposed to feel when in our own succahs. Our emunah should be so profound, that we KNOW and not merely believe.
You told the story just fine.
Oh for goodness sakes. Don’t listen to ANYONE who says it’s tacky. Go for it. Ask ANYONE reliable to redt the shidduch for you, if you always go through a shadchan. Why should you miss out on your possible bashert just because no one else thought of the same suggestion first?
I LOVED VELTZ’ letter.
“should tell you how much i cant wait to be your wife but i guess i dont really know what that is going to be like either. no one truly does on their wedding day”
Why do you find this amusing. I didn;t know, either, but I couldn’t WAIT to be my chosson’s wife, because I knew he was truly my bashert. Perhaps you would prefer the wording, “I cannot wait to begin our life together, building a bayis ne’eman b’Yisroel.” OK.