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That’s not what that expression means. It’s nothing to do with embarrassment. It means that if the expression of anger on the other guy’s face (his looks) had the power to kill someone the OP would chas v’sholom be dead.
I love that vort!
Also, focus on what you can do today. Don’t stress over past mistakes, but determine to make TODAY a better one. And that will help ensure that tomorrow will also be better.
Mazel tov on ALL the simchas, kein yirbu!
I recall sleeping on a cot in a room adjacent to my parents’ bedroom.I probably was around three or four. My parents had the only AC in the house, in their room, and there was a second room off theirs, with the wall opened up so it was almost like one huge room, and I remember sleeping in the cot, with my baby sister in the crib next to me. We were only 19 months apart, so it makes sense if she was a year and a half to two years old, that I was three to four-ish. I have a very vivid memory of that time.
Nowadays, the mentor of a cop is referred to as “Rabbi” by other cops.
How does the valid goal remove chillul Hashem”
Pikuach nefesh? (and I do not recommend forcing a GET or causing a Ch”H).
Zionism does not = loshon hara, but a lot of what is said in this forum ABOUT Zionism, IS.
Great story, great rebbie, great idea to come back to share it…
The yetzer hara can LEAD to an aveira. It is not an aveira. Hashem created us with two yitzros, as we can see by the creation of Odom, where “VaYitzer” is written with two Yuds, as opposed to when animals were created and the same word is written with only one Yud. This teaches us that animals have only one will or instinct or yetzer that Hashem gave them. Human beings have two, and this results in the ability to differentiate between right and wrong. It is our choice to follow one yetzer or the other.
I agree that it is inappropriate for the boy to comment, but not for the same reason. It is just unmenschlech poor manners to comment negatively about her appearance to someone (likewise, for the girl to comment about HIS appearance). There will always come along another young man who likes her wearing those shoes.
BTW, I personally detest the spike heel look. It’s not pretty IMO, it’s totally awful for the Achilles tendon AND sacroiliac, and lethal during simcha dancing at a chasunah. I do like the look of some type of dressy heel, but up to two inches can give that pretty look without being outrageous. Just an observation…
It may have been said previously (forgive me), but I dated a LOT of heels in my time, until I met my “sole”-mate.
I totally agree with LI mom.
I think we need to branch out to another topic. Oak-k?
Acorn-y line, to be sure.
Almond, because sometimes I feel like a nut!
What I was trying to say (apparently poorly) was that strictly based on what was being implied or stated in Pesachim, it would seem that the GEMARAH (not I) would view the ideal Bas-Kohein marriage as being to a Kohein is also a Talmid Chochom. Sorry that I did not make myself clearer. I do not personally feel that way. Maybe the ideal would be for her to marry a RICH Kohein who is a Talmid Chochom and a doctor (with no mother-in-law) 😉
DaasYochid, the Chassidim are in a whole ‘nother dating category. Many of them are NOT ready to get married, as a matter of fact, but they are doing so anyway. OK. If their mehalach works for them, kol hakavod. Their mindset from birth is not the same as the that of much of the rest of the frum world, as it applies to dating, and again, if it works well for them, more often than not, then B”H for that. It is not for me to critique their methodology.
It is about THAT other demographic that I speak, the one that lives in the world where actual boy/girl dating takes place, and not by b’show. In that world, males and females should be mature enough to make their own arrangements for tachlis purposes. All too often you see couples on a date who literally do not know how to date. Why else has it become so popular (and necessary, apparently) to have dating mentors and coaches? Who ever heard of such a thing twenty, thiry, forty years ago? But now, we have infantilized our kids to the point where they do not feel COMPETENT to actively participate in their own future. Either that, or they have become too lazy, to do so. I am not sure which is worse.
I hate the term “resume.” I hate the term “research.” I hate the term “lists.” Our unmarried children are not filling out a job application. I am not writing a term paper. Our kids are not an item amomng many listed items to be picked up, or things to do.
The entire shidduch process as it exists today, offends me heartily. In my humble opinion, the so-called rules of the game are why we have a shidduch crisis today. Shidduchim should be suggested to the young man and young woman in question, by any and all people, professional shadchanim or not, who know them or know of them. If the young people are too immature, to unintelligent, too busy to be bothered with speaking to people about a proposed shidduch on their own, without Mommy making their decisions for them, they are not ready to be dating, much less get married. I know of thirty-five year old guys whose mothers are still making those decisions regarding to whom their sons will be redt. That is utterly ridiculous, and bodes not-so-well for the kallah who agrees to marry such a passive Mama’s boy.
BTW, the term spinster has a pejorative connotation. No one thinks ill of a bachelor, but call a woman a spinster and you have nothing good to say about her. Not fair, and not very nice.
He writes for The Jewish Home, every couple of weeks (VERY funny, btw), and still occasionally writes his signature “Letters to the Editor” in the Flatbush Jewish Journal. Though, at times (rarely), I have disagreed with a particular point he has made,or perhaps the way in which he made it, I think he tells it like it is, in an entertaining and (mostly) seicheldig way. I always look forward to reading his missives and columns.
This thread bothers me on many levels, and I believe it was started just for the sake of being controversial (what a shocker!). Kollel people have not cornered the market on ruchniyus. They are no more ruchaniyim (the grammatically correct expression, in the context of how the thread was titled) than any other frum person who is devoted to Torah and Mitzvos.
As a matter of fact, going by the expression that Yom Kippurim is a yom k’Purim, I would tend to believe that the person who earns a living, supports a family by that living, and STILL manages to find a goodly amount of time to learn every day, has fulfilled his ruchniyus quota for that day. It is very easy to think oneself to be filled with ruchniyus when one avoids exposure to ALL aspects of the outside world, sitting in a Bais Medrash all day. But for that same person to still be filled with ruchniyus while exposed to the outside world – well, I have a great deal of respect for that person, because his yetzer hara is that much stronger.
RoB, the only true Jewish melodies BEFORE Reb Shlomo came from the Leviim in the Beis Hamikdash. Chazzanim throughout the ages have passed down “true” Jewish melodies and nussach for centuries. As far as I am concerned a melody is a melody. You can uplift it to higher kedusha, based on your usage of it, no matter where it comes from (and no, I would not include “Silent Night” or any other Specifically religious X-mas song, in that remark).
Depends on the issues, as all of us have SOME issue; only Hashem is perfect. But if it were your child (be honest) for whom you were seeking a shidduch, would you look for someone with obvious “issues?” Anything can happen in life, and even the healthiest person can suddenly become ill physically and/or mentally chas v’sholom. But would you l’chatchilah pick that person out for your child (or self) if you knew of the problems? EVERYONE deserves to find the right zivug, but these challenges realistically do make it harder for them. It really depends on what the problem is, how controllable, and if it is hereditary, that people most often question. I pray that b’korov Hashem sends each unmarried person, the zivug hagun that will bring him/her true happiness.
Darchei Binah?
I heard the same segulah as Health did.
I’m in. I promise not to wear one, for 5K. I’m not greedy.
Personally I believe that the Shidduch crisis is not caused by women wearing a tallis, but rather by young men who do not feel READY to wear one… (excluding of course, those unmarried men who have a minhag of davening in a Tallis, about whom I have heard).
Bubbysit, of course. I am retired (though I still work one night a week), as is my husband who taught special needs children for over 40 years, and our greatest nachas is when we get to spend alone time with our aineklach. There is nothing in the world to compare to that joy.
I have one on the words, “v’hasneh einenu ukal.” It appears to be the source for the Yiddish word for “grandchild” AKA “ainekel.” As long as the Jewish people continue to produce the next generation, to which the parents and GRANDPARENTS can continue to transmit the Morasha of Kehillas Yaakov, the “sneh” of our people can never be consumed.
The fact that Hillary is still allowed to run, after all the shenaningans and outright CRIMINAL activity with which she has been associated, if not actually done, is appalling to me. People really ARE too stupid to vote. And most of you know, I never talk so disparagingly about people.
I cannot wade through all these posts at this hour. I believe to be a PT today, one needs to have a Ph.D, unless I am mistaken. You will need full education, and I wish you MUCH hatzlacha in pursuing a meaningful career, in addition to being a talmid chochom. The two do not need to be mutually exclusive, in spite of what some people seem to think.
I would, as I have nothing to hide, and there are no ethical privacy inyanim involved.
Mothering – yes. Smothering – no.
And I agree that a 25 year old MAN who does not trust his OWN instincts, is not ready to get married.
People can buy what they can afford, but the moment the label becomes more choshuv than the affordability, functionality, and necessity of the item (let alone attractiveness within the parameters of tznius), it has crossed the line.
K-lever!
I look at it this way. By learning in Mishmar at night and extending their daily Torah learning, our children are safeguarding the future of klal Yisroel. Sounds like a most apt title for such learning.
Hashem is reading. – not a bad way to be. Hopefully they will all be equally nice to YOU!
LF, of course you make sense. But in this case, LG expressed some concern. Obviously, she felt somewhat uncomfortable. I still believe that in the times in which we live, teachers and students need to always maintain professional distance, even as they admire each other.
Excellence, it sounds like your anger goes very deep, and it affects your attitude. Make no mistake, I don’t disagree with your assessment that parental interference can destroy relationships. But I also think that your sad experience has greatly embittered you; hardly an attractive or productive attribute for anyone to have, especially for someone not married yet. I hope that status changes soon for you, and that you get wonderful in-laws (as opposed to out-laws), whom you will love and respect and vice versa.
Kind of you to say so. I am glad you feel better.?
Some people are persistent, especially if they see the kids’ car in the driveway. They will continue to knock, ring the bell, and call until there is a response. So not answering the door is not a great plan. I know someone who called 911 when her kids who were home didn’t answer. A bit extreme, to say the least, but it happens. Boundaries have to be set, in a respectful, loving manner, at a face to face sit down.
I love this parsha. I get very emotional every time I read it. I feel almost as though I am there. What a powerful number of lessons we learn from Yosef’s actions and interactions with his brothers, about loyalty, courage, love, kovod habrios, and why we were zochim to come as a nation from these people. Amazing simanim labanim from our Avos.
Oh, goodness, I sincerely hope it is not my LAST post!!!! 😉
Hashemisreading, respectfully, I disagree. If someone can daven from ANY source, it’s a good thing. And of course, we have to speak to our own Rov for guidance, but I would think that most learned rabbonim would not pasken differently from Gedolei hador, though.
Comlink-X, thank you.
You need somebody?????
Isn’t the issue more how great that someone is davening, rather than the means by which he makes it easier to do so? As long as it’s not Shabbos, is it not raising the kedusha of something as mundane as a tablet, to that of being a vehicle with which to connect to Hashem? My remarks are offered notwithstanding piskei Halacha in this regard. If Gedolim have said no, it’s no.
No, no, no! I don’t visit ANYONE at night without calling to see if it’s convenient, so why would it be OK to do that to my children? Husbands and wives need time alone, and 8 pm and later might just be that time. Call first, and see if they are receptive to a sudden visit. Don’t get upset if the answer is, “Now is not a good time.” If your idea is you want to see the aineklach – offer to babysit so they can go out.
PS…the child of those parents should be the one to set the boundaries with the intrusive parents. Never have it come from the in-law child. Back up your spouse and suggest an alternative visiting time.
Don’t feel ashamed. You have done nothing wrong.
Unfortunately we live in difficult times that mandate a certain boundary be maintained between teacher and student, Rebbie and talmid, Rov and congregant, etc.
It is very unusual for a teacher to use the “L” word to a student. More likely he or she would simply be a caring mentor, who is available for advice or help, without specifying feelings for the student. As to whethet or not you should have said it back, you can write your teacher a nice note at the end of the year, thanking her for the chizuk you got from her and what it meant to you. That does not cross the line, like saying it back to her potentially could negatively lend itself to interpretation.
I know I probably sound like I am off base here, but I have seen things in my life that cause the antennae to go up, even when most likely it is unwarranted. The Yeshiva world is not exempt, as we unfortunately have come to see in recent years. The only reason I have concerns is that you yourself have expressed concern, by even asking our opinion about it. Obviously something bothered you (even though it may be totally, TOTALLY innocent).
Bais-ball All-Shtarks?
Scared Driver…uh… clearly not the ONLY reason. I was
jus’ sayin’…
I think it depends on the context and how and why she said it. It might be that she felt that you needed some reassurance for some reason, and wanted you to feel less isolated. In general, though a teacher might need to comfort a student, it is not professional to use the word “love” when speaking with a student. There needs to be a certain level of respectful distance between teacher and student, and it is too easy to cross a line.
I may be expressing myself poorly, but if YOU felt creeped out, then something in the way she said it made you feel that way. You would not be asking a bunch of strangers our opinion, if you did not already feel a little uncomfortable.
I think teachers ideally should be nurturing and loving, but also very professional and circumspect in their private conversations with a student. That is for their own protection, as well as that of the student. V’hameivin yavin.